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Making a shidduch rocks

Making a shidduch a tough job, but someone’s got to do it…

I made my first successful shidduch recently. If you count the couple that met in the comments section of this blog and got married, I made two shidduchim, but for all intents and purposes, let’s talk about the shidduch in which I had a direct hand. It kind of went down like this. I called up this girl with whom I’m friends and said “I have this guy you’d like. He’s a real dick and he’s got that tough guy asshole till you know him deal but I think you would really like each other.” Sounds kind of harsh, but I meant it in an endearing way.

It was so simple to get them to go out. I told them they both liked hip hop, Israel, drinking and smoking. Next thing I know they are having tefillin dates (shomer negiah ones) and all of a sudden I’m having one of my first nachas shepping experiences in Monsey at the l’chaim. I was so proud and then I realized that making a shidduch is one of the greatest experiences I have ever had.

My friend called me the other night from the airport. They were about to board a plane to Israel and his wife was pregnant. I swore I was about to shed some tears on that phone, but I held it in until he hung up.

I wonder if it feels as good when it becomes your job. Do the shadchanim on Saw you at Sinai shep nachas every time one of their mindless internet matches actually works? Do they chalk it off as another commission check? What about real life shadchanim working with people whom they don’t know? Do they get the shidduch high as well?

I have been actively trying to make shidduchim for some time, but I understand the plight of shadchanim. People are just so slow to act. I try to set up people and most of the time they just forget to call you back or one side says yes and the other side drags their feet. If you’re trying to get married, what does it hurt to go out on a date? Most people don’t have laundry lists of things they need and almost everyone I’m trying to set up are people I know well enough not to put them in an awkward situation. It bothers me so much because when I am in dating mode, I’ll pretty much go out with anyone that sounds shayich.

I have even tried to get people to post their shidduch profiles up on this site. There have been a few but not many. Do you want to experiment?

{ 21 comments… add one }
  • Mara Fey June 9, 2010, 4:46 AM

    So…what the heck is a shomer negiyah tefillin date?

    • SF2K1 June 9, 2010, 6:32 AM

      You bring your tefillin cause you know you’re gonna there all night, and, rather than getting intimate since you don’t touch each other, you were talking the whole time and/or she lives far away and you’re not that machmir on the halacha about singles of the opposite sex sleeping in the same house/apartment.

    • Yakov June 9, 2010, 9:02 AM

      I thought that was a “dont ask dont tell” kinda question! but hey now that its out there??!! WTH is a shomer negiyah teffillin date?
      on a side note, i wonder how many ppl will post there shidduch profiles on here!im considering it….

    • Anonymous June 9, 2010, 2:29 PM

      He doesn’t touch his tefillin – at minimum he doesn’t kiss them when he puts them on

  • Anonymous June 9, 2010, 8:35 AM

    they’re shomer but they stay up all night

  • Esther June 9, 2010, 8:59 AM

    Congratulations, Heshy!

  • Chuckie D June 9, 2010, 9:08 AM

    Congrats Hesh and soon by u brother.

  • Moishe June 9, 2010, 9:34 AM


    Mazal tov Heshy. That must be such a wonderful feeling, knowing that you’ve impacted two people’s lives in such a meaningful way. While I may have never set up a shidduch, I am a tatte. Watching the impact I have on my two children as they grow is very rewarding. While I greatly enjoy your blog, and hope you continue the great work you’re doing for a long time, perhaps you might consider being a shadchan. And besides, think of all the great blog material you would be able to come up with working in that field!

  • Anonymous June 9, 2010, 10:02 AM

    i’d prob post. but u should make a special section on the website for shidduch profiles

    • Heshy Fried June 10, 2010, 2:12 AM

      The whole idea is that it would be like a funny post – I just wouldn’t post regular profiles and make this frumster. You have to make a video or a poem or a song or a funny resume.

  • Anonymous June 9, 2010, 10:12 AM

    It is nice to set people up. However, it is annoying when you try to set people up and one of the parties just stops cooperating, although that is not the fault of the Shadchan.

  • csilverberg June 9, 2010, 10:56 AM

    thats solid news hesh. you made my day. send me his telephone number in israel thanks.

    • Heshy Fried June 9, 2010, 1:48 PM

      You can call his normal phone number – he’s having it forwarded to Israel

  • Susanne Goldstone Rosenhouse June 9, 2010, 12:19 PM

    This post was great! So happy that you were able to bring this couple so much joy! I met my husband through SawYouAtSinai and to repay the online dating world karma, I now volunteer way too much of my time every week to singles as a shadchan on YUConnects, SYAS’s sister site. None of the couples I’ve set up have married (yet) but its awesome to know that I’m on a mission to find people happiness. Yasher Koach Heshy!

  • Shylock Slept Here June 9, 2010, 12:45 PM

    ITíS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE – Kosher Matchmaking. 30 Minutes Or Free. *Ask us about our Special Moabite Family Rates.

  • Avrumy June 9, 2010, 1:47 PM

    Gay tefillin dates are easier and don’t have to be planned in advance. We can just borrow.

    • Heshy Fried June 10, 2010, 2:12 AM

      What if you’re a lefty or sephardic – it can pose problems.

      • Avrumy June 11, 2010, 11:40 AM

        I contemplated adding that, but thought it TMI.
        In a pinch, I can go lefty. LOL

  • ell June 9, 2010, 3:49 PM

    i have tried to make shidduchim but only a few of them have even gotten to a first date, let alone married. I officially have given up on setting up yeshivihs singles, waaayyyy too complicated.

    Kol hakavod heshy!

  • McLawyerson June 9, 2010, 6:03 PM

    May I suggest that some of those who don’t act on suggestions quickly don’t do so because we are frustrated with the process, and frustrated with the kinds of people we’re usually set up with? And, possibly, because we’re scared out of our minds that it might work out?

  • Chris_B June 13, 2010, 6:00 AM

    So the chinese and thai dating site ads I got on this page are offering me Jewish asian women?

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