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Saw You On Frum Satire

Every once in a while I get back into shidduchim, I thought of a great idea to set up two people the other day and I went through the motions. This involved pictures, details into their lives an all that stuff that people could have just gotten out of the way by going out for drinks for a half hour. I’m not sure why people can’t simply get off their butts and have an hour date instead of doing all this research, but that is how these people were. The guy said yes, the girl said yes and then the guy basically said that he wasn’t interested. I was mad of course and I’m still kind of mad, because it really doesn’t take much to go out on a date, we’re all adults here right?

Sure, I’m guilty of such things, if my wife wouldn’t have asked me out nothing would ever have happened between us, but whenever a friend of mine had an idea I took them up on the offer. In fact, I was of the opinion that if someone was willing to trust me with any girl for any period of time, it must be bashert. Through my limited experience on the shadchan end of things, I’ve noticed that girls are way easier to set up and generally less finicky than guys. Guys look at the girls facebook page and they think they know everything, girls ask questions that actually make sense and then the guys usually say “eh, not for me”.

I have heard that shidduch dating is emotionally and physically draining, I guess for me this was never the case because I always took girls hiking on dates. People get to into impressing each other that they don’t end up being themselves and the whole “best foot forward” thing becomes a game of lying.

Anyway, I’m kind of thinking that I should try to utilize this here blog as a shidduch site again.I get the itch to post shidduch profiles every now and then, I know that there’s a whole frum satire underground of people who regularly date, meet, hookup and form friendship with people they met on the blog or through commenting on my facebook stuff. Still, I kind of wish some of you could send me your bio’s, dating profiles, shidduch resumes and whatever else it is that could do some out of the box dating site marketing for you free of charge. If you’re willing to put yourself on frumster or saw you at sinai, why not on frum satire.

I would love to have a site called Saw You On Frum Satire, but until then, I have this blog and it makes me feel special knowing I can utilize it in anyway to help some of you folks find that special someone. I will not turn any shidduch profile away, though I do encourage you to make it entertaining.


{ 92 comments… add one }
  • Puzzled January 7, 2013, 8:57 PM

    Freethinking Jew, non-practicing Reconstructionist, seeks same (m seeking f.) 30, 5’2, 210. Enjoys Crossfit, philosophy, and economics. Teacher, writer, columnist, and campaign professional – ran for state Comptroller in 2010 and directed CT effort for a Presidential campaign in 2012. Prefers secular, non-practicing, or Reconstructionist, will consider Reform/Conservative/Modern Orthodox.

    • Heshy Fried January 7, 2013, 9:26 PM

      Good to leave it here, but you can always email me and I’ll make it it’s own darned post.

      • Dan January 8, 2013, 7:36 AM

        Yes, but on the post make it that he only wants MO.

    • Shanamaidel January 8, 2013, 3:12 PM

      If I weren’t taken, I would date you

      • gefiltefishgirl January 9, 2013, 1:18 PM

        sounds nice… but I am too frum ūüôĀ

        • Anonymous January 27, 2013, 2:01 PM

          are you upset youre to frum we jews should be happy being frum.

    • spidey January 10, 2013, 1:49 PM

      “5’2, 210. Enjoys Crossfit”


      do you even lift?

      • spidey January 10, 2013, 1:50 PM

        5’2, 210
        5’2, 210
        5’2, 210
        5’2, 210
        5’2, 210

        Enjoys Crossfit

  • Michael Makovi January 7, 2013, 9:26 PM

    “Iíve noticed that girls are way easier to set up and generally less finicky than guys”

    Where are these girls? My shadkhanit says all the girls she tries to set me up with, reject me because I’m “too religious”. And the girls she is trying to set me up with are all Orthodox. So what, am I supposed to eat a pork chop or something?

    • Michael Makovi January 7, 2013, 9:29 PM

      Michaltastik speculates that “too religious” is a euphemism for “eww, gross, he’s a BT/ger”. I have no idea whether that’s true.

      • AlmightyMexijew January 7, 2013, 10:16 PM

        Yep… I concur on that.

        • Michael Makovi January 7, 2013, 10:35 PM

          Sigh, so why don’t they just say so?

          • Dan January 8, 2013, 7:37 AM

            As a guy, I first make up my mind if I will date someone, and then say whatever I think will most easily get the shadchan off my back if I don’t want to date. If saying “I was born of a siberian tiger” would work, I’d say that. If “she’s too frum” works, I’ll say that.

