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44 reasons to go off the Derech

At some point in the near future I should do a serious list of the things that make people go off the derech, not that this isn’t serious, but it’s just for fun and not detailed. There are a lot of good reasons to go off the derech and a lot of things that make people go off the derech, like having your BT parents tell you not to do something and than catching them do that very thing. Either way, I whipped this one up and hope you enjoy!

44 reasons to go off the derech

  1. Putting the Kiddush levana cards back they should have someone who does this
  2. Saturday morning cartoons the smurfs when I was a kid
  3. Yeshiva on Sundays a great reason to leave the path
  4. Shop classes in public school sound way cooler I wish I would have a skill like woodworking or car fixing
  5. 99 cent meals ah the joy of cheap food
  6. Getting rid of guilt
  7. The French Laundry
  8. Real weekend vacations this is a big deal actually
  9. The wind in your hair (for married women or frum guys)
  10. Nude beaches
  11. Period sex
  12. Live in girlfriends
  13. Free school
  14. Cheese and meat
  15. Real breakfast bacon and eggs, sausage
  16. College Football
  17. Tattoos
  18. Kol Isha listening to Lady Gaga is definitely worth going off
  19. The never ending towel disgusting and sanctioned by the frum community
  20. Behab just sneaks up on ya and bam
  21. Dorm searches give me my cds back you bastards
  22. Aish Discovery – yes they claim to be the best frum missionaries, but how many people does it push off
  23. Shabbos I bet you most people consider work a day of rest compared to shabbos davening
  24. Tight knit Jewish communities everything is known, including the fact you wore a suede yarmulke once for purim
  25. Being considered a spinster at 24 dont you just want to focus on your career
  26. Bestiality the only reason I dont screw goats is because Im frum
  27. Homosexuality youre gay and youre hated, what better reason to abandon a religion that hates you
  28. Gang Bangs not my thing, but Im sure its a good reason
  29. Wife Swapping we all know about the frum wife swapping rings, but what fun is it when you have to be all secretive about it
  30. Full Hallel such a pain
  31. Yom Kippur Musaf an even bigger pain
  32. Your rabbi molested you then Agudah said you should report it to rabbis instead of the cops
  33. Forced marching in the Israeli Day Parade its absolute hell
  34. Jewish geography I wish I could just introduce myself with my first name, not my family history
  35. Dating for 3 weeks getting married for 2 months and realizing the insanity
  36. Rubashkin not only was it anti-semitic, they even called him a role model
  37. Hebrew National
  38. Eating Triangle-K and not being struck by lightning
  39. Platonic relationships orthodoxy believes women are only for sex
  40. You didnt exactly frum out during your year in Niveh
  41. Mixed swimming (modern orthodox people are already considered off the derech by most branches of real Torah true authentic Judaism)
  42. Having a Facebook account with your real name without your wife
  43. Working in the porn industry
  44. Early shabbos you just couldnt hack shabbos starting any earlier
{ 90 comments… add one }
  • david June 1, 2011, 1:20 PM

    Shalosh sudas make ppl go off.
    farting by mussuf.
    The simchas torah songs.

  • Philo June 1, 2011, 1:46 PM

    Yeshiva on Sundays a great reason to leave the path

    Especially when you have 3 sisters who all have off from the MO girls’ school in Brooklyn on Sundays, but you have to travel from Flatbush to Boro Park every Sunday to go to 1/2 day of school. Yah, it still pisses me off. They got to sleep in & have fun, while I had to listen to rabbeim droning on.

  • Philo June 1, 2011, 1:49 PM

    Period sex

    Gross. Even if it weren’t halacha, I would never want to. The harchakot are annoying, that I could see. But sex itself? Ugh!

  • Philo June 1, 2011, 1:50 PM

    Period sex

    Gross. Even if it weren’t halacha, I would never want to. The harchakot are annoying, that I could see. But s3x itself? Ugh!

    • Sergeant J June 1, 2011, 4:18 PM

      I had fun with period sex in the past… Ah, the old days on the east coast…

      • OTD chick June 2, 2011, 5:18 PM

        I like period sex but most guys I meet are freaked out about it. It feels awesome because the area gets sensitive.

  • The Law June 1, 2011, 1:54 PM

    I had Auto Shop Class in my Jewish Day School.

    And down South College Football is something we relish having gone to games every year…

  • Mendy June 1, 2011, 1:59 PM

    Most of the things you listed, for example, Lady Gaga, is not contradictory to being religious. Actually, the only things that really are deal breakers: shabbes, and gay.

