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The Rabbi Douche Effect

There should be a guy whose job it is to smack rabbis who act like douches. You call a number,

Hey. So and so became a Rabbi 4 months ago and he’s starting to be a douche to everyone except his groupies and kiruv projects.

“I see… Is he brown-nosing the rich guys yet?”


“Ok. I’d say we’re at a class 3. We probably caught this in time.

Yeah probably open-hand.

“I’ll bring along the class 4 nutpuncher just in case.”

And in case you’re wondering, I just got f’d over by one of these self serving asshats. I’m not going to go into details because I gave the guy my name but motherfucker!- just because someone called you rabbi doesn’t mean you have to stop pretending to be a human being. That game has to go on your whole life. You didn’t do anything special. You didn’t invent anything or revolutionize anything. You learned a little choshen mishpat and didn’t hit molest anyone as an NCSY leader. Your job is funded by community guilt. That means you are a public servant. Wake the fuck up.






Comments on this entry are closed.

  • How is this a blog post? It’s basically just the kind of ragey comment you see at the bottom of posts.

    • tesyaa

      …but better written 🙂

    • Alter Cocker

      yeah this shouldn’t be its own post.

  • Port yid

    We should a website for it.. like we do for contractors, painters etc.. instead of “angies list” it should real douche rabbie’s list …

  • I fully agree. Recently defriended a rabbi who was being a huge douche to me on Facebook!

  • Telz Angel

    We want the back story. What happened. When. Who knows about it. Who should.

    There’s nothing wrong with being angry, but be angry for a reason. Make something happen as a result.

    • It’s not worth it to get my real name attached to my fake name here over this. If you want to know, email me. I’ll be glad to fill you in.

      • Telz Angel

        Got it. I also know people in Kiruv — some, maybe few, really care about people. Some seem to treat people as opportunities. Sorta like sales targets. Those people suck. I don’t care how much halacha they know, they don’t turn into into action in the way they treat people as Hashem’s creations.

        You can detect this in subtle ways. I once reviewed a online Kiruv “thing” (sorry, I’ll withhold details — but it was on line and related to Kiruv) and noticed there was no place for the people running it to share who they were, why they are in Kiruv, etc. It was all about ”come to this class, it will change your life” and “sign up here” but not “This is who I am, and why I’m interested in meeting you.” or “We want to find out more about your interests and we’ll tailor the classes to your needs.” None of that. Just — come here and I’ll fix you, get you into heaven, since it’s my mitzvah. Douchey.

        If you are not in with that approach, you are a liability to their project – and they’ll have to cut you out for fear that their targets will find that you make more sense than they do.

        • Yeah I’ve met good people. This one was one sentence, no youre frum so go away. hatzlachah. It was through email. I was like seriously? You just told me that straight up. I’m shocked. No answer.

  • Agree with every word. Problem is, I have smicha.
    I guess that makes me a self-hating rabbi.

  • I’ve been defriended by all the kiruv rabbis in my community when they realized that I was already frum and couldn’t be their next project. It doesn’t matter that they say their programming is for young, Jewish professionals and that is indeed what I am. Oh, it’s only for secular YJPs. Got it. Thanks for caring about us too.

  • $G$

    You’ve opened a can of black hatted worms

  • Heshy Fried

    Gargle my cum Mr Fried

    • Anonymous


    • dont wanna say


  • Rabbis are muppets


  • Anonymous

    Frum satire, Why do you devalue your blog with this inane prattle?

  • A. Nuran

    Give someone a little authority, different social expectations and a change in status. Watch his relationships and outlook change.

    This is not exactly news, but it’s sad when the change is for the worse

  • I Know, Right?!?

    I couldn’t agree more. You frum out, you move on, and you never get a phone call again…that is unless they want a donation for your old hometown shul. No “how are you?” or “how’s your yiddishkeit coming along?”, NOTHING. All this after being one of the only people in their shul to fork over any donation money. I’d love to ask for it all back now.

  • Chani

    Douchey rabbis give the term “God complex” a whole new meaning…

  • cocka rebba


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