Shidduchim: It all comes down to the picture

When you strip away all the BS about family, yichus, education, hashkafa, seminary and white tablecloths it all comes down to looks. All we (both men and women) care about is how our potential shidduch date looks. Case in point, no matter how bad the date sounds to either side, the second I send the picture it’s decided.

At one point I was trying to set up this really hot girl (in the world of hotness ratings she was a 9, only because she wore skirts and we really didn’t know what lurked in her crotch area – could have had a big mound or FUPA for all we knew, but her tznius ways saved her ratings and hurt them at the same time) who didn’t have a lot of compatibility on paper with some of the people I tried to set her up with. I would go through the shpiel on how she was a good girl, from a good family, but they weren’t wealthy and she didn’t have much going for her except for stellar bikur cholim and chesed activities. Most guys couldn’t give two shits about their future wives visiting terminally ill folks or letter stuffing for kiruv events and so almost every guy would turn her down, but as a courtesy to pretend like they were considering it, they would ask for the picture.

The second they saw the picture (whoever I agree to put into my shidduch rolodex has to give me a clear full body picture, none of that standing in the shadows next to a big colunm BS. I also don’t tolerate those pictures of girls sitting down at weddings or crouching.) they always said they would give it a chance. Not once, did I show the picture of the really hot girl and get a “no it’s not for me” response. Every single one of the guys who initially said no, changed their minds.

I have never had this extreme example happen with girls, because the universal hotness standards don’t exist. I have definitely set up more than a few girls with guys who they initially refused to go out with until they saw the picture and changed their minds. They always pretend like they are doing me a favor by dating a guy just for looks.

Find more pictures of shidduchim on 4torah.com

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Dan

    Is she still single?

  • yankelyoffen

    Nu when is sawyouonfrumsatire going live?

    • Micah T

      Soon I hope! We need something between JDate and JWed. JDate is mostly secular peeps who say they are Reform; JWed is mostly right wing Ortho. There is a lot of gray area in between.

  • http://woodrowconservadox.wordpress.com Woodrow/Conservadox

    Hot doesn’t get you married but it does get you the first date. And after that, the hot woman/girl has to work harder to blow the opportunity to future dates than the borderline woman/girl (who has less margin for error) or the icky-looking one (who won’t get date 2 no matter what she does). At least that’s how I think of it- the better looking you are, the more chances you get. But no matter how beautiful you are you can still blow it if you work hard enough.

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      I know of quite a few broken marriages because they were marriages based purely on specific things like money or looks that were external and not real. Then again we learn this out from pirkei avos anyway, so we know what to expect.

      • Rentsy

        You really put the “frum” into FrumSatire.

        • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

          Hey, if two people are talking and there’s no words of torah they are scorners and the shechina doesn’t rest amongst them. Chazal bring it down (insert thumb dip) that one who inserts torah into a conversation amongst scorners, it is as if he is holding up the world and allowing the shechina to sneak through the little holes in the darkness.

          • anon

            You beacon of light in this dark, gloomy world.

          • Seriously?

            Shkoiach!

  • car dude

    I was always excited to go out with hot chicks if I saw their picture. I would sometimes even jerk off thinking about them. it was always a bummer if she wasn’t as hot in real life.

    the best was the super hot daughter from some real chashiv family. the married male schadchan who worked with her or something was constantly telling me “AND she’s REALLY attractive”. he was probably jerking off about her too!!
    Needles to say, she was smoking hot but not interested in me.

    I also like the “tit marriages”–there are definitely guys that are married to some girls simply because the chick had a really nice rack and she knew it!

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      There’s no shidduch crisis for the Chesty Estie’s of the world.

      • falsehood

        speaking as a hot, as well as chesty, single girl, i have not experienced any more luck than a plain jane with mosquito bites. from my personal experience and observations, the hotness factor has little to do with finding a husband. i agree it may help get you that 1st date (which is also kind of a piss off because i know the guy only said yes based on my picture) (not that im necessarily whining about that), but other than that, ive found being hot does not equal success when it comes to dating.