    • Bubba Metzia June 1, 2011, 2:20 PM

      It’s not considered Kol Isha because she has a disco stick. 😛

    • ReadingRailroadRabbi June 1, 2011, 7:46 PM

      Lady Gaga? Really? Aretha or maybe Carren Carpenter, but gaga? Geeeezeee o’larry!

      You forgot about cussin’ without feeling guilty.

      • Aliza T. June 1, 2011, 10:04 PM

        “Carren”?!?! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s Karen Carpenter!!!!!!!!

        • Heshy Fried June 1, 2011, 11:15 PM

          I never even knew who Lady Gaga was until those Jews did that video of her.

          Sure there are better, I’d go for Ani D’franco, Dinah Washington or Fleetwood Mac any day.

          • Tevy June 2, 2011, 8:35 AM

            Stevie Nicks is awesome.
            I’m more of a 60’s guy when it comes to female singers – like Grace Slick or Janis Joplin (i.e. Singers who never really had good looks but man, could they sing.) It has nothing to do with looks, I just enjoy their voices.

            • ReadingRailroadRabbi June 2, 2011, 4:24 PM

              Grace? not a looker? You may need some new goggles my friend.

            • A. Nuran June 2, 2011, 10:43 PM

              If White Rabbit or Me and Bobby McGee don’t stir you up call the undertaker. You’ve died and just haven’t noticed yet. And props to Billie Holliday, Aretha Franklin and Koko Taylor.

        • ReadingRailroadRabbi June 2, 2011, 8:12 AM

          Sorry, my Yeshiva ed comes out once in a while.

          Karen Karen Karen Karen Karen Karen

          No diff, still had one of the great voices, and she sure can play the drums.

          Fleetwood Mac would be Stevie Nicks

          • Avrumy June 5, 2011, 5:59 AM

            Karen Carpenter A”H left a legacy of great songs.

  • Philo June 1, 2011, 2:03 PM

    “we all know about the frum wife swapping rings”

    My wife still has the same ring I put on her finger at our wedding… 😛

  • Philo June 1, 2011, 2:05 PM

    Re: #11, I wouldn’t want to even if it were muttar! Certainly nothing to get excited about. Messy & disgusting. Harchakot are a pain, I admit. But the act itself during her period? Ugh!

    • Heshy Fried June 1, 2011, 2:32 PM

      I was just joking – I hope didn’t actually think I was into screwing dogs and goats too.

    • OTD chick June 2, 2011, 5:21 PM

      At the beginning when she’s light isn’t such a big deal. It feels good because the area is sensitive.

  • BoxedWhine June 1, 2011, 2:10 PM

    I love how 5 and 7 are exact opposites of each other. I would love to go to The French Laundry. I heard that it’s a real experience.

  • Aliza T. June 1, 2011, 2:26 PM

    You forgot the big one for most girls: Beis Yaakov. No further elaboration necessary

  • OffTheDerech4Ever June 1, 2011, 3:41 PM

    Two reasons missing: 1.Waiting 6 hours for dairy. 2.Arrogant Jews.

    • Sergeant J June 1, 2011, 4:29 PM

      Plenty of them off the Derech too…..

    • Heshy Fried June 1, 2011, 11:15 PM

      Good thing waiting 6 hours is not halacha eh –

      • Anonymous June 4, 2011, 9:19 PM

        most Poskim or rabbeim will tell you to wait 6 hours 😛

      • Guardian of Emunah June 4, 2011, 10:27 PM

        Take the Shulchan Oruch, sit down with someone and learn Bosser VeHulav again.

        • A. Nuran June 5, 2011, 1:09 AM

          The question is “Is it true?”

          Just saying “It’s in Shulan Aruch” doesn’t mean the reasons are sound. Take the whole medicine on Shabbos thing. It’s based on a premise which is no longer accurate. Even pharmacists don’t grind drugs anymore. These days we know a lot more about how the physical world works. Is the six hours actually valid, or is it also based on out-of-date understanding of the underlying reality?

          Not saying the answer is yes or no. But if you care about what you do it pays to ask the question.

  • Tova June 1, 2011, 4:30 PM

    The best reason to go off the derech: No longer believing in Judaism.

    • grow up June 1, 2011, 5:32 PM

      … in other words: finally grow out of this bottom infantile and neurotic state of yours.

