In defense of Pearl Perry Reich

Guest Post by Chaim Levin

In the recent, very heated debates over the legitimacy of Pearl Perry Reich’s claims of abuse by rabbinic authority, many people have criticized her use of the word “cult” in describing her former ultra Orthodox community. Although I don’t think it’s necessary to use such loaded words against a whole group that may include others like her, the truth is the beliefs and practices she’s referring to do NOT represent Judaism as a whole, not even Orthodox Judaism. Like the 212 rabbis that signed a “Torah” declaration that mandates all gay people attempt dangerous and irresponsible conversion or reparative “therapies” and simply ignores conclusions of medical and mental health professionals and the harm to people to those attempt to “change”, the rabbinic and community authorities that Pearl Perry Reich criticizes are standing on the wrong side of history, abusing their power to force others to conform to their beliefs and standards. The people that are behind this great injustice against mothers like Pearl are akin to those that spit on children in Israel, orthodox Jewish children that aren’t dressed as modest as certain extremists would likel; it’s a certain form of extremism that attempts to literally force people to accept what they believe as the only truth.

The really insidious part about maligning and dismissing Pearl Perry Reich and others like her who speak out against abuse as simply angry, hurt and unreasonable “victims” is that it only deflects attention from the more important points: Abuse does happen to people all the time, and we can’t ignore it. As someone who suffered abuse of power, I have been angry, and many people still lambaste me as someone who’s just angry and therefore shouldn’t be taken seriously. But, isn’t only natural to be angry about abuse and injustice? I cannot fathom how some are not infuriated by outrageous abuses of power and injustices. Instead their fury is misdirected at the people who have been abused by authority and have the courage to speak out. Survivors may very well be rightfully angry, but that does not diminish their claims. Nor does the fact that the truth may make some people “look” bad. If we were truly concerned about how we might “look” we would want to prevent abuse in our communities, and we certainly would not tolerated it or condone it by trying to discredit the brave survivors courageous enough to tell the truth, to call out the ones who hurt them and to call for justice and change.

As time goes by, more and more people are bravely and courageously coming forward about injustices done to them by the so-called “righteous”, who have been allowed to hide behind white shirts and black hats or the title of “rabbi”. We should all be thankful for their courage and honesty; I certainly am. Their honesty is not a crusade against Orthodox Judaism or even specific communities. It criticism of specific abuses that happen within communities, a call not to back and defend abusers allow them to continue operating behind the mask of religion — it is a altruistic call for justice. The harm experienced by those abused is not undone by speaking out, but, hopefully, others may be spared.

Pearl is not alone in her struggle. Another woman sent me a private message on my recent blog post on Pearl’s story and gave me permission to share her story anonymously:

I’m waiting two years for a get (Jewish divorce). My ex is absolutely refusing to give it. I’m frum (religious – orthodox) and a good mom. He doesn’t even have an interest in seeing my son; he will go for as long as 7 months with no contact whatsoever. He’s just refusing because he can. And, every single rabbi I went to says he doesn’t have to give it if he doesn’t want, and tough luck on me. And, these are “rabbonim (rabbis)” from across the board. I started trying to get help from within Lubavitch. They don’t care. I went to modern Orthodox, Yeshivish, Sephardic… They all say the same thing. That its better to live with an abusive guy than get divorced.So yes, Perry is right. It is a cult. But not just to those who try to leave it….

Others are being harmed by the same system that Pearl is taking a stand against. People’s bravery in standing up against abuse and injustice should not dismissed or diluted because some terminology used might seem offensive. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, and abuse and injustice should still be infuriating and intolerable however they might be (mis)identified. Personally, I would not call religion a cult on national television. For me, potentially loaded terminology can alienate open-minded Orthodox people and distract away from the real issue, which is not religion, but rather abuses abuse and injustice at the hands particular people who claim to be religious. Stories like Pearl Perry Reich’s, hopefully, will inspire change, help end abuse and give hope. That is the motivation for coming forward.

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Dan

    Too many ideas piled into one post.

  • batsheva

    Ameyn. Do Orthodox rabbis really say that it’s better to stay with an abusive spouse than to get divorced? That’s outrageous! Judaism is not Catholicism. We have NEVER forbidden divorce!

  • http://twitter.com/byepluto David Lerner

    To my mind, the vicious, personal attacks against Pearlperry Reich and Deborah Feldman are symptomatic of the deeply-rooted misogyny of Haredi & Hasidic Judaism. There are plenty of formerly religious women from all kinds of religions who write books or are involved in custody disputes. Rarely does one see the foam-flecked rage I am currently witness to.

    Like the author, I hope for change within the ultra-Orthodox communities, but the only way I see that happening is for people to start leaving in droves.

    • Telz Angel

      You think its ‘cuz they hate women? I thought it’s ‘cuz they hate the truth. Maybe we’re both right.

    • T

      Who says that the Modern Orthodox are immune to this? Remember mister head of NCSY who was too friendly with the kiddies? Lots of people came out in his defense. “Normal” frummies, not those crazy Charedis. A real chossid would never allow his child to step foot near an NCSY flyer, much less go to an event.

    • G*3

      I agree with Telz Angel. It’s not because they’re women, it’s because they’re badmouthing the community to the outside world. Even those who would agree with them in private will close ranks and defend their community.

    • Rebecca

      It’s called spiritual abuse, there are dozens of books written about it, and it happens in all religions. Sadly, the victims become more victimized when they fight back. It is a battle to get out and build a new life, but it can be done.

  • http://www.frumfemale.blogspot.com frum single female

    i agree with david lerner. shalom auslander did not grow up as religious as pearl reich or deborah feldman, but he is more anti- religious than the two of them put together. i don’t see any blogs complaining about him.

  • Orthodox Mechalel Shabbos

    What will be left for Chaim Levin to rave about when all the men are gay and all the women are divorced models. Hmm.

    Sham activism and attention-whoring at its worst.

    • A fan of CL

      leave Chaim Levin out of this. He is a beautiful person who is doing his best and going above and beyond to help those troubled and abused by the system. It aint easy. And if you were in his shoes, you would be hiding cowardly somewhere making snarky comments.

      • T

        “Sham activism and attention-whoring”???

        Excuse me while I retract my claws, cover my fangs, and attempt to respond in a constructive manner. Maybe you will learn a lesson or two. Or maybe you’d rather be shoved into a corner and given something to cry about?

        Would you accuse the Museum of Tolerance or Yad V’Shem Memorial of using “sham activism or attention-whoring”? These honorable institutions enabled the masses to comprehend the human suffering that was otherwise impossible to grasp. What about Zlata Filipovic’s diary of life in wartime Sarajevo from 1995? Remember that young girl’s memoir about the horrors of living through that kind of hell? Was she an attention-seeker bc she chose to share her story with the world? Ryan White? The hemophiliac boy who died from AIDS? He co-authored a book describing how he and his family were mistreated bc he had the “gay plague”? Was that an example of sham-activism?

        Maybe your definition of sham activism is speaking out against abuse, mistreatment, injustice. Maybe you have never felt the need to protect yourself, your body, your humanity, from a physical power greater than yourself. Maybe you did and you felt powerless to stop what was happening to you. Maybe you are angry at those who do speak out against injustice because you never did. Maybe you did and no one paid attention or cared enough.

        I’m sorry that you are afraid of those who are courageous enough to speak up. I am sad for you. You seem angry or confused about what is right and what is wrong and how to effectively solve such problems. I hope that you find the reasons for your desire to silence people who expose uncomfortable truths. I hear that Jewish Family Services has some good counseling services.

  • ben

    you know in the olden days, beit din would put the guy in cherem abd if that didnt work, they would send guys to beat him. if he didn’t give a get

    • T

      I gots me a baseball bat. Let’s go.

