Nechemya Weberman is guilty

Do I really need to add my two cents? I could probably talk all day about the deafening silence from the frum media and leaders, but instead I’ll just give the floor to Rabbi Fink who always seems to say it better than I do, when it comes to serious situations. I will say that I’m not surprised that no one considered a community leader besides for Yaakov Horowitz has even bother to speak about this case. I guess I’m not even surprised that the Satmar rebbe called the accuser a whore. I guess we can say that abuse cover ups seem to be so normal in the frum community these days that it’s hard to shock me.

Guest post by Rabbi Elyahu Fink

Nechemya Weberman has been found guilty on 59 counts. The unlicensed therapist with ties to the infamous Vaad Hatznius was accused of abusing a teenage girl and there are rumors of many other victims swirling.

In what must have been a grueling two weeks, the young woman who stood up against Weberman was strong and resilient. She is took a bully down. Today Weberman’s fate was sealed. It is likely that he will die in prison considering his age and the number of years his counts carry. The case was monumental and ground-breaking simply because there was a case. But with the verdict and future sentencing forthcoming, the case takes on additional significance.

First, the sobering news. I was not at the trial, but I did not read anything that indicated that there was any physical evidence or corroborating witness testimony. It’s scary that Weberman was convicted on these facts. Innocent or guilty, there were very few facts with which to nail him. On the one hand this might mean that innocent people can be convicted of these crimes. I am not saying the Weberman is innocent. I think he lost his chezkas kashrus a long time ago. But it is possible that similar facts could be asserted falsely. That is a little scary because it might cause a reprisal of rabbinic and lay reluctance to pursue these cases in court.

But it does teach the frum community something very important about sex abuse. The non-frum public take it extremely seriously. Sex abusers are hated by the public and are even hated by the prison populations of our most hardened criminals. No one likes a sex abuser. For some reason, the frum community is only just now coming to grips with this reality. We are too soft on sex crimes. We are not a “light unto the nations” when it comes to abuse. Hopefully, the visceral reaction of the public and the strong condemnation by the jury will teach us a lesson in taking this kind of thing more seriously.

Advocates for survivors of abuse have been following this case closely. However, I am not sure that survivors have been following this case closely. The survivors I have spoken to have been detached from the proceedings. I think this is important to recognize. Survivors, or victims, whatever you want to call them live with the guilt of silence. It is almost as if Weberman’s accuser broke their code. They are happy for her, but it only compounds their pain that their abusers are still at large. I urge everyone to be mindful of this as they discuss the guilty verdict.

Overall, this is a great victory. It is a victory against tyranny and intimidation. It is a victory against abuse of power and self policing (or lack thereof). It is another nail in the coffin of the myth of the “perfect, insular community” and is a step in the right direction. By that we mean, a time and place where safety for our children is more important that communal reputation and rabbinic power. We cannot allow unlicensed therapists and non-professionals to treat our children. Look what happens when we do. This is the kind of case that can open the floodgates. And don’t kid yourself, there are hundreds, if not thousands of cases that have not been brought forward. When the floodgates open, there will be a flood. We have ignored this scourge for too long, if we won’t clean our own act up for ourselves, the state and federal authorities will do it for us.

For decades, abuse victims have been made to feel like they are the villains and their attackers are the heroes. Now they can see how the public feels about their story. The public is outraged. The public wants vengeance and will not stand for cover-ups. That outrage will need to spill over into the frum community.

In order for our community to handle abuse properly, three things need to happen.

1) We need to discard the concept of mesirah. The word needs to be excised from our lexicon and it must be relegated to an anachronism and relic of the past. If you need three poskim to explain why there is no prohibition of mesira in sex abuse cases read this: Mesira (The Jewish Informant) in Halacha. People who cover up abuse are thousands of times worse than any moser. Stop covering up and making excuses. We cannot stand for this in our communities.

2) We need to understand the horrible effects of abuse. We don’t get it. We never really will get it. But we need to know that it is much worse than we could possibly imagine. Here are just some symptoms of abuse (that do not apply equally to all survivors). Abuse victims contemplate suicide. They don’t trust anyone. They hate Jews. They hate God. They cannot be intimate. They are scared to commit to relationships or jobs. They seek escape via substance abuse. They cry every day. They become numb and cannot feel anything. They isolate themselves. They never grow up. They need to spend thousands of dollars on therapy and are never really cured. As much as the abuse hurts, the apathy from the frum community hurts even more. Which brings me to number 3.

