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Gay Shidduch Dating Site

Although I would love to help my frum gay friends find a shidduch, I really can’t go through with it. I tried to hook up two guys once but luckily, like most men, they had to have so much information before even agreeing to a date that the shidduch never happened. I think the shidduch crisis extends to gays and lesbians too. I have wondered if it would be better to find gays and lesbians a frum shidduch or let them risk it out there in the gay world at large. Luckily for me, someone has just opened the first gay shidduch dating website, taking gay shidduchim worries out of my hands.

Press release: The world’s first online dating site for gay Orthodox Jews, SameSexShidduch.com, has been launched today.

Orthodox Judaism prohibits homosexuality and those who are gay in the Orthodox world are often forced to hide their orientation to maintain their religious lifestyle.

According to the site’s founder Yehonatan Ben Shaul, SameSexShidduch.com provides an anonymous means for closeted gay men and women in the Orthodox community to meet each other. As an old Yiddish saying goes, ‘Only a stone should be alone.’

While the site is oriented towards dating, hence the use of the term ‘shidduch’ (a term for dating in the Orthodox community), its founder also sees it as a great means for conflicted religious gay men and women to meet like-minded friends and support each other in the struggle to stay religious and yet express their sexual identity.

In addition to personal ads, the site includes discussion forums and will eventually include posted teachings on the Torah from a gay perspective as created by members. There are no fees to use the site, however, donations are accepted towards the site’s maintenance.

According to Mr. Ben Shaul, Above all else, I hope this site helps send the message that ‘yes, you can be gay and religious’ and that you are not alone.

{ 83 comments… add one }
  • Frimmer May 25, 2010, 4:49 PM

    I think its quite ironic that they have a ‘Torah’ section. The first thing that should be put there is what the Torah actually says: It is an abomination.
    Funny, yet quite sad.

    • Phil May 25, 2010, 4:52 PM

      Really, f*****d up! The first drasha they should have is about being chayav skila.

      • Bob May 25, 2010, 9:25 PM

        Why don’t you tell us about the sins you’ve commited?

        • Anonymous May 26, 2010, 8:23 AM

          why should he, he isnt posting a website glorifying his sins

  • Phil May 25, 2010, 4:50 PM

    This has to be some kind of joke… Gay shidduch? Doesn’t shidduch imply marriage? What’s this, Shaindy.com for “reverse wired” people?
    Maybe they should have called it Metzitzas R Us 🙂 🙂 🙂

    That poor guy with the rainbow kippah has been showing up often on your blog lately.

    • Heshy Fried May 25, 2010, 5:02 PM

      There aren’t any good gay Jewish pictures, someone really needs to make a rainbow velvet yarmulke already

      • Phil May 25, 2010, 5:06 PM

        Or how about a rainbow yechi yarmulka, try that one on for controversy.

        • Yoseph Leib May 26, 2010, 4:22 PM

          I could actually imagine a matzav for Queer Meshicist Theology, what with there being no zchus and chiuv when Moshiach comes, (all over all our faces, bimhaira biyameinu oohmein)!

          Google THAT gemara, won’t somebody please? Where Zchus and Chiuv are denied existence in yimei moshiach. How could a Meshicist (or a religious zionist, for that matter) hold that anything was assur (per se) or that we were chayuv in any mitzvos (as such)? Moshiach’s either here, or not, and I don’t think either Meshichistim or the real serious Tzionim tend to be holding by this “not-here-but-awful-close” narrative. yes/no?

  • raquelle May 25, 2010, 5:33 PM

    this is great, now gays/lesbians can be just as unhappy as the rest of us, when do they launch “samesexonlysimchas.com”,?

  • A23 May 25, 2010, 5:34 PM

    Oh, Heshy, you just love putting up controversial postseven at your olam habah’s expense.
    Your post on negiah was nice and frum, but how do you think Hashem likes it if you facilitate illicit acts by directing the conflicted to an inappropriate site?

    • Heshy Fried May 26, 2010, 3:11 AM

      Do not rebuke your neighbor until you are in his shoes.

