One of the commenters on my last post called my stuff ‘inane prattle’. Which got me thinking. I haven’t gone for like 3 days. I guess its a little my fault. But poops only give you that one 3 minute window and then they’re gone.
They’re really temperamental. Like, if you make the effort to go during the 3 minutes, but can’t make it, they’ll stretch the time. Its like your poop knows if you’re trying. And you cant fake it. Like oh hey poop, yeah, Im totally there, but then continue playing call of duty till the end of the round. Uh…no. My poops have a personality, and its a jappy girlfriend.
“Hi. Oh hey hey. Oh girl now? Seriously? Im on the highway.”
“what? im just saying hello.”
“Ok. God. Ok. Listen I cant pull over now, there’s no stop for 20 miles.”
“Oh. Go do what you want to do.”
“Dont be like that.”
“No, obviously this is more important, go ahead.”
“Oh my god, dont you see Im doing something? OK Im speeding now. I am breaking the law.”
“Oh you’re doing something? Like last night when you were watching your stupid last resort show and I waited and waited and you kept on telling me 5 more minutes, wait till the commercial and I kept waiting and you never came upstairs? You think I’m stupid? Who do you think I do this for? Hm? For me? No. I do this for you. For. You. And if you can’t even acknowledge me-.”
“You’re right hon. Im sorry.”
“No. No. Find your own way. Do it yourself. Im leaving now. Maybe I’ll be back.”
“What?! Are you freakin kidding me? You know what, I will do it myself. I dont need you.”
A difficult hour later.
“Hey, um, I’m sorry. I got you something.”
“I think you’ll like it.”
“Go to hell.”
“And a cigarette…-”