You know you have no real life when, within 2 minutes of meeting a friend you haven’t talked to in months, someone pops the “So…what are you learning?” question. I caught myself before asking that question at a close friend’s vort and just gave him a hug. Then I edged out and walked purposefully towards the cake.
It’s weird. I guess other people must have cooler lives because they always ask me what I’ve been up to and I always have to pick out some non-event to make discussion out of.
‘What’s been going on with you?’
“Same old, same old.”
‘Yeah.’
“Oh, I just went to ____. There’s a client there.”
‘Oh, how was that?’
“Ok. Nice weather… Interesting looking trees…Not very different from these trees.”
‘Yeah… We just went to ____’s wedding/bar mitzvah/barbecue.’
“Oh, I heard he/she was doing that. How was it?”
‘Good. Food was pretty good. We met Rabbi ____.’
“Oh…How’s he doing?”
This is about the time that I begin scouring my brain for anything to actually relate and connect over. My first impulse is to just say something I’ve been feeling- never a good idea. Impulse emotion conversations usually go:
*Uncomfortable silence*
“You know, whenever I’m at a party, I always feel like I’m a kid in a room full of adults.”
‘That’s weird, but thanks for sharing that giant blast of dysfunction. Uh, I just remembered I have to stand over there now. Bye.’
I like to stick to things instead of feelings. Something’s been going on in my life I can connect over. I’ve certainly been sad/happy over something. I wrote a good post on my blog! Nah, don’t want them to know about that. The conversation is getting sooo awkward now…Anything…I met a great girl a few weeks back! Noo. My mother probably doesn’t want to hear about that nice non-jewish girl I considered going out with. I- wait, no, the point of that story is finding really weird porn. And that ends even more uncomfortably.
“Ok, I have to go take a dump which I’ve been holding onto since yesterday (no, not as interesting to them), uh, take care of something (check the phone) I…ooh..almost forgot. I’ll see you.”
‘Yeah, I’ll be here.’
“Awesome…so I’ll see you around…here…soon. K.”
And then I just have to avoid them for 3 more hours.
Visit Yeshivaforum.com for more stimulating discussion.
Search 4torah.com for awkwardness in the torah.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
How’s by you?
Who are you by? (yeshiva guys know what this means)
Sounds like every conversation I have at kiddush.
:p