      • gefiltefishgirl January 8, 2013, 1:17 PM

        hmm… well I’m a giyores, too and I can’t say I do not get any decent dates. Hey, I even get to date FFB guys. (woot!!!!!!!!!!!!) And certainly not always the 80y old thrice divorced with 25 kids at home with smallpox and the plague. And I am not even in NYC or Yerushalayim right now. Girls MAY have it easier if they are good looking (halfway decent), guys love eye-candy (any ok looking girl), even the frum ones. ūüôā
        My guess it that your shadchanis does not market you well enough or is constantly trying to set you up with the wrong people or what SHE thinks is right for you. This may not necessarily be the right type of girl.
        I think you should change the shadchen, really.
        There are many girls out there that do not give a dime if you are FFB, BT, ger as long as you are jewish and reasonably observant. So, obviously, the problem must lie somewhere in the system.

        hatzlacha, the gefiltefishgirl

        • gefiltefishgirl January 8, 2013, 1:37 PM

          Ah, I think its also more difficult for an out-of-the-box-thinker to find a girl that is similar. Thats the curse if you have a kup…

        • Michael Makovi January 8, 2013, 5:09 PM

          “I think you should change the shadchen, really.”

          Well, she’s the only shadkhan who ever sent anyone to me at all. Every other shadkhan just said to me nope, sorry, no one for you, goodbye. I am not exaggerating.

          • gefiltefishgirl January 9, 2013, 1:15 PM

            Oy, that is bad! I mean it sheds a really bad light on shadchanim in general. They hardly know you but have a set image in mind what they think may work for you. I was told not to date guys from other countries (I’m in Europe). Yet me the “rebel” – I have been dating 80% American guys so far, the rest being English and Russian. If I’d stick to the shadchen’s rules I would be limited to a very, very small “pool” of people.

            • Anonymous January 9, 2013, 1:16 PM

              … especially if you want to meet someone frum but “with it”! I’d definitely go on sawyouonfrumsatire once it is launched! ūüôā May be a niche market!

    • rob January 7, 2013, 10:10 PM

      Less finicky = more desperate. It’s called the Biological Clock.

      • Michael K. January 8, 2013, 11:15 AM

        It’s not biological, it’s psychological: It’s peer pressure, parents pressure, and general anxiety.

  • Keli Leeba January 7, 2013, 9:44 PM

    I’d do it. I take it that you want people to email you? Or do you want a short bio and pic on here?

    • Dan January 8, 2013, 7:38 AM

      Forget the bio, a picture speaks a thousand words.

      • Heshy Fried January 8, 2013, 8:56 PM

        Yes, I should just start posting pictures of potential shidduchim and people could really get down to business. In reality that’s all that matters, guys immediately ask to see it and girls make nice and then ask – but all anyone cares about is looks in the end. I’m sure the girl isn’t too frum once she’s hot as hell, then it’s “I’ll take a chance”

        • Michael Makovi January 9, 2013, 7:13 AM

          “Iím sure the girl isnít too frum once sheís hot as hell, then itís ‘Iíll take a chance'”

          LOL, not necessarily. On Luke Ford’s Facebook page, Luke said something about a friend who met a girl on Frumster and flew out to NYC to meet her, only for her to tell him after the first date, to bring his tefillin to the second.

          I responded that if the cost did not exceed the benefit, I would sue her for fraud, but that in any case, I would report her to Frumster for fraud. Luke assured me that I was the only one who thought like this.

        • Michael Makovi January 9, 2013, 7:15 AM

          Incidentally, the phrase “Iíll take a chance” has me now singing in my head “Then He Kissed Me” by the Crystals. ūüėõ Hell, this is why God invented YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE_jOD2Fxvs.

          • eyekanspel January 10, 2013, 12:46 PM

            Actually, Chad Hurley, Steve Chen, and Jawed Karim invented YouTube.

      • hot girl January 10, 2013, 2:49 PM

        i’m with you on that, Dan! all girls sound the same on paper anyway.

  • moshe January 7, 2013, 10:44 PM

    bunch of bs more of whats wrong with people clinging to the past

  • Ex bochur January 8, 2013, 4:25 AM

    girls ask questions that actually make sense and then the guys usually say ďeh, not for meĒ.

