Lawrence – One orthodox congregation is not taking any chances with its traditional High Holiday auction this year, they have decided to take the auction out of the sanctuary and make it social. Temple Beis Hagaiva board members unanimously agreed to scrap the auction after two members “nearly killed” each other last year when they entered a bidding war for opening the Ark during the Yom Kippur Neilah service.
Many synagogues rely on the High Holidays for funding, people tend to feel more inclined to give to their congregation with the hope that God may give them communion if they were to say, help pay for the Kiddush Clubs herring supply. Auctions go from lame quiet affairs with an auctioneer essentially begging congregants to give them money in exchange for an opportunity to bless the Torah or to be the water boy for the shofar blower to an all out raucous affair complete with yelling, screaming and sometimes violence.
It seems that the two members who became violent during last years auction were both going through “tough times” as some of their acquaintances told us. Although Lawrence is known as a wealthy Jewish Ghetto, many Jews move their for status and it appears that both people who began to bicker about their bids, couldn’t actually afford the bids they were making. “I swear to God, I haven’t seen anything like it since the breakaway minyan started in the social hall” one member told us.
Apparently Temple Beis Hagaiva has had a history of violence, the breakaway minyan formed in the social hall sparked heated debates amongst board members and rumors of pizza shop brawls emerged, but were never confirmed.
Outside of Temple Beis Hamikdash where we were stationed to get a word from the Rabbi, many folks expressed disappointment that auctions took place in such a holy place as the sanctuary in the first place. Many folks simply think it’s a decorum issue, especially in a place like Lawrence, where you have people known to spend $5000 on ladies hair pieces – who would love to get up in synagogue and outbid their friends. It’s just not right.
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What I can’t understand, is how each of them can think, that after winning the fight and getting pesicha l’neila, all gates of parnassa will open, and G-d will shower them with wealth, because “Hey, fight shmight, fact is – he did get p’sicha l’neila. That’s the guy who should get rich this year”.
But who am I to judge. These people can theoretically be going through extremely tough times, and the stress might have gotten to their sanity. At least they are fighting in shul and not at the bar.
you do realize this is satire right?
“Satire” as in “the story never even happened” or as in “let’s make fun of the crazy story that happened”?
I was gonna say the exact same thing. You crack me up, Hesh! But it’s just so much funnier when your frummie fans take it seriously! “At least they’re fighting in shul and not at the bar.” < I was rolling at that one! Come to think of it, maybe Yankeleh is just playing along and doing some satire of his own. . . hmmmm. . .whaddaya think? Should we give him that credit?
I think this is all about you liberals disguising the faults of the MO by passing off the dirt on them as “satire”.
Nice try.
no yankel, he made this up, it never happened, it would be funny if it did happen and thats the point.
Thank you. Only the top comment was serious.
I guess that’s what I get for not reading the names carefully.
I think the “Temple Beis Hagaiva” should have given it away, don’t you?
I love when the commenters have no idea or when they do satire of their own. The ironic thing is, people do get pretty heated and many folks do think auctions should be banned because they ruin the decorum of shul – but the Reform are all about decorum so maybe they don’t want to guilty of chukas-reform
Well fighting in shul is NOT a laughing matter. I’m actually quite surprised that everyone is giving Heshy hell for the Shomrim post, and here he’s not in any heat.
Shame on all of you!!
LOL I totally believed every word of this! ;^D I’m so glad to know it’s satire. :^)
Love the name of the shul, so fitting the 5 towns. Is the congregation led by Rabbi Megabucks.? Is the president of the shul Mr. Showoff. Is it’s address WANNABE Lane. Sadly no one is named Anonymous when it comes to making a pledge. Who can forget the queen bee of the shul Mrs. Pricysheitel.
was this written by rabbi chait, author of the gaivatanic books?
Haha! That pompous a@@hole. Those books look so cute until you read them. They’re prob great for kids who cant read yet though- awesome pictures.
Come on, folks! This is fictional satire, intended to entertain and amuse.
It didn’t REALLY happen, now did i?
If you can prove that it actually happened, I’ll give you $50.
Okay, make that $100. Do I hear $200?
If you say $300 then I’ll kick you in the toochas!!!
its so embarassing to frummies everywhere that yankel, the self-proclaimed frummie actually thought this crap was real.
Oh, and there are no gullible non-frummies anywhere in the whole wide world. I get it.
Well, they happen to have a point here. I am pretty gullible in general. At least before I have a chance to think about things a little.
But if I’m the representative for frummies gullibility, then Madoff is the representative for non-religious Jews honesty.
Like Yankel I thought this could be real. Heshy is getting too good at this. It’s like a Jewish version of “The Onion”
It’s not like a Jewish version of “The Onion.” It IS a Jewish version of “The Onion.”
no no , yankel represents the whole of the frummy world. when we had our latest frummy meeting with the elders, we decided to make him our official spokesperson, it was chronicled and everything. then before he left zion, we told him the first thing he has to as representative for the frummies of zion is to go on frum satire and show all those no goodneks that we mean business.
“No goodniks”?
Seriously, that hasn’t been used since the 30′s.
why is everybody ganging up on yankel? despite the fact that he should be on ywn and voz iz neais, he seems like a nich enough guy. @anonhmous, what the hell was that comment about?????? it didnt make to much sense…….
You just slandered an entire community, Hesh. Not everyone in Lawrence is filthy rich and snobby. My brother lived in a two-family home in Lawrence for several years and worked daily for a living and took the LIRR like everyone else. Your little perfunctory subsequent attempt at asking for Teshuva notwithstanding, you owe Lawrence a big one. Yes, there are a lot of snobs and fakers in Lawrence but there are just as many in Boro Park and Flatbush. Go rag on them.
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