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Are you lazydox?

Are you lazydox?

Everyone goes through weird stages with their Jewish practice, I myself havenít been on my game lately, I havenít been getting up for shachris, have been forgetting to say mincha and have been lacking the kavannah I should be having. All of this is directly related to the fact that life has been good, I have a dream job that I could never have dreamed that I would have and enjoy it so much that life has been flying by at a steady pace. My theory is that life a series of good and bad, the good comes and you neglect God and he gives you a poch on the tuchus to remind you whose boss.Are you lazydox?

You tend to only wear tzitzis on shabbos or when you want to make people think you are frummer than you really are, like at shachris

You want to daven maariv, but are so damned tired that you only say the first paragraph of shema when you are already in bed

Zíman krias shema? Try tefillin for mincha

You ďforgetĒ to put on tefillin

Your idea of shabbos lunch is empire meat on white bread with mustard while reading the NY Post in your underwear

You roll into shul only when you have a meal setup

You figure if the Dutch can wait an hour between meat and milk you can too

You only wash for bread and bench on shabbos

You sometimes say brachos, but never a bracha achrona

You are always trying to figure out when candle lighting is and always do melacha on shabbos because of this

You remember to say havdalah on Sunday morning

When you put on tefillin you only say shema

You cover your head with your arm when you say a bracha or listen to Kiddush

You go to the occasional shiur, get pumped up and then sink back into your orthodox by default stage

You would never consider yourself orthoprax, itís just this mood youíre in

You would never break shabbos, but you donít mind when your off the derech roommates watch a movie on Friday night

{ 134 comments… add one }
  • Chuckie D October 25, 2010, 9:36 AM

    Wow I think u coined a new category. I feel nutshelled.

  • kissmeimshomer October 25, 2010, 10:29 AM

    i still havent quite figured out what orthoprax means…

  • tesyaa October 25, 2010, 10:37 AM

    All I can say is you can’t get away with this once you’re married, much less once there are kids in the picture.

    Orthoprax is definitely different, you have to think in order to be orthoprax.

    • Dov October 26, 2010, 8:14 AM

      @tesyaa, are you kidding? Plenty of married people with kids are like this, including me. What do you mean “can’t get away with it”?

      • tesyaa October 26, 2010, 1:28 PM

        I guess it depends on your spouse.

  • Yankel October 25, 2010, 10:56 AM

    I think almost everybody slips in and out of their own versions of “lazydox”. Getting inspired and serious, and then gradually letting yourself take it easy again.

    But I always had a hard time classifying people who consider themselves to be 100% frum, but let’s say – aren’t shomer, or will knowingly miss davening or krias shema.

    So things like lashon hara, not doing ‘shnayim mikra’, and not davening with proper kavannah – I can make an exception for. Even though they are all 100% binding just like every other halacha. Meaning you don’t change categories because your not so good in those areas, since it’s so rampant and unavoidable, and because these people believe in them, just can’t get themselves to do them. So those people are still considered orthodox.

    At the same time, if there’s a guy who says “I want to keep everything and I believe in everything” – but can’t get himself to keep shabbos, that guy’s not Orthodox.

    It’s kinda weird.
    I always imagine that in Heaven there is a distinction based on your association, and what kind of Jew you were based on your beliefs. (as silly as it sounds.)
    But “sof davar hakol nishma, es ha’elokim yirah v’es mitzvosav shemor, ki zeh kol ha’adam”

    • Heshy Fried October 25, 2010, 3:27 PM

      My theory is that the difference between being frum and something else is admitting and knowing you are wrong when doing certian things – of course this is all debatable since many of the “laws” have refutations of them from other law making rabbis.

      Frum to me is shomer shabbos, kasharaus and niddah

      • Whaaaat? October 25, 2010, 6:36 PM

        That makes you “Orthodox”

        Everything else isnt voluntary.

      • Yankel October 26, 2010, 2:38 AM

        Ok Hesh, so what would you say about the guy who believes everything and admits he should be doing everything, but isn’t religious at all?
        Is that guy Orthodox? More like WouldLikeTo-Dox.
        Oysh, too many new categories for one day!