    That’s simply because the girl is usually looking for “the feeling” and she can’t know about that til she meets the guy.

    After the first date, the situation is generally the reverse. The guy will be interested if she has looks and general compatibility, and the girl will be interested or not based on inscrutables that she can’t explain (though it often boils down to his social status and masculinity).

  • Anonymous January 8, 2013, 5:55 AM

    U r going to get way more girls bio’s then guys

  • Michael K. January 8, 2013, 7:08 AM

    I promise not to ask any girls about their dress size, vericose veins, family mental illnesses, what color tablecloths they use on shabbos, bra size, shoe size, credit score, what they had for breakfast that morning or if they’ve ever put on tefillin at the kotel.

    • Dan January 8, 2013, 7:39 AM

      I won’t ask shoe size.

    • OrthoFeminist January 8, 2013, 10:02 AM

      I wouldn’t take the tfillin at the kotel question off the table, but a “yes” or “I wish” answer would impress me a lot more than a “no way” answer.

      • Michael K. January 8, 2013, 11:18 AM

        “I wish” wouldn’t impress me, because my follow-up question would be “what’s stopping you?”, and then I think it would deteriorate from there…

    • UltraConservative January 8, 2013, 9:09 PM

      You should definitely ask about a familial history of mental illness. And if what they had for breakfast included crazy pills.

  • Tuvia January 8, 2013, 8:07 AM

    I notice that your are running your blog on WordPress… just go install a Vanilla Forum on your blog and start a Shidduch forum…


    Its really easy. That or install Vanilla Forums in a sub folder.

  • Alter Cocker January 8, 2013, 11:25 AM

    What shidduch originated from arguing in the comments?

  • PJ January 8, 2013, 3:31 PM

    I once saw this in a Jewish mag. “I’m this and this and this ALTS (always lowers toilet seat) looking for this and this……

  • Tanta Shprintza January 8, 2013, 3:35 PM

    See kooloytoyra, Dec 27, 2012

    • Alter Cocker January 8, 2013, 9:45 PM

      say what?

  • Micah T January 8, 2013, 4:05 PM

    This could be a great idea Heshy! A dating site for your loyal fans. Just be aware that we aren’t all, strictly speaking, frum. Many of us are OTD, post-denominational, extreme right wing Reform, Conservadox, or extreme left wing Orthodox. This could even be a money maker, if you keep it cool and maximally inclusive.

    • Heshy Fried January 8, 2013, 8:58 PM

      This isn’t just for frum, I would love to have all you peeps, I’ll even make gay shidduchim.

    • Ex bochur January 9, 2013, 12:47 AM

      Many of us are OTD, post-denominational, extreme right wing Reform, Conservadox, or extreme left wing Orthodox.

      There are also right-wing extremists who come here to do kiruv.

      • Dan January 9, 2013, 6:21 AM

        Don’t forget the right wing extremists who come here to troll. Or because of various cognitive dissonances.

  • Challah Maidel January 9, 2013, 2:13 AM

    Setting up older single women can be just as much as a pain in the ass. Take it from someone who tried to a couple of times. After the guy expressed his interest in meeting the girl, the girl decides to flake out. These girls I know have high power careers but decide that they would like to quit when they get married. The frummie single girls who gave of their dreams and hopes of marrying a full time learner decide that they want a frummie who is a career hot shot so they can live the luxurious life of a pampered trophy wife. First of all, I am not sure if a frummie career hot shot exists. Secondly, it would behoove high maintenance girls to consider MO guys as most of them have college degrees and jobs that can afford to meet their wives expensive tastes. Last but not least, the career hot shot women should consider guys who are learning of have menial jobs. That way they balance each other out. These solutions would be viable if people didn’t have unrealistic expectations. A lot of older singles are immature and some of them can’t seem to separate from whats important to what they want.

    • Dan January 9, 2013, 6:24 AM

      That’s interesting, and makes sense. The girls were previously willing to be poor because they would be in learning. But who wants to be poor AND not in learning.

      Well, I’m a frummie career hotshot, and I’ll look at all your pictures.

      • anonymous hot girl January 10, 2013, 4:41 PM

        if you ever want to see mine, Dan, you better have a decent one of yourself!

        • Dan January 10, 2013, 7:11 PM

          No deal. I trade your pic for 401k pic.

