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The chumra crisis: We need more chumras

You may have also noticed this trend, but I have been alarmed by the fact that no new chumras have been created by the gedolim or their funders for some time. Back during the mid 2000’s it seemed like there were new chumras created every week. The staff here at Frum Satire would debate them endlessly until we finally conceded that keeping them would improve our shidduch resumes and give us a better chance at one upping our neighbors in the endless battle to maintain that we are in fact frummer than our neighbors.

I remember when we pissed and moaned about not being able to eat strawberries, wear red or drink the tap water in New York City. I even remember when the Rabbis decided to ban vacationing in Miami because there beaches there, many wondered if Long Island would also be banned (apparently the askanim supporting the ban wanted people to vacation in Far Rockaway instead because there were no modern orthodox people there who could influence women to wear bikin’s and snoods at the same time) I remember when it was finally agreed upon the majority of the frum community that any wedding without a mechitza was not really frum after all – thank God the Rabbis created the “separate seating at all frum events” chumra back in the 60’s or who knows what kind of divorce we would have now.

You can see why I am dismayed, it’s like the Gedolim have given up on us. Do they think that the internet has weakened our souls that much, I’m sorry that they lost the battle against the evil savage internet, but that’s no reason to give up. It is true that any school that is a true house of Torah still requires you to sign that you do not have the internet (which has created a lot of lying within the community) Have you given up on us, do you think us not at the level that our previous generation was?

Was the previous generation really that much frummer, they couldn’t download porn in the privacy of their homes, sneaking a TV into the house in a refrigerator box was much harder than having a smart phone and cheating on youyr wife with someone frum took a lot more than going to craigslist (you had to really have an”in” I assume)

I would assume that this generation, the age of everything instant is on a much higher madreiga, we have sunk so far down in many ways that it’s harder to rise up – so do us a favor and give us a challenge – we need MORE chumras. We need to have something to make us think twice before doing it and there’s nothing like a Yiddish document signed by a bunch of big name gedolim (who had no idea what they were signing) telling us that something is banned to get us out of our sunken madreiga.

{ 14 comments… add one }
  • Boxxy Rosenthal July 19, 2011, 7:52 PM

    Lets hope they don’t ban comments on frumsatire!

    • Moty July 19, 2011, 7:55 PM

      Dude. I comment on Frum Satire quite regularly and I’d be hard pressed not to say that this is the root of all evil.

      • A. Nuran July 19, 2011, 11:19 PM

        You’re right. And a man needs roots

  • WACKY MAC & CHOCOLATE PIZZA July 19, 2011, 8:13 PM

    I think the problem is that not enough people keep the Chumras we already have.

    Like, I was speaking to an acquaintance of mine regarding a business transaction. He brought up the fact that he was fasting, whereas I had broken my fast earlier. He was surprised at me.

    Yet, as “Frum” as he is, he has a live-in girlfriend, with no intention of getting married. Go figure.

    • Lirehagi July 19, 2011, 9:24 PM

      It’s simple: issuing a decree/ rule that most of the people won’t follow makes them look stupid and out of touch. So in an attempt to save whatever illusion of authourity they have, they can’t issue any more decrees.

      At least Mr Acquaintance is honest about it and isn’t going out on shidduch dates wasting other peoples’ precious time (not to mention his own).

  • Anonymous July 20, 2011, 12:35 PM

    Saw the story below earlier today. What is this pre-engaged trend? Perhaps it’s something the frum community should get behind to help solve the shidduch crisis. If a single girl suggests she might be pre-engaged, would it up her interest factor if her fake “engagement” breaks up? Could Jennifer Aniston be on to something we don’t know PR wise??
    What do you guys think?

    People are still talking about Jennifer Aniston and Justin Therouxís rings. It seemed like as soon as they got together, officially and publicly, they were wearing matching gold rings. I didnít really think anything of it, because, really, who cares? Rings donít mean much, and I rarely look at them on anyone. Itís possible for two people to just have similar rings, or to give someone a ring and not have it mean anything important. Anyway, this ring-obsession is the focus of a new story. Apparently, the giant diamond ring Aniston sported for several of her Horrible Bosses appearances means that she and Justin are ďpre-engaged.Ē It also means, in my opinion, that they are 13 years old. Pre-engaged? Seriously? Youíre in your 40s. Stop with the cutesy high school crap.

  • anon July 20, 2011, 3:49 PM

    What about the fact that coffee in Starbucks has recently been banned??

  • AstroTheSpaceDog July 20, 2011, 5:04 PM

    Gum anyone?

  • Devora July 20, 2011, 6:06 PM

    What about salmon worms? Something fishy about this…

  • Hannah July 21, 2011, 11:50 AM

    I think we should make a new one right now. Like…. you can’t have relations with a blond on a Tuesday with a full moon, because goyim might be doing the same thing.

    Or, women are not allowed to touch their husband’s trousers (even for washing or folding), as they might accidentally touch the crotch, which could lead to inappropriate thoughts.

    I WIN!!!!!!!

  • Bubba Metzia July 21, 2011, 12:33 PM

    Now the trend seems to be copying Goyish chumras, like that burqa cult in Beit Shemesh. Pretty soon people will probably put cloths over the legs of their tables like they did in Victorian Britain because, as everybody knows, exposed table legs are untznius.

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