      What can I say?

      I have a taiva and I think having a gay shidduch site is hilarious, I am sorry you didn’t find it as funny as I did.

  • SF2K1 May 25, 2010, 6:09 PM

    I really feel bad for their situation, but this is kind of enabling. I wouldn’t want to be involved.

  • Beryl May 25, 2010, 6:35 PM

    Next there will be a ” jewish bestiality” site…. why the freak not!?!?!?!

    • Anonymous May 25, 2010, 6:38 PM

      they can call it “frunsexsheepshidduch”.com! 😉

    • Bob May 25, 2010, 9:26 PM

      Cause no one want to sleep with you.

      • A. Nuran May 25, 2010, 9:47 PM

        Oh, snap!

        • jewish guy May 25, 2010, 10:53 PM

          No pigs in a blanket. Kosher animals only.

          • A. Nuran May 26, 2010, 2:14 PM

            That’s why I have to sneak out and date shikses or Reform. Frum girls won’t eat frog.

    • Bubba Metzia May 25, 2010, 11:49 PM

      They’ll call it “frum furries.”

  • joe May 25, 2010, 6:38 PM

    wtf is this doing on FRUM satire? at least make fum of it and fulfill the satire part. take me off your friends list on facebook

  • beryl May 25, 2010, 6:40 PM

    ive got the name! “frumsexsheepshidduch.com” 🙂

  • Ell May 25, 2010, 6:51 PM

    so far there are no people signed up. Will folks really sign up, I dont know. doesnt seem like something gay people will do nowadays but who knows.

    • Bob May 25, 2010, 9:28 PM

      Eveyone is already doing well with Grindr I guess.

  • Bubba Metzia May 25, 2010, 9:15 PM

    A site like this could be used to help gay men find lesbian women for shidduchim. This way they’ll both have that in common and they can be honest about it to each other.

    • Yoseph Leib May 26, 2010, 4:25 PM

      That totally sounds like the happiest marriage ever. No one expects anything from the other but toleration, and there’s no taiva to compete with the other! everybody wins!

  • Vivian May 25, 2010, 11:52 PM

    Heshy is cool, some of his followers are really homophobic, yes you can be religious and gay. Why not have a shidduch site for frum gay Jews? They will meet up with other gay people anyway or leave Orthodoxy altogether anyway.

  • Realistically Religious May 26, 2010, 2:30 AM

    This Orthodox gay dating website is one promotion away from encouraging same sex marriages. Good luck finding an Orthodox Rabbi that will gladly officiate that sort of wedding. After all, if heteros can date to find love and finalize their relationship with marriage, why should homos miss out on this? Now it would be one thing if this website encouraged gays to date lesbians but this is doing nothing more than legitimizing homosexuality.

    I hate to burst your bubble Vivian but the world’s 5 influential religions condemn homosexuality. Does this render such followers homophobic? Should t the Bible/Torah be branded as a hate book? Because it explicitly warns about the consequences of engaging in homosexual behavior and activities.Yes I do think its contradicting for one to consider himself/herself to be a Torah abiding Orthodox Jew with SSA for the obvious reasons.

    • Frumsatire Fan May 26, 2010, 10:04 AM

      the worlds 5 influential religions condemn homosexuality

      Hmm, not so long ago “the world’s 5 influential religions” (?) were totally Ok with having slaves or marrying a 7 year old. And not so long ago, Germany’s most influential Germans had quite a strong opinion about us Jews.

    • What Else May 26, 2010, 11:04 AM

      And you know what else? Sages also thought a woman could not conceive while being on top. The fact is, in ancient times, people had a more limited understanding of the world and humans. If you couldn’t explain something, it must have been supernatural or it should be condemned.

      Do you have any gay friends?

      You mention legitimizing homosexuality. Thanks to science, we know now that the brains of male gays are wired more like female straights and female gays are wired like male straights. Homosexuality is common in the animal kingdom. We’re not talking about a choice but a naturally occurring, hard-wired preference. Like it or not, it’s already legitimate.