3) We need to accept survivors into our community with love and affection. We cannot judge them. We cannot allow them to feel second class. We cannot protect their abusers. We must tell them that we do not accept the monsters that harmed them into our communities. We cannot choose monsters over innocent victims. But here is the hard part. We need to acknowledge their pain and suffering without making them feel like they are damaged goods. Yes, their lives have been severely affected for the worse. But they can live beautiful, meaningful lives. We just need to let them. We cannot screen abuse victims from shidduchim and we cannot excuse bad behavior because one is a victim. Yes, they are going to have a hard time because of everything that we still need to understand about the harms of abuse. But that’s okay. We need them to know that we don’t mind if they have a few issues here and there. Who doesn’t? They cannot be stigmatized, otherwise they will never come forward and we run the risk of losing another generation of sex abuse victims.

Let us hope and pray that Weberman was correctly found guilty and more importantly, let us hope and pray that this case is a tipping point. Let us hope and pray that this case is the wake-up call we needed. Let us hope and pray that there are no more korbanos to the Gods of shem tov and chillul Hashem. Those are noble pursuits, but not at the expense of our children.

Ad kan. Enough is enough.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jeffrey Daniel Rollin-Jones

    This is why I love frumsatire. Amein v’amein.

  • http://betweenjerusalemandtelaviv.blogspot.com/ Michael

    Wow, Hesh – when you write a serious column, you really hit the nail on the head.

    Your satire is good, but I’m glad that you also took the time to comment on a serious issue and give it the attention it deserves. You made several excellent points.

    • http://finkorswim.com E. Fink

      Lol. Thanks. I wrote it…

      • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

        Proof that many folks don’t actually reads the article

  • http://amotherinisrael.com Hannah @A Mother in Israel

    Coverups of sexual abuse have occurred in many communities besides ours: The Catholic Church, Boy Scout, Penn State, Horace Mann school and others. The difference is that our coverups get a religious sanction.

  • A. Nuran

    There also weren’t two kosher witnesses, a warning and acknowledgment just before the crime or any of the rest of that. We don’t live under that unworkable legal system, thank God.

    The usual suspects will jump in and say “It was the media” or “There wasn’t any evidence” or “You can’t convict a Jew on he-said, she-said” or “Everyone knows she had loose morals, slept around and was crazy. Tawana Brawley. OJ Simpson. Wharrr-garble!”

    Let me preempt them.

    She didn’t “press charges”. She went to a real therapist. Not a money-grubbing fake like Weberman. The therapist realized she was suffering from PTSD and asked what happened. The young woman confided. The therapist reported the crime to law enforcement as required by law.

    The police did a thorough investigation. The DA – who has a well-deserved reputation for hopping around New York when Satmar croaks “Frog!” – thought there was enough of a case to take it to the Grand Jury. The Grand Jury examined the evidence and delivered an indictment. The trial was public and run properly. The victim went through close to 20 hours of brutal, grueling, hostile cross-examination without making a single substantive contradiction.

    Weberman said things on the stand that damaged his case significantly from admitting to having a bed and mirrors in his “treatment” room to double and triple locking the doors during the sessions, taking the girl on private road trips and buying her lingerie. That doesn’t even count the irrelevant but no doubt interesting details of how he used a fake charity to funnel money to himself and his family tax-free.

    The defense had ample chances to challenge jurors. It used them.

    Other than people screaming that no Jew should ever stand trial and if one does he must be innocent and even if he’s guilty he should never EVER go to jail nobody claims the trial was unfair or improper.

    He was quite rightly convicted of his crimes, and his crimes are serious.

    • A. Nuran

      These kinds of cases are not easy to get in front of a jury let alone end in a conviction.

      Of course, under Jewish Law it never would have happened. No kosher witnesses, no warning, no Bet Din, so on and so forth. And a “vessel of impurity” who “bleeds pollution” could never be a witness anyway. She doesn’t have a shmekele, so her voice is worthless. Strictly speaking since she was in the city and she didn’t “cry out” she was the guilty party, and terrible things should happen to her.

