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Moetzes Gedolei Yisrael Issues Cherem Against Television Show

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By Josh Friedlander

Moetzes Gedolei Yisrael Issues Cherem Against Television Show

(YERUSHALAYIM)- The Council of torah Sages (or Moetzes Gedolei Hatorah as it is known in Lashon HaKodesh) has issued a cherem (excommunication) against this fall’s Gossip Girl season, according to spokesman R Yisroel Aufenhaurzneis. Aufe…etc. said that leader R’ Chaim Kaniyevski (SHLIT””A) had described the season as “trite” and “derivative” adding that the contrived plotline about Blake’s pregnancy was “a step too far”, triggering the rare step of excommunicating it. According to this edict, all copies of the show, whether in DVD or MP4 form, must be destroyed, and anyone having seen the episode must do teshuva (repentance) by fasting Monday-Thursday-Monday, or alternatively spending one full night from sunset to sunrise watching marathons of Golden Age sitcoms such as 30something or Frasier.

“Woe to our generation” opined HaHaredi, one of Israel’s major charedi dailys this morning, “for among us are found elders who still remember I Love Lucy and The Honeymooners. Where is the shame of our network executives? Where is the sensibility of our audiences? Are these really our sons and daughters, flesh of our flesh and fruit of our loins, who created Shit My Dad Says?”

According to sources close to the Gedolei Yisroel (the lights of our people), the Moetzes originally responded favorably to Gossip Girl’s fall 2007 debut, with R Aharon Leib Steineman SHLIT””””A said to be a particular fan of the show. With The O.C.‘s cancellation, and 90210 still being a year away, Gossip Girl looked like it could fulfil the needs of G-d-fearing Jews thirsty for entertainment. But with time, the show began to lose favour with the esteemed sages. “I think Serena sleeping with Nate may have been the turning point” said a prominent askan, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “I remember R Vozner coming over after that episode aired and being really distressed. He said it wasn’t in line with her character, and that the show was losing integrity. He actually said that pancreatic cancer was more entertaining than Leighton Meester.”

The emergency meeting was arranged in secret earlier this week. It is the first of it’s kind since 2009, when an attempt was made by the council to stop production of Sex and the City 2, arguing that it would ruin the series.

“It’s really kind of a tragedy”  said one Bnei Brak pedestrian. “People think they know better than the gedolim. Who are we before them?”

He added “Personally, I kind of enjoyed it up till now”.

For more about cherems check out 4torah.com

 

  • Yossi Levi ben Yisroel Hakohen

    I guess they missed the Joy Behar show.

  • Izzy

    Best post ever. Could have been in The Onion.

    • An-on

      It was an exact parroting of the Onion’s deadpan news satire (which let’s face it, was anticipated by a good many purim issues of the YU commentator and hamevaser). I’m not sure if that’s something worth aiming for outside of a comprehensive news parody context.

  • yoel

    very funny Hesh. how do you know all that s… about these shows, you watch them ?

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      Good thing I didn’t write it because I haven’t watched TV in 15 years

  • The Real Joe

    Talking about shows anyone got an Idea when the next episode of verplank is coming out ???? the first 1 was mad funny

  • http://beismedrash.blogspot.com/ Lex Luthor

    This is hilarious :)

  • billy bob bobo

    funny but maybe a ‘step too far’ lol

  • A

    Awesome!!