      Can anyone here acknowledge that homosexuality can also be a socialized issue when the sexes are kept separate during puberty?

      • Phil May 26, 2010, 3:42 PM

        What Else,

        We also know that violent criminals such as murderers have their brains wire differently as well. Are you implying that we should feel bad for anyone wired backwards because they “have no choice”?

        How about having a pride parade for murderers, they can dance around blowing whistles and shooting guns like they do at hamas rallies…

    • A. Nuran May 26, 2010, 11:57 PM

      Mmmm, no.

      Buddhism doesn’t.
      Insofar as there is a single thing called Hinduism it’s not really clear it does.

      It’s pretty much the Abrahamic religions that make such a big deal about whether you eat snails or oysters.

  • Kike May 26, 2010, 4:13 AM

    the message “you are not alone” really comes across well when you look and see that there are “0” people listed in any location. when you get to this site your first thought is “I guess me and Yehonatan Ben Shaul are the only two frum gays on the planet… and he doesn’t even have a profile…”

    • Anonymous May 26, 2010, 8:26 AM


  • mgarelick May 26, 2010, 8:55 AM

    Of these three options for frum gay men, which is better for the individual and the community?

    1. Marry a woman and spend your life pretending
    2. Have gay sex without gay relationships (with or without #1 above)
    3. Have a gay relationship

    Of course, my premise is that there are “frum gay men.” That appears to be true, to me.

  • Micki May 26, 2010, 9:42 AM

    That guys’ kippah looks so gayish.

  • Avrumy May 26, 2010, 12:37 PM

    What a nice service. Boruch Hashem, I am happily partnered, but this should be a marvelous resource for my single frum gay friends. Yasher koach to the founder. Chazak!
    It might also be valuable to all the married guys looking for a little on the side. Just be safe, everyone.

  • Phil May 26, 2010, 12:58 PM

    I knew it was only a matter of time until our resident metzitza man heaped praise on the turd that set up this site.

    Not only only is the site being choteh umacteh et harabim, he’s taking it a step further by trying to find some B.S drasha’s that say it’s OK. What he is doing is the equivalent of putting a Torah in the bathroom. Were it up to me, this guy would be prodded back in the closet with a pitchfork.

    To all you preverted freaks of nature, what you are doing is against halacha, there are no heterim or ways around it. This is the only category of aveira where I see transgressors claiming to be frum yet proud of their aveirot at the same time, instead of being ashamed or at least discreet.

    • SkepticButJewish May 26, 2010, 1:05 PM

      I agree that there is no way around the Torah prohibition against homosexuality. It is funny to see how all the religious Jews who support homosexuality try to dance around the prohibition. You are absolutely correct to say that homosexuality is evil, God hates it, and such a site is anti-Torah.

      But I will tell you a little secret. The Torah was written by men. And when you realize that, you realize that is is pointless to complain about what people do only because an ancient book said so.

      • A. Nuran May 26, 2010, 6:57 PM

        There’s no way around the Torah prohibition of schvance in tokhes. Other activities are not mentioned. And girls who like girls aren’t even on the radar.

      • Anonymous May 27, 2010, 12:47 AM

        There’s a difference between homosexuality and homosexual acts. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to someone, you can’t help that. But what people can control is acting on that attraction. People aren’t animals, they have self control.

    • Anonymous May 26, 2010, 2:33 PM

      You are a clown and a homophobic bigot to boot.

      Do you regularly refer to people who are born with a deficiency, ailment, or disease as “freaks of nature”? Next time you see a person suffering from Tourette Syndrome be sure to mock their freakish ticks. Making fun of people who struggle with a battle that is not of their own choosing , and doing so in a public forum , is also a violation of Halacha — and there are no heterim around it.

  • Phil May 26, 2010, 2:41 PM


    Oh please, leave me alone with that B.S mantra, I’ve heard it 1000 times before. The Torah wouldn’t have outlawed homo acts if they were a disease, and halacha agrees that’s it’s a matter of free choice.