      • Tova June 1, 2011, 5:43 PM

        Huh?

        • blow up June 1, 2011, 7:16 PM

          Sorry Tova! I was referring to your picture showing a young lady on a couch. I didn’t want to understand it as a recuperation of psychoanalysis into the realm of the enchanted aspects of our Jewishness. I therefore tried translated your words, as accurately as I could, into something more immediately to the point.

    • Right June 2, 2011, 1:16 PM

      Yeah, but not nearly as common as being an emotionally unstable douchebag.

      • douchebag June 2, 2011, 1:30 PM

        ???? ??????? ! she wasn’t talking about TBs!

        • douchebag June 2, 2011, 1:34 PM

          (this place doesn’t take no Hebrew nor Yiddish!)
          poont farkert! She wasn’t talking about BTs!

  • Dave June 1, 2011, 6:19 PM

    Random- what is the worlds smallest handcuffs?? A wedding ring!

  • Devorah June 1, 2011, 7:09 PM

    I know you’re trying to be funny, but “Gang bangs” are never funny. Nor are they foreign to Judaism. Misogyny is never amusing.

    • Frozen Chosen June 1, 2011, 9:14 PM

      What don’t you find funny about girls with low self-esteem who compensate for their daddy issues by allowing themselves to be used as a piece of meat by a group of dudes?

    • Heshy Fried June 1, 2011, 11:17 PM

      I have been offered to participate in two different threesomes and turned them both down – not my thing, but I’m sure plenty of frum guys and gals would love to try it out one day.

      • Anonymous June 2, 2011, 1:00 AM

        eeuw! who do u hang out with?

      • Avrumy June 2, 2011, 8:50 AM

        heshy, don’t be a prude. As we know from SNL, it isn’t ga y if it’s in a 3-way.

        http://theweek.com/article/index/215556/snls-hilarious-timberlake-gaga-samberg-three-way

      • A. Nuran June 2, 2011, 9:02 AM

        Devorah and Heshy, I think you’re talking past each other.

        Devorah is referring to gang rape. Heshy is talking about consensual acts involving more than two people.

      • A. Nuran June 2, 2011, 8:55 PM

        Gotta wonder about our polygynous ancestors. One guy with two wives? If they lived in a tent or a one-room house I’m sure it happened a lot.

  • Rueuvein June 1, 2011, 7:16 PM

    Actually, you can learn woodworking or car fixing in a yeshiva now… http://www.jetsschool.org/

    • OfftheDwannaB June 1, 2011, 11:25 PM

      I think Chabad deals with the real world a lot better than the yeshivish world does.

      • Aliza T. June 2, 2011, 1:38 PM

        AMEN to that

      • A. Nuran June 2, 2011, 8:59 PM

        Ort has been providing Jews with useful education in a Jewish environment for more than a century. Sometimes they make progress. Sometimes they are condemned because they teach practical skills and kefira like science.

  • Rueuvein June 1, 2011, 7:43 PM

    Also… every single one of the things you mentioned… they can do them without going off the derech… you don’t have to be perfect to be “on the derech”

    • Gardian of Emunah June 1, 2011, 11:29 PM

      You are so right Rueuvein! My friend Chris tells me the same thing, especially about Shabbos, bacon, porn, period sex and gang bangs… I’ll even add the Israeli Day Parade to that.

  • ipitythefoo June 2, 2011, 1:06 AM

    All good reasons:
    Indian food
    Friday nights on the town
    Attractive Goyim
    Tall men
    (SERIOUSLY) Tatoos
    Societal expectations – OT/PT anyone?
    Skinny jeans
    Shorts
    Bathing suits at the beach
    Tanning
    Cuddling
    Cheap Sushi

    • OTD chick June 2, 2011, 5:25 PM

      LIKE

  • Julia June 2, 2011, 1:21 AM

    I’ve gotta say, while it’s not the reason I went off, college football is definitely a nice perk.

  • MonseyReader June 2, 2011, 7:38 AM

    Seafood — gotta want to try lobster, clams and shrimp

  • Gateway Pundit II June 2, 2011, 12:13 PM

    Ok, I’m naive sometimes. What is this about frum wife-swapping? I have never heard this. Must not be a midwestern thing.
    Reminds me of Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson.
    As far as period sex, I’m sure I was at one time grossed out at that thought. Then I learned it’s not so bad. I’m just sayin….nonetheless, I encourage everyone to follow halacha in this matter. I made some mistakes. Nu, I’m not perfect. Still, the sex was good.
    I have never been asked to participate in a threesome. However, I’m sure I would turn it down. I would experience sensory overload.
    At least with regard to college football, there is an increasing amount of games on Saturday evening, and always a couple on Thursday…..and even Tuesday believe it or not.
    Overall, a good list.

