Can you imagine if frummies were liberal?

If frummies ever decided to be liberals we would all be in trouble, not only would they hold by unnecessary stringencies when it came to Judaism, they may also start to try and control the communities life in other ways. Can you imagine what it may look like?

Kiddush: Is that cholent made with free range beef? Are you sure it’s grass fed, or is it fed grass and then fattened up with corn for the last week before they are inhumanely slaughtered at some big heimishe outfit in the midwest? You know it’s not really kosher if it’s not ethical, Rav Moshe has a tshuva on it! Wait – are they serving soda with HFCS in it? I told the rabbi that High Fructose Corn Syrup was assur according to Rav Elyashav, it’s bittul torah when you crash from that sugar high. I heard the green beans are locally sourced, but not organic. Rebbe I have a shayala on whether it’s better to buy organic or locally grown?

Cars: Didn’t you get the cherem on minivans, they are gas guzzlers and you can’t go on giving a parnassah to those terrorists, besides you saving the planet is one of the greatest mitzvos in the Torah. Can you imagine Rav Ahron driving in a minivan, I’m sure he would have been driven around in a prius. My rav has a prius and he’s besimcha in it, says it’s a great kiddush hashem. My Rav even told me my wife can drive the car too, because it’s not full of gashmiyus.I wonder if I get more zechus for driving a flex fuel car even if I don’t use ethanol. I bet you everyone who drives a hybrid is assured a chelek in olam habah.

Clothing: Clothing should be of natural fibers, it’s in our mesorah to wear cotton and other naturally grown fibers. The prewar gedolim would be shocked to see people wearing clothing made in Asian sweatshops, they supported the local sweatshops that helped Jewish immigrants start a life here. The halacha states that you should only buy fair trade.

Shul: Suddenly shuls would be advertising that they were powered by wind energy and they would be using only biodegradable cutlery (in the Bay Area they do this already) all the seats wouldn’t be made from wood because God forbid we chop down trees. The siddurim would be made with recycled shaimos and there would be a rooftop garden where the shul had it’s own CSA.