    Furthermore, I might feel bad for a frum guy with those tendencies, if he felt bad about it himself. But when a frum guy is proud of his situation, why should I feel bad?

    Last but not least, I wasn’t making fun of anyone, I was serious about everything I posted. You seem to be the one poking fun by calling me childish names.

    • Anonymous May 26, 2010, 3:10 PM

      I don’t know why I bother with people who seem incapable of reading their own writing. You said gay people are “preverted (misspelled) freaks of nature” — and I emphasize: nature. This Freudian slip is an admission of a central truth, your religious fundamentalism notwithstanding. Your words do not address a behavior, rather they are an ad-hominem attack on the very nature (or is is unnatural) of being gay.

      • Phil May 26, 2010, 3:25 PM


        A freak of nature is one that deviates from the natural way of things, regardless of whether or not they have a choice.

        Siamese twins for example, would likely fall under the category of a freak that can’t do much to change their situation.

        A bearded woman on the other hand, has the choice of shaving/waxing, or leaving her beard grow and joining the circus.

        Frum homos fall under 3 categories:
        a) One that is attracted to the same gender and doesn’t act = righteous person.
        b) One that can’t resist his temptation but feels remorseful = always has hope to repent.
        3) One that is proud of their perversion and/or encourages others to do the same = person I’m referring to in my comments.

    • A. Nuran May 27, 2010, 9:13 PM

      Then the halacha is full of crap. We know a lot more about the human brain and body than our sheep-shagging Bronze Age ancestors. Same gender attraction comes from a complicated mix of biological factors. We’ve conclusively identified some brain differences and fetal hormonal factors.

      Try using the stiff lump of lard just above your kugel hole for a second. Do you think any guy growing up frum would want to do boys? It means you will be abandoned by your family, shunned by your friends, cursed by everyone you respect, damned by your religion, cast out roofless and rootless. All the important things from children to smicha will be denied to you. Every gay Christian, Jew and Muslim I’ve known from a devout background denied and fought and prayed against his or her orientation. Unfortunately, the Lord of Hosts has a low, sadistic sense of humor and didn’t make them straight.

      • A. Nuran May 27, 2010, 9:14 PM

        Let me clarify – would want to do boys if he had any choice in the matter

      • Anonymous May 27, 2010, 10:51 PM

        Researchers need to learn more about the root causes of homosexuality so that a cure can be found. If the organizations like Jonah that say they could cure homosexuality actually worked then it probably would not still be an issue. A problem is that political correctness is prevent people from even looking for a cure, and it’s pretty hard to find a cure if people aren’t looking for one.

        • Anonymous June 29, 2010, 1:40 PM

          “If the organizations like Jonah that say they could cure homosexuality actually worked then it probably would not still be an issue. ”

          So basically – if only cures for homosexuality worked, we could cure homosexuality!

  • Heshy Fried May 26, 2010, 4:08 PM


    I just posted a response letter from someone who was very angry at me for posting this website on a frum blog. The author claims that I am contributing to the downward spiral of the frum community and that I am immoral. Interesting to say the least.

  • harryer than them all May 26, 2010, 9:16 PM

    Am i the only one that thinks the site is a elaborate prank created by Heshy? I mean it is on frumsatire and it did get a lot of comments and people’s blood roiling.
    If not, its sad but not that much worse than having a site like shaindy. Either way as phil pointed out there is no real way to get around the Torah prohibition other than to say that the torah wasn’t written by G-d etc, which doesn’t really make Judaism anything other than an elaborate system of laws (rather than beliefs) which frankly the first thing I’d want to do is tie my right shoe first 😉

    • John May 27, 2010, 9:11 AM

      Hiiii havent seen you round these parts. hows that coclate chip cookie dousgh ice cream coming along?

  • Anonymous May 26, 2010, 9:45 PM

    all i have to say is that it is someones choice who they want to be with and the people bashing the gay community are wrong for bashing them they are people just like you and i and have feelings i have gay friends that are jewish and i support them with there decisions.