        • Dan

          Pics or you’re lying.

        • SG

          True, usuall hot & chesty girls (& who know that there ones) have a long wish list for what they want for their husband.

          • falsehood

            @Dan haha ya i figured someone would say this. well i’m obviously reluctant to subject myself to such scrutiny, but no i wasn’t lying, and im not being a braggart i’m just trying to prove my point that hotness aint all its cracked up to be.
            @SG no i don’t have a long wish list for my husband. quite the opposite. all i’m lookin for is a normal guy that i click with, the end.

            • SG

              @falsehood, hot girl without a shopping list is some thing new. Probably 1 out of 1,000,000. We are not getting a photo, could we please get measurements?

              • falsehood

                c’mon SG, no need to be a creeper. and anyway, you wouldnt believe me if i told you.

                • Dan

                  I’d kind of like to be a creeper. This is all anonymous anyway (until you post the pic).

                  • falsehood

                    exactly.

                • SG

                  Sorry, I did not mean to offend you. I know, that true gentleman never asks & lady never tells. :-)

                  • Dan

                    I don’t mind offending. Just put out.

                    • falsehood

                      no offense taken:) and dan, u crack me up

                    • Dan

                      Wow. I really did expect you to be impressed this time.
                      :-)

                    • SG

                      falsehood, glad to hear that we are cool again. You should try Frumster / SYAS, these sites could use a few beautiful ladies with good middos. :-)

                    • Dan

                      oops, I meant I thought you’d finally be offended that time.

                    • falsehood

                      eh, I’m too young to feel the need to utilize online dating. and I’m sick of the “shidduch world” and blind dating. if I’m lucky enough I will meet someone under natural circumstances, not blind dates with random guys that don’t even have the balls to communicate without a 3rd party involved.

                    • SG

                      falsehood, I hear you, but it’s hard in frum world (even in MO) for young ladies & young men to find settings were they could mingle freely.

            • mordy

              i dont think shes bs ing i think she is really insecure if not u surley wouldve procured a pic of sorts
              and that bull of modesty religious ect is bull because if one were to know uur kname u could google it and get a pic of sorts

              • SG

                Mordy, leave the lady along, she is too young to find her inner shiksa.

              • Seriously?

                Falsehood, good for you!

                Many years ago by telephone I asked a girl I had never met if she had a nice body.

                And she said that as a matter of fact, “I have a great body”. I was so surprised by the answer that I was speechless.

                It didn’t hurt. 20 years together, and many kids later, she remains the hottest girl I have ever met.

                • Dan

                  Pray tell us: Just what answer were you expecting?

                  • Seriously?

                    I was expecting, at best, a qualified answer. I loved the fact that she both knew herself, and had a low enough BS quotient to confront the question with a straight and true answer.

                    This is a woman who calls out “thank you!” to men who wolf-whistle as she walks past.

                    • falsehood

                      thank u SG and seriously for the support:) mordy, u can suck it…i have a right to protect my privacy and anonymity from god knows who that may be viewing this blog, and that has nothing to do with being “insecure”.

                    • SG

                      falsehood, you tell them girl!

                    • Dan

                      Don’t deprive all of us just because Mordy is a jerk!

                • SG

                  You have some bulls. I would not have try this nowadays.

                  • SG

                    I meant balls.

    • eff you

      this is pure bullshit, no man married just for the boobs!

      • SG

        Nice natural rack is always a plus. I consider few shidduchim suggestions with the only thing going for the girl is her rack. But of course there needs to more to seal the deal.

  • Winston Smith

    The one caveat is that extremely attractive girls have the opposite problem of most girls. They can “easily” get a first date and even a second etc. Their problem is getting people to see them for who they truly are. To see PAST the looks. This is discussed at length in “Mars and Venus on a Date” by John Gray. It is also discussed by Wendy Shalit.

