So I’m driving by Spuyten Duyvil Station on my way into Manhattan and I see a guy on top of the bridge over the Hudson Parkway. I pull over and yell out “Hey what are you doing up there?”
He says “Life is not worth living.”
So I yell back “That’s not true. Sure we all have problems, let’s talk about it.”
He says “How would you know what my life is like?”
I ask — “Do you believe in God?”
I say: “Great, I do too. Are you Jewish or Christian?”
“Hey! Me too. I’m sure we’ll have a lot in common. We should talk. Are you Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform?”
He says “I’m Orthodox”
“Hey! Me too! Are you Yeshivish Orthodox or Modern Orthodox?”
He says “Modern Orthodox.”
I yell back “Me too. Hey, I bet you live in Riverdale, right?”
I yell “Wait a sec, do you go to RJC? (Riverdale Jewish Center)”
He responds “No, I go to HIR (Hebrew Institute of Riverdale)”
“HIR — that’s Rabbi Weiss’ shul — the liberal, radical, with the low mechitza, women’s rights and all the hugging! You call that Orthodox! Die you heretic scum.” I got back in my car and B”H I made it in time for my midtown meeting.
I don’t know what happened to the guy.
[Tip of the kippa to Emo Phillips]