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Best ways to make someone think you’re an obnoxious frummy from NY

I can spot New Yorkers from a mile away, the impatient souls at one of the local restaurants wondering why there’s English music and no crusty old tzedakah boxes in the place. I can see them in shul wondering why everyone is hanging out after davening when there’s a kiddush in the next room and I can see them on the highway wondering why no one is trying to tailgate each other into oblivion.

One up someone: No matter what someone tells you about themselves, always tell them that you or someone you know is way better than them. “Oh my cousin shmuely got knocked out by some flying candy at his bar mitzvah” or “I used to be king of the brachos bee” that’s a sure way to make someone believe you’re a frummy from NY.

Repeatedly ask where they’re from: “I’m from New York” Where? “Brooklyn” Where? “Flatbush” Where? “P and Coney” Where?….

Ask them all about their father: You must ask them about their father and it has to be at random in the middle of a conversation about oil changes you say something like “Nu what’s your father do?” and they will always wonder what that has to do with anything and the second they answer, ask them where their father goes to shul.

Tell them that they are doing something wrong: Pick something like their tzitzis are possel and give them some diatribe about Rav Ahron saying that whoever wore possel tzitzis was going to lose their chelek in olam habah.

Talk about the great deal on your car lease: Obnoxious New York frummies love bragging about car lease deals for some reason.

There’s nothing to do around here: New Yorkers love to complain about whatever place they may be. Whether it’s the lack of kosher food, the terrible weather or the lack of nightlife, they love to tell you why your town sucks and why NY rules. (in yeshiva this was the case all the time)

You lookin’ for a deal: It doesn’t matter if you’re actually looking for a deal, any obnoxious frummy from NY worth his weight in meltaway cake should be able to offer you a deal on something. I’m not only talking about hockers and machers here, although they fall within the realm of the main title here.


{ 33 comments… add one }
  • anon March 28, 2012, 8:23 AM

    NYers are a vague term concerning Jews. Brooklyn is where you’ll find the black hat type not really yeshivish hockers. Queens is more MO and have a lot of modern bickers who can be more annoying than brooklyn hockers. 5 towns has classy modern and ex brooklyn who will try to not be brooklyn as much as they wish. The west side has some black hat types but mostly modern. Monday and far rockaway/bayswater are like OOT already.

    • Avrumy March 28, 2012, 10:39 AM

      You meant Monsey, right?
      What is OOT?

    • Anonymous March 28, 2012, 10:50 AM

      i would bet a lot of money that you’re a brooklynite, Monsey is OOT….are you kidding me, Monsey = Brooklyn North. and far rockaway is just a nice small community where its small enough that there’s a sense of community but big enough that you can do your own thing. regarding the former brooklynite in the 5T, i can’t stand them they are so “nouveau riche” it’s disgusting.

  • anon March 28, 2012, 11:06 AM

    Rockland county is most def OOT. I don’t care if there’s a kosher castle or Shelly’s 2. Its out of NYC I don’t mean that far rok is OOT literally rather the people seem to be people who wanted to leave brooklyn but didn’t quite make it to the 5t yet and the west side or queens are to modern or expensive so their kind of a lost people. Are you from FR? People from Far Rock are very defensively about their neighborhoods. Its like OOT because its a dead neighborhood

    • far rockawayer March 28, 2012, 11:23 AM

      you couldn’t be more wrong. just because rockland county is out of NYC that doesn’t have any bearing it being OOT or not.

      FR is so not dead, it’s a very fast growing community.a new girls school is actually soon opening its doors. I know this coz i live in FR, there are several girls and boys schools and many places to daven. i’m not in any way defensive i consider it a compliment to be called OOT. do you know have any idea how difficult it is to find a house to buy in FR…..

      • David March 28, 2012, 1:21 PM

        Sorry just couldn’t resist – but isn’t the proper name for Far Rockaway really West Lawrence?

    • Philo March 28, 2012, 12:07 PM

      It’s all perspective. I live 90 miles away from NYC, and not in NJ. Most NY frummies would consider that to be OOT. But I used to live in the midwest, so where I live now is practically in midtown by comparison.

  • anon March 28, 2012, 11:31 AM

    I went to a yeshiva in the FR area so I as well know what it’s like. Its a dead neighborhoods big deal there’s a school opening up I’m talking about things to do. What dunkin donuts and 7eleven? And you’re wrong about Rockland. OOT in a literal sense means out of the city. I know many good people from Far Rock but a lot of parents have ”sticks up their asses”

  • far rockawayer March 28, 2012, 11:49 AM

    OOT means out of town…..not in a literal sense though.
    FR has nothing to do???
    how about many places to eat (including the 5T)
    multiple parks and playgrounds
    the beach and boardwalk
    kids jewish library
    many shuls of different flavors
    many shiurim and community initiatives
    an eruv
    hatzala of nassau and rockaways
    shor yashuv, darchei torah, YFR, rabbi chait’s, siach yitzchok, TAG, BBY new girls school not sure the name, just in FR itself
    Subway stop and LIRR

    • anon March 28, 2012, 12:35 PM

      How exciting that’s why teens who live in FR have to go somewhere else to find something else to do besides DD 7eleven and smoke pot (get that at the boardwalk). Monday has those things as well besides a beach. The beach in FR sucks might be the w orst Ive seen. Most ppl who live inFR have to walk pretty far to get to the subway and walking isn’t an optiono Lirr.

