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Do women go on tefillindates?

Im sitting in my car and an idea for a post comes into my head just as the Beastie Boys Sabatoge goes into its chorus, you are all lucky you werent there, because I start singing really loudly along with the chorus I wonder if girls go on tefillin dates? I kept going, because as any Beastie Boys fan knows, the chorus climaxes and then goes back to it again. It was strange and made me laugh, but I did begin to wonder about girls going on tefillin dates.

By asking if girls go on tefillin dates, I dont mean that girls, sensing there will be action that evening warn the man to bring his tefillin so as not to miss tefillin in the morning when they wake up. The whole concept of this is a bit absurd if you think about it. Most of the time, the woman is invited back to the mans house, so why would a man bring his tefillin on a date? If the date involved no car, it seems the man would look pretty dumb carrying his tefillin around an art museum at 8 in the evening. People might think he was on a deranged post shkiya mivtzoyom (when chabad buchrim put tefillin on random Jews) mission. The whole concept of tefillin dates seems a bit out of whack to me, but if it werent that out of whack, do women go on tefillin dates?

Its a good question considering the fact that the Beastie Boys sang about it. They know their shit. Im sure they got a pretty good yeshiva education before getting caught at White Castle eating sliders. They were obviously ahead of their time, because the 80s wasnt a time when women who actually cared about zman tefillah were putting on tefillin. The 80s was a time when women who cared about being men and doing things that men were doing were doing those things that men were supposed to do.

Fast forward 20 years and women are actually putting on tefillin for the right reasons, because it says to bind strange leather straps with boxes to your eyes every morning. The women say it too, at least I hope they do I dont think they are on such high madreigas where they can avoid their daily affirmations of Gods oneness. Are they? Do they have to say shema? Or can they sleep late and avoid it all together? I never thought about, but many women do say shema and if they say shema, they probably should put on tefillin and tzitzis if they want to be hiddur mitzvah.

So if you happen to be one of those ladies that wants to fulfill the mitzvah of shema and tefillin you may want to bring your tefillin on a date with you. Can you imagine how weird it must be to go on a date and not bring your tefillin? Mens shell roshs are usually too big for a womans head anyway — whats a recently sexed up girl to do? Its not easy to find frum women who put on tefillin and the chances are that the guy by whom you slept doesnt really want you doing the tefillin walk of shame around the neighborhood.

{ 29 comments… add one }
  • BBG October 19, 2010, 1:54 PM

    Very disjointed post.

    • Blonde Jim/ Coolshmool October 19, 2010, 2:01 PM

      bbg ur a retard

      • BBG October 19, 2010, 2:30 PM

        That’s why every other commenter posted a similar thought, right?

  • NoFear October 19, 2010, 1:59 PM

    Kind of a nonsensical post. Also, Sabotage was written in the 90’s, not the 80’s.

    • Heshy Fried October 19, 2010, 2:25 PM

      You think I know everything, but try singing I wonder if girls go on tefillin dates with the song – it works perfectly

  • waiting October 19, 2010, 2:05 PM

    took me til the very end that you meant that the women are the ones bringing the tefilin. cute concept but came across so unclear. oh well, i will keep reading anyway

  • Rafi October 19, 2010, 2:17 PM

    and what happens when she shows up with her tefillin, but he didnt think of bringing his? will she dump him because he is not frum enough?

    • The Jewish Desert Tortoise October 20, 2010, 3:50 AM

      I give that comment 5 stars.

  • Anonymous October 19, 2010, 3:14 PM

    It doesnt say in shema “to bind strange leather straps with boxes to your eyes every morning” you can double check i assure you it isnt there. Chazal expalin to us what the psukim mean, and they tell us that women arent obligated to wear them. And no women dont have to say shema

    • Yankel October 19, 2010, 3:42 PM

      Cha-who?
      Mod-Ox go with what they feel.
      Sorry my friend.
      Mishnaic sources are only relevant when they run parralel to what you want.

      Of course you realize I’m exaggerating like crazy, but “Chazal” usually isn’t enough to tell them what to do or not to do.

  • Yankel October 19, 2010, 3:31 PM

    I like it.
    Very creative.

    I was also wondering,
    Do chassidish feminist RebbeTzins give tish?
    Is there pushing?
    Do they eat with silverware or do they do hands?
    When they daven for the amud, do they krechtz?
    What about mitzva tantz,
    Do they dance with the chosson?

    • Heshy Fried October 20, 2010, 1:57 AM

      Do chassidish rebetzins give tish is there pushing – oy the thoughts I’m having

  • Sammy October 19, 2010, 5:25 PM

    where in the song do they talk about tefillin dates?

  • glamgal October 19, 2010, 6:08 PM

    Great topic but yeah a little unclear btw we do say shema but like everything theres “lady excuses”

  • glamgal October 19, 2010, 6:10 PM

    And yankel- great questions

  • behind a dumpster... October 19, 2010, 6:26 PM

    You’ll take any date you can get heshy.

    The real question is do you go on “grandma dates”?

    • Heshy Fried October 20, 2010, 1:57 AM

      The last girl I dated was 31, in some cultures that could be of age

      • mackman October 20, 2010, 9:24 AM

        HA! LOVE the hidden (im guessing Chassidish) innuendo there 😛

  • Anonymous October 19, 2010, 7:12 PM

    Well, I’m in a long-distance relationship with a girl who lays tefillin, and whenever she comes to visit, she brings her tefillin. She doesn’t believe in having pre-marital sex, but if she did, we’d have tefillin dates. (Go ahead, get confused by the idea that there are egalitarian Jews who don’t have sex before marriage).

    • Rob October 20, 2010, 9:28 AM

      “there are egalitarian Jews who dont have sex before marriage”… and that is because they are under the age of consent, probably. It’s a slippery slope, egalitarian, then mixed seating, then touching, then affectionate contact, then… sex before and outside of marriage.

  • Not me October 20, 2010, 10:27 AM

    Heshy, I can guarantee that dates aren’t what they want t’fill in.

    • confused September 22, 2011, 1:29 PM

      ahahahahah

  • Anonymous October 20, 2010, 10:51 AM

    Love that frummy makeout sesh pic!!
    Any idea who they are?

    It’s awesome!

    • Dovybear October 20, 2010, 12:35 PM

      I think I recognize the guy, actually. In which case I know who the girl is too (he only had one girl, who he’s now married to…). Can’t say for sure, but if it is you Dudi…

      • Heshy Fried October 20, 2010, 3:00 PM

        It’s one of the most famous pictures online – used by every single tefillin date, frum porn, shaindy, leah kleim, etc… site out there.

  • yg October 20, 2010, 12:16 PM

    great post! one thing though, none of the beastie boys did not actually go to jewish schools. it is an untrue urban legend.

    • Heshy Fried October 20, 2010, 3:02 PM

      Interesting because in their interview with Heeb several years back they said they all attended MTA and my brother told me that Rabbi Dulitz admitted to having them as students. Urban legend is that they went to white castle and they got thrown out.

  • Tova October 20, 2010, 12:38 PM

    I don’t understand.

    A tefillin date requires 2 parties: a male and a female. Doesn’t the very existence of a tefillin date require that a woman partake in it?

  • MonseyMan October 22, 2010, 9:42 AM

    There is an episode of Serugim (in season one, you can find it with subtitles on Youtube) where the guy spends the night at his girl’s apartment. In the morning he is looking for tefillin (not having brought his). Funny scene is when she gets him a pair from a neighbor, but its a woman’s pair. He refuses to wear them.

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