    • Guest

      “you know in the olden days, beit din would put the guy in cherem abd if that didnt work, they would send guys to beat him. if he didn’t give a get”

      They would also do that if you decided that you didn’t want to daven. Ah, the good old days.

      I don’t understand why people think that the beat-him option is a good solution. Wow, a brute squad sent by rabbis to solve a problem of their own making. Can’t wait to have that again!

      • T

        The woman put herself into the situation of being an agunah? She made her bed and should sleep in it? She’ll sleep in it as long as the dickhead is not allowed back in it.

    • Anonymous

      “they would send guys to beat him. if he didn’t give a get”

      lol. It still happens. Maybe not the beit din, but I’ve heard some awesome stories… ;)

  • emunah

    I’ve started to read this post with curiosity that died unfortunately after first paragraph. I hoped to find something that will challenge my view of PPR and the whole scandal. What I did find was only some ideology that is foreign to Judaism.

    “the rabbinic and community authorities that Pearl Perry Reich criticizes are standing on the wrong side of history, abusing their power to force others to conform to their beliefs and standards”

    Well my problem with Pearl Perry Reich is that she has zero credibility. The more so – I think that many abused women could feel offended by her attempt to speak on their behalf. So I think that those whom she is attacking can sleep well, because she is not a challenge for anybody. She is besmirching her former religion in order to defend herself in civil court. Personally I think that if she had a strong case she wouldn’t make so much noise. She is definitely afraid.

    There are many problems in the Jewish community, but her usage of the word ‘cult’ is ludicrous. What cult lets its former members to live freely for 5 years after escape? Anybody who is religious understands very well anguish of the father. For someone who is secular it’s harder to understand so I will present some analogy. Imagine that your ex-wife with whom your children live, publicly announces that she is going to do hard-core porn. Trailers of her movies appear on RedTube. You are concerned about healthy life-style and you have a strong suspicions that she feeds them total junk (like potato chips for breakfast). Moreover she started to practice some occultism and forces them to take part in satanic rituals. Now wouldn’t you be concerned?

    • Anonymous

      100 %

  • Michaltastik

    “aren’t dressed as modest as certain extremists would likel;”

    No, she’s not modest, even using very basic standards like her skirts barely cover any undies she may or may not be wearing. Even when I was a shiksa, I never dressed anywhere near as slutty as she is in most of thse pics. The closest I came was tight short shorts and a tank top. I didn’t show my cleavage, either.

    • http://www.kissamezuzah.blogspot.com Susan

      Heshy wasn’t commenting on whether or not she is modest. He said, “…akin to those that spit on children in Israel, orthodox Jewish children that aren’t dressed as modest as certain extremists would like”

      He was talking about supposedly religious men spitting on grade school children.

  • Michaltastik

    As for the agunah bit, I’m confused does this woman want a get that she can’t get? because I can’t see why she would need one and otherwise, does it have relevance here? I mean didn’t hesh post about the woman who went to live with her parents so her ex is pisses that he can’t get the kid erev Shabbos? Doesn’t the discussion of Agunot go there?

    Let’s be clear, I do think Orthodoxy is sexist but this woman, the way she is dressed is over the top. Feldman is fine. I think she wants sympahy from the goyim and they won’t give her sympathy for being called a whore when she’s dressed like one.

  • http://www.kosherunicorn.com Yisroel H.

    Really, Chaim? Are you really going to attempt, straight-faced, to use Pearl Perry Reich as an emblem for the mistreatment of women in the frum community? She’s promoting herself, not advancing a cause. Most abused women and agunot in the frum community don’t distribute headshots.

    Yisroel http://www.kosherunicorn.com

  • solatic

    I don’t know where these women are coming from. The get system is set up the way it is for the sole purpose of preventing a woman from being married to two guys if her first husband goes missing due to war etc.

    Men who voluntarily and arbitrarily decide not to give a get deserve to be beaten and otherwise tortured until they otherwise give the get
    Period. Batei Din that are not willing to sanction such actions are not doing their jobs and deserve to be criticized as misogynist and cultist in the media because such Batei Din no longer act according to Halacha and no longer represent any sort of mainstream Judaism, Orthodox or otherwise.

  • Rabbi Metrick

    >>The really insidious part about maligning and dismissing Pearl Perry Reich and others like her who speak out against abuse as simply angry, hurt and unreasonable “victims” is that it only deflects attention from the more important points:

    The problem is that I don’t see her as a victim. She does not want to be frum, that’s all. People go through this when they decided to go off the derech. But it does not make them a victim of the community. It is simply a byproduct of their choice to live like a non-Jew: she lives with another man even though she is an eishes ish, she clearly knows little, if anything, about Judaism (i.e., claiming that beged isha is made up construct among chassidim), and, although she has removed herself from the Jewish world for some six years, she still has a terrible accent and appears to know very little outside the narrow world of Chassidim (she could not even identify Boteach!).

    The biggest problem I have with her and her boyfriend is their lack of integrity. By claiming that everyone in Lakewood is forced to marry people they don’t want to marry is a blatant lie. Everyone goes out in the non-chassidish world. I don’t believe that Shaully has anywhere near the thousands of friends he claims to have, and it is somewhat absurd for him to claim that thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of men and women from his pathetic background, are all divorced and that they left their children with their frum ex-spouses because of community pressure. In addition, I find them very disrespectful, inarticulate, and immature.

    They refuse to take responsibility for their own actions. Instead, they
    lied about the entire Jewish community. That is why they do not deserve respect.

    I know people who went off the derech, I work with several older people who used to go to Yeshiva. But they have the wisdom to recognize why the bitterness they felt was in large part a result of their own immaturity. Shaul and Pearl are in their thirties; and they should grow up.

    • T

      Her abuse history does not qualify her as a victim?

      • Haddasah

        And how the hell do you know she was abused?

    • http://Twitter.com/byepluto David Lerner

      The only one distressed by her not knowing Boteach is Boteach…

  • Rabbi Metrick

    WHAT abuse history? How can we take her word for it when I, who was roomates with her husband, know that they went out at least twelve times before they became engaged?

    She lied over and over again in her interview. There is NO excuse for such wanton misconduct. She has absolutely no credibility.

    • T

      :::clapping::: I give you a standing ovation. Thank you so much for proving to all of us how important it is to continue speaking up and breaking the silence surrounding abuse. It is people like you who make this work SO important. So thank you.

  • Rabbi Metrick

    WHAT abuse history? How can we take her word for it when I, who was roomates with her husband, know that they went out at least twelve times before they became engaged?

    She lied over and over again in her interview. She has absolutely no credibility.

  • Another ex lakewooder

    Rabbi Metrick,

    The biggest disgrace and chilul Hashem here is when people like myself who grew up in Lakewood see people like you lying about what we all know happens in our communities.

    • Yehudis

      I’m not so sure you’re right. I grew up there myself and work as a therapist within the community so I see the dirt and it’s not remotely as dirty as any of you here make it sound.

      And I know Ms. Pearlperry and her parenting, relationship and living habits. I don’t want to malign her publicly like she did to my community, but let’s just say said habits are not very admirable

      • Haddasah

        Yehudid and Rabbi Metrick,
        I know perry for many years and was intensely involved with other askanim trying to help her and her husband sort things out. She confided in me alot, but Never once was I able to identify any remote signs of the “abuse’ she keeps on reffering to. They were simply incompatible. I went through a divorce myself, I was a victim of real abuse, and I would be the first to encourage any woman to flee from an abusive situation. She is simply vain, selfish, narcissistic,and wants to do whatever works for her. And I am saying this as her friend.