  • Synapse June 2, 2011, 12:26 PM

    Alternate title: 44 things OTDs think are a big deal that the rest of society actually doesn’t find that interesting.

    • Anonymous June 4, 2011, 3:51 AM

      like

  • OCD June 2, 2011, 3:37 PM

    You meant OCDs, right?

  • A. Nuran June 2, 2011, 9:34 PM

    A couple serious ones…
    1) Physical contact half of the month and after childbirth. I don’t mean intercourse but normal, comforting human contact
    2) Science
    3) Intellectual honesty
    4) As Tova said, not believing
    5) Betrayal by the community. See the discussion of abuse or the NS atrocities
    6) Inbreeding. Marrying an Ethiopian Jew is a genetic service to klal Yisroel. But your Williamsburg friends and family won’t see it that way

    • speak up June 2, 2011, 11:56 PM

      That is my list Nuran, unfortunately. I would add to more very disturbing points which, for me at least, are more obvious when you live in the holy land:
      7) Racism (not only by the average Haredi, also in statements by religious leaders. Another example: my childrens Cheder. …)
      8) Religious militarism
      9) State religion (nationalism)

    • speak up June 3, 2011, 12:32 AM

      A very sad and accurate list, A. Nuran! Only for the list has 3 more points:
      7) Racism (even in statements by religious leaders, and taught in my children’s Cheder here in the holy land).
      8) Religous militarism
      9) State religion

      • A. Nuran June 3, 2011, 1:08 AM

        I was kind of hoping to forget those for a while 🙁

        I note there are news stories and videos of an Israeli mob of Gerrer chassidim purportedly trying to set a Jewish family on fire. I really hope this isn’t the beginning of a trend. Any further news in the Israeli press?

    • Julia June 3, 2011, 9:55 AM

      Regarding #1, when I was in seminary, one of my teachers told me a supposedly inspirational story about how wonderful nidah is. Someone (I forget who) as a child woke up in the middle of the night and went downstairs and found his parents at the kitchen table. His mother was crying, having just received a letter saying her father had died. His father was not touching her, just offering comforting words, because she must have been a nidah at the time.

      I heard that and went, “Wait, you seriously think telling me about how I won’t be able to receive a hug from my husband in times of need is going to make me think nidah is a GOOD things?”

      And then I found out that apparently a woman is a nidah during shiva, automatically. The explanation I was given to this is because if she’s not, her husband would obviously expect to have s e x when she’s probably not in a position to want that. He can’t even hug her because men can’t control their urges, and he’ll obviously require s e x as soon as he touches her.

      Just one of the many reasons I gave it up.

      • A. Nuran June 5, 2011, 12:38 AM

        That is one of the most farked up teaching stories I’ve heard in a long time.

        Of course, from the husband’s point of view, as long as they don’t shtup he’ll only be unclean until nightfall. If comforting his wife isn’t worth that plus maybe a dip in the Sacred Pond he’s not much of a husband.

      • Gateway Pundit II June 5, 2011, 8:19 AM

        Julia – I have heard the argument that it does allow for enhanced levels of communication between partners. To comfort and to empathize with your spouse without being able to touch them. I don’t know, it was an intriguing thought.

  • speak up June 3, 2011, 1:41 AM

    Where I am, there is no newspapers, except the two Haredi substitutes. They make you believe that they are a newspaper . One should not listen to radio and one must not have a computer in his home. So I heard from the stories you mention, only on the Internet (which is totally forbidden for private use). But there is anyway no point in knowing these things, as there are no political actions that you could possibly take. Nobody to talk to. There are no local elections. The rabbis distribute the power and afterwards sell bits of it to those who run the country. Sorry, I’ll therefore only add:

    10) end of politics: alienation through social coercion (and even physical violence, as reported here and there).

  • speak up June 3, 2011, 1:44 AM

    Reading trough this again.

    • speak up June 3, 2011, 1:59 AM

      I realize that this list gravely omits:

      11.) women: systematic, socially supported mistreatment and exploitation of women (and girls – my girls) paired with very effective internalized oppression (which is true for the society as a whole. Just wait. someone here will speak up to defend his oppressors, as usual,… and than hit at us).

