Torat Hamelech: Book Review

I just finished reading Torat Hamelech, the recent book that has become the talk of the town in Jerusalem and I just don’t see what the big deal is. Sure, it said that you should kill non-Jews, but this is a Torah commandment and if you call yourself a Torah Jew, you better be killing some non-Jews, it’s no different than z’man kiras shema and learning chitas. I myself am all for the killing of non-Jews, they make goyishe music, they temp us with chukas hagoyim and they have created this discrepancy between beged ish and beged isha which has led to great rifts between modern orthodox and plain old orthodox Jews – they obviously deserve to die.

Could you imagine if we could have had a good reason to be killing non-Jews all along? Life would have been so much more decent for us frum Jews, we would have killed off Kennedy when he refused to wear a hat to shachris, we could have killed the inventor of the collapsable mechitza which made mixed dancing viable. We could have killed the inventor of the miniskirt and we could have killed the inventor of the internet, sure not a Jew.

Killing non-Jews would have helped us much in the times of the inquisition, Holocaust and any other tim where they killed us instead of we killed them – we may not have any holidays in that case, but we wouldn’t have had to suffer through such a poor read as Torat Hemelech, I may have said that killing non-Jews isn’t such a big deal, but the least the authors of Torat Hamelech could have done was fit in a decent plot.

There was no love story like I expected, I has heard that there may be some frum Romeo and Juliet thing going down – like a frum boy falls in love with a non-Jew and then the parents kill her so he isn’t tempted to go along with such destruction, would have reminded me of the time my dad threw out my entire porn collection and we had no internet connection, but this isn’t what the book was about.

In all honesty, I couldn’t get through much of the book, killing non-Jews is one of those hot topics of the moment, but I just don’t understand why they couldn’t have made it more interesting. It is a rather interesting subject, all it listed were the halachos surrounding the kill, like that you couldn;t say tachnun on the day of the kill, but you couldn’t do the kill on shabbos or in front of a bathroom (the stench would be overpowering you know) oh and not only does the book say that it’s cool to kill non-Jews, but you also have to get their kids and wives too (those frummies, always paying attention to details). Unfortunately, the book failed to mention whether I can keep their stuff when I off them and whether or not we have to check to make sure they are in fact not Jewish, or if we can rely on a chazaka, or if they get a free pass if they are converting.

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  • Abijah

    Is this book available in English? I want to start a Noahide reading group.

    • http://hatthief.blogspot.com Meir

      “We could have killed the inventor of the miniskirt and we could have killed the inventor of the internet, sure not a Jew.”

      Interestingly, the folks over at Wikipedia say that one of the first to sell miniskirts in the United States was Rudi Gernreich (an Austrian Jew); that being said, Wikipedia says he was a gay activist, so he was obviously even more up for killing than the non-Jews.

      As for the Internet, one of the co-creators of TCP/IP (the protocols at the heart of the Internet), Robert Kahn, is a Jew.

      • A. Nuran

        Rudi Gernreich came up with a way of selling half the cloth for twice the price. Now that’s what I call a businessman.

        • Anonymous

          nice :)

      • amyrpk

        “As for the Internet, one of the co-creators of TCP/IP (the protocols at the heart of the Internet), Robert Kahn, is a Jew.”

        Aaah. Thank you. Now I finally understand that mantra that’s graffiti’d all over this crazy country …

        T TC TCP TCP/IP

    • kelly

      There is a rough online translation in the works at http://torathamelech.blogspot.com/. Only part of the first chapter has been translated though….

  • Aliza T

    Satire: was pretty funny
    Actual issue: what is wrong with these ppl?!?!?!?
    And frummies here say not to think of chareidim as radical extremists? This couldve been written by Osama bin laden, just change the word Jew for Muslim. (not an offense to Muslims, an offense to extremists, of which OBL is the most notable)

    • Dan

      If you watch the youtube clip he linked, you’ll see that those aren’t chareidim.

      • Aliza T

        Where’s this clip exactly?

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06902696990092682950 Burnt Dreadlocks

      Did u learn the book to be able to say that? With all due respect, until you read it and see in what context they are speaking, dont make such sweeping bombastic statements.

      Kahane Chai!

      • Isak

        Yemach Shmo!

        • Yankel

          So if he was your brother, and he had died with out kids c”v, you wouldn’t do yibum?

      • Adam

        more to the point, with all due respect, did YOU read it?

  • Geoff

    So back in the real world, did you actually read (some of) the book? Did you buy it? You might end up on a no-fly list, R”l.

  • talking stam

    This post is in very poor taste.

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      Yes it is, I wished that more of my posts were…

    • A. Nuran

      So is this Hebrew edition of Mein Kampf

      • anon

        kol hakavod to a. nuran, you can always be relied on for an anti-jewish comment.