        • David Koster

          Haddasah, I am very close to PearlPerry. I would love to send you copies of the e-mails that she sent me. If you know how to reach her, ask her for permission and I will do so. I would very much like to help her. I have literally cried for her. Please contact me. My name is David Koster. My e-mail address is kidneygiver@aol.com and my phone number is 917-753-4131.

  • Tsnius

    Maybe this yiddishe neshomo should learn from her non jewish counterpart how to be modest and what life is about.

    http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/02/victorias-secret-model-quits-to-reserve-body-for-my-husband/

  • Another ex lakewooder

    If you are really a therapist (and I doubt a therapist would publicly talk about what she knows about someone online) then you know it is probably worse then we are making it sound here. Cut the bull-shit, if your only defense of your community is denying what goes on that is very sad

  • Rabbi Metrick

    >>The biggest disgrace and chilul Hashem here is when people like myself who grew up in Lakewood see people like you lying about what we all know happens in our communities.

    So let me get this straight: Are you insinuating that “we all KNOW” [emphasis mine] that everyone in Lakewood is forced to marry people they don’t even know at the age of 17? Or are you simply suggesting that we all “KNOW” that she was “ABUSED?” That is complete and utter hogwash.

    We know she’s a liar, we know she has no credibility. And absolutely noone is aware of any abuse she experienced in the Lakewood community. She lives in Lakewood, her kids go to school in Lakewood; where, exactly is the abuse?

    Cases of abuse in the frum community are rare; and even when they occur, I have found that woman and men are equally guilty of a
    abuse.

    You are probably not from Lakewood and you probably are not even frum. But, because you hate frum people, you would do anything to besmirch all of them in one broad stroke. I am not going to mother you and say, awww poor thing, you must have had a bad childhood. You are a liar; and, for that, you are the biggest disgrace not just to the Jewish people, but to mankind.

    • Another Ex lakewooder

      Rabbi Metrick,

      LOL! I went to Keren Hatorah on 2nd street for mesivta (I believe they moved since then) is that Lakewood enough for you?

      Stop with the straw men.

      You know that the vast majority of Yeshivish Lakewood people marry people without knowing who they are marrying based on the advice of their parents and Rabbeim. That’s what she was saying, everyone can see that.

      You know that the B”D system in Lakewood abuses their power in every way possible.

      You know that Rabbonim routinely threaten to throw children out of school because their parents do not conform to what they wish the people to be.

      Again your resorting to blatant disingenuous and untrue statements about what goes on in your community as a defense speaks volumes about how messed up your community really is.

      • Lex Luthor

        Ex lakewooder -

        You know that the vast majority of Yeshivish Lakewood people marry people without knowing who they are marrying based on the advice of their parents and Rabbeim.

        That is patently false. Yes, the vast majority does take advice from their parents and teachers, but the autonomy is their own. And you know full well that 99% do not marry the first person they go out with, even if on paper the shadchan and the parents thought it was a great idea, and that proves my point.

        • Another Ex Lakewooder

          Lex,

          Yeah, they come back from a date discuss it with their Rav or Parents who tell them if they should go out again or get engaged etc.
          The point is people are told who to marry without knowing the person they are “dating”, and there is tremendous pressure not to do the dating thing any other way.

          They go so far as to say that you shouldn’t expect to feel any feelings for the person you are “dating”. (Rabbi Pesach E falk even writes this in his book-I don’t remeber the page number)

          • Lex Luthor

            Rabbi Falk is not the rav of Lakewood, so his opinion is irrelevant. The rabbeim/rabbanim I know here say never to propose to a girl you feel nothing for her. And whether or not nine dates is enough to really know someone (and don’t forget all the research that is done beforehand) is up for debate, but to call that an arranged marriage or even to say that this person is only getting married to that person because of pressure from rabbeim or parents, is really unfair. That is especially considering the fact that the current shidduch system here allows one to go out with as many people as they like before saying yes.

            • Another ex lakewooder

              Lex,

              Again the point is if your parents or Rosh Yeshiva tell you to marry someone (and you are expected to consult with them)-you do so. You are also told that dating any other way is a terrible sin.

              Also do not forget that Chasidim are a whole lot stricter then yeshivishe Lakewood people.

              • Lex Luthor

                But the discussion here is not about chassidim, it’s about Lakewood. And the fact that the community expects one to use the “shidduch” process has nothing to do with the point that is coming across here – that Lakewood promotes arranged marriages. Arranged marriages have a certain connotation, and it lacks all nuance to lump the yeshivishe shidduch process into that category.

                • Another ex lakewooder

                  That connotation is that people are told to marry someone that somebody else thinks is good for them. This is exactly what happens in yeshivishe circles.

                  I brought up chasidim because that is were reich came from

                  • Guest

                    The OU marital satisfaction survey (see link to powerpoint) reports notably greater marital satisfaction amongst orthodox couples than comparable surveys done on adults in general society.

                    http://www.ou.org/community_services/video/marriage_satisfaction_survey_results

                    Hearing the comments on this thread, from people who are supposedly in the know, you would think that orthodox Jews have absolutely no idea how to date or get married. Stop bashing your people.

  • Eli Cohen

    This is my first post on this website so please don’t eat me for breakfast.
    My heart aches for people like Pearl and G-d knows my house is open to EVERYONE irrespective of their religious persuasion.
    It’s important to make sure that abuse stops on all levels, but is it not possible to speak without stereotyping on both sides? Can we not focus on the problems the Jewish community need to face up to without the demonizing of entire communities?
    My comments are not directed to Pearl or Deborah, my comments are directed at those who are spectators/ commentators. We all feel that we want to bring a change for the better, but will that change come by driving an unnecessary wedge in between people?
    Let’s respect individuals and communities for what they are. The mitzvah of U’vearto Hora M’Kirbecho presupposes that generally speaking the community is made up of good people who want to do the right thing.
    I believe that we can respect each other enough to defend each others G-d given freedom to choose. There’s one key that I believe will help heal the unnecessary divisiveness among Jews and that is SENSITIVITY. That’s all it takes to avoid unnecessary heart ache. We all know how it hurts to be maligned, ridiculed, cursed at, hated and humiliated and I don’t believe any of us like it. So why do it to others? Why not be sensitive enough to appreciate that there are other views out there?
    Anyway enough pontificating from me. I’m just crying ‘cos I see so much unnecessary rife in our communities. Differences won’t ever go away, but the hate doesn’t need to stay….. yeah yeah, I know… peace love and woodstock …. What can I do? I’m a hippy at heart.
    A Freilichen Purim

  • Bullshit

    she is definetly leaving out details

  • dk

    Chaim Levin and Smuli Boteach are absolute morons because they shoot their mouths off based on what they see on TV. It seems to be the new OTD shtick to blame everything on “forced marriages”. What forced marriage? Perry went out many times and she had whatever she wanted in life. There are many people in Lakewood who can testify to this.

    The only thing she didn’t have was 10 men on top of her, but now she has plenty of it. She hugs and kisses her boyfriends (including a shvartza) in front of the kids, (among other things) and the second she gets divorced Shaoly Grossman will drop her like a used condom. He only likes her when she’s married.

