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Searching for Frum Porn? You’re not the only one!

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So last Thursday night I was wandering my google analytics account and I decided to see what keyword combination’s people were using with the word “porn” to find my site, it was quite shocking, I see the occasional frum porn searches, but nothing like I discovered. These statistics are for the last 3 months I have highlighted the one’s I found especially interesting and my comments are in Italics. The list is very long, I intend to do a month of statistics next time I do something like this – statistics can get very interesting.

Search Term and number of times it was searched over the last 3 months:

frum porn 379
jewish porn 53
frumporn 41
calm porn 10
bukharian porn 9
jewish porn blog 9
chasidish porn 8
chassidish porn 8
heimish porn 8
sheitel porn 6
tefillin porn 6
bais yaakov porn 5
chasidishe porn 5
dear porn 5 - I thought Deer run pretty fast and domesticated deer are hard to find
free frum porn 5
frum gay porn 5
frum porn videos 5
jewish porn titles 5
jewishporn 5
frum jewish porn 4
frummy porn 4
guard yourself jewish porn 4
porn in disguise 4
frum porn stories 3
frumest porn 3 – How frum can it be already? Like the actors wear two pairs of tefillin and a streimel>?
gay jewish porn 3
hassid porn 3
jewish gay porn 3
jewish porn names 3
jewish pornography 3
shaindys porn 3
frum porn”” 2
frum porn,”” 2
cache:bfg_mb9wgjij:www.frumsatire.net/2010/06/15/dear-heshy-frum-porn-saved-my-neshama/ frum porn 2
chani porno 2
charedi porn 2
chasidic porn 2
chassidic porn 2
chassidish girls porn 2
chassidishe porn 2
frum jewish porn pic 2
frum porn free 2
frum porn sites 2
frum porn video 2
frum porn vids 2
frum porn#i=8 2
frum porno 2
frum sex porn 2
frumjewishporn 2
gay orthodox jewish porn 2
halacha porn 2 – Now that’s a first, do they learn mishna brura seder naked or something?
heimishe porn 2
hot chanie porn 2
israeli frum porn 2
israeli jewish porn pics 2
israeli lesbian porn 2
jew porn 2
jewish porn pics 2
jewish porn sex 2
jewish porn site 2
jewish porn sites 2
jewish porn stories 2
lubavitch porn 2 – The Rebbe awakens and walks out of the ohel
mikvah porn 2
neshama porn 2 – the neshama has no guf, so I guess it’s more of an erotica type of thing
orthodox jewish porn 2
porn frum 2
porno das negias 2
porno no paye 2
pornography pics 2
pornu ssxx 2
sephardic porn 2
tahlia miller porn 2
yeshiva porn 2
adeena”” porn 1
frum porn”” pictures 1
heimish porn”” 1
jewish porn movies”” 1
jewish porn”” 1
rosh hashanah”” porn 1I’ll dip my apples in your honey while you blow my shofar
adulterers’ porn website 1
aliza jacob porn 1
all porn titles 1
american feminists want to ban porn 1
american porn star brooklyn 1
antiporn antimale 1
arabia home woman bathroom accomplish porno 1
ateres yisroel porn 1
ba’al tsuvah porn star 1 – I truly wonder if there are any?
ban the little porn pictures 1
banning porn from the internet 1
bar mitzva porn 1unless it’s one of those birthright bar mitzvahs where a bunch of people who never got to be bar mitzvahd get called up to the torah and bend each other over the bimah, I really can’t say I’m down.
before i knew about porn 1
beit yaakov porn 1
biasex porn 1
black chaver porn 1
bochurim porn 1
buharian porn star 1
bukharian porn star 1
bukharian porno 1
bukharian pornstar 1
buscar frum porn 1
cahsidic porn 1
calm kallah porn 1
carribbean porn cort on tape 1
chabad porn 1
chani porn 1
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channie porn 1
chasidish girls porn 1
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chasidishe male porn 1
chassidic xxx porn 1
chassidim porn 1
chassidish mikvah porn 1 – why download when you can get it live every day
chassidish porn pic 1
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chatroulette sex porno videos +18 1
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combine lesbian porno film 1
condoning porn movies 1
coolidge girls gone wild porn 1 – I can tell it was a Chassid searching for this one
dancig dear porno 1
daven layman porn 1 – Woa hold the truck up WTF?
dear my girls porn 1
dears porn 1
disguised free porn websites 1
disguised porn websites 1
do yeshiva guys look at porn 1 – of course!!!
einstein yeshiva porn 1 – I had no idea Einstein went to yeshiva, I also never thought of him as the porn type.
exoticpornsites 1
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frumkeit porn 1 – nice
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guy in porn with jewish tattoo 1
halacha against pornography 1 – this was probably types in to prove that it’s easy to come across porn on the internet or maybe they genuinely thought there was a heter out there for it
halacha of porn 1
halacha on porn 1
hasidic jew porn tube 1
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illustrations of a pornographic nature 1
intense lesbian love making porn 1
is it wrong to watch porn judaism 1 – What do you think?
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is watching porn a sin halachically 1 – of course it is!!!
israel jew porn 1
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kosher porn frum sex 1
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mahla porn 1 - so now people want to get with the commenters.
maht?r porn 1
maimi hockers porn 1yessss!!! Like shomrim – hatzolah gangbang with the local bikur cholim girls.
masturbate porn on sabbath 1 – just make sure you don’t use electricity.