        • A. Nuran

          Condemning hatred and genocide is anti-Jewish?
          That says quite a bit about you my Anonymous Coward friend

  • Telz Angel

    I recall learning in Telz that we have to be very thankful to non-Jews for enabling us to learn Torah. A famous guest rabbi / story-teller came to speak to the bucherim and told us that it is our duty to be thankful to goyim. After all, thousands of them made the pencils and paper that we use for taking notes. In fact, the only reason God created all these goyim was so that they would create the pencils and paper for us to take notes in our learning. So I’d suggest that unless we are fully stocked with writing supplies, we should hold off on the massacre. Timing is everything.

    • Yankel

      That actually comes from a gemara in Avoda Zara.

    • Frumsatire Fan

      Perfect! So, everyone, raid the supplies cabinet at your office, and let’s get the party going! (far away from the restrooms)

    • soso

      That’s a cool comment!

  • RFZ

    Why in God’s name did you link a video by Max Blumenthal?

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      Why not, it’s a good video.

      • RFZ

        In any decent society, people like Max Blumenthal would no longer have their tongues.

        • http://hatthief.blogspot.com Meir

          Your appreciation of Saudi-like laws aside, that wouldn’t have affected most of the video; he’s just filming for over half of it without saying anything. Interviewing is only at the end and frankly the point would have been made just as well if that had been left out.

          • RFZ

            Obviously reasonable people find Toras HaMelech and the people supporting it to be insane.

            My point was that Max Blumenthal is a walking, talking Chilul Hashem and that he would’ve been silenced (with reason or by force) a long time ago if we were not so completely defeated by modernity.

  • Jordan

    Okay: I’m a goy who likes to read this site. There are plenty of similarities between different levels of Jewish observance and different levels of Catholic observance. I also respect the anger of some people here towards Catholicism. Catholicism deserves the anger. We haven’t anywhere near enough to own up to our history.

    I pray in Latin. I also read and understand it fluently. Lots of the whacko Catholics pray in Latin, but haven’t a clue what they’re hearing or saying. When I meet a anti-Semitic fundie Catholic, I always tell them that they have an ethical and moral obligation to avoid saying prayers that incite violence and hatred. They’re responsible for the history of violence behind those prayers even if they don’t know what the prayers mean. Fundies, even fundie priests, still try to justify the prayers even after I give them an exegetical smackdown. Plenty of Catholic priests are functionally illiterate in Latin. That’s even scarier than a stupid layperson because a stupid priest preaches on Sunday!

    People who are intelligent and understand sacral languages can usually read fundamentalist books and put things within a more moderate and reasonable context. It’s the people that can’t read the languages, are poorly educated, and believe evil clergymen that are the most irrational and cause the most damage.

    • Frumsatire Fan

      Ah, I wish that education —> goodness worked the way you say. The sad, disturbing reality is that many fundies (Jewish, Catholic, and anything I guess) do have a good education, only it’s very biased. But they definitely understand what they’re reading and interpret in a way that seems perfectly consistent to them (think of your average Opsu Dei guy). Personally, the main thing that sometimes almost puts me off religion is to see someone who’s knowledgeable and prays a lot and yet is kind of evil.

    • PrettyBoyFloyd

      As a Catholic hatin Jew, (because of our history of course), I totaly agree with your observation.

  • Yankel

    Take it easy. The whole subject of killing is limited to a very specific wartime-type situation.

    You’re all making it sound like Judaism is pro non-Jew genocide. It’s actually a biblical prohibition to so much as pain a non-Jew.

    Killing a non-Jew (outside of the war laws), although not punishable by death, was a most serious crime, and in the times of the sanhedrin, one would have probably been placed in a “kipa”. Not a suade or velvet round thing, but rather a locker sized crevice in the wall, and then he’d be fed raw barley and water until his stomach would burst, and he’d die on his own.

    • Aliza T

      It’s against Islamic law to kill people to, except during a “holy war” or jihad. Now the next thing you know some crazy rabbi declares out times a time of war and boom Jewish al-qaeda is born.

      • anon

        Aliza, our time is a time of war. Every read the PLO and Hamas charters amongst other things? In Israel it’s been a time of war since the founding of the state and before. And for much of Jewish history the goyim have waged war in various forms against the Jews living among them. It doesn’t need to be declared. It’s a simple fact.

        And please don’t compare Judaism to Islam, despite the convenience of doing so. They are so very different. (A religion is not just its pshat, it’s also its tradition and practice).

    • A. Nuran

      Not quite. It goes well beyond that saying that it’s alright to kill little children because they might grow up someday to hate Jews. Not collateral damage which always happens in wars. Not killing enemy fighters. Murdering innocent babies because “nits make lice” and we need the lebensraum.