  • Anonymous

    As someone in her neighborhood, the world is being offered a very one-sided view of this woman. There are many of us, who were completely objective to this marriage, who tried to offer PearlPerry support and assistance during her trying times. Instead we were snubbed, lied to, and bad mouthed. We got to see and continue to see how this woman, who is a fabulous actress, can turn the victim into the agressor and vice versa.
    We, her neighbors, get to see how her children are abandoned while she gallivants with men, how her house became a whore house of sorts with men and couples coming and going at all hours, while the odors of smoke of various substances permeates the air, heavy drinking is seen, many a time while the children are home.
    One of my friends watched as her daughter arrived home from school with NO ONE answering the door ON A FREEZING WINTER DAY and this frail child waited on the doorstep FOR OVER AN HOUR. This neighbor could do nothing for, as in the past, we who tried to help the family end up suffering i.e. she’d have ended up with kidnapping charges or something else preposterous.
    Another neighbor had a babysitter ring her bell frantically that the woman she was babysitting for (namely, PearlPerry) was long supposed to have been home and she had to leave out of town and the mother still hadn’t returned and was not answering cell phone calls.(Her son commented at the time, “She just doesn;t want to answer the phone.” This neighbor offered to take the children in and of course, the end results weren’t pretty.
    We initially took no sides in this ugly battle and we still don’t, but we do see a woman whom we tried to befriend become a demon, a woman who consistently parties at the expense of her children, a woman who is trying to rally the public’s pity when she carries on with multiple men at all odd hours. A woman who is very proud of the fact that she has now “lived up to the names she was called” and became a whore. NO ONE should cast judgement on this marriage based on reading this piece; what is true or false about the past, we cannot judge and I never attempt to do so. BUT IN THE PRESENT, PEARLPERRY REICH IS A WOMAN WHOSE HOME HAS BECOME A WHORE HOUSE WITH CHILDREN LIVING INSIDE!!!! THIS IS NOT THE APPROPRIATE ENVIRONMENT FOR ANY CHILD OF ANY RELIGION!! THEY SHOULD NOT BE EXPOSED TO SUCH PARTYING AND GALLIVANTING AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE!! DON’T PITY PEARLPERRY REICH, SHE IS HAPPY DOING WHAT SHE IS DOING, PITY THE CHILDREN WHO ARE GROWING UP SO CONFUSED AND TORN AND PRAY THAT THEY GROW UP HEALTHY, WHOLESOME, PRODUCTIVE, SUCCESSFUL INDIVIDUALS.
    I welcome you to add this side to the story!!

  • Abraham

    Heshy, it is interseting that although that you are covering Chareidy perspective in the context of Perry Reich, it is interesting that you make no reference to http://therealperryreich.com/ and http://therealperryreich.com/?p=55. There are candid and revealing comments from Chareidi frum people, that I think, given the coverage their outlook gets on this blog, is worth a mention. I assume you have just not seen it.

    • Guest

      The authors of that website are douchebags. Next topic.

  • I hate when ppl make up stories

    All I have to say is that some of the people here, again, are making blanket statements about communities they don’t know.
    I personally know many divorced young and middle aged women who got their ‘get’ without any issues. I won’t say I know everyone’s stories, but most rabbi’s will consider it the most important duty, to ensure that women get free.

  • Jacquelyn

    you bring out the main point that i see MISSING amongst all the anger and hatred- where is her ex? WHY has he not given a get??? he could easily give a get against he will with the signatures of Rabbis, but is obviously holding back for some reason other than “holding her back”, since the lack of divorce is not holding her back at all if she is dating. is he being blackmailed? is he simply stupid? whose fault will it be WHEN, not if, this ends up with a mamzer/mamzerim produced??? answer: her ex. She is raising her kids, she should continue raising them, yes even in a house allegedly full of instability/immorality and whatever else you all accuse. She is a MOM and as a fellow mother, there is no bigger pain than losing children. Once she gets a divorce and things settle down, things will be stable. Her husband should have them on shabbossim and be a father if he wants. All those blaming her issues on “mental illness”, SHAME on you all, if she has bipolar or whatever else you say you all should have been/should be supporting her to get help, not blaming her. Most with bipolar or other forms of mental illness do great on medication and therapy and are able to contribute to the community. Stop blaming everything/ everyone, go find her husband, and picket him to give a get. period.

    As for PearlPerry herself, SHAME ON YOU for maligning my religion, making it seem like we are ALL miserable, repressed and hateful. This religion will not be better when all Orthodox people leave; it will be better when people MAKE IT BETTER themselves. That is why I stick around and identify as frum, and why you should too. None of us are perfect, and it is a grand minority who are perpetrators of abuse and massive hillul hashem. “But i’m not frum/hasidic anymore” does not help, and it underestimates the power of the individual. Making a further chillul hashem going on dr. phil, or writing a book full of insulting lies to try to get the world around you to help does NOTHING but make you look immature and/or the world around you think badly of Jews in general. they could care less that you are no longer hassidic or frum, and they could care less about you.

    want to expose real, actual abuse and illegal activity? GO TO THE POLICE. dr phil and writing a book will not help. your families being incredibly dysfunctional does not mean that you should be wallowing in pity and victimhood, or expecting your local Rabbi to change that.

    want to be empowered, and empower your children to change our society? be a mature example, teach them right, be a parent who is there for them, and find a leader who you do feel can help you change religious society for the better. Start your own school; be an example for your community to be proud of; take in kids who are “different”, bullied or not, and make them feel good. Find out what you can do to support victims of rape and sexual abuse, there are havens and organizations within the Jewsih community for them. Raise funds for the shelter for battered women (which i have worked in, and they are fully stocked with kosher food and provisions to help, btw), and spread awareness for empowerment. GROW UP. Stop the badmouthing and the victimizing.

  • Rabbi Metrick

    >>You know that the vast majority of Yeshivish Lakewood people marry people without knowing who they are marrying based on the advice of their parents and Rabbeim. That’s what she was saying, everyone can see that.

    That is blatantly untrue. Short of living together, the average yeshiva guy knows his kallah quite well.

    >>You know that the B”D system in Lakewood abuses their power in every way possible.

    You are entitled to your opinion, but not to your own facts. This is an allegation that no one can know because it exists in your imagination.

    >>You know that Rabbonim routinely threaten to throw children out of school because their parents do not conform to what they wish the people to be.

    No, I do not do this. But because you claim this is “routine” I ask that you provide me with only 100 documented exmaples of such cases. This would indicate that 10 percent of families in Lakewood went through this, btw.
    >>Again your resorting to blatant disingenuous and untrue statements about what goes on in your community as a defense speaks volumes about how messed up your community really is.

    I am not sure what you mean. So far, the only individual who made “blatantly disingenuous and untrue statements” is you. You are clearly not from Lakewood and hate frum people. That’s your problem. But lying won’t get you anywhere. That is, in the end, the final lesson of the Reich and Feldman stories.

    • Another ex lakewooder

      Ok sure! I am not going to take the time to get a list of 100 such instances but here are a few that are known to the public I could write a whole bunch more that wer made privately as well but I cannot mention the family names of those involved without their permission:

      Remember the letter sent out to the entire town when blue claws stadium opened?
      Remember the letters and public proclamations made about Internet?
      Remember the threats made when Hershkowitz tried running against the candidate that BMG promoted that was published online?

      As far as knowing their kallah the average yeshivishe bochur is told to speak to his fiancé no more then twice a week for about an hour or so after meeting her between 5-9 times for a couple hours at most, so your claim about them knowing each other very well is kind of unbeleivable

      • Anonymous

        And the secular guys who know their kallahs “very very well”, they have great marriages right?

  • Efraim

    I want to know what she means when she writes on her website, (www.saveperryskids.com/)
    “I’m not looking to go on an “all out” war campaign and drag every piece of dirty laundry into the public domain,
    —>>> only to see houses crumbling all around. <<<—

    I think this lady has a bomb that can ruin 'many people lives'– Sad

  • Efraim

    Oh and BTW Shauly her boyfriend wrote the song “Ich viltz su zein a rebbe” while he was religious, (dont know if he was divorced yet) he had friends, he was good friends with Lipa Shmeltzer,– He seemed to be having a good time, even while frum.
    He cant blame his life on the ‘pressures….’
    You can blame going OTD because of the nisyonoes out there– wherever we are– but that is not what we call restricted.

