This is a question for the ages. I’ve heard it a million times: Older single men are just weird. Older single women, not so much. I don’t know. I mean, I definitely know weird older single guys, but I also know weird younger single guys. And weird older married guys.
No, older single guys have a special creepy, loner, anti-social weirdness about them.
I don’t know. I can see how being alone can cement a certain asocial personality into place, but I know plenty of younger guys who are the exact same way. Maybe it works like this: There are tons of single guys when everyone is younger. Certain guys have a social oddity that makes it harder for them to get married. Gradually everyone else is weeded out, and because of the ratios to other leftover single guys, bam, suddenly these guys seem like they’re all over the place, giving all single older guys a bad name.
Now, I don’t think of myself as weird. Maybe I’m too young. Maybe in a couple of years, I’ll start getting weird, and still think I’m normal. How will I know? Maybe I need to designate another person to let me know when I’ve turned, like in that classic R’ Nachman story with the wheat that I just realized nobody will get my reference to.
But maybe I won’t want to know. If I can’t help it, why make myself crazy? Hey, maybe you all can let me know. That way, I can dismiss you as random internet loons, and still feel like I’m setting up a safeguard to quiet down my paranoia.
See more Offthedwannab at yeshivaforum.com
Search for torah at 4torah.com Oh, I get it. How clever.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
It isn’t single men or married men – it’s men, period. Men are strange creatures. I will never understand them.
Nah. Men are normal. They care about normal things, like how to make things work properly, and not about weird things like making sure that their shirts and pants are exactly the same shade of blue.
Don’t get me wrong. I like women, I can be friends with women. But they worry about the strangest things.
No sex makes you weird. Even 40 year olds who have sex regularly (or semi-regularly) aren’t weird.
+1 for Lena. it’s just us— when we’re younger we look attractive and the women can get past the weirdness, but when we get older the weirdness dominates. women are just as horny as we are and they somehow think that a change occurs in the men— yeah right, you’re just not as attracted and you can see the desperation.
> Now, I don’t think of myself as weird.
Of course you don’t. Any given person’s definition of normal is “like me.” And anyone who’s different enough from them is weird.
You’re pretty weird though. You have an unusual take on the frum world, and even weirder, you’re not afraid to tell the world. You like the outdoors instead of the inside of a beis medrash. You don’t live in NY… the list goes on.
But you probably know that.
you do realize that this is not The Hesh writing…..?
I know right? it happens every time someone else posts.
LOL
lena,
We should get together sometime and ill broaden your horizens and maybe help you to appreciate the male species
I think you nailed it (based on my experiences on the UWS. There’s one other nuance that I’d add to the mix. Younger, single people have a variety of social counterbalancing forces that act to neutralize their weirdness (roommates, a larger social network, etc). Typically, as people get older (and stay single) a lot of their friends marry off, and they’ll typically drop the roommates, so it’s a lot easier to spiral into weirdness when socially unencumbered. Just my observation.
I met a normal looking older guy at a shabbos meal this past shabbos. Then I found out that he used to be married and frum, and now he’s divorced and OTD. Go figure.
What’s sooooo weird about that? What I’ve experienced is older men not having decent manners, like dumping food in your lap on Yontiff. Of course all these guys think they are nice guys despite being rude and dumping food in laps and insulting people.
my mom has some crazy slut cousin of hers who is truly nuts. she’s been divorced twice and now on her 3rd marriage, this time to a goy. in between marriages she’s dated every jewish guy north of the mason dixon line.
The only time I’ve ever agreed with her was when she said “Any guy thats over 40 and has never been married has some issues”
The person who makes an online dating site for us off the derech people, will def make some bank.
-take this idea.
I just got married to a 50-year-old guy who was never married. Boy, does he have issues. Basically, he’s a real mama’s boy. I use it to my advantage:
Whenever I feel like working late, I send him to his mother for supper. Everybody’s happy!
My seventh grade computer programming teacher once told me, “A good engineer can make any mistake look intentional.”
I just got married to a 50-year-old guy who was never married. He has real issues.
He is a mama’s boy, which I use to my advantage. When I want to work late, I tell him to eat by his mother for supper. Result: Everybody’s happ.
I guess.. more sex is best for guys..? hmm….
Speaking as a 48-year-old who’s never been married (and who, yes, is something of a mama’s boy!) , my guess is that I am probably too weird to know how weird I am!
But I’ve never dumped food in anyone’s lap intentionally (at least not in recent memory!)
I think I am more conflict-averse and generally kinder and gentler than when I was 30. But I am probably more set in my ways and know what I want a bit more, so that might be “weird.” (Not to mention I am more religious, which according to my mom is definitely weird!)
When someone is in a good marriage it gives them self confidence. Single people, both men or woman who never had this confidence booster will be effected as they get older whether they realize this or not. This is human nature.
People are creatures of habit.
If you get in the habit of accommodating someone else you’ll be accommodating. If you go through life pleasing only yourself you’ll get more comfortable doing what makes you comfortable.