  • Lamdon May 26, 2010, 10:43 PM

    Did no one else get the name, “Yehonatan Ben Shaul”. Point being that it is popular in PC circles to claim that David and Yehonatan were gay lovers. Ala the posuk “there love was greater than the love for women”.

    • Avrumy May 27, 2010, 1:29 PM

      David and Jonathan may not have physical, sexual lovers, but they certainly loved each other. They hugged and kissed and cried together, and declared their love openly.
      Saul’s verbal attack on his son shows that he suspected that Jonathan was queer. He calls him a disgrace due to his love of David.
      Maybe they were righteous, as my friend Phil would say, to keep the sxx out of it, but they are still role models to frumgay Jews.

      • Phil May 27, 2010, 2:45 PM

        David was clearly straight, otherwise he wouldn’t have been interested in Batsheva. David and Jonathan feeling’s for each other weren’t guided by their “shmeckles”. Can you say the same about the frum gays you know?

        I heard a similar story about how lesbos use Ruth’s love for Naomi as their biblical icon. Never mind that she married and bore Boaz’s child.

        • Avrumy May 27, 2010, 5:01 PM

          Would you believe bisexual, maybe?
          We really don’t hear much about bisexual frum Jews. Though what would you call the married men that have sxx with other men?

        • A. Nuran May 28, 2010, 12:58 AM

          You are clearly ignorant. It is possible to have physical desires for people of both sorts. It is possible to be attracted to someone of one gender on and have deep romantic feelings for someone of the other.

          The categories “gay” and “straight” are very much creations of the 18th and 19th century. Before that there were various acts and preferences. But it was about what one did, not what one was.

          • A. Nuran May 28, 2010, 1:09 AM

            Once again, bad words filter has eaten my reply.

        • A. Nuran May 28, 2010, 1:08 AM

          And how would your superior all-encompassing intellect parse this one…

          In Victorian and Edwardian times it was very common for women to have deep emotional and physical intimacy with their friends from adolescence. When “old school chums” came by their husbands would sleep on the couch while wifey and her dear friend shared the bed, kisses and whatnot. It was only women who affected male clothing, mannerisms and speech who were considered unnatural Daughters of Bilitis. These women enjoyed the usual intimacies with their husbands. Personal and clinical accounts of the time are clear on that. But their relationships with same-sex friends were at least as loving and tender.

          At the same time there were jokes that what happened in secondary school stayed in secondary school. As long as it didn’t interfere with life when one had adult responsibilities it didn’t really count. Of course things like sodomy were illegal and subject to harsh punishments. But as long as it happened in certain contexts it was alright. What was not alright was effeminate behavior on the part of men.

          We can see that today in many parts of the world. Straight men will penetrate women. They can still be straight if they penetrate men. But they become queer if they allow themselves to be penetrated, especially rectally.

          Same-gender attractions with erotic elements like that between David and Jonathan don’t fit the neat 20th-21st century categories.

          • Phil May 28, 2010, 7:48 AM

            Avrumy / Nuran,

            So now you’re calling David Hamelech “bi”???

            Do you think the Navi and talmud would praise him as one of the greatest tzadikkim we had if he were that way???

            The Eqyptians, Greeks and Romans were into these forms of immorality, it was normal and totally acceptable in their societies. Jews that observed the Torah did not follow along.

            • Avrumy May 28, 2010, 9:33 AM

              To quote my new best friend Nuran, “You are clearly ignorant.”
              Claiming a religious or a cultural identity does NOT change your eye color, height or sexual orientation. A great tzaddik could certainly be “that way”, but his tzidkus would affect his behavior, not his feelings. David and Jonathan clearly had romantic feelings toward each other. The question is how far they went in acting on it. They certainly didn’t hide it too well, if it got documented in Tanach.

              • Phil May 28, 2010, 10:41 AM


                Before calling me ignorant, think about what you are saying. If David and Jonathan had romantic feelings for each other, they would certainely be forbidden to hug and kiss each other. Remember, you are talking about one of our top 7 tzadikkim.