    • not all or nothing October 25, 2010, 4:28 PM

      you’re assuming that we all have the same nekudah of bechirah… but in reality just because shabbos and shomer negya are effortless and/or fundamental to your relationship with g-d, this isnt the case for everyone else.
      i think that believing that “they are all 100% binding” is what counts. what a person keeps will fluctutate depending on circumstances – but is no one’s business!

  • yakov October 25, 2010, 11:51 AM

    wow i never thought you would find a category i fit into!!?!?! sh*t im lazydox!lol

  • Telz Angel October 25, 2010, 1:02 PM

    It was said of a great blogger that he was shomer mitzvot with “ramaz evarim” — (247 of his limbs).

    • Yankel October 25, 2010, 2:48 PM

      I don’t know how he could have worked that out – as great of a blogger as he might have been.
      Inevitably, there’s going to be more than one aiver contributing to the act. So technically it would be more like with “ram eivarim”.

    • OfftheDwannaB October 26, 2010, 4:26 PM

      ūüôā

  • Avrumy October 25, 2010, 1:19 PM

    You really did a good job with this list.
    Long Aramaic prayers? No thanks.
    Six whole hours because my zayde was from Poland, when there is ice cream waiting? No thanks.
    What about v’yiten l’cha and kiddush levana? No thanks. I said enough.

  • Moish October 25, 2010, 2:32 PM

    Avrumy,

    Your Olam haba? No thanks.

    • Ben G October 25, 2010, 2:42 PM

      Moish, since when did you become the Master of the Universe to judge who gets a portion in the world to come?? Hmmm?

      • Whaaaat? October 25, 2010, 6:38 PM

        Since when did you become higher than G-d and decide which Laws where optional.

    • Whaaaat? October 25, 2010, 6:37 PM

      Touche

    • Frumsatire Fan October 25, 2010, 8:35 PM

      Since when do we do mitzvot for a reward / fear of punishment? Some American frummies sometimes sound SOOO much like their Evangelical Christian neighbors.

  • david October 25, 2010, 3:34 PM

    Yes I am sometimes lazy dox.
    However heshy with me it works the other way round when things are going good I am stronger in my yiddishkeit then when things are not going as good.

  • Zack Pierson October 25, 2010, 3:59 PM

    Awesome post!

  • Anonymous October 25, 2010, 4:13 PM

    the zmanim always seem to get me in the lazy-dox phase; i didnt mean to miss zman krias shma, I was sleeping; I didnt mena to miss maariv, i was just out all night with my friends; but if you’re a vegetarian, at least the six hours after meat isn’t an issue, wherever your family’s from…

    • Frumsatire Fan October 25, 2010, 8:43 PM

      Some times of the year I’m more lazy-dox than others. F. ex. when Shabbat starts nice and late I’m so much better at having guests, cleaning up, etc. And I’m also a bit of a lazydox BT – now I try to daven at least once a day; most days I manage 2, and the idea is to get to say all 3 every day, at some point.

  • Batsheva October 25, 2010, 4:39 PM

    My husband is lazydox. I’m marginally orthopractic. By your standards, though, Shabbat, Kashrus, and niddah, I’m frum.

  • FortyFrumThing October 25, 2010, 4:48 PM

    Gawd, this applies to me in the last year. This fits the BT of the type that I am. Not the zero-to-100KmPH-black-hat-or-nothing BT. But rather the gradually Modox, coming from Conservative/Masorti, starting kashrut by 86-ing the cheese on the McWhopper, showering during 3-day-chagim to smell good for the single babes at kiddush, type of BT that I am.

    I had no idea there were FFB lazy-dox types, too. Whew, what a relief that I wont be alone in Gehenom!

    • Synapse October 25, 2010, 5:31 PM

      I hear that, but I also think you can be 0-100 lazydox. Some of these things were pretty much me.

  • Anonymous October 25, 2010, 6:14 PM

    GREAT POST!!

