Guest post by Eclectic Trixie
I hate converting. There. I said it. Sure, Iíve already mentioned this to my rabbis (in some very colorful language) but I feel the need to say it again in this format as well. I hate converting. There is nothing fun about it. It sucks ass balls.
Itís awful that my life is on hold for 2 years. That I canít date. That I canít move. That I canít be a part of my old community but I am not allowed to really be a part of the one I am in (though Iím told I need to be in order to finish the conversion). I canít even travel as much as Iíd like because I need to be ďaroundĒ for shabbos.
It sucks to have to explain to everyone new that I meet that I am converting and why. It sucks to hear everyone tells me that Iím crazy. Yes, they actually say that. Over and over I hear that. It gets old after a while.
It irks me to be asked to donate money to the shul. Sure, Iíve been attending for a few years now. But its not my problem they wonít let me be a member. Iíd be happy to pay dues, volunteer, sponsor a kuddushÖ†But donít ask me to give money to a group that doesnít want me yet.
Yet. Thatís the real kicker. They are going to finish this conversion eventually. Iíve even been given a timeline (we are down to just a few months now). So what are they waiting for? For me to put on a pair of jeans and eat a cheeseburger? Already happened! For me to tell them how much I hate everything about them and this process? Already happened. And after all that, they said ďWe want you. You are special and would make an amazing addition to this communityĒ. So, what are you waiting for.
Do I need to learn more? Because as it is I was pulled from all my classes because I wasnít learning anything new. It took months to find me new teachers and they are all intimidated by me and canít answer at least 75% of my questions. Do I need to lose more? Because Iíve already lost some family, friends, lots of clothes, not to mention how expensive all this is. Do I need to make more friends in the Ďchood? Well, thatís a little hard considering I canít even invite anyone over for a cup of coffee since until my conversion is complete my kitchen isnít kosher enough for anyone.
What else? What else do you want from me? Youíve said Iím sincere. Youíve said you want me. Now you are just waiting. Waiting for the sake of waiting.