      Sorry, at that point he’s just a Nazi with a bobbed dick.

      • Yankel

        I think the objective of the book was to address those in the IDF who were religious and therefore concerned about the morality (according to the Torah) of killing those who aren’t necessarily the aggressors.

  • Me

    Listen, I don’t think the question is about killing non-jews, but if you ARE going to kill non-jews, you should bring your tefillin along. I mean, right or wrong, you shouldn’t be judgmental of other people. And if killing non-jews is wrong, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t put on tefillin the next morning.

    • Yankel

      As a troll, you seriously suck.

      If you want to make Jews look bad – just tell people you’re Jewish.

  • Reader

    But if you kill all the goyim ….the earth would be a boring/stupid place with you guys
    -Internet could be used for “good like reading frumsatire”
    -Short skirt to train your narrow sight..
    Bunch of nazis

  • anon

    The book is not about killing random goyim, but about whose life takes precedence in a time of war, which is a very valid concern. The issue has arisen in the light of the extraordinary and unprecedented efforts that the IDF goes to to avoid civilian casualties of the enemy, whilst the Arabs aim to maximize them (i.e. their own civilian casualties). Please illuminate me as to one, just one, enlightened democracy that has ever done the same. The Americans have killed thousands of children in Afghanistan as “collatoral damage”, whilst the IDF refuses to blanket bomb in the hunt for terrorists instead sending in troops, house to house, resulting in many Israeli deaths. Sitting comfortably in your Manhattan penthouses you may not care about the death of Israeli soldiers, it probably won’t even make page 3 of the NYTimes, but those soldiers who are sacrificed to save the lives of enemy civilians were a son, a brother, a husband, a father to someone in Israel.

  • TrueSister

    I just have one thing to say— ALL OF YOU ARE NUTS!! It is a shame that you are using the word of God to make an excuse to kill. Now I have read the torah, and many versions of the christian bible and do not see any of what you are finding excuses to do. I tell you what– put down the crack cocaine and get a grip. I am glad I serve a True God that may soon get sick and tired of all you and make His own decision to end this conversation. Abraham, Issac and Israel would be ashamed of all of you!!!!

  • m

    due to my unpopular habit of forming my own opinions about things- does anyone know where i can obtain this book in america?

  • Knotty Boy

    I’m confused here. I’m not a Jew… so, now, someone please explain to me why I should be killed? I want to understand why you are banging my head with stones or strangling me if I visit Tel Aviv.

    • Menachem Rephun

      You definitely deserve to live, and if you visit Tel Aviv I’m positivie you’ll be given a very warm reception, at least by Jews. If you have trouble identifying us, we’re the guys with curly side-burns holding prayer books and rocking back and forth, not the lunatics with ski masks and rocket launchers perched on the rooftops

      • Bud

        “we’re the guys with curly side-burns holding prayer books and rocking back and forth”

        …and a profound sense of humor. ;)

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  • Fivish

    All is fair in love and war apparently; unless you are a Jew/Israel.
    The USA had no problem dropping atom bombs on civilians.
    Britain had no problem carpet bombing German cities.
    The Germans had no problem murdering 6 million Jews!
    The Arabs have no problem murding Jews while they sleep or shooting babies in prams with sniper rifles.
    So why all this anguish about Jews merely discussing Hashems view on Jews defending themselves? Its a very sick world we live in.

    • Menachem Rephun

      As a life-long Orthodox Jew, I can safely say its not common practice for Jews to go out and antagonize non-Jews, and anyone who promotes that kind of behavior would be condemned by by just about every person who believes in Torah. I have been at the recieving end of anti-semitism many, many times but by now I’ve learned to suppress my homicidal urges. Unlike Christians, Muslims, Nazis, and Chawawalabas, Jews don’t try to convert non-Jews, instead focusing on our own religion. We’ve never launched crusades or inquisitions or genocides against people who don’t accept our beliefs, and I’ve seen very few, if any, examples of that happenign in today’s world. I do see Jews promoting hostility towards each other though, which is a very tragic thing

  • Bernard

    I wish this book were translated into English. Its reputation, on the basis of alarmist reviews, is probably more destructive than its actual content.

    This book presents Biblical/Talmudic rules of warfare. This is of enormous historic significance but also of importance in the here and now. Arab molders of opinion are making it clear to their followers that they must and will apply the Islamic rules of war – not the Geneva Conventions – when it comes to war with Israel; in this situation, Israelis must be prepared with a clear knowledge of their own rules of war.

  • onmywaytogerius

    The book actually does address conversion this is probably way too late as sadly no one will read it but you it goes onto to explain if you kill someone who is in the conversion process you will be sentenced to death by a court.