      If that’s God’s Will we need to listen to Satan more carefully.

      • ksil

        what jewish law did he break anyway that is punishable by a beis din?

        • The Nudnik

          “what jewish law did he break anyway that is punishable by a beis din?”

          One of the consequences of living in the United States of America is that one is subject to its laws and to the laws of “the several states” (that’s a quote from the US Constitution). He was tried to a jury, which found that he broke laws of the State of New York, one of the United States.

          Dina d’malchuta dina.

          • Anonymous

            nudnik, i think you missed my point. i was referring to “There also weren’t two kosher witnesses, a warning and acknowledgment just before the crime or any of the rest of that. We don’t live under that unworkable legal system”

            people point to the jewish system, but techinically, under a jewish system, this guy did nothing wrong….maybe something wrong witht the jewish system then?!?!?! a thought…

        • A. Nuran

          I’m referring to the fact that the frummies are allergic to real Courts. If it isn’t a Bes Din, they don’t want anything to do with it.

          And you’re right. Molesting little children doesn’t seem to violate any normative halachos. At least not according to every Chassidic sect, the major rabbinical organizations and the Jewish press.

        • A. Nuran

          Consider what reams of recent rabbinical opinions, letters from prominent organizations, pronouncements for the heads of Chassidic dynasties and more have said unanimously about possible abuse:

          1) Don’t go to the police
          2) Go to your rabbi
          3) A Bes Din is the proper avenue, not the secular Courts.
          4) Anyone who goes to law enforcement is a moser.

          They believe a Bes Din is the correct venue to investigate these crimes or at least to get the victim to shut up so the whole thing can be swept under the rug.

      • rabbi

        According to Halacha you don’t need 2 witnesses for abuse..the person is enough..great article it’s really terrible that the some of the religious community is in denial

        • Yochanan

          Can you post a link that says that you don’t need 2 male Jewish witnesses for abuse? In English or Hebrew with English.

          Whenever the “no females as witnesses” issue comes up, people always excuse it by saying “You know how traumatic it is for a female rape victim to testify and be cross examined. It’s really a protection.” True that. She shouldn’t be forced to take the witness stand. But what if she chooses to?

          • elemir

            here’s a link to charedi type website who’s been fighting child abuse for years.
            http://daattorah.blogspot.ca/2012/12/jailing-jewish-criminal-helps-prevent.html

          • Witness

            First of all, I agree that in this specific case, there is no room for the prohibition of Mesirah. If Jews are living in exile, in a setting such that we cannot implement our own legal and court system, then we need to recognize when to turn the problem over to the legal system that does exist. No, this is not ideal, but it is the reality of American Jewry today.

            Nuran, you call it an unworkable legal system. The “two witnesses, etc etc” requirement is for conviction of the transgressions and implementation of the punishments found in the Torah. But you’re missing some important points here:
            -Sounds like the man repeatedly violated a number of Gezerot in settings where it could clearly be confirmed (most notably yichud, possibly others). The punishment for such violations in a Bet Din is beating and/or excommunication.
            -We need to differentiate between punishments and preventative measures. Communal leaders can impose measures designed to prevent such abuses from being repeated even if there is no clear proof- only a suspicion or rumor. There are several examples in halakha where individuals trusted with some particularly sensitive job are required to hold themselves to standards far beyond what is expected from the rest of the community. A good example is in Shekalim- the Kohen who handled the Shekalim was required to wear clothing with no pockets or hems, in order to ensure that he could not be suspected of smuggling a single coin out. In this case, it seems that the communal leaders failed to impose appropriate safeguards- or perhaps it wasn’t brought to their attention until the police had already heard about it.
            A similar case came up in Israel a few years ago, where a well-known Rav in the Orthodox Zionist community was suspected of molesting children. Instead of immediately bringing him to court, a group of the more respected leaders in the community came to him and demanded that he resign from any post that brings him in contact with children. (Legal action was eventually brought against him anyway.) My point is that Halakha opens up several avenues of action even when there are only rumors.
            -Bet Din are also allowed, under extraordinary circumstances, to impose non-canonical punishments without regard for the usual strictures of testimony. This certainly seems like a case that would qualify. In fact, in the context of sexual morality, the Gemara (kiddushin 81a) says “Malkin al lo tova hashmua.” Put in context, that means that Bet Din can punish someone for sexual transgressions without the normal standards of proof if they consider it justified. (Note that we’re not talking about imposing the death penalty here, but about lesser punishments.)