  • efraim

    Sorry- one last post–
    Think about the comment”—>>> only to see houses crumbling all around. <<<—"
    i think she wants to try to get money from those who ever had to do with her to 'keep her mouth quiet'-
    She definitely has a right too! and if those guys were smart– they better help her out…
    and learn from your mistakes… Soif Ganev Letliah, you will get caught- and everyone will find out all about it– don't do something that you will regret later.

  • Anonymous

    Did you see the chasidic woman on Dr Phil who tells perry that she’s beautiful? What does that have to do with anything?

  • Rabbi Metrick

    >>Ok sure! I am not going to take the time to get a list of 100 such instances but here are a few that are known to the public I could write a whole bunch more that wer made privately as well but I cannot mention the family names of those involved without their permission:

    Thank you for the inelegant lie. There are no 100 families; and for you to suggest that this is routine is nothing short of slander. Your complete disregard for honesty speaks volumes about your character.

    >>Remember the letter sent out to the entire town when blue claws stadium opened?
    Please name one child thrown out og school in connection with letter.

    >> Remember the letters and public proclamations made about Internet?

    Please name one child thrown out og school in connection with letter.

    >>Remember the threats made when Hershkowitz tried running against the candidate that BMG promoted that was published online?

    Finally your examples of routine ended up being one.

    >>As far as knowing their kallah the average yeshivishe bochur is told to speak to his fiancé no more then twice a week for about an hour or so after meeting her between 5-9 times for a couple hours at most, so your claim about them knowing each other very well is kind of unbeleivable

    Are they forced to marry them? No. And that is the point: they lied. The Actress Who Never Acted And Can Hardly Speak English Coherently thus lied on public television about an entire Jewish community to advance her unremarkable case (but paradoxically sinister agenda).

    I speak with many chassanim. I am not aware of one who does not know his future spouse very well. I ask that you provide census information to back up you allegations as to how often these young couples go out (you are way off). Absent that, once again, all you have is a bunch of lies.

    But then again, what would a washed out bum like you care about integrity?Lies clearly mean nothing to you, as you easily pardon every lie Perry made.

  • Another ex lakewooder

    Rabbi Metrick,

    You asked for documented proof that Rabbonim routinely threaten to throw children out of school if their parents do not listen to them and I provided you with 3 documented cases. 2 of the cases I provided you with were made to the general public! I know of many other cases were this threat was made privately as well but being that they were not done publicly I cannot provide documented proof to all of them.

    About the forcing to marry thing; see the back and forth I had with lex Luther above. Also how many times would you say the average yeshivishe couple goes out before they get married, since you say my amount is a “lie”?

    As an aside your calling someone you do not know the kinds of names you are calling me speaks more about your character then it does mine. Also the disgusting attacks on perry reich calling her evreything from a drug dealer to a whore being made online by her opponents speaks volumes about them as well.

  • Anonymous

    WOW! I’m so jealous of Shaoly Grossman. He has a married woman for a girlfriend!

  • Rabbi Metrick

    I wrote at the onset that I am not going to sympathize with you; I will not excuse your disgusting behavior because you have a bad childhood. You and you alone are responsible for what you write.

    And I kept my word.

    You made three ridiculously generalized charges. Among those three things, you wrote, explicitly, that “Rabbonim routinely threaten to throw children out of school because their parents do not conform to what they wish the people to be.” I asked for 100 examples, which is far frou routine, but still fairly often enough to lend credence to your untenable position. Instead, you could only produce three instances. As you readily concede, these incidences are hardly routine. You lied. And you are being called out for being a liar. No one is going to excuse that. And it is at the height hpocrisy to expect me to treat you more leniently than the very community you so viciously slandered.

    I do not care to read your silly arguments with anyone else about the issue of marriage. Perry lied by saying on public television that everyone in Lakewood is forced to marry people against their will. There is no quibbling about this fact. Of course, you hate frum people, so, hey, what do you care about the truth?

    But I will reiterate: I will not have any rachmanus on you. You are a liar. You will be treated like one.

    • Another Ex Lakewooder

      Rabbi Metrick,

      I provided you with publicly documented cases of what I wrote about, if it makes you feel better that I didn’t bring you “100 documented cases” then good for you. I have not conceded anything it is routine and if you actually are from Lakewood you know this.

      If you are actualy from Lakewood you know that evreything I wrote is true and as I said in my first comment when people from Lakewood read these comments (and they do) seeing that the only defense that the proponents of their community have left is to lie and distort facts in order to prevent a Chilul Hashem is a huge turn off

    • wallwatcher

      This guy’s a serious troll- let him starve

  • Another Ex Lakewooder

    Rabbi Metrick,

    Again, How many times would you say the average yeshivishe couple goes out before they get married, since you say my amount is a “lie”?

    • Haddasah

      what is so complex? Just look at the divorce rate, and unstable marriages in the secular world, and compare! Obviously, we are doing something right!

  • Mendy

    I feel that there is a big miscummunication going on. I can only speak for myself when I say this, but this is the problem:
    Many people agree that there is abuse of power and women in the frum community. Many people will also admit that there is a cult like mindset by many in the frum community. However, if you want to bring attention to an issue you need to stay credible and be honest. My best friend (who is not chradi and is in Columbia) knows both Devorah and Perry (Yes I’m sure many people make this statement but I have no reason to lie) and Both of them are liers and manipulators. I don’t trust a word they say. I would not have a problem if someone who is credible would come out as long as they stick to facts and speak the truth.

  • Rabbi Metrick

    Rabbi Metrick,

    >>I provided you with publicly documented cases of what I wrote about, if it makes you feel better that I didn’t bring you “100 documented cases” then good for you. I have not conceded anything it is routine and if you actually are from Lakewood you know this.

    I have been living in Lakewood for two decades. I am unaware of any story save the three documented stories you produced. You made a claim that something was routine, and you now admit that you lied. Deal with it.

    >>If you are actualy from Lakewood you know that evreything I wrote is true an
    Actually, I dont believe you are from Lakewood. I believe you simply hate frum people and that your hatred has seriously clouded your judgment.

    >>And as I said in my first comment when people from Lakewood read these comments (and they do) seeing that the only defense that the proponents of their community have left is to lie and distort facts in order to prevent a Chilul Hashem is a huge turn off

    But the only liar here is you. You are the one trying to CREATE a chillul Hashem by lying. All I am doing is pointing out that you claimed things are routine and then conceded that it only happened three times in the last fifty years. That’s pathetic.

    You are turned off, so you hope everyone else would be turned off, too. That’s your problem. But so long as you lie about it, people will be there; and they will expose you for the worthless liar you are.

  • Another Ex Lakewooder

    Rabbi Metrick,

    You are either delusional or a troll! I have not admitted to lying and have clearly said I stand by what I said!!!

    You unreasonably demand 100 documented case to beleive what I said and then when I “only” provide you with three documented cases you claim I admitted to lying. I clearly said I know of many more cases personally but being that they are not publicly known cases I will not mention the people’s names.

    You actually lie and obfuscate to try to make your opponent look like a liar, in writing right here!!!!!!!

    Also for the third time since you claim I am lying about how many times yeshivishe couples go out can you please tell us what the correct number is?

  • Rabbi Metrick

    Rabbi Metrick,

    >>You are either delusional or a troll! I have not admitted to lying and have clearly said I stand by what I said!!!

    How can you claim that something happens routinely if you cannot come up with more than three occassions in over 60 years>

    >>You unreasonably demand 100 documented case to beleive what I said and then when I “only” provide you with three documented cases you claim I admitted to lying. I clearly said I know of many more cases personally but being that they are not publicly known cases I will not mention the people’s names.

