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Illicit Sex is halachically allowed for the Sake of National Security

I know it sounds like another satirical piece to come out of my never ending repertoire or mind numbing brilliance but I assure you it’s real. Even Vos Iz Neias had the article up and it didn’t appear to be edited, in fact they even left the word “sex” in the piece which is shocking for a supposedly frum site – everyone knows frummies neveruse the word sex.

A new Halachic study has established that it is a mitzvah to have sex with a terrorist for operational purposes. The new study establishes guidelines on this issue. For example, if the agent is a married woman, it would be best for her husband to divorce her before, and after the act he will be entitled to take her back.

I know it sounds too good to be true, but any halachically sanctioned out of wedlock sex is bound to get someone excited, I can hardly believe my eyes, but I honestly couldn’t imagine getting it on with an Al Quieda operative, it seems a bit scary to tell you the truth.

The title of the study is Illicit Sex for the Sake of National Security, and it appears in the new edition of Tehumin, an annual publication of Halachic studies on issues that pertain to the interface between religion and modernity — Kashrut, the army, the economy and so forth. The periodical is published by the Tzomet Institute in the Etzion Bloc, and which is identified with the Religious Zionist movement. The article was written by Rabbi Ari Shvat, a teacher of Jewish studies. Rabbi Shvat published in this case a guidebook, so to speak, for the woman Mossad agent who serves as a seductress and is forced to sleep with dangerous terrorists either in order to obtain vital information or to bring about their capture. This is known in professional jargon as setting a honey trap, and it was used in the Vanunu case as well as, according to foreign reports, in the assassination of the terrorist Mahmoud al-Mabhouh in Dubai last January.

Rabbi Shvat addressed in his study past instances of Jewish seductresses, such as Queen Esther (who slept with Ahasueras, the king of Persia, in order to help the Jews) and Yael, the wife of Hever, (who tradition suggests slept with the enemy chief of staff, Sisra, in order to tire him and to cut off his head). It turns out that a fierce debate raged in the Gemara about such significant questions. The conclusion drawn by the Gemara was that if having sex with a gentile is crucial for advancing an important national purpose, it is even to be considered a mitzvah to do so.

Of course, one ought to prefer an unmarried agent for a honey trap mission, wrote Rabbi Shvat, but if it is necessary to use a married woman it would be best were her husband to divorce her with a get, and after the act he would be entitled to bring her back. In order to help the couple avoid the discomfiture of having to go to the rabbinate each time, Rabbi Shvat has authorized the couple to be divorced in writing so that the matter does not become public. If the couple doesnt have an opportunity to divorce prior to his wife leaving on the mission, her husband is obliged to divorce her after the fact since, according to Halacha, she betrayed him, even if it was for the sake of an important national mission.

Any woman who is thinking about applying for the job needs to take into account that she wont be able to marry a Cohen, but the author of the study seems to realize that that isnt what is going prevent women from enlisting into the Mossad ranks or, as the article put it: Naturally, a job of that sort could be given to a woman who in any event is licentious in her ways.

In conclusion, Rabbi Shvat wrote: Not only is it permissible but the sages raise that action of devotion to the top of the pyramid of Halachic priorities as the most important mitzvah of all.

The director of Tzomet and the chief editor of Tehumin, Rabbi Yisrael Rosen, praised the new study as daring and important. Despite the fact that women employees of the Mossad are probably not going to come consult with a rabbi, it is an important connection that requires courage to make.

I was wondering what other scenarios I could come up with that would be a miztvah to have pre-marital or out of wedlock sex.

To save a drowning victim: What if you saw someone drowning, but you yourself couldn’t swim, you would probably be able to have sex with someone in exchange for them saving the drowning person, the sex would have to be quick though – or maybe exchanged at a later date.

Stolen Tefillin: You know those people that steal tefillin and try to resell them, I bet you could get them back for the simple price of sex.

Kiruv: Think about how many more people would become frum if we could just show them the joys of frum sex. I can imagine Birthright Next holding swingers parties. What if someone says they will become frum in exchange for sex, can you halachically turn down such a request?

Mechalal shabbos: What if someone threatens to break shabbos unless you have sex with them, sex is far lesser of an aveira than breaking shabbos.