    • Shimmy

      Excellent perspective, A.

  • Anon

    All around insightful article, and I don’t mean to treat the subject of abuse lightly, but:

    “Let us hope and pray that Weberman was correctly found guilty”

    Isn’t this a tefillath shav? One isn’t allowed to pray for God to change an event that already happened (see B’rakhoth 60a). As he already did (or did not) do these things, praying to God that he did it, would constitute a classic case, right?

  • Brooklyncoma
  • Anonymous

    You pricks can hope and pray for whatever you want. Thank God that sick freak was found guilty so the rest of the chasidic women of the world can sleep at night.

    • realist

      do have any idea whay happen to the woman that their husbands are behind bars? milf hunters chase and run after those woman, yes chasidic bucharim or young devorcees tru to hook up to those woman or their daughters.

      • Yochanan

        Whenever a judge sentences someone to prison, he/she knows that it will have an impact on the criminals family. Sometimes a severe impact, especially if he/she has children. But, criminals can’t roam the streets. Lesser of two evils.

      • A. Nuran

        Not sure if you’re serious or trying for humor here. If the second, moderately well-played

    • Anon

      I agree. This is nothen hodayah l’she`avar (giving thanks for that which already happened), which is a good thing. Well, technically I should think that there are many more abusers (and/or potential abusers) out there, so we should hope and pray that those who already abused are kept away from potential victims, and that those who have not yet abused, are prevented from fulfilling their plans.

  • toldos aron

    the whole concept of `strip dreidel` became latley more popular, i was talked into it the other night at a chanukah party of some friends, thank g-d my wife did not wear one of her g-strings, i was very against of her to strip her panty as well, i think according to halacha its unlawfull, i cant ay that thes not fun, oh hell it was, i was having a great time so did my wife, but yet i wont play this anymore. chanukah is a time that people get together and party, but strip dreidel is at the edge.

    • omg

      you give yourself in to play this game but you worry about halachah only going completly nude, up to that you did not see any problem with the halachah?

    • see me

      how foolish can one be, strip dreidel is against halachah even when the woman stays with her bra and & panties on?

      tznius, never heated about it?

  • groinem

    The halochos quoted here are wrong. You do not necessarily need two kosher male witnesses for these issues. See CM 35 for more details. Only fundamentalists or people who want to undermine the whole Torah believe that you need two kosher male witnesses.

    • A. Nuran

      The fundamentalists are the problem. Sadly, they have been running the show for decades.

      • Anonymous

        The Satmar Community is fundamentalist, but also quite criminal in their customs and beliefs. They are also distortioners of the worst type in their denial of eretz yisroel and the inherent right of Jewish Israelis to protect themselves against the tyranny of Palestinians and their ilk. The Satmars are a blight on the Jewish frum landscape, and need to be exommunicated from the Jewish World at large. Nechemya Weberman is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Satmar criminality, and let’s hope that the Satmar thugs who associated with Weberman spend years in prison for their illegalities in court and for their attempts to bribe the victim and her family into silence; nor should we forget the thrower of bleach into the eyes of a frum sympathizer on the side of Justice, and how he needs imprisonment.

  • Dan

    Pretty reasonable. I think.

  • Seriously?

    I never understood the whole “licensed therapist” thing. But maybe that is because I don’t think getting licensure from some bureaucrat somehow makes you good at your job, or more trustworthy than anyone else.

    • danny

      I suppose you are comfortable with the corner barber performing open heart surgery.

      • Seriously?

        Therapy is a very dodgy field – I think it most cases it makes things worse, not better. Therapists almost never “cure” someone like a doctor can.

        Think of relationship counseling. Does a counselor help or hurt?

    • G*3

      In order to get a license one needs to get the appropriate education and training and usually pass a licensing exam. And yes, couples or family therapy done by a competent professional helps. Sometimes not enough to save a marriage, but it helps.

      What I wonder is what these unlicensed counselors do when they encounter people with real disorders. They don’t even have the training to recognize disorders, let alone treat them. It’s one thing to give someone a sympathetic ear and some advice when they’re feeling down. It’s quite another to deal with a patient with clinical depression.