  • oy vey October 25, 2010, 6:47 PM

    THERE IS FINALLY A TERM FOR MY RUT! Thank you!
    This is the longest lazydox time span I’ve ever gone through and I was wondering if anyone else ever felt this lame and uninspired, even when things are going very well. I was also worried that I was suffering from burnout because I’m a BT, but I was never one of those crazy zero to 100% BTs. But it’s not really burnout of practice because I still shomer shabbos and negiah and on and on, but the inspiration is missing and the davening is dwindling. Maybe the first step is coining a term for the laziness…and now I can move past it?…

    • lazy October 25, 2010, 9:45 PM

      I think you make a really good point that it feels pretty lame to be lazydox. Even when you do manage to get up and daven, or say bircas hamazon after your peanutbutter and jelly for shabbos lunch it feels like a weaky, halfhearted “i’m sorry” rather than real connection with your creator

      • oy vey October 25, 2010, 9:57 PM

        Exactly! It’s not even like I think this lazydox-ness is good enough. I am aware of how lame it is and yet I still can’t muster up the motivation and feelings of inspiration of my not so distant past. LAMELAMELAME to an extreme.

    • Yankel October 26, 2010, 5:13 AM

      Buddy, it’s nothing to do with BT.
      I’m as FFB as can be, and I also suffer burnout.
      It has to do with pressing goals you have which aren’t being accomplished, and are sitting on your head for long stretches of time, making you mishigeh.

      Bottom line, Mevakesh = Agmas nefesh. But it’s worth it ūüôā

      • oy vey October 26, 2010, 5:40 PM

        Not only is it not accomplishing pressing goals, but also regressing in levels of commitment. I daven a lot less than I did just a few months ago. But, it’s kind of nice to know that burnout doesn’t mean I’m a bad BT, because if it happens to FFBs, it’s more than becoming overwhelmed with new-ish commitments.

  • David October 26, 2010, 3:54 AM

    If you are Lazydox, why bother? Go to the beach! get some ladies! Get some Chazir down your neck! why torture yourself for nothing.

    • Yankel October 26, 2010, 5:09 AM

      Reb Yid, I have news for you.
      You are also lazy-dox.
      Maye not as much as Hesh here, but if you have the ability to be mevatel Torah and hang out on the computer, and you have no problem reading things on this site, some of which are assur and some just not great, then you are not keeping to Halacha yourself.

      Does that mean you should “Go to the beach, get some ladies, and Get some Chazir down your neck”?
      No, at least I hope you don’t think so.

      There’s such a thing as really wanting to be a good Jew, but not having the will or self dicipline to carry out your wishes 100%.
      So some people do it 99%, some 85%, and some 25%. It’s all the same category – just different levels within it.
      The question of how dedicated you are to H-shem, is really “what % of your beliefs do you actually carry through with”.

      I have no doubt, that if you’d ask a Rosh Yeshiva to write down what his ideal day should look like, and then compare it with the actual day that just passed, you will notice shortcomings.

      The trick that all the avodah seforim speak about, is to recognize that you are not perfect and will inevitably do aveiros, and yet still make your best attempt to keep 100% of the Torah without being discouraged at your failure.

      The correct way for us to deal with our aveiros, is to do Teshuva every day for them, and attempt to pick up on what our weak points are, and work on them specifically.

      Not to decieve yourself into thinking that whatever problems you have keeping the Torah are either non-existant or not important.

      So that’s exactly what Hesh is doing here. He’s saying “I know I should be a better Jew, but for some reason I can’t get myself to do what it takes to be who I should be, but that doesn’t stop me from keeping whatever I’m able to get myself to.”

      You might be doing more, but your outlook is very dangerous and counterproductive.

      I think the recognition of one being lazy-dox constitutes a very healthy attitude given the circumstances, (the alternative is to justify oneself and develop distorted conservative or reform beliefs) and you – from your level, should try to emulate it.

    • Guest October 28, 2010, 10:57 PM

      >If you are Lazydox, why bother? Go to the beach! get some ladies! Get some Chazir down your neck! why torture yourself for nothing.

      In rabbinic tradition, the best kind, least guilty sinner is the mumar le-tey’avon.

  • David October 26, 2010, 11:35 AM

    Yankal – Yashar Koach, very nicely put…..

    You wrote: ‘if you have the ability to be mevatel Torah and hang out on the computer, and you have no problem reading things on this site, some of which are assur and some just not great, then you are not keeping to Halacha yourself.’

    Since when is reading oppinions of other people assur?

    If you find yourself going to Shull on Shabbat and chatting through the Torah reading about the football/stockmarket/man sat opposite you with the guy sat next to you then you might as well go to the beach and have some fun why put yourself through the boredom and tediousness of Shull. It may not be lazydox but its illogical and stupid.