mikvah guys porn 1 – do you need porn? Just go to the mikvah.
musar to overcome porn 1 – just don’t type that into the search engine you moron!
new frum porn 1
nidah cam porn 1
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porn heter 1I’m sure that heter is worth loads (no pun intended)
porn in halacha 1
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pretend delivery man porn 1 – wait, it’s not always pretend?
quazi porn 1
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real frum porn 1
real hockers porn 1 – they must be from Flatbush, we will accept only real hockers
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site named something else but is porn in disguise 1
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tichel porn 1 – I want to see you in only your tichel
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underground frum jewish porn 1 -it’s so underground the hipsters haven’t even seen it
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  • yitz

    wow!!!!!! people are soooooo board…..

    • ISR

      and bored too………

  • Frozen Chosen

    This made my week! A question for Heshy–I know very little about search engines and site optimization–does this list show only that your site was listed when people googled the above searches? Or people searched for those things and additionally then clicked your link?

    • Mike

      Nice and simple, one could check his site to see what keyword directed a person into his site..

      • Frozen Chosen

        That didn’t answer my question.

        • Mike

          Ok more specific yes they had to click in order for the keyword to show up on the list.

  • Sergeant J

    Mahla….. Hmm……

    • Mahla

      :^O !!! LOL, that one was pretty disturbing! ;^D

      • Yankel

        Is Mahla a common Islamic name?

        It could have been a misspelled search too y’know.

        • Mahla

          It’s actually a very unusual Persian name! :^)

          • Yankel

            What does it mean?

        • Yoreh K’chetz

          Yankel,

          Mahla was one of Tzelafhad’s daughters.

          • Yankel

            I truly doubt that that’s who the guy was looking for.

            • Mahla

              LOL! ;^D

  • http://kissmeimshomer.wordpress.com kissmeimshomer

    mahla porn? WTF randommm

  • Frumsatire Fan

    Aren’t we humans curious creatures.
    “Calm porn”, 10 people. What did they want to find? The porn equivalent of Slow Food? Porn without sudden movements or loud noises?
    And, “Bukharian porn”, 9 people. This wins the prize for Most Specialized Fetish ever.

    • Esther

      Whatcha talkin’ about, Buhkarians are hottt!!!! Tall, dark and hairy ;)

      • Yoreh K’chetz

        Esther,

        Hairy women as supposed to be a lot hornier, the extra hair is a side effect of too much testosterone.

        • Yankel

          Shouldn’t too much of that make them les bos?

          • Yoreh K’chetz

            Yankel,

            Apparently not. Net time any of you are on a shidduch date and see this unibrowed, bearded thing with hairy arms, just think twice. A bit of wax and a hot s*x life, may be well worth it :) Reminds me of the “babe” in planet of the apes.

            • Yankel

              What I meant to say was, too much testosterone should make them lesbian.
              “Les bos” is fake French for lezbos.

              • Yoreh K’chetz

                Yankel, I realized that. From what I’ve read, it just makes them h0rnier, orientation doesn’t seem to matter.

                I wonder if the same is true for hairy dudes vs non hairy dudes, maybe that would explain why some women prefer the “gorilla” look.

        • Esther

          Well, being a straight woman myself, I was picturing tall, dark and hairy men…but, yes, its true, that description applies to both men and women…

          • Yoreh K’chetz

            Esther,

            Oops! Didn’t realize you were referring to dudes, thought it was sarcasm.

  • balebusta

    That photo is *amazing* Turban and shabbos robe! Love it!

  • Anonymous

    Hesh, I’ll bet most of them (the ones that were only tried once) were made by you on your lonely nights

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      It doesn’t count my own visits and besides I’ve fallen so far I require much more hardcore stuff than frum satire’s archives could ever provide.

      • A. Nuran

        Frum Satire, the Forbidden Posts.
        The mind boggles

  • Anonymous

    My bad on previous post- there actually was…

  • A. Nuran

    How much of that is web-crawling pr0nbots?

    • Esther

      Think the bots is how “nuran” ended up in there…twice :) I think you may be popular. You and Mahla… oy!