{ 41 comments… add one }
  • Abijah October 6, 2010, 9:07 AM

    Your google adds are pushing my envelope.

    • A. Nuran October 6, 2010, 12:00 PM

      Heshy doesn’t have any control over those.

    • Mark October 6, 2010, 1:22 PM

      So use a browser (FF) and a plugin (Noscript) that blocks doubleclick.net.

      • Heshy Fried October 6, 2010, 1:47 PM

        I have a filter set-up, but frummies are way more sensitive than the general population

        • Mark October 6, 2010, 4:13 PM

          Yep, way more sensitive about EVERYTHING.

    • jimmy October 15, 2010, 4:00 PM

      Use Firefox with the AdBlock addon. It’ll get rid of the syndication ads.

  • Sergeant J October 6, 2010, 9:43 AM

    Is that it? Google ads are gonna make you go nuts?

  • sergeant J October 6, 2010, 9:47 AM

    Abijah, All the ads I see are for AMEX PASS, some frum “school” offering to teach you how to make iphone apps, Simple Mobile, and a few other innocuous ones.. They are based on the kinds of things you have clicked on in the past as well as your geographic area and the page content.. so… what have you clicked on in the google ad world?

    • Batsheva October 6, 2010, 3:18 PM

      I don’t think so, I think they are usually based on the content of the material you’re reading at the time. For example, this is an article that talks a lot about sex. I see one add for a Jewish Singles dating site, and one add (that is probably the one freaking out Abijah) that says “Date Wealthy Women” with a pic of a woman in her underwear. Also another ad I don’t understand at all that has a photo of a bleached blonde woman with her mouth open that says, “San Francisco, check out this Yiddishkeit!” That appears to be for something called 4Torah.com. The ads you describe, Sergeant J, I also see at the top of the page. Maybe you just didn’t scroll all the way down.

      • Sergeant J October 7, 2010, 11:36 AM

        I don’t have ads for singles or wealthy women to date. I know how to scroll. Maybe Arizona doesnt have those things? Or maybe u have not been looking….

        • Phil October 7, 2010, 12:16 PM

          Sarge,

          You computer might be blocking Google’s image ads. I keep getting dating ads as well, and I don’t use dating sites.

      • Phil October 7, 2010, 12:14 PM

        Batsheva,

        The San Francisco ad is for Adath Israel, the 4Torah ad is for http://www.4torah.com . They are separate ads, just seem to be stuck together.

  • OfftheDwannaB October 6, 2010, 9:55 AM

    Excellent. It’s really Hashgachah. I was just debating whether to become a spy or actor or pilot, and this settled it for me.

  • Frumsatire Fan October 6, 2010, 9:58 AM

    I see potential for a film here: Mali Belanga (the wife from Ushpizin) gets recruited by the Mossad. I guess the main point of the get is to allow Mali not to wear a sheitel when she’s on her mission, otherwise the Al Quaeda man might suspect.

  • Esther October 6, 2010, 10:11 AM

    Birthright swingers parties…now there’s an idea

    • speculating October 6, 2010, 11:51 PM

      LIKE 😉

  • FrumGer October 6, 2010, 10:27 AM

    the term swinger party is not the right nomenclature, that applys to married people going to a party and hooking up with other married paople… what your thinking of is more like a sex club or sex party…

  • Eli October 6, 2010, 11:14 AM

    I take the story of Rav Kahana hiding under his Rebbe’s bed “for this is Torah, and I must learn” one step further. I demonstrate to my Talmidos when and how bei’ah is muttar or assur. As you know, the act is considered consumated when hara’ah happens. Now there’s a machlokes exactly what that his (the whole helmet, the top portion etc). In order to avoid confusion, I go through all the opinions with my Talmidos. As we all know, hands-on demontrations are the best educational tool. For this is Torah, and I must teach.
    OK I’m a sicko.

  • Dave October 6, 2010, 11:23 AM

    Wait…

    If all goyim are suspect (that whole Esau hates Jacob bit), doesn’t this become a heter for intermarriage? After all, she is just making sure he doesn’t become a terrorist, and she needs to keep checking…

    • kissmeimshomer October 6, 2010, 12:12 PM

      WIN! Maybe you could be really strict about it…she should sleep with every guy on the street, for fear they are trying to kill her.