    Please, what a ridiculous excuse. Stop insulting yourself and everyone else here with such hogwash. If something is routine, you can prove it with at least 100 documented cases. If you cannot, it cannot be argued that it is in the vincinty of routine. I also admire your “concern” for some people but not an entire community whose integrity and way of life is a source of derision for you.

    >>You actually lie and obfuscate to try to make your opponent look like a liar, in writing right here!!!!!!!

    What delicious irony: caught in the helpless web of your deceit, you suggest that the messanger who documented your lies is lying. Qoq.

    >>Also for the third time since you claim I am lying about how many times yeshivishe couples go out can you please tell us what the correct number is?

    Unless you took a reasonable poll, or establish your point of measure for making your ridiculous claim, it cannot be argued that your numbers are accurate. You lied. But your lie pales in comparioson to Perry’s lie. Once again, she claimed that EVERYONE in Lakewood is forced to marry people they dont like. That is the issue.

    • Another Ex Lakewooder

      Rabbi Metrick,
      Really?

      “What delicious irony: caught in the helpless web of your deceit, you suggest that the messanger who documented your lies is lying. Qoq.”

      Who the hell even talks like that???? I’ll save my breath for a sane person!

      • Devorah

        And once again Rabbi Metrick does not answer the question about how many times a Lakewood couple goes on a date….

        Oh, and someone else posted above that they would support women coming out with their stories if only they told the truth and didn’t lie….
        I don’t know either of the two women mentioned and am not commenting on their stories, but as this whole comment string should prove, one man’s truth is another’s lie. So I doubt you will ever be able to find anyone who’s story is totally uncontested by anyone. Especially given the vested interest that always exists in these situations.

  • nuc

    is this women waiting 2 yrs sholis wife?…..?

    • A fan of CL

      No. I am not. I am not from the Chassidish world and was not in a forced or arranged marriage.

  • JFK

    you bring out the main point that i see MISSING amongst all the anger and hatred- where is her ex? WHY has he not given a get??? he could easily give a get against he will with the signatures of Rabbis, but is obviously holding back for some reason other than “holding her back”, since the lack of divorce is not holding her back at all if she is dating. is he being blackmailed? is he simply stupid? whose fault will it be WHEN, not if, this ends up with a mamzer/mamzerim produced??? answer: her ex. She is raising her kids, she should continue raising them, yes even in a house allegedly full of instability/immorality and whatever else you all accuse. She is a MOM and as a fellow mother, there is no bigger pain than losing children. Once she gets a divorce and things settle down, things will be stable. Her husband should have them on shabbossim and be a father if he wants. All those blaming her issues on “mental illness”, SHAME on you all, if she has bipolar or whatever else you say you all should have been/should be supporting her to get help, not blaming her. Most with bipolar or other forms of mental illness do great on medication and therapy and are able to contribute to the community. Stop blaming everything/ everyone, go find her husband, and picket him to give a get. period.

    As for PearlPerry herself, SHAME ON YOU for maligning my religion, making it seem like we are ALL miserable, repressed and hateful. This religion will not be better when all Orthodox people leave; it will be better when people MAKE IT BETTER themselves. That is why I stick around and identify as frum, and why you should too. None of us are perfect, and it is a grand minority who are perpetrators of abuse and massive hillul hashem. “But i’m not frum/hasidic anymore” does not help, and it underestimates the power of the individual. Making a further chillul hashem going on dr. phil, or writing a book full of insulting lies to try to get the world around you to help does NOTHING but make you look immature and/or the world around you think badly of Jews in general. they could care less that you are no longer hassidic or frum, and they could care less about you.

    want to expose real, actual abuse and illegal activity? GO TO THE POLICE. dr phil and writing a book will not help. your families being incredibly dysfunctional does not mean that you should be wallowing in pity and victimhood, or expecting your local Rabbi to change that.

    want to be empowered, and empower your children to change our society? be a mature example, teach them right, be a parent who is there for them, and find a leader who you do feel can help you change religious society for the better. Start your own school; be an example for your community to be proud of; take in kids who are “different”, bullied or not, and make them feel good. Find out what you can do to support victims of rape and sexual abuse, there are havens and organizations within the Jewsih community for them. Raise funds for the shelter for battered women (which i have worked in, and they are fully stocked with kosher food and provisions to help, btw), and spread awareness for empowerment. GROW UP. Stop the badmouthing and the victimizing.

  • Sailor

    It is unbelievable that no one has put forward a chang in the practice of requiring a get! In this modern dany and age of equal rights, why should the misognistic concept be tolerated by the Jewish community?

  • Rabbi Metrick

    >>Who the hell even talks like that???? I’ll save my breath for a sane person!

    What a great way to avoid substance. Once again, you lied; you were called out for it. And now you have nothing to write in defense, save a pathetic excuse for an ad hominum attack.

    Best of luck with everything. But here are two lessons: First, because it is clear that no one taught you this before: for your own sake, don’t lie, it only hurts your cause. Second, not every story is going to help your anti-frum cause. If Perry was diagnosed with a serious personality disorder and if it is indeed true (and I am still looking into it) that a court appointed specialist recommended that she should not have custody of her children, then this is a lot more than your convenient “Child could not handle school so he went off the Derech” story. As her husband’s roomate, I know she went out with her husband twelve times. She lied that she was forced to marry him against her will and that she did not meet him more than two times. She lied that the entire Lakewood is forced to marry people they never go out with more than once. Her boyfriend–who, incidentally, does not appear to care for the fact that he is living with an eishes ish– lied that THOUSANDS of people are forced to leave their faith and their children behind. These are dishonest, immoral people. One of them has apparently been diagnosed by a professional as being unwell. I understand that you hate Jews so much that you would distort reality just to poke at them. But their story is not true. And your attempt to bolster their creativity by insulting me and the entire frum community at large is not going to help you or your message.

    Once again, best of luck.

  • Rabbi Metrick

    >>Who the hell even talks like that???? I’ll save my breath for a sane person!

    What a great way to avoid substance. Once again, you lied; you were called out for it. And now you have nothing to write in defense, save a pathetic excuse for an ad hominum attack.

    Best of luck with everything. But here are two lessons: First, because it is clear that no one taught you this before: for your own sake, don’t lie, it only hurts your cause. Second, not every story is going to help your anti-frum cause. If Perry was diagnosed with a serious personality disorder and if it is indeed true (and I am still looking into it) that a court appointed specialist recommended that she should not have custody of her children, then this is a lot more than your convenient “Child could not handle school so he went off the Derech” story. As her husband’s roomate, I know she went out with her husband twelve times. She lied that she was forced to marry him against her will and that she did not meet him more than two times. She lied that the entire Lakewood is forced to marry people they never go out with more than once. Her boyfriend–who, incidentally, does not appear to care for the fact that he is living with an eishes ish– lied that THOUSANDS of people are forced to leave their faith and their children behind. These are dishonest, immoral people. One of them has apparently been diagnosed by a professional as being unwell. I understand that you hate Jews so much that you would distort reality just to poke at them. But their story is not true. And your attempt to bolster their creativity by insulting me and the entire frum community at large is not going to help you or your message.

    Once again, best of luck. Seriously.

    • Another ex lakewooder

      Rabbi Metrick

      I did not lie. I brought you documented cases to prove that what I am saying is true. I accurately stated the amount of times the average yeshivishe couple meet before they get married. You keep saying ridiculous things like you know that I am not from Lakewood and refusing to answer my points. Therefore I think you are either a troll or a lunatic and frankly I have no interest in having a discussion with either. You know what I am saying is true anyone reading this who is or was part of the yeshivishe community in Lakewood knows it is true. Your silly denials and lies really hurt your cause.