  • Seriously?

    The lesson for Rabbis going forward must be very simple: NEVER be in yichud. If you cross that line, you are making it possible for anyone to destroy your reputation, whether you do anything else wrong or not.

    There are good and bad rabbis, and I would hate to see good ones dragged down after this very bad one.

    • A. Nuran

      The real lesson for the rabbis here is “Don’t molest little children. Don’t protect the molesters. Don’t destroy the victims and their families. Don’t obstruct justice. Don’t tamper with witnesses.”

      • Seriously?

        That’s just silly. Of COURSE people should not do any of those things. But MOST Rabbis would not dream of doing them. Most Rabbis are just trying to work with people – and I know of many cases of false accusations. It is an easy way for someone who is already messed up to get extra attention, and perhaps a big payout.

        Everyone must be smart about being in a situation where an accusation could be made. Professors, teachers, bosses, and yes, Rabbis, must not open themselves up to a false claim.

        • A. Nuran

          You would think it’s just silly, but look at how the communities and rabbinical groups close ranks whenever this comes to light. And look at what every major group from UO and RCA to the various Chassidic dynasties decree:
          - Don’t go to the police
          - Don’t cooperate with the police
          - Go to a Rabbi (who is completely unqualified to investigate crimes)
          - Go to the Bes Din which will tamper with witnesses, foul the evidence, obstruct justice and sweep it under the rug.

          This sort of thing should be common sense. It isn’t, especially when the circle-the-wagons mentality kicks in.

  • Seriously?

    I would add one more thing: the Satmar community panics with youth who ask even basic and reasonable questions. It is a terrible thing that so many frum yiddin are so insecure and unlearned that they cannot handle *any* question.

    Questions are part and parcel of what makes us Jews. We must ask, and we must seek good answers. Part of the tragedy of this story is that this girl was brutalized merely because she asked questions that any reasonable person can and should ask.

    Freedom is at the heart of the Torah. Those who think otherwise have not been paying attention.

  • Meir Dovid

    Pardon my naivete, if you will, but this is what I don’t get. In this case, a young girl of 12 is experiencing problems with her commitment to her faith, its rules and prohibitions; she has expressed an interest in boys and is acting out and rebeling. Wouldn’t you say these just might be symptoms of a more serious problem or could it be adolescent confusion and angst?

    I guess it’s irrelevant for this victim at this juncture in her life, but why in the world wasn’t this child referred to a qualified and licensed frum female therapist? Perhaps someone who had experience working with girls of this age who have had these sorts of issues to contend with in their lives. Why did this child’s school principal recommend a male therapist? And why did her parents go along with that? In a community in which the lofty concept of modesty is exalted and the physical separation of the genders in communal is strictly adhered to; in a society in which boys and girls do not engage in casual conversation with one another and men and women keep their verbal exchanges to a minimum, why then, oh why would a male therapist be an appropriate counselor for a girl of this age?

    • Seriously?

      You are 100% right. It boggles the mind.

    • A. Nuran

      Why did the parents go along? Because obedience is prized even more highly. And if she was “troubled” she and the entire extended family were damaged goods.

      Why a male therapist? Dunno. Probably because the one making the “recommendation” wanted to send business his way or owed him a favor or was his wife’s second cousin by marriage once removed.

      • http://9thworldhistoryproject.blogspot.com Michael

        Why do you judge so nefariously, Nuran? While this is certainly a tragedy beyond belief, maybe she was sent to a male therapist because he was highly regarded in that crazy Satmar world (even though he was unlicensed). Maybe her parents were so ingrained in the Satmar mindset that they didn’t believe their daughter, rather than that they did but felt communal pressure. Basically, I don’t think it’s helpful to make such assumptions because we have no idea how each side played it out and reacted, and probably never will

    • Anonymous

      “Frum female therapist”. Is there such a thing, at least in the Satmar community? Besides, a frum female therapist (I’m assuming Webermann was thought of as frum) could be a closet lesbian “frum” female therapist and therefore, if she was an evil closet lesbian “frum” female therapist, just like Webermann was an evil “frum” male therapist, she could have abused this girl or any others she came into contact with. The only question would have been whether in this case, the Satmar community would have jumped on her because she was a lesbian, or tried to cover it up to save their reputations just like they did in this case.