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      The other problem that hotties have is that many men stereotype them as being mean or bitchy because they utilize their hotness to get things their way. One can argue that hot girls also scare away dudes because guys think hot girls won’t go for them.

      It’s hard to see past looks when you’re stuck in your dates shadow.

      • Anonymous

        been there. hot girls are stereotyped a lot, and it makes things harder in the dating process sometimes. I must admit though, unfortunately, the stereotypes about hot girls being bitches and manipulators has some truth to it because we live in a shallow world that makes it easy to use external qualities to get what you want.
        I noticed that lots of guys expect hot girls to be stupid. is there any substance to that claim?

        • Jeremy
        • SG

          These dudes are idiots, they should always ask for a photo / meet (if local), before making the decision.

          Was this hot girl a bitch? She is still on the “market”?

          I have been working with this old male shaddchan who always said that the girl he pitches is hot, but all of them are fat or ugly & usually both. I am unsure if shaddchan is gay or needs new glasses?

          • Alter Cocker

            neither, he’s trying to get them dates so he says they’re hot in the hopes…

          • Yochanan

            Then again, what’s hot to one, may or may not be hot to another.

            • SG

              Yochanan, for men is not really true. It possible for one guy what is 9 for another guy, but maybe 7. But not 9 to 3.

      • anonymous girl

        been there. Hotness has its benefits, but hot girls get stereotyped a lot, which is annoying. Unfortunately I’ll have to admit there’s some truth to the stereotype of hot girls being bitchy and manipulative, because we live in a shallow world in which it’s all too easy to use your extrinsic qualities to get what you want.

        • 5townsgradwhostilllivesathome

          Whenever I read “anonymous girl” I think of that Stern article everyone made a big deal about a while back :P

          • anonymous girl

            that’s actually what i was thinking about.

  • zibble

    Ahh, if only we could convince all of those horny guys that a female’s hotness has nothing to do with her sexual curiosity and desires. That is, one simply cannot tell from outward appearances how the long term sexual relationship will turn out. Would you rather have a hottie that is so repressed that she’ll only have mitzvah sex for procreation (lots of chassidic girls have this drilled into them) or an average looker who is adventurous and hungry? Yeah, you can’t predict this in advance so no use in having it on the shidduch questionnaire, but it does at least lend some perspective to the shallow pursuit of beauty as an end.

    • Random Guy

      You are right that you can predict this in advance. That is why I took a risk when dating and when I though things were getting very serious and marriage was looming I told the girl straight out that there was no way I was going to marry a girl who would limit herself to missionary only. I had a few ended relationships over this issue, but I eventually met my wife and although she was a little shocked and emberrased by the issue we talked it through and are married.

      • SG

        Random Guy, you are one lucky mamzer.

  • rr

    Hesh can u please post a picture?! I’m dying to see what a ’9′ is on ur rating system.

  • yoel

    Hesh,
    please see my comment on 2 days ago

  • not chani

    ah, the tribulations of the truly hot…
    but being hot doesn’t necessarily make things easier in shidduchim if there’s a shortage of normal men.

  • Flora

    As an aesthetically charmed girl, the main issue is constantly having to worry about only being liked for looks. We are always questioning our abilities (intelligence, personability, humor) because we are so used to being liked regardless of what we say or do… That is why we seemingly carry a chip on shoulders or come across with extreme projection. So even the genuine nice guys who are deep/thoughtful and see beyond a mere sex machine lose out as a result of the other 98% of dudes who kneel before us and do as we command.

    • falsehood

      you said it, sister

  • Nathan

    whats a FUPA?

    • Dan

      Google is your friend.

  • SG

    For you general knowledge: There was a psych study done about attractiveness few years ago. Where they took a bunch of guys and ask them to rate photos of girls and their ratings were almost identical (they few similar girls as attractive). They did the same thing for ladies & for them ratings were more varied.

    • Michael Makovi

      Indeed, SG, it’s been speculated that that’s why ugly guys have better luck than ugly girls: ugly girls, EVERY guy agrees that she’s ugly. But ugly guys, since every girl has widely variant standards, many girls will still consider him gorgeous.

