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Luach.com features shidduch classifieds

Luach.com is kind of like the frum Craigslist. Just like Craigslist, the site is stuck in the stone age of internet classifieds and just like Craigslist it is filled with funny stuff. There’s everything from breast pump gimmicks to shidduch services and shidduch classified ads, which I didn’t see the last time I looked on Luach. I am super psyched about the shidduch classified ads because they are hilarious. I copied and pasted a bunch of them for your pleasure below. They are really priceless.

Brooklynwonderful girl where are you? do YOU KNOW OF a sweet kind slim attractive girl non-smoker,NEVER married, college a plus, professional a plus, in excellent health, aged 23 to 33. let’s trade profiles and pictures and see if we have interest to talk about a date. excellent shadchans with the right girls….contact me…or maybe your daughter/cousin, friend, co-worker is the right girl….contact me at ashrei… oh for your information about the boy we have: he’s slim muscular handsome 5’9″ good job who grad with TOP HONORS from ALL Yeshivah AND 3 college degrees (bachelors,masters,doctorate) What a nice guy too…and has a great sense of humor. Pleasant singing voice too at the Shabbos table… (posted 5/7; updated 5/16) Send to a friend

London / Manch., ENGshidduch for 4 boys Posted by: “yhemw165” com Hi, I am currently seeking a shidduch for 4 boys from williamsburg. These boys come from the nicest and most open minded families. Open minded is not the norm over there, so they are having a difficult time finding a mate on that side of town. They are willing to give it a shot and see if perhaps another type, such as yeshivish litvish would work for them. Two of these boys are still learning. Two are working boys. I was classmate to the sister of two of these boys and student to the mother of the other two. They are looking for a sweet, down to earth and frum girl, who is aware of the tznius dress code. If you know of someone who is looking, please let me know. these boys are ages 24 to 26. this is a jackpot, these are outstanding people and the boys are superb. Thank you Esther Malky yhemw… (posted 5/6) Send to a friend

Chicago, ILsomeone i know is looking for shidduch a ffb guy who is in late 30’s looking for shidduch. he is tall ,sweet kind and caring. he is yeshivish , and is interested in jerusalem, and meir shearim. he is open minded he is looking for someone who likes to study hebrew texts and frum. he does not care about the way the girl dresses . he is looking for a bt or convert, or an open minded frum from birth who is also into davening and tefillah and israel, and open minded the way he is . he is looking for someone serious in getting married . he does not want a computer in the house anyone interested in him please contact him directly. i do not have anything to do with this. 347-661-2946 (posted 4/26) Send to a friend

Great Necklooking for beshert a ffb frum man looking for his beshert. he is looking for a woman who open minded, frum, into davening and tefillah, likes israeli or jewish music, he likes jerusalem, meir shearim, tzfat, he likes to analyze hebrew texts . he is in late 30 ‘s . he does not want a computer in the house . he is yeshivish so he is looking for a woman who is yeshivish . i do not have anything to do with this if interested please call him directly # 347-661- 2946 franfrumow… (posted 4/26)Send to a friend

Passaic / Cliftonlooking for beshert a ffb frum man looking for his beshert. he is looking for a woman who open minded, frum, into davening and tefillah, likes israeli or jewish music, he likes jerusalem, meir shearim, tzfat, he likes to analyze hebrew texts . he is in late 30 ‘s . he does not want a computer in the house . he is yeshivish so he is looking for a woman who is yeshivish . i do not have anything to do with this if interested please call him directly # 347-661- 2946 janedo2… (posted 4/26) Send to a friend

Brooklyn46 y.o doctor looking for wife 46 y.o orthodox (Baal tshuva) doctor from Israel, now live and study in NYC Ashkenazi looking for single newer married(never broke shiduh) in childbirth age 3479945594 (posted 4/21) Send to a friend

Passaic / Cliftonperson who contacted me please resend it tom or your telepohe as i am interested in your daughter and son. Thanks Tamar matzobal… (posted 4/21) Send to a friend

{ 20 comments… add one }
  • Tova June 2, 2010, 2:08 PM

    “do YOU KNOW OF a sweet kind slim attractive girl non-smoker,NEVER married”

    I guess the searcher is a kohen…

  • NeedAGoodGuy June 2, 2010, 3:17 PM

    can we make shidduchim here? im trying to marry off a freind

    she’s modern/yeshivish higher 20s, has MA, from out of town, really good, sweet, smart, normal person. Cute, slim, 5”5
    she needs a sweet, smart guy, not too quiet. he must be very commited to Judaism, but not yeshivish, out of town type.