      • A. Nuran

        Unless the people looking are lady frogs looking for gentleman frogs I’m *ribbit* not interested

        • Esther

          You may not be, but the lonely/bored/horny/etc people searching are not exactly asking for permission…I suppose the only advice in this case is to be careful what you put out in the internet world as you never know who may be looking for it and for what purpose… And there may very well be lady frogs among the searchers!

  • anon

    There’s some pretty wierd mofos out there lol!!!!!

  • Yoreh K’chetz

    Hesh,

    This post may get your blog tagged, the word p0rnis repeated way too often.

  • http://kissmeimshomer.wordpress.com kissmeimshomer

    Figured i’d join in the merriment w some stats from my blog…

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    • Esther

      OMG! (that’s right, I said it!) Between “people who sleep with dead people” “no pants subway ride” and “blow a goat” …I stopped reading after that…you’ve got Heshy beat in terms of waaaaay more deviant folks coming up in your stats!!!!!!!!!!!Yeeeessshhh!

      • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

        Actually I only gave you terms with porn, I have a lot worse, but there would be literally 100,000 terms sitting on your screen for the last 3 months

        • http://kissmeimshomer.wordpress.com kissmeimshomer

          Heshy I wanna see the whole list!

        • Esther

          LMAO! Its not a contest, sir, calm down :) All three examples I pulled are porny…albeit deviant, seriously deviant.

          Its nice to know you went through the list and filtered it for your readers. The effort is appreciated.

          • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

            I don’t think you understand Esther, my statistics are advanced enough that I can drill down to single words and find the combination’s, however this list was moderated as well to remove anything that was really too much and there were many.

      • http://kissmeimshomer.wordpress.com kissmeimshomer

        Yea there’s some pretty sick trolls…but then again, People Who Sleep With Dead People was a title of one of my posts….but what’s about “guy girls horse difference” wtf is up with some people…

        • Esther

          Unfortunately, there are plenty of sickos out there…the really scary part is that, for the most part, whatever they type in online, will bring results. In other words, its not just a bunch of deviants searching but also FINDING!!!!!!!

          • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

            Guess I’m a liberal for acknowledging that everyone has different tastes and people do lots of things we would never suspect them of.

            • Esther

              Well, there’s liberal and there’s …errr…in need of psychiatric help – I am all for a wide range of acts between consenting adults, but bestiality (and that’s one of the areas where you’re waaaay more liberal), necrophilia, and to a lesser extent exhibitionism do not fall under that definition.

            • http://kissmeimshomer.wordpress.com kissmeimshomer

              yea some things are just too much. Porn is like the PG rating of whats really out there…

              • Yankel

                The things people can develop into if they follow their lusts without any restraint, are very frightening.

                The most scary part of it all, is that these people know their “Sick” but don’t understand why it’s bad to be like that. To them it becomes sort of normal.

                • http://kissmeimshomer.wordpress.com kissmeimshomer

                  Technically is there something wrong with banging a goat? What’s the definition of wrong? It’s sick, disgusting and if I know anyone who did it I’d never talk to them again. But I think we define wrong as something that is out of our societal norms. Thus, for someone learning at R’ Avrohom Yehoshua, wrong means learning too bekius’dik, for someone at R’ Tzvi it’s walking outside without hat and jacket, or coming to shiur after the door is locked….

                  • Yankel

                    Yes, customs are often subjective to the place time and people. But some things are looked at with disgust no matter where or when.

                    My point is, they ‘know’ they’re sick, but don’t really ‘feel’ sick. Sort of like a two dimentional “check the ‘sick’ box” knowledge of it.

                    • Aliza T

                      The psychological definition is amything outside the average part of the bell curve for the particular issue

                    • Yankel

                      But the real definition is clear to anyone sane.

  • dorot

    Don’t know why this one stands out to me: hot bukharian porn

    With a world population of less than 200,000 Bukharian Jews, this does really seem like an overly specific fetish. Is it the kaftans?

  • Mahla

    They’re after Nuran too! Did you guys catch that search for http://www.nuran porn.com ?! Yikes! ;^D

    • A. Nuran

      Is it flattering or really creepy to find out there are people doing pr0n searches on your name? I’m thinking “really creepy”.

      • Mahla

        It’s hilarious yet creepy! Ha ha, they can look high and low but they’re not gonna find anything!

        • A. Nuran

          About all they’ll find for me and pr0n is a few links to “food porn”, “tool porn” and “electronics porn”. And it will be pretty boring unless they’re interested in recipes, building things and circuits.

  • yitz

    i wish we can see WHO searched these……

  • Tevy

    Definitely one of your funnier posts I’ve read in a while. I’m surprised you didn’t comment on pornstar “”killing a chicken””… There are too many jokes to make with that one.

  • yitz

    that pix is someones wife!!!

    • Yankel

      It’s a modern single girl dressed up as a chassidish lady.