      • anon March 28, 2012, 12:38 PM

        I meant monsey has all of those things as well yet its out of town which is a literal term. Just Most Nyers will consider L.A. and Chicago to be OOT

        • far rockawayer March 28, 2012, 1:02 PM

          you’re so wrong O-O-T IS NOT A LITERAL TERM. you’re such a harry , get you’re jew-terms right. Deal with it.
          i take the subway everyday and yes i walk to it. you seem like a fat kid, both the subway and LIRR (and public buses) are within walking distance.
          Please tell me what in-town places have that FR doesn’t.

          • anon March 28, 2012, 1:53 PM

            I don’t think the Jews came up with the term of OOT. How long does it take you to walk to the subway and LIRR. It takes one to know one,I believe that the original harries were from Far Rockaway and Baltimore .If you want to get technical most of the black hat Jews from FR are super harries.

  • DS March 28, 2012, 12:06 PM

    The only OOT neighborhood in the NYC area is Passaic. FR and Monsey are all former Bklyners.

    • tesyaa March 28, 2012, 1:56 PM

      Some Brooklyn people are moving to Passaic but the heavy BT population is keeping most of them away.

  • Philo March 28, 2012, 12:14 PM

    If you have no kosher pizza store… you just might live out of town.

    If the Orthodox and Conservative get along and mingle… you just might live out of town.

    If your hand shmura has to be ordered several weeks in advance… you just might live out of town.

    If black hats, kippot srugot, and Chabad daven in the same shul, and even eat shabbat meals at each others’ houses… you just might live out of town.

    If you refer to “the” kosher market (or if it’s part of the supermarket)… you just might live out of town.

    If about 30% – 40% of the congregants drive to your shul on shabbat, and no one gives them a hard time… you just might live out of town.

    If appeals for the local federation are part of your Orthodox shul life… you just might live out of town.

    • Philo March 28, 2012, 12:17 PM

      If it’s MORE unusual for a married woman to cover her head and wear only skirts during the week… you just might live out of town.

    • Philo March 28, 2012, 12:20 PM

      If the mikvah has no attendant and you need to bring your own shomeret… you just might live out of town.

    • Philo March 28, 2012, 12:21 PM

      If you’re visiting and you walk into shul on shabbat, and you are immediately warmly greeted by a number of people and invited to shabbat lunch… you just might live out of town.

    • Philo March 28, 2012, 12:25 PM

      If people routinely walk 2-3 miles to shul… you just might live out of town.

      • far rockawayer March 28, 2012, 12:36 PM

        LOL that’s great
        although i must say that one of the first times i davened at the white shul on shabbos s/o came over to me and asked if i was new and welcomed me to the shul

      • Woodrow/Conservadox March 29, 2012, 9:18 AM

        Where I lived for the past five years (small southern city, though big enough for Chabad and another O shul) is DEFINITELY out of town.

        The interesting thing is that bigger cities (like, say, Atlanta) are a bit of both.

    • Philo March 28, 2012, 12:50 PM

      If it’s socially acceptable for some Orthodox families to send their kids to the public high school, even if there’s a local Jewish day school you just might live out of town.

    • Philo March 28, 2012, 12:50 PM

      If Heshy Fried is your neighbor you just might live out of town.

      • Telz Angel March 28, 2012, 2:33 PM

        Philo this list is fantastic.

        I’d add “if your shul had a sefardi minyan once a month, but half the people who show up are not really sefardi, but just want to skip out on the rabbi’s drasha” … you just might live out of town.

        • Alter Cocker March 28, 2012, 3:05 PM

          haha, I agree. good list

    • Heshy Fried March 28, 2012, 11:07 PM

      Thaks for the post ideas, you shall be linked

  • Alter Cocker March 28, 2012, 3:01 PM

    I’m a New Yorker and I’m nothing like this. I dislike New York and prefer all the “out of town” communities I’ve been to compared to where I’m from. St. Louis, Denver, Dallas, etc.

    I guess this just proves I don’t belong here and never have.

    • CM in CH April 1, 2012, 5:29 PM

      The fact that you just said you dislike New York makes you a New Yorker.

  • OfftheDwannaB March 28, 2012, 8:58 PM

    Kickbutt list.

  • Moish the spacedout BT March 29, 2012, 6:24 PM

    This one beats all- “So that’s where they move when they can’t afford Midwood.”

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