    • Yankel October 26, 2010, 2:55 PM

      Oh, I’m not saying that hearing other opinions are assur, but reading any lewd discussions, or references to ‘divrei nevala’, or explicit ‘divrei nevala’, is assur.
      Not to mention the occaisonal Lashon Hara.

      There’s no shortage of ‘haiseh chanalach’ discussions here.

      Impossible to avoid the sick-talk.
      I’ve tried to for a while, and even picked up this 6th sense of the direction Heshy’s going in in his posts, but that doesn’t help for the commenters…

      Oh well, I guess I’m still here because I’m lazy-dox too.

      Maybe we can get a lazy-dox minyan/kollel together ūüôā

  • OfftheDwannaB October 26, 2010, 4:31 PM

    I’m like this. The best explanation I’ve gotten for it is on Dr. Sorotzkin:
    http://www.drsorotzkin.com/middos.html

  • F October 26, 2010, 7:18 PM

    I am nobody to talk, but you are all young, and the Jewish relationship with G-d is living and dynamic. This relationship contains a permanent element of mystery. It’s not like the software that runs the bank, or a very advanced robot, fully understood – much complication, but no mystery. The most advanced robot is still not alive. You are alive. G-d made you like that, so we have to presume he likes you that way.

    To explain is not to explain away.

    You still get credit for being in shul at all. You may get more credit Upstairs for going, than someone does who is having more fulfillment, and singing along on key.

    You are young. The dough hasn’t risen even once. It is expected to be gassy, lumpy and sour.

    You know the drill now. You have your tool box. Now, take a lifetime to examine it, and see what’s up with all this. Now, you will come to own what has been handed to you. Gradually.

    Don’t get scared. Not of G-d, not of your own weakness. Will I remember it all, you fret. Yes, you will. Just don’t do anything stupid, and don’t panic, and just wait, listen, and think. Stay observant. Pun intended.

    You are in the forest now, hunting on you own, without your elders. Be patient, and don’t get silly.

    In time, you will be battle-hardened, and I have faith that you will NOT be abandoned, or left alone by, you know, Him.

    • oy vey October 26, 2010, 8:56 PM

      This is a really wonderful comment. Truth: I am still quite young. Hilarious: The dough hasnít risen even once. It is expected to be gassy, lumpy and sour. Motivational: Donít get scared. Not of G-d, not of your own weakness.

      This is why I love being jewish. And frum. And part of a really loving community, regardless of what haters may say.

    • Yankel October 27, 2010, 3:34 PM

      “In time, you will be battle-hardened, and I have faith that you will NOT be abandoned, or left alone by, you know, Him.”

      I’m actually more concerned that I will abandon Him R”L, or just never do anything about my realization of what this whole story is all about.

    • Julie October 29, 2010, 11:02 AM

      I don’t know who you are, and I find myself wishing that I knew you. That was one of the most touching blog comments I have ever read.

  • Anonymous October 27, 2010, 12:33 AM

    Hey Lazy. You with the peanut butter.

    The Yetzer Ha Ra is seriously busy denigrating your prayer. You must be very valuable target. You know the holier someone is, the more troops the Yetzer Ha Ra invests against him, right?

    Do you know how impressed He is Upstairs, with your peanut butter Birchat Ha Mazon???? That might be one of the best brachos He got all day! Nobody watching you, to keep you to it.

    “Man, will I ever send that guy A SPLENDID WIFE, in time, to make him something fancier for lunch, but, you know, this peanut butter bracha is so preeeeeecious… They grow up soooooo fast… And, it means something, only because he has an Adversary! I LOVE this generation!!!”

  • Anonymous October 27, 2010, 9:27 PM

    Yankel, hang around a starry-eyed BT occasionally, to get a re-charge. Do a little kiruv. Listen to why he became BT.

    You are just getting to know this dude Hashem as a grown man, not a child. It’s a new day with you and Him. Give this new relationship time.

    Having faith in Him just has to include having the faith that he made you with the stuffing you are going to need.

  • Anonymous October 27, 2010, 9:28 PM

    I think it’s in Shacharit, no? “…Who girds Israel with givurah….”

  • F October 30, 2010, 9:27 PM

    Thanks, Julie.

    Anonymous was also F, but forgetting to put in the F before hitting the Submit button.

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