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You’ve changed and I don’t like it

Ever since I started writing this blog people have been telling me, usually in a negative tone, that I’ve changed. I remember the first time I ever got a comment that said “you’ve really changed your writing, go back to the old stuff”, I felt a tinge of pain as if I’d sold out or something. Looking back at the first comment of that sort, I realized that it was only 6 months into blogging and the person probably didn’t realize that anyone in the arts who stays the same is selling themselves short.

I would say that every two weeks I get an email, facebook message or blog comment that tells me “I’ve changed” and continues to go on and on about how used to be so funny and how I should be writing like I used to. I’m sure that there is a group of readers who would prefer I write lists all day, another group who wants me to only write about shidduchim and shomer negiah and yet another group who wonders why I’m not that angry about the Jewish community anymore, but change is inevitable.

Luckily the audience has changed drastically over the years, it used to be mid 20’s angry frum singles who were pissed off at the system and the hypocrisy of the yeshiva world, I’m sure those people are still around. I’m also sure that there is a much broader crowd reading the site and not expecting me to write anything at all. It just so happens to be that I have ideas bursting forth from my head at every moment of the day, but I have other passions competing with blogging. It used to be that the only thing I did, other than blog, was outdoors stuff. Now, cooking, my wife and outdoors are all competing with each other. I guess the chilly 47 degrees it is at the moment is keeping me inside.

Whenever someone says that I’ve changed, I want to scream at them, that yes I have changed and thank God for that. I started this blog when I was 24 and now I’m 31. When I started it I was living in Albany, NY and working as a private investigator and other odd jobs to keep up my skiing and road trip habits. The life I had at the beginning of my blog is so foreign to me now. You’re damned right I’ve changed, I look at my old posts and I cannot believe I wrote such drek. I cannot believe some of the things I thought or said back in my old work, yet it shows this incredible transformation. I really was an angry, cynical, immature, sexist and quite ignorant guy back in my youth. It’s also a lot different when no one is reading your site, you can pretty much say what you want, but switch 0 to eighty thousand a month and it could change what you say.

When I first started becoming known in the frum world, I loved the attention and the spotlight, now I don’t like it all. When someone used to say “aren’t you that guy” I would always say “Why yes I am” and engage in conversation. Now I don’t admit who I am, it’s not that I’m not proud of this blog, it’s just that I like being behind the scenes. Cooking is exactly the same way, in my experience most chefs like to avoid clients and prefer to be in the back away from praise.

I hope that everyone changes, I’m very satisfied with my changes, I’ve never thought I’d be as happy and at peace with myself as I am at the moment. I never thought I would stay the same and it’s interesting to note that when I do visit old friends and they haven’t changed – I really don’t respect them much.

{ 19 comments… add one }
  • Anonymous December 29, 2012, 8:41 PM

    Very insightful. I agree; change is good. Not changing is boring. Speaking of change… Wait until (bezrat hashem) you have kids, then you will see real change…

  • Amanda December 29, 2012, 8:42 PM

    I’ve been reading your blog for a few years and I think it’s great.

  • chabadboy December 29, 2012, 11:59 PM

    Big fan of your blog.keep it up

  • Anonymous December 30, 2012, 1:30 AM

    Great post. Keep up the good work.

  • Miriam Woelke December 30, 2012, 2:10 AM


    We all change in the course of life because it is very human. It is just a natural fact when we grow older.

    Keep up your work, look forward, concentrate on your future and don’t let yourself getting distracted from other people.

  • Anonymous December 30, 2012, 4:17 AM

    mature! change is growth.

  • Dan December 30, 2012, 8:56 AM

    Yes, yes, I get that you have to change. But couldn’t you change in the same exact ways that I am?

  • south bend December 30, 2012, 9:45 AM

    f@ck them. They don’t have to read it if they don’t like it.

  • Anon December 30, 2012, 11:16 AM

    I don’t know if you changed, but your website did. Where are the dating ads with women in underwear?

    (FTR, I have been on many many dates, and no girl has ever showed up in her underwear for the date, so I really am interested in trying those dating services.)

    • Anonymous December 30, 2012, 11:19 AM

      The dating ads only pop up if your cookies determines that’s what you like. For instance on my you tube account I get rebbe videos and untznius girls dancing.

    • Anonymous December 30, 2012, 11:19 AM

      Look at more porn and you can be sure that your naked dating ads will come back.

  • Never Frum Enough December 30, 2012, 1:30 PM

    Thinking individuals change. You can’t save those that are stuck in a rut. Just keep pumping out your fresh ideas, and maybe one day they will truly understand what it means to experience life with an open mind. A little cliche, I know, but true non-the-less.

  • toldos aron December 30, 2012, 1:31 PM

    more of the “hot chanie” kind of stuff!

  • Elad December 30, 2012, 7:35 PM

    Anyone that doesn’t understand you’re changing doesn’t understand what it means to be human. You are doing an amazing job and I’m becoming more of a fan the more I see your evolution as a blogger and a Jew. Keep it up.

  • Just another alter kokker December 31, 2012, 1:19 PM

    I’ve been reading your stuff off and on through the years, and I’m sure I speak for a lot of your readers when I say that I can relate to an awful lot of what you’ve written and video’d (is that even a word??). Thanks to the internet, we exist in a very large and spread out community that revels in its inside jokes, takes to heart all the neuroses and psychoses, and understands very well how we see the inconsistencies and weirdness in those Jew-y things we do and say.

    So when someone we know- and worse, someone we *think* we know becuase they’re so familiar to us, changes, we go a little crazy. Look at what happened to Matisyahu when he lost his beard. That was the Oy! heard round the world, the bona fide End Of The Jewish People. But to a growing number of people, it isn’t so bad. Maybe people who thought they had to be/act/dress a certain way finally see that they have permission to run their own lives. You owe us nothing, be who you are, whoever that is!

  • Israelit December 31, 2012, 2:19 PM

    We still love you, no matter if you change or not. Everyone changes over time, ezrat Hashem for the better, and we’re glad you have grown and that this blog has grown with you. Keep up the great blogging!

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