Now that I’m engaged, I’ve naturally begun to think about frum wife swapping

Now that I’m engaged I’ve started to think about life after marriage and naturally my thoughts have wandered to that seldom spoken about subject of wife swapping in the frum community. I am marrying a chabad girl after all and everyone knows that the chabad community provides the best wife swapping out of any frum sect. Those chabad women remain hot even after multiple children and they live in places where there aren’t many other frum people around, so chances are they may not have any other folks who know the halachos of kosher wife swapping. 

Of course, the more I thought about it the more I realized that it’s not as easy as it sounds. I figured it would go down at a shabbos meal or something. You know, two couples sitting there and one says “I read this shocking article on the I’m a Mother forum about wife swapping in the frum community” wink-wink and sure enough everyone is going home for a little shabbos afternoon kids are napping double mitzvah time.

It doesn’t work like that my mind retorted, you forgot about one very important key factor in this frum wife swapping thing and that is the need to find two women who are not Niddah’s. Not only do you have to worry about the Niddah thing, but finding 2 frum couples who are both attracted to each other enough to pull some covert aishes ish action is pretty hard to find. Take a look at the shidduch crisis, now multiple that by 10 – one couple told me that it’s way harder to split the sea than find 2 couples to agree to frum wife swapping on shabbos afternoon.

The more I thought about it and the more I realized that I wouldn’t swap my wife for any other woman out there anyway…ohhhh save!

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  • Frum Satire fan

    You do realize that, if you end up having kids, when your son or daughter is in the third or fourth grade (estimated) they will have this post read to them by their classmates, and will feel humilated, at the age of about 9 or 10 or so. Not fun for a little kid who might not get “entertaining satire”, at that age, especially when the content of the satire is SPECIFICALLY what daddy joked ABOUT mommy and daddy.
    A cool, understanding spouse is one thing, even cool kids when they grow up is another thing. But younger kids can be psychologically screwed up, hurt and embarassed (unecessarily) by just a little carelessness that is easily avoided with a little self censorship.

    Otherwise, I love you and best wishes,
    Your son,
    writing from 20 years in the future using Google-Time-Travel-Mail.

    • OfftheDwannaB

      Umm..that’s retarded.

      • Frum Satire fan

        Yeah. Because kids of the future would NEVER google internet archives. And, kids understand satire just fine. And, all 9 year olds are fine with daddy joking about violating the aseret hadibrot, in public.

      • Frum Satire fan

        The time travel thing was a joke, OfftheDwannaB, I am not actually his son from the future. (Or am I?)

    • A. Nuran

      Parents are required by law to appall and humiliate their parents just by existing. It says so right there in the Constitution.

      • Esther

        A. Nuran – my sentiments exactly! It’s at the top of the Parents’ Bill of Rights

    • U Avi

      Dude I didn’t learn how to read until last year… it ok.

    • Jake Haldorsen

      How many kids do u think read this blog?

      • Frum Satire fan

        It won’t be via reading this specfic blog, which Hesh may or may not do years in the future. But rather by doing a simple internet archive search, which is scary enough now, in 2012.

  • Michael K

    When I was younger and first learned that the Avos had multiple wives, I thought “Wow! Cool!”.

    Now I’m like “Multiple wives? Jesus, who needs that shit? One is too much!”.

    • A. Nuran

      Consider the example of Mohammed. When his friends needed to find him they didn’t ask his wives. He wasn’t shalom bayising away all night in the harem. They went to a servant’s house where he was trying to cadge a quiet dinner without all that domestic bliss and sensual supermarketry.

  • StuartAC

    If a couple aren’t worried about the issur of aishes ish (another man’s wife), being a niddah is the least of their problems.

  • yitz

    Heshy, what position will you be doing it in , the first nite?

    • Michael K

      what, you’re only limiting him to ONE?

  • wow – I wonder how long…

    …how long this “beauty” you found to marry you will keep up with your stupidity.


  • Telz Angel

    Don’t swap, just have girlfriends on the side. Email-Females. Your FS fan club groupies (FS= frum satire or full service, you decide). And if you get a kapota and a crushed hat, then you can pretend to do kiruv, and you’ll have a cackle of young impressionable women whom you can psychologically abuse and convince them that they have to rid themselves of their yetzer hara by testing themselves on you. It’s been done so many times, but it never gets old.

    Or you can just keep the fantasy in your head and imagine that she doesn’t fantasize about a swap more than you do.

    • Esther

      Oy vey….is that how they hustle in the frum circles? Good to know. And, of course she fantasizes about a swap…if not yet, then she will soon enough.

  • Guy?

    posted in the wrong place! when your wife reads this Heshy let me know how that goes

    • CM in CH

      You rang?

      • Michael K

        Uh Oh. It’s the Kallah!

      • batsheva

        See, SHE has a sense of humor.

        • Tinok ShenishBeth

          She has an awesome sense of humor! And more importantly, she’s not made of candy glass! (I’m also certain that she will make Heshy clearly and promptly aware of any stepping over the line -without anyone’s help.)

      • A. Nuran

        Imagining you dressed as Lurch from the Addams family :)

      • Guy?

        Lucky guy H man!

  • Sammy

    If two people divorce and one of them marries someone else, they will never be able to get married again. My Rav believes its the torah’s way of preventing “kosher swinging”.

  • Stanley Katz

    I CAN’T

  • Dan

    How about engaged swapping? You can go to my future inlaws for shabbos and sit next to my father in law in shul and be judged by all his friends and enemies, and pretend to like the rabbi’s speech and pretend to like my mother in law’s kasha varnishkes from her bubbe which I suspect is literally from her bubbe.

    See, now right there is an advantage of marrying a convert.

  • A. Nuran

    I don’t even lend clothes to friends. Lending my spouse? No.

    • A. Nuran

      Besides, my wife doesn’t want any other ladies to find out about the suction cup fingers and three foot sticky tongue.


  • Perplexed

    Frum Satire Fan, So you think you’re Heshy’s son? so how do you know he’s your dad if your Mum’s been sleeping around? eh?

  • anon

    This is pure unadulterated filthy smut. Shame on You!
    Please please please can I now have a prize?


    My kids don’t know I visit this site.

    Heshy, your kids are going to be kicked out of every school when word gets around…

  • stumbled on here by mistake

    wow, is this the man’s real name and pic?? Oy gevalt…
    I wouldnt wanna be in this kallah’s place!

  • Rabbi it hurts

    Frum spouse swapping makes sense bc you date a couple months, obviously don’t love or know each other yet, get married have sex and realize what a mistake you made.