Guest post by Eclectic Trixie
I hate converting. There. I said it. Sure, I’ve already mentioned this to my rabbis (in some very colorful language) but I feel the need to say it again in this format as well. I hate converting. There is nothing fun about it. It sucks ass balls.
It’s awful that my life is on hold for 2 years. That I can’t date. That I can’t move. That I can’t be a part of my old community but I am not allowed to really be a part of the one I am in (though I’m told I need to be in order to finish the conversion). I can’t even travel as much as I’d like because I need to be “around” for shabbos.
It sucks to have to explain to everyone new that I meet that I am converting and why. It sucks to hear everyone tells me that I’m crazy. Yes, they actually say that. Over and over I hear that. It gets old after a while.
It irks me to be asked to donate money to the shul. Sure, I’ve been attending for a few years now. But its not my problem they won’t let me be a member. I’d be happy to pay dues, volunteer, sponsor a kuddush… But don’t ask me to give money to a group that doesn’t want me yet.
Yet. That’s the real kicker. They are going to finish this conversion eventually. I’ve even been given a timeline (we are down to just a few months now). So what are they waiting for? For me to put on a pair of jeans and eat a cheeseburger? Already happened! For me to tell them how much I hate everything about them and this process? Already happened. And after all that, they said “We want you. You are special and would make an amazing addition to this community”. So, what are you waiting for.
Do I need to learn more? Because as it is I was pulled from all my classes because I wasn’t learning anything new. It took months to find me new teachers and they are all intimidated by me and can’t answer at least 75% of my questions. Do I need to lose more? Because I’ve already lost some family, friends, lots of clothes, not to mention how expensive all this is. Do I need to make more friends in the ‘chood? Well, that’s a little hard considering I can’t even invite anyone over for a cup of coffee since until my conversion is complete my kitchen isn’t kosher enough for anyone.
What else? What else do you want from me? You’ve said I’m sincere. You’ve said you want me. Now you are just waiting. Waiting for the sake of waiting.