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Join the Chinuch Round Table on Frum Satire

Each week one of the most widely read newspapers in the frum world publishes a question and answer article called the Chinuch Round Table. Featuring such important questions as how to keep kids on the derech, what type of school to send their slightly open minded bais yaakov girl to and whether or how to answer 4th graders who ask why reshaim (evil peeps) are getting one way tickets to gehenom. Of course, I’m not all holy like the Yated and I have gathered some fine folks this week who’ve volunteered their time to answer this weeks question, but I am looking for folks who’d like to partake in this weekly event. The name may be changed to the Apikorus Round Table, but we may approach a variety of topics and hopefully have some fun at the same time. If you’d like to take part in answering some of the questions at some point – email me at frumsatire@gmail.com 

Please feel free to submit questions you would like answered to be featured in the Chinuch Round Table in the comments section:

 This weeks question is whether it’s more assur to talk to girls/women online or directly?

{ 30 comments… add one }
  • Seriously?? April 24, 2012, 9:52 AM

    It’s more assur online. What’s more assur than flirting with girls? Duh.

    Because at least in person, you can be reasonably sure the other person is actually a girl.

  • Yossy H April 24, 2012, 1:32 PM

    Um ich think Ich must ask a shylah

    • Alter Cocker April 24, 2012, 6:43 PM


  • shoshana April 24, 2012, 2:25 PM

    I was so excited when I saw title of this post, but then my excitement faded when I read this: “This weeks question is whether it’s more assur to talk to girls/women online or directly?”

    How is it a chinuch question? It’s obvious that no teenager should have access to the unfiltered Internet and be able to use chat. If you meant young adults then it’s halachic question but has nothing to do with chinuch, despite of all the kvetching of OTD people, parents have very limited influence already on teenagers, on young adults even less.

    Anyway I don’t feel emotionally engaged in the topic, because I don’t see here any question at all. Online, shmonline, everything depends on the intentions.

    • G*3 April 24, 2012, 7:32 PM

      I agree. It needs to be phrased as a question, preferably with a little background:

      Dear FS Roundtable, I recently noticed that my teenage son was spending more time online than usual. The computer is in the living room, so I’m sure that he wasn’t chas v’sholom looking at anything that he shouldn’t. When I asked him what he was doing, he reluctantly admitted that he was chatting with a girl on Facebook. He told me that they had even gone for walks together a few times.

      While it’s true that in general boys and girls his age shouldn’t socialize, my son tends to be depressed and moody, and since he met this girl he’s been much happier. Should I allow the relationship to continue? Should I allow them to correspond only online, or only in person?

      Waiting eagerly for your advice,
      Unsure Parent

      • Alter Cocker April 24, 2012, 8:58 PM

        there’s a softball

        encourage the relationship

    • Telz Angel April 24, 2012, 9:33 PM

      The true test is not the questions, but the ridiculousness of the potential answers. Patience.

      • Sam April 26, 2012, 3:54 PM

        Honestly, your kid will be way to sheltered if he does experiment with a girl a couple times…..

  • Berl April 24, 2012, 3:36 PM

    Next weeks question.

    May a person sell his seed to a sperm bank in order to get some extra money to pay for his kids Yeshiva tuition?

    • Telz Angel April 24, 2012, 4:02 PM

      Obviously yes — in Telz we had a donation campaign in the dorm. Everyone participated.

    • Crowin' Cock April 24, 2012, 5:34 PM

      I don’t think you can sell it to pay for tution (unless you’re from Telz), mitzvah haba me aveirah.

      Some rabbis have allowed deposits into this sort of banking system in extreme cases, and it’s only a matter of time until they start allowing free loans, they just have to sort out the safek mamzer issues first.

      Which leads to the next logical question:

      If she swallows, is considered zera levatala, or is it muttar being that it could be considered a modern form of derech biah?

      • Eli April 24, 2012, 7:43 PM

        Assur to swallow, as human secretions are not kosher. (I kid you not)

        • Crowin' Cock April 25, 2012, 5:39 AM


          Husbands and wives are permitted to suck each others tongues / share saliva. Breast milk is permitted, even for adults, provided you don’t drink it “straight from the tap”. I kid you not either.

          I imagine that man’s “milk” contains good protein, maybe some of the ck*cksucking / female readers of this blog can enlighten us 🙂

          • Alter Cocker April 25, 2012, 9:39 AM

            so if there were a frumsatire round table, it would just be a few guys talking about sex, their members, and their semen

    • Alter Cocker April 24, 2012, 6:44 PM

      off topic alert

  • Xvi April 24, 2012, 9:36 PM

    Obviously, talking to the opposite gender online is more assur.

    Talking to girls in person is assur as it might lead to mixed dancing.

    Talking online, however, is a much worse infraction, as it may lead to (chas v’chalilah) talking to girls in person.

  • Anonymous April 24, 2012, 11:47 PM

    In the Yated, you have a column written by Rabbi Yisroel Besser. Here, you have “It gets besser.”

  • Mark April 25, 2012, 9:21 AM

    And the joke…

    A family of new Olim were getting acclimated to life in Israel and learning Ivrit. One day the boy came home from school in tears. ‘My principal suspended me’. The stunned father asked ‘what did you do?’ The boy replied ‘Nothing! I didn’t do anything wrong’.

    The father raced down to school and burst into the principals office. Mustering up his best Israeli accent he blurted out….
    ‘Lamah atah motzie es hazerah sheli livatalah?????!!!!!!!!!!’

    • Should be working April 25, 2012, 10:43 AM

      Translation please for the fluency-challenged.

      • Telz Angel April 25, 2012, 11:22 AM

        Intended statement
        “Why did you send my child out for no reason?”
        Actual statement
        “Why are you jerking me off?”
        Literal statement
        “Why are you taking/removing my seed in vain?”

        Zerah = seed — a word with a pragmatic and literary meaning.

  • Anonymous April 25, 2012, 12:11 PM
  • anon April 26, 2012, 11:49 AM

    I would guess online. I say this because there may be more thinking and use of imagination required if it’s online(What’s she wearing, etc.). I was told it’s worse to read a book with sexual content than a bad scene in a movie for the same reason.

    • Crowin' Cock April 27, 2012, 6:25 AM


      Not too sure the guy that told you that nknew nuch what he was talking about. There is a concept not looking at untzniut images.

      Picture a leading rabbi getting busted reading a trashy novel or being caught in a prn theater or downloading it online. Which do you think would be worse?

  • The One and Only Speck of Dust April 27, 2012, 5:57 AM

    It’s worse to talk to women online, because typically you can’t talk to women in person with your pants off.

    • Crowin' Cock April 27, 2012, 6:27 AM

      But on the flip side, talking to a girl in person is more conducive to both of you taking your pants of and sinning with each other than chatting or texting.

      • The One and Only Speck of Dust April 29, 2012, 4:30 PM

        Touche. But if only you knew of the severity of the sin of emitting semen l’batala, which certainly was not ported from Eastern mysticism and a misunderstanding of basic physiology, and definitely makes sense even though you can have sex with your wife when she’s on “the pill,” or in the butt, or “by hand” according to at least one source I’ve seen, and obviously makes total sense given the completely unrelated biblical association.

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