          • anonymous hot girl January 10, 2013, 10:07 PM

            hmm….sounds fair enough.

  • yoel January 9, 2013, 10:43 AM

    Hi everyone ! Guess what , I’m the guy Heshy is referring to !- ďThe guy said yes, the girl said yes and then the guy basically said that he wasnít interestedĒ . Cool right ?!

    Oh , Hi Heshy.

    Well, Iím here to make 3 points, and through these points perhaps shed some light on the general dating landscape/ shiduchí process.
    1) Thatís not what happened
    2) Background checks have their place and shouldnít be dismissed
    3) Dating is not as easy as getting drinks for a half hour
    4) Pictures. Good or bad ?

    (For the record, Iím good friends with Heshy so we could dig on each other here and there.)
    -I will first submit that I might have been unclear in my disinterest in the proposal. However, I never said ďyes I would like to meet herĒ, or anything like that. It was you Heshy dear, in your impetuous zeal to make things happen, whether or not this comes from your general impulsivity or a genuine interest in setting people up doesnít matter. (Iíd like to think a bit of both.) I think I said either no or I need to think about it and perhaps we discussed another girl whom I was interested in meeting and you got confused.
    This might be insightful into the general ďsetting upĒ conversations between matchmakers and their victims. Sorry for the slight. Not to imply negativity toward matchmakers but please remember it is a two way street. They should both try to accommodate each other. Hence the persons being set up shouldnít give the matchmakers a hard time BUT the matchmakers should also not try to force the match either. More so, I think it would be appropriate for them to give some time to the persons theyíre setting up to briefly explain their thoughts on the proposal. Basically, if youíre trying to help, then help! Donít call yourself a helper by foisting your shiduchí agenda on someone else because it makes you feel better or because one side is interested. Heshy, this isnít all directed at you, just a general gripe from someone in the field.

    – Iím personally not one for intense, FBI-like background/history checks, let alone ridiculous inquiries about the types of cars the parents drive or the details of the professional lives of the siblings. HOWEVER, two things need to be explained. Firstly, much much can be said about the importance of coming from a good family/background. NOT to say that those who donít are bad, but the upshot is that when looking for a long term mate, the amount you can know in the dating period is almost paltry and insignificant with respect to who the person really is, how they react to different things, their views on life, what kinds of parents/spouses they are, and how they behave when living with another person constantly. This is something almost every married person will tell you. Hence if you want a somewhat reliable glimpse as to what the nature of the person is, you may look to family as a possible and often likely predictor. This is something btw that is clear in Jewish history and writings. (See Horeb section 5, chap. 80, section 528). So there is a place for asking a lot about family/background.
    The next reason I hope all you shadchanimí out there read ! Almost in contradistinction to the previous point, there are a lot of questions a potential dater might want to ask BEFORE the date. These questions have to do with personality. Obviously, 2 random strangers placed together doesnít necessarily make for good times. As a veteran dater myself, I mainly want to know if there is substantial reason us two should meet. Is there COMPATIBILITY ! I know that of course this is often difficult if not impossible to predict and ďI know so many couples that have hit it off and no one saw it comingď (loose quote from almost every person that has set me up) bla bla bla bla bla bla. BUT, a bit of human intuition and consideration of the potential compatibility is highly in order. And if the matchmakers are too psychologically obtuse (which is ironically way too often the case) to have a good sense of this, then at least let the dater ask them and try to get a feeling if this a worthy investment, because if itís not then the number of bad dates pile up and you can go mad. SO, we daters, or at least me, do not want to hear about family and what the siblings do and which particular schools he/she went to and how many wonderful things she/he did and how awesome he/she is at his/her job and which shul he/she goes to. (basically everything it says on a ďshiduch resumeíĒ). And donít even get me started about the generic, homogenous, clichť drivel collection of adjectives that are supposed to describe the person and what they want. What I want to know is if she is personality x , y , or z so that I can know, as much as possible if we should indeed meet. I am a unique personality and , like I mentioned, if I go out with anyone at any time ďfor drinksĒ , I will end up drinking myself into a gutter.