    Many years ago, when she was very young, she was married for a few weeks. Turned out the guy had major psy issues. Now she’s branded as ‘divorced’ and ppl keep suggesting her old guys with kids. We are looking for a guy who can look beyond stupid labels, and apreciate a person for who they are. She is a regular single girl, she does not wear a shaitel.

    call me 563-605-0184 if u have any relevent candidates

  • hello June 2, 2010, 5:30 PM

    I’m a closeminded girl looking for an equally closeminded boy…
    since when is everyone so open – minded?

  • steveo June 2, 2010, 6:54 PM

    I think I’m gonna be sick.

  • Anonymous June 2, 2010, 7:03 PM

    Is it a normal thing for divorced girls to still cover their hair? I knew of one divorced girl who stopped covering it but then another girl who I believe was divorced still covers her hair so maybe they are just separated? Or do some people hold that once you have been married and your hair has that level of Ervah it always must be covered?

    • OrthoEbonyJewess June 4, 2010, 11:35 AM

      A divorced woman must still cover her hair.

  • Anonymous June 2, 2010, 7:09 PM

    “do YOU KNOW OF a sweet kind slim attractive girl non-smoker,NEVER married, college a plus, professional a plus, in excellent health, aged 23 to 33.”

    omg thats me!! oh wait, I dont live in NY.

    guess I’m outta luck 😛

  • Anonymous June 2, 2010, 8:08 PM

    I look for open-minded girl never married childbirth age, nursery education plus. She should be open-minded and never married anyone too. I like to read texts and I have Phd also. I enjoy vodka at shabbos table and me voice is sweat. I have nothing to do with this. Don’t call me.
    I am chassidish, modern yeshivish, but very conservative and open-minded. By the way girl need be open-minded. I am the best in the world. Very nice person. I do good things. Please send me your telescope number.

    • tesyaa June 2, 2010, 8:31 PM

      I’m choking.

    • Julie June 3, 2010, 9:50 PM

      Thanks, you almost made me pee on myself!

      • Avrumy June 4, 2010, 1:10 PM

        I was drinking tea. Gotta get a paper towel.

        PS: I have nothing to do with this.

  • Pond June 2, 2010, 9:27 PM

    It’s important to know that they are interested in Jerusalem AND Mea Shearim AND Tefilla AND Davening

    • Julie June 3, 2010, 9:57 PM

      That is like the frummie version of the secular cliche phrase found in personal ads, Facebook, etc.:”I like to have fun.”

  • Blogger looking for... June 2, 2010, 10:19 PM

    …someone to fulfill any sexual desires I may have. must feed me only health foods, and at times let me stuff my face with kiddish type food and not give me a hard time. Likes making fun of anything that moves and must believe that I am an sex expert, even though I have never gotten past first base. Someone who thinks they are an authoritay on many different issues, but not really THAT knowledgeable on any is a huge plus.

    ( I could probably go on and on here, but I do have a job)

  • Hirschykiss June 2, 2010, 10:57 PM

    “Please send me your telescope number”

    Anon..too funny!!!

  • feivelbenmishael June 2, 2010, 11:17 PM

    LOL. He is open minded but only wants to marry a yeshivish girl, not have a computer, AND live in meah shearim.

    • SF2K1 June 3, 2010, 7:30 AM

      Actually, the woman is the one who should be open minded there. I guess open minded enough to be with a closed minded guy? Maybe they want an open minded girl to change him?

      Also “likes to analyze hebrew texts” ? Seriously? Well durr if that isn’t every last yeshiva bochur ever. Might as well write “is a man, likes to do manly things when he’s manning it up. Likes to wear pants and not skirts.”

  • Anonymous June 3, 2010, 12:40 PM

    if they dont want computers why are they advertising on one

    • OrthoEbonyJewess June 4, 2010, 11:39 AM

      Good point! The computer can’t be that bad.

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