  • A. Nuran October 6, 2010, 11:59 AM

    When this story first broke I was amazed at some of the responses. People who were okay with mass slaughter fell into near-fatal moral panics over the honeytrap.

    In war one uses the best weapon. Sometimes it’s a bomb. Sometimes it’s punani. War is unpleasant and evil. But somehow I’d think shtupping a man is less objectionable than slaughtering him and a hundred other guys including a few on your own side if both get the job done.

  • Esther October 6, 2010, 1:26 PM

    Ok, I just found this and had to share. I didn’t include this in my earlier comment because, well, I was so over-the-moon at the thought of birthright swingers parties 🙂 but the feminist in me did immediately want to know what, if in existence, is the male quivalent of the “honeypot.” Lucky for me, I was not the only one who thought about that:

    http://jezebel.com/5656085/rabbi-approves-honeypot-sex-for-female-spies

    Make sure to read the comments folks as they are a chock full of ideas… my fave suggestions were Romeo and Lollipop but there is so much more on there 😉

    • A. Nuran October 8, 2010, 7:09 PM

      Brazilian Soccer Team?

      • Esther October 11, 2010, 11:05 AM

        mmmmm…yes….wait, what were we talking about?

  • behind a dumpster... October 6, 2010, 3:10 PM

    ….Keep your little fantasies going.

    Maybe you will say have sex with a little girl is ok…thatll get your juices going you little sexual deviant.

  • Batsheva October 6, 2010, 3:20 PM

    I’m impressed! I should think such a concept would go without saying, but I’m really impressed that the rabbis said it!

  • Adam October 6, 2010, 5:56 PM

    actually, according to many poskim this is not an issue because kohanim today are not real kohanim.

    see oraltorah.org

  • ari October 6, 2010, 7:10 PM

    i wonder how legit it actually is. the sex for kiruv is hilarious

  • Phil October 6, 2010, 9:28 PM

    I wonder what the rabbi would have to say if the terrorist was a fag. Would he let the Mossad husband take it up the wazoo?

    • A. Nuran October 7, 2010, 10:38 AM

      Phil, do you like to hear Jews called “Hymie” or “Dirty Kike”?

      No?

      Then stop with the fag stuff already.

      • Phil October 7, 2010, 10:48 AM

        Nuran,

        Sorry. I should have stuck with something more descriptive like buttslammer 🙂

        • A. Nuran October 7, 2010, 11:40 AM

          It’s okay, Mocky 🙂

          • Phil October 7, 2010, 11:48 AM

            What’s a mocky?

            • A. Nuran October 7, 2010, 12:51 PM

              Another insulting term for Jews. It’s seldom used these days.

              • jg October 9, 2010, 9:14 PM

                how about ass mechanic and butt pirate?

  • Marcos October 6, 2010, 11:00 PM

    yeah, its good to see Judaism act human for once.
    maybe its not an urge, but using common sense even if it appears to violate halacha definitely has kept the jewish people around to some extent.

  • s(b.) October 7, 2010, 2:44 AM

    Kiruv sex is a wonderful way to lead by example when illustrating the joy of shabbos. :9

  • Israelit October 7, 2010, 5:02 AM

    When I saw this halachic ruling on the news the other day, my first thought was that it was all a big plan to clear Tzipi Livni’s reputation from her days as a Mossad agent in Paris. You know she wasn’t out there running around with an M-16, so maybe sleeping with terrorists was her job… On the other hand it’s hard to imagine her ever having been hot enough to tempt anyone. Have you seen some of her pics in the news lately?

    • Phil October 7, 2010, 10:49 AM

      Israelit,

      She probably took it from behind, that way they didn’t have to look at her beautiful face.

    • A. Nuran October 8, 2010, 7:09 PM

      In all seriousness, the life of an Intelligence officer is a lot less glamorous than James Bond movies. A lot of it is putting together thousands of little details. Grunt work. Gumshoe stuff. Cultivating sources. Maintaining covers. Saving receipts for the bean counters.

  • Hannahbanana October 12, 2010, 11:34 AM

    Wonderful! All I need is for my husband to have an excuse to see some hottie on the street and yell, “EMERGENCY IN MY PANTS!” Thanks Heshy.

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