    -Whatís with the popular notion non-dating people have of ďjust go out for coffe, whatís the big deal, You donít have an hour in your busy schedule ?!!?Ē The only reason this thinking doesnít completely drive me off a cliff is because there is an element of truth to it. And that is, IF the girl is the super cool/chilled-out kind that meeting a guy casually is really no big deal and she could walk away from the experience with nary any attachments, then maybe it could work. HOWEVER, the reality is that it usually is a big deal for the girl and very often for the guy as well. She wants to take this seriously, and rightfully so; this could be a potential suitor. Hence she will typically make herself look nice for this oh-so-casual rendezvous, which is not a small thing and can involve significant time and preparation. True, the guy doesnít have to apply cosmetics BUT he has to drive an hour or two in traffic, or take a train, each way, making it easily a five hour ordeal. Then, quite possibly the girl will like him, but if by chance he does not feel the same way then he will have the unpleasant burden of telling her in the least offensive, diplomatic, but basically bullshity way that he doesnít want to see her anymore. Alternatively, heíll think, and appropriately so, that how much can he know about a person from such a brief encounter so heíll give it another shot and then maybe a few more. At this point, IF he still feels the same way, the aforementioned burden has only multiplied.
    So, goin out for drinks is not nearly as simple as people make it out to be. There is much time, energy, money, and mainly emotions that get involved and make things quite hairy. Look, dating is a necessity but itís not always easy and thatís just the reality of it, even if itís ďjust meeting for coffeeĒ. And it behooves the people doing the fixing up to bear this in mind and not play with other peoplesí lives like chess pieces. Needless to say, matchmakers are being benevolent(we hope) and God bless them, but certainly serious consideration is often in order.

    -Ahhh, pictures pictures. That oh-so-sensitive topic. Everyone wants em, everyone hates em. Hereís my bottom line about that. At the end of the day you need to be somewhat pleased with your mateís appearance. Obviously there are people who are too picky, just like anything else, and they likely will end up shooting themselves in the foot because of their pickiness. Additionally there is much to be said for the concept which is documented in psychology that when oneís personality grows on someone else, their looks do as well. HOWEVER, after personally having many many dates that, suffice it to say, werenít physically appealing, I ask for pictures. Now, and this is the crux of it, I donít examine the pictures with a microscope and amplify any tiny flaw and rule it out (or in contemporary terms- see if sheís hot), but I just look to see if itís something I can be ok with and particularly something I can learn to like. God knows itís happened before. So I think pictures have their place also, just with smart discretion.

    I’m done my rant. Thanks for letting me share. Would love comments and criticisms.

    • eyekanspel January 10, 2013, 12:55 PM

      I would date you. I think our personalities might click. But, alas, I am a heterosexual male. Nice rant ūüôā

    • dude January 11, 2013, 6:43 PM

      you so need to get laid

  • yoel January 9, 2013, 11:00 AM

    oh how could I forget this ! This is an invaluable clip. Very clever dialogue. It really portrays the picture I was trying to express. Should be a must-see for all matchmakers. Heshy spread it !

    • Elissa January 9, 2013, 8:18 PM

      That video is perfect! HA!

  • Jojo23 January 10, 2013, 8:12 AM

    Hey, do you know of any shomer shabbat or ‘conservadox’ guys in DC or gals in Pittsburgh?

    • Dan January 10, 2013, 8:30 AM

      Why, are you gay in DC and straight in pittsburgh? (or the opposite)

      • Alter Cocker January 10, 2013, 9:18 AM

        lmao,that’s what it sounds like

  • anonymous marriedwoman January 10, 2013, 4:13 PM

    I love the comments above about needing to know so much about the potential match’s family. Why does everyone assume that their future spouse will be a carbon copy of their parents? Many people end up the exact opposite of their parents after they have some time off on their own.

    I know if I’d judged my spouse by his parents and their relationships, I likely never would have married him. Likewise, I’m a lot different than my own family as well. We dated each other, not each other’s families and chose to marry each other, not his crazy aunt or my annoying cousin. It’s worked for us for years.

  • rokhl January 14, 2013, 10:06 AM

    I’m not here to hint that you should try to set me up (kh’v’sh). I simply need to express my surprise at the neologism of ‘shadkhanit’ or its faux Ashkenaz cousin ‘shadkhanis’. The word ‘shadkhn’ (matchmaker) comes to us through Yiddish and in Yiddish there already exists a perfectly good feminine form of shadkhn: shadkhente. No need to put ‘shadkhn’ through the Modern Hebrew grinder and then stuff it back in, if you will.

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