  • kissmeimshomer June 3, 2011, 10:58 AM

    Not believing in religion.

  • estelle June 4, 2011, 7:16 PM

    you ppl are just so weird! if you dont want to be frum its because you are too lazy or just cant control yourselves for wanting whatever you want, so dont blame it on 100 diff things blame yourself because you are the only one who will have to answere for it! yeah i feel bad for ppl who had bad experiences but how old are you? i mean, try to help yourself-its not really like that!

    • Sergeant J June 4, 2011, 7:28 PM

      Uhhh, seriously, what!?!?!
      If someone does not want to be frum, you think it MUST be due to laziness or lack of self control? Look around you……. You can still be “frum” and lazy (kollel boys who “shteig” all day smoking and gibbering with friends are in abundance) as well as have no self control ( from the prozzie users to the child abusers, most of whom get a free pass in many frum communities).

      • Isaac June 16, 2011, 1:38 PM

        I believe the “frum” that you are referring to and the “frum” that estelle is talking about are two different things. You are referring to the social term “frum” (as you accuratly put it in quotation marks) which really means very little as you pointed out. estelle is referring to frum in the sense of religious observance, which has only to do with following Jewish law. The bottom line is that as many have pointed out the root cause of going off always has to be a belief issue, because if you believe 100% that G-d exists and gave Moses the torah as your great great etc. grandparents witnessed and told their children who told you how could anything in the world (except for a psychological issue) take you away from what you know is true? Because of what some other stupid “religious” Jews do? Come on.

    • A. Nuran June 5, 2011, 12:44 AM

      People choose to give up religion for many reasons. Take a look at the serious ones I mentioned amended by speak up.

      It’s easy to understand why you believe what you do. Much better to deny that anything could be wrong with your lifestyle or there could be legitimate criticisms. The moment you admit that the comfort of mindless blind obedience becomes difficult. You have to start thinking for yourself. Much easier to blame it on laziness or sin so you can ignore the message by mocking the messenger.

  • estelle June 4, 2011, 8:37 PM

    those guys are not frum, just using frumness to cover up and make themselves feel good.. and stop it with the kollel boys- theyre trying just not always managing, at some point theyre gonna have to decide which way theyre going!they are amazing that theyre still trying, and know whats correct, so they stick to it although its hard!

    • throw up June 4, 2011, 10:05 PM

      YOU are right, there are more and less serious contributions on this page, but YOU clearly did not read those commentaries on this page. YOU seem to be quite uninformed about this subject as a whole. YOU are being very rude to those for whom this is a very serious and painful subject (There are even suicides reported by the organizations that try to help those trapped – also see the Israeli press). YOU are part of the above mentioned social violence. YOU behave like a thug, and in all likelihood, thats just what you are. YOU appearance on this page was predicted earlier. YOU just do what you have to do, but you should know that Gd gave you the power to choose the good, as he did give to the Egyptians (BTW, If I meet you, Ill hit back).

  • Jewish Princess June 5, 2011, 3:36 PM

    If you want to burn in hell…

  • Jewcy June 6, 2011, 3:13 AM

    If you marry out of your faith, hilchot niddah no longer applies to you.

    Plus you can have one night stand ins without worrying about your reputation being defamed by some community yenta.

  • jngle belz no more June 6, 2011, 4:47 AM

    hahah ‘hell’

    i love how frum people have turned into catholics.

    fuck religion.

    • throw up June 6, 2011, 8:41 PM

      its so sad…and disgusting.

  • Anonymous June 6, 2011, 9:51 PM

    38.Eating Triangle-K and not being struck by lightning

    hahahahahah!! hilarious…

  • isaac June 7, 2011, 12:09 AM

    v’hu rachum on mondays and thursdays.
    ‘nough saidn

  • Damien December 31, 2012, 8:49 PM

    Your right,I’m still in beis medresh and half the dudes are lazy and the other half don’t know what the fuck to do eith their lives( btw I’m in bm and wasn’t religious for about 6 years)

  • Mia May 22, 2018, 3:46 AM

    I agree to most of these reasons and I just wish I can just be free and walk around whatever clothes I want however I want to live but my parents ….. So heavily i bought myself a few oats is jeans my mom saw them and blew up got so angry i just somehow need to tell her that I can’t live like this I need to be able to do what I want

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