  • Another ex lakewooder

    Rabbi Metrick,
    One more point and then I am done unless you coherently address the points I am making.

    Perry reich never said or insinuated in the Dr Phil segment that everyone in Lakewood meets their spouse only once. You either didn’t actually watch the segment,are lying or misunderstood something that was said.

    I happen to be frum despite the disgusting, repulsive and immoral wag the leaders and batei din in Lakewood were I grew up conduct themselves. So stop this nonsense about “hating frum people”. The fact that someone hates the scum who call themselves Rabbonim and Dayanim in the cesspool that is Lakewood does not mean they hate all frum people.

    • someone who knows

      Um… anyone who is or was part of the community knows? I am and I don’t… I respect most of the rabbis here very much and I think your opinions are colored by whatever sordid experiences you’ve endured at their hands… Probably a majority of the people on this site agree with you, but NOT a majority of the people who know Lakewood, or any frum community for that matter

  • RYT

    First of all; let me go on record as NOT being from the community!
    It’s incredible how so many can malign her husband, her community, her religion w/o knowing anything of the case or of her, not to mention Halachah or law.
    Since last week Sun, I have decided to find out what is the truth. I have spent well over 100hrs doing that & found that everything her neighbor said IS TRUE & so much more (I think, I might know who you are, from the way you write). BTW, The shvartze mentioned also just happenes to be a muslim. I have interviewed over 60 of her classmates-neighbors etc. & what i heard would make a red heifer blush, & that doesn’t include manipulation etc. The only abuse came from her towards her husband!!!!!!!!!
    I will reveal what I have come up with, because I would not want to jeprodize her husbands case, but just a couple of things; any clue as who used to be called “the westgate hooker” as far as 7 yrs ago? All you know it alls; any clue as to how many police officers she is having her way with? Or what their names are? Of course not!!! Was she really naive when she met her husband? or is there a Russian that is currently living in E. Yisroel that she had an ongoing affair with before she met her husband? Didn’t her husband drop the Shidduch & it was she that cried to him to actually marry? Didn’t he leave her a few yrs ago & again had her crying to him to return? So she was NOT stuck in a marriage that she didn’t want.
    As to why he is not giving a get? Any decent Dayan, Rav, or lawyer, will advise a man not to give one UNTIL there is also a civil divorce. No ifs ands or buts!! That is to protect the husband from being dragged through the system for millenia.
    As to the issue of forcing a Get; if you do that, the Get is not Kosher according to the Torah (not a Chassidishe or Yeshivishe thing) & you also can’t force the wife to take a Get & there are many more women that don’t want to take one then there are men that don’t want to give one. Legally, as well in some states; If “either” side doesn’t want a divorce, it is almost impossible to get divorced. (NY being one of those states).
    I also fail to see why taking the children away from fathers is ok, but taking them from the mother would be a cardinal crime?! B”H the courts have started to change & will in many cases treat both much more on an equal footing & just award physical custody to the better parent.

    As for Shauly; he is a low life that only preys on women that have issues & then after he has destoyed their lives & made them lose custody of their children, he dumps them. Yes, she is not the first! So if any one out there knows her well enough & can speak with her , it would nice if you would warn her. He is the worst scum on this planet. The Binyan Tziyon in the T’shuvas writes on his ilk Yimach Sh’moi V’zichroi

    Last but not least; She was not shunned by the community & her husband had zero help till she went on the dr. Phil show. She was the one that made it public.

    • Another Ex Lakewooder

      RYT,

      Wether or not she was mezaneh is nobody’s business but her Husband’s and God’s. Having an affair is no reason to lose custody of your children. Telling a women that since she was Mezaneh she cannot recieve a Get untill she signs a paper giving the Husband full custody is disgusting.

      If the “Rabbonim” gave a darn about Chilul Hashem and Eishes Ish they would DEMAND that if a women is not living with her husband she recieve a get immediatly. A Get will not dissolve the civil marriage and the Husband can still go to court for custody and /or assets if they cannot work evreything out themselves like evrey other American. If the wife agrees they can also submit to a B”D for Arbitration of custody and assets after the Get is given as well.

      The rabbonim who make women wait years-which is what the Arbitration process can take in a B”D living on her own-and then scream OY SHE IS A ZONAH!!!! when she starts sleeping around are the biggest stinking hypocrites I have ever seen, and clearly do not care for Hashem’s honor that according to them is disgraced when an Eishes Ish is mezaneh

  • tzvi

    please consider joining to save these kids. and please add your friends. thank you all. http://www.facebook.com/groups/SaveSinaisKids/

    • Another ex lakewooder

      Tzvi,
      That group simply puts up any picture they can find of perry dressed untzniusdickly. Of course they are only posting these pictures to “save the kids”. There are few things that are as sickening as fake piety. If you want to look at a compilation of photos of perry reich modeling go ahead and do so-stop pretending you are doing it lshem shamayim.

  • RYT

    Another Ex Lakewooder

    First of all it seems like you never Shteigd or Kvetched away, which probably explains why you became an ex (mind you, I can’t stand Lakewood). If you would have learned just a bit, you would know & believe that we all should care what others do. Ever heard of “Kol Yisroel Chavairim Zeh Lozeh”? Did you also know that when Yidden do Avairois, everyone gets hurt? So cut the baloney!!! Personally, I don’t care how many Aishes Ishes you “slept” with, although it would hurt me if I knew, because you are my brother. However, I do care if you “will” sleep w/a Aishes Ish. What you wrote about B”D not taking being M’zaneh into account though, is wrong for 2 reasons. 1) Start learning & you will see that according to the Toirah, which means Hashem (I hope you believe in him), it should be taken into account. You can start with Tanach & cont through Mishnayois-G’moro-Tur-Shulchan Oruch & T’shuvois & you will see that it should be so. (If you never got past the first Daf, I can sit down & learn w/you). 2) I know it’s hard to believe, but even the Goiyishe court system takes it into account! Also, she didn’t sleep w/1 person, but rather w/untold #’s of men from all stripes, colors, occupations & religions. so this issue is mute even in court as she isn’t having an affair but is rather promiscuous & any court anywhere, even the most liberal, would take it into account.
    Can you please tell me which B”D ever told a woman that since she was M’zaneh, she must sign away her kids in order to receive a Get? That has never happened, period!
    Your point of worrying for her Z’nus all of a sudden, is laughable, but to respond to that, I again have to bring up the words of Hashem clearly stated in his Holy Toiroh, where it states in cases such as this; “Halitaihu Lorosho V’yomus”!!! This has always been the Halocho when there was a situation of maybe saving a person from doing Avairois B’maizid! (let’s not even speak of some of the men who only do it w/her because she’s married & especially shauly, who would upon her divorce look for another married woman & work to destroy her & her marriage).
    For everyone complaining about how long it takes to receive a Get; It doesnt take longer then picking up a phone & scheduling to come down, which can sometimes be done the same day, if the Soifer is available!!! Fighting over everything else, is what takes time, just as it does in civil court. The Get itself is much quicker then the divorce itself.
    Which part of not giving a Get until there is also didn’t you understand? Any decent lawyer (I’m leaving out the Rabbonim< since you have an issue w/them), will advise his client NOT to give a Get until there has also been a divorce, in order to save himself lots of anguish later on.

    HASHIVAINU HASHEM AILECHO V'NOSHUVO

    • Another ex lakewooder

      (Sigh) ok and now come the personal attacks.

      The signing over custody thing has been said in public by Rabbi Roth of B”D maysharim in Lakewood.

      As I said in my first comment if the so called Rabbonim really cared about the issur of aishes ish they would make sure that a young married women who is living alone has a get. There is no way the women having a get can “hold things up” unless the get is being used to force the women to comply with a Psak B”D.