  • Anonymous

    how does the strip dreidel issue belong in the article, simply because its chanukah?

  • dave

    You know what’s funny , people are saying he’s a rabbi and therapist. He was none!!!! He was not ordained or certified for either making him a plain molester.

  • Jack

    The issue with the way its handled in the legal courts is that they’re much more willing to convict someone without sufficient evidence. Granted in this case it may seem obvious that she was telling the truth because of the grueling examination and he may also have said things to indicate he was guilty, but according to Jewish law, that doesn’t cut it. At the end of the day, its his word against hers, and it really isnt up to the jury or anybody else to determine that he doesn’t have a chezkas kashrus. Obviously once someone is proven that he is a menace to society, we must alert the authorities and lock him up, but to go initially to the court system is the issue. The point A Nuran made is especially disturbing, its not that frummies are allergic to court, its just that Jews aren’t supposed to live by the worlds standards, the rabbis are the ones who we listen to, and there are halachos against taking someone to court when taking him to a beis din would suffice. In today’s america, they will believe a kid almost every time if he accuses someone of molesting him, no matter how unsubstantiated. Once again, first go through the beis din to determine that he is guilty according to our standards, then lock him up, but just because a jury is convinced by an eighteen year old girl doesnt mean anything in the eyes of Halacha
    And Mr strip dreidel, you have much bigger issues than your wife taking off her panties, the fact that it got even close to that is a serious breach of tznius

    • JohnL

      Jack, you missed the point! Listening to Rabbi’s on every aspect of our lives is what gets us into trouble! I hope Weberman has a great time in cheder!

      • Jack

        No, I didn’t miss the point. Judaism by definition is what the Rabbis determine as correct, most of what we do is d’rabbanan, G-d gave authority to the rabbis in every generation to be the decision makers, we do what they say, you and I aren’t smart enough to make monumental decisions, would you offer input as to how to do heart surgery if you’re a first year med school student? Obviously not! Same thing here. You’re knowledge relative to the rabbis when it comes to Judaism is the same as a first year med school student relative to a renowned heart surgeon

  • Anonymous

    “By that we mean, a time and place where safety for our children is more important that communal reputation and rabbinic power.”

    This is music to my ears… AMEN!

  • Anonymous

    Nobody is saying that it is mesirah to report sexual abuse! Rabbi Weberman himself reported sexual abuse, as is his duty as a counselor, and this evil girl took revenge because she called her abuser her “boyfriend”. Isn’t it convenient that she only came out with Rabbi Weberman’s name after he had her actual molester arrested? You have to know who you are talking about. Rabbi Weberman is one of the nicest men I have ever met. He is the opposite of everything people think is wrong with the Satmar community. He speaks English well, he always has a smile on his face, he is friendly, helpful, tolerant, and loving. He is not a fanatic. An innocent man was convicted, and you should be ashamed for taking sides in a case you know nothing about.

    • A. Nuran

      Plenty of people are from RCA to the Union of Orthodox Rabbis to every single scum-sucking bottom-feeding molester-enabling untreated effluent of a Chassidic dynasty.

  • not impressed

    We cannot understand the whole business from the very beginning: Which normal frum mother or father of a pretty twelve year old girl would send her to “counseling”, alone, to a middle aged man who closes and locks the door ? If the school demanded counseling they should have argued that to go to a man is davka adding to a tznius problem with their young daughter.
    If this is what Satmar does, it goes against every other gender separated activity in their lives. Even their Pizza store has separate sections, at least in Williamsburg and Monroe .
    Something can go wrong when people concentrate on being only outwardly “frum”. If all the community looks at is the outside appearance, anyone who dresses a certain way can pass as a “frum”person. There seems to be a lack of true yiras shamayim in a group of people who allow a man to destroy a girl’s neshama and them protect him and blame the victim. Feh, let them keep their bullet-proof stockings and double deckers, if they allow such disgusting behavior by their chassidim – something inside this community is sick and perverted. It’s not frum, it’s krum

  • William Dwek

    So women – still in admiration for the rapissts and abusers you cover your heads for? Wigs? Religious hogwash

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