    • The Mrs.

      Pretty boys are gross.

      • SG

        I guess the mrs is in to ladies?

        • The Mrs.

          No, I’m into real mean that don’t look like Tom Brady. How do you think I got to be The Mrs.?

          • SG

            Sorry, I thought you might be closeted one. I am Ravens fan do not like the primadonna (Tom Brady)either & his wife is also pretty annoying.

            • http://frumsatire.net The Mrs.

              Closeted…and Heshy’s wife? That could get complicated, especially with me posting to his site.

              • SG

                Some dudes are into that type of thing. Glad to hear that Heshy did not marry a switch hitter.

  • Heshy fried

    I love top suck cok all day long mmmmm cock meat sandwich

    • Alter Cocker

      Dumb trolls are spelling-challenged.

      • The Mrs.

        I think I’d know if my husband loved such things.

    • klonimous

      Morons like you give trolls a bad name.

  • real Heshy fried

    I love top suck cok all day long mmmmm cock meat sandwich

    • Anonymous

      you say that like its a bad thing

  • Balansen

    There’s no chiddush in this post or any of the comments. Men are very visual, women less so. Nu?

    • SG

      @Balansen, yes, but the question is still is how much frum yidden should allow the natural order of things take place in shidduchim environment.

  • http://www.thepredicate.net novus

    Try to set some girls up with a guy who’s got a multimillion-dollar startup… but only mention that at the end!

    • Ex bochur

      Ha. yes!

    • The Mrs.

      Multi-million dollar startup = all of the money was provided by investors, never comes home at night, sense of self-worth tied to make of car, raised rich and completely out of touch with the common man. Women aren’t that easily snowed. Some of us have dated this type before.

      • http://www.thepredicate.net novus

        in the world of hotness ratings she was a 9 = extremely high maintenance, drama queen, uses it to overcompensate for extremely low internal self worth, does not care for anyone but self, thinks everyone else is beneath her, extremely vain. I don’t think men are any more ‘easily snowed’ then women. Just like you, we tend to fall for shiny objects and get bitten.

    • shanamaidel

      meh. I know that guy. (well not that specific guy, but that guy). People make a big deal out of it, but that is because the girls don’t go after it themselves

  • Anonymous

    why is there a double standard in asking for pictures? I mean, I understand why a guy would want to see a picture of me before he goes out with me. So why am I looked at askance if I ask to see a picture of the guy? Men are visual creatures, but girls aren’t blind.

    • SG

      Anonymous, I never heard that before. From what I do & hear, photo swapping is one of the exceptions & guys go first.

    • Balansen

      You sound too modern to have a shadchan. I call bullsh*t.

      • anonymous

        haha nice try, Balansen. I’m a former Bais Yaakov girl, actually. I go to shadchanim, but they don’t really pay much attention to me besides for setting me up with shallow guys once in a while.
        I’m curious to know what gave me away though…my penchant for all things uncommon in the BY world can’t possibly have come out in a brief comment on a blog.

    • port yid

      Old sayin every idot has some one who thinks they are a scholar and every hideous man has a mother who thinks he’s a prince

      • anonymous

        From what I see: every hideous man has a shadchan who thinks he’s a scholar and a prince and gives him lists of barbie doll lookalikes who are willing to go out with him.

        • Port YID

          SAD that but true.. Jewish mama’s boys are the worst

  • http://challahmaidel.wordpress.com/ Challah Maidel

    Hell, it never occurred to me to pose in a string bikini with a semi-automatic wrapped around me. I would have posted such a photo on my shidduch resume. That way, I could have been married years ago. Oh well…..

    • Anonymous

      leave out the semi-automatic

      • Michael Makovi

        No, keep the gun.

    • SG

      Challah Maidel, it’s never too late.

      • ex BY girl

        If anything good came out of this post…one thing is that it inspired me to take some awesome bikini shots for my shidduch resume!