      The phrase is kol Yisroel areivim zeh lezeh not “chaveirim”.

      I have no idea were you got that I have been mezaneh with an eishes ish.

  • RYT

    Sorry! that should have read “Araivim Zeh Lozeh” and not Chavairim

    • Another ex lakewooder

      Just to clarify what I am saying is that if you and the Rabbonim and Dayanim really cared about married women being mezaneh they would make sure that women are not left stuck with the status of eishes ish for years while unable to receive the satisfaction that any human being needs. If you put a young good looking women into such a position she will in many cases be mezaneh, it is human nature. And knowing that if an eishes ish being mezaneh REALLY pained you and them as much as is claimed they would make sure it cannot happen-by making sure that any women living alone for a significant amount of time has a get.

      It’s really simple logic

  • Brainless Classless Reich!

    Ms Reich says: “It is an undeniable fact that I very well may lose custody of these four precious treasures for whom I would sacrifice my own life”.

    Are you saying, Ms Reich, whether right or wrong, that you were unaware of potentially losing your children when you decided to leave your husband and religious observance which you agreed to, when marrying him?

    Why did it take four children to figure out the extreme abuse you bemoan? Something dont smell right. Even Hasidic Rabbis allow birth control when there are extreme compatibility problems which endanger the marital relationship!!! Why didnt you take some? Your husband wouldnt have known!!! Dummy Reich!

    Are you saying, whether right or wrong, that further down your timeline, when you decided to bare the bulk of your body, and enable appearance of such pictures all over the internet, you still were unaware of potentially losing your children? What will you bare next for more attention?

    What planet are you living in?

    So you’re looking to be a pioneer, a Hasidic woman turned classless model a la Playboy!, but this pioneering was at the risk, whether right or wrong, of losing your kids.

    You had to be aware.

    “for whom I would sacrifice my own life”. Ohhhhhhh really.

    Anyone who believes that, needs hospitalization!

    The enclosed picture says it all. The woman looks more like a tiger than a woman.

    That boyfriend of hers, sans skullcap, cant get rid of that accent that Im sure he despises. Poor thing! Take some speech courses, you guys.
    ~~~~
    Are those looking to point fingers at Orthodox and Hasidic Rabbis, looking for ugly abusive situations in other communities at the same time? They exist universally. No one place or religion, or form of religion is immune.

  • How stoooooopid can u get?

    Only Footsteps participants are out of touch and seething enough hatred of the Orthoox community to think they can yell abuse, when theyre irresponsible enough to have not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 kids and then yell extreme abuse and expect others to believe it.

    Did the ex-husband monitor every move of hers, perhaps locking her into a closet, and prevent her from taking birth control? I dont believe the dummy ever said that. Perhaps she will, if her Footsteps friends, with Ms Lani Santo at the helm, believe it will strengthen their need for funding from UJA, United Jewish Agnostics.

    But of course Footsteps members have the encouragement and support of UJA behind them- United Jewish Agnostics! Shame on the UJA!

  • David Koster

    It is possible that I know this precious neshama better than most. I will say publicly again and again. If there is anything that I can do to help her, I will do it.

  • Anon

    “If there is anything that I can do to help her, I will do it”.

    Youre right on target, David! Help she needs from able professionals!

    Kids? I dont think so, not until after she gets all the help she desperately needs, as long as it takes, when she’ll be capable of raising kids, at which time, she’ll hopefully not be posing like a feisty tiger on a bearskin rug, all ready for you know what, all over the internet.

    Hee hee.

  • Rabbi Metrick

    Ex Lakewooder:

    >>I did not lie.
    Oh, yes you did. Over and over again. Like the cheap, brainless loser you are.

    >>I brought you documented cases to prove that what I am saying is true.
    You did not. You brought one or two cases. You have very far to go to show this happens all the time. You lied.

    Loser.

    >>I accurately stated the amount of times the average yeshivishe couple meet before they get married.
    No you did not. You provided absolutely no evidence to support your crazy, asinine claims.

    >>You keep saying ridiculous things like you know that I am not from Lakewood and refusing to answer my points.

    YOu made no points. You’re just a troll who hates Jewish people.

    >>Therefore I think you are either a troll or a lunatic and frankly I have no interest in having a discussion with either.

    How convenient.

    >>You know what I am saying is true anyone reading this who is or was part of the yeshivishe community in Lakewood knows it is true. Your silly denials and lies really hurt your cause.

    I am sorry. Instead of presenting facts, you seem to suggest that all you really have to do is say that you KNOW the facts you cannot prove are true!

    Are you the product of inbreeding or something?

    >>
    Reply
    . Another ex lakewooder March 12, 2012 at 2:48 PM

    >> One more point and then I am done unless you coherently address the points I am making.

    WHAT POINT?!?! you failed to make a single coherent point!

    >>Perry reich never said or insinuated in the Dr Phil segment that everyone in Lakewood meets their spouse only once.

    Learn English. She did not insinuate it. SHE SAID IT!!!

    >>You either didn’t actually watch the segment,are lying or misunderstood something that was said.

    How desparate can you be? WATCH THE VIDEO YOU BRAINLESS FOOL.

    >>I happen to be frum despite the disgusting, repulsive and immoral wag the leaders and batei din in Lakewood were I grew up conduct themselves.

    No, you are not. You cannot be frum, because you dont care about Torah or the mitzvos, and the balance of your argument clearly evidences your profound hatred of frum Jews.

    >>So stop this nonsense about “hating frum people”. The fact that someone hates the scum who call themselves Rabbonim and Dayanim in the cesspool that is Lakewood does not mean they hate all frum people.

    Yes it does. The fact that you lack the ability to clarify your point but make untenable generalizations demonstrates the paucity of your thinking and fundamental immorality.

    But here is something you have to remember: You do not matter. Your points and feelings are worthless. Your arguments prove that you are insane. And no ranting will ever redeem you.

    Best of luck.

  • Abe

    I find the above discussion about the length of dating in Lakewood, a joke. The Lakewood community has a small percentage of Hasidim. Only Hasidim see each other 1-3 times before commitment. Speak to ANY Matchmaker, theyll tell you whoever thinks Lakewood singles meet 1-3 times, is out of touch with reality.

    Itll be nice to see how long the relationship between Ms Reich and Mr Grossman lasts, and relationships of similar minded Footsteppers, after knowing each other, I suppose, intimately, for a long time. Im taking bets. Anyone want to bet itll last ten or more years?

  • Shaindy

    I think all this is about her trying to launch a modeling and acting career that at her age and with 4 kids is just not going to happen. She and her bf are even trying to be on a reality show, ya that is really helping the kids! Why doesn’t she just go out and get a real job instead of posting pics on fb every 5 minutes, oh that’s right she wants to live off her “horrible” ex husband and try and launch her not gonna happen modeling career. It is really pathetic that people are believing her abuse claims without any evidence, I hope her ex is smart and sues her for slander.

  • Joe

    I saw her on Pesach at a hotel. We had a bit of an eye flirt thing going and then they had their big chocolate party late one night. When I nibbled on some grapes, I felt someone move slowly past my back and then slowly rub me. When I turned around I found her there staring into my eyes. We left and found an empty conference space…and proceeded to spend the next three hours exploring the things men and women only fantasize about. Then I woke up and realized it was a dream. See how easy people can spread falsehoods. Don’t believe it.

  • Abe

    Joe, some women have super brains, some have super bodies, the rare few have both.

    Im wondering whether Ms Reich has a functioning brain at all, but she definitely isnt among the third group.

  • tzvi

    Two questions. Does Perry have her get yet and when is the court case for custody?

  • ana

    which high school did pearl go to? which school did she teach at?

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