                In my opinion, your notions are absurd. Talmud teaches that when someone has a fault, he is quick to assume that fault in everyone else. One that is a crook and cheats in business, will be the first to suspect others of doing so. This is probably why you think that I’m a closet f@g and you have the nerve to imply that David Hamelech was that way too.

                • Frumsatire Fan May 28, 2010, 11:06 AM

                  Hmm… does it say “after high-fiving Jonathan, David slapped his back vigorously, Sephardi style, and jokingly punched him in the stomach”?
                  It’s pshat that they did 1) have romantic feelings for each other, and 2) hugged and kissed hiding from other people. It’s anachronistic to call them gay, and of course David married and had children, but come on, just read the text.

                  Being a Tzadik doesn’t mean he was a one-dimension character.

                  • Phil May 28, 2010, 11:27 AM

                    F.S. fan,

                    The Torah also says that Reuven slept with Bilha, yet we know that this didn’t happen, even though the text says it did.

                    The text also says an eye for an eye, yet we know that it means monetary compensation.

                    Know how to interpret the pshat before jumping to conclusions. Don’t base your ideas about Tanach on Hollywood and Richard Gere.

                • A. Nuran May 28, 2010, 11:33 PM

                  I did think before posting.

                  They would be forbidden under rules that were created hundreds of years later by people hundreds of miles away – Mesopotamia might as well have been the moon in that era – in a different culture. Bits and pieces of tradition, politicking, local myths and sayings with the serial numbers filed off and FSM only knows what else were stirred together over several years. Then for over a thousand years people from further away added their own local customs, intellectual fads, neuroses and so on. And we mustn’t forget the wild ass guesses and romanticism for a past that never was. All of this was from radically different cultures in different times and places.

                  And you claim this accurately tells you what local customs and prejudices were? Hell, romantic love as we know it wasn’t invented as a concept until the sixteenth century more or less.

                  What we would now call homo-erotic friendships were common among men in the Ancient Near East, especially the nobility and warriors. What the Scribes scribbled, what the Priests intoned and what the King ordered could be at odds with each other. Which one people went by was completely a matter of politics.

                  So because someone centuries later came up with a rule in the Ancient Persian bureaucratic language that extended “Real men don’t get mounted like biatches. It’s unmanly,” to “Men never touch each other affectionately,” you have no doubt that Kings who had been dust for hundreds of years must have followed that opinion.

                  Friend, just for today I can make you a heck of an offer. There’s this bridge in New York City…

  • Anonymous May 27, 2010, 12:52 AM

    Homosexuality is not a disease. It’s a form of neurodiversity, just like autism.

    • A. Nuran May 28, 2010, 11:36 PM

      or height, perfect pitch, base reaction speed or levels of pituitary hormones. No need to use a disability as the analogy

  • Yehonatan Ben Shaul May 27, 2010, 1:13 AM

    The great Rav Aharon Soloveichik, zt”l, when asked his thoughts on homosexuality, replied, “It is terrible. It is almost as great a sin as cheating in business.” And we know that frum Jews don’t do that.

    Some seem to believe that my site is the greatest perversion of the Torah lifestyle. But since some Hasids have already set up sites asking people to do Tehillim to get a certain cheating businessman out of jail time, I guess my gay shidduch site is a bit of an underachiever.

    Inherent in the idea of living a life led by Torah is the ‘living’ part. A life of seclusion and self-hatred isn’t very much of a life at all. There are many, many mitzvot in Torah. Rather than leaving people with the options of living a miserable existence, leaving Torah completely or committing suicide (as a number of frum gay men have done), we should accept the idea that some may opt to live a life fulfilling Torah as completely as they can.

    No one in the frum world has suggested that a certain unethical businessman – soon to be up for trial – was never really a frum Jew because of his choices. At the same time no one in the frum world is directly condoning his actions. Those of us who might be accused of LESSER transgressions (according to Rav Soloveitchik), ask for at least the same courtesy. Beyond that, I would like you to understand that being gay is more than a specific act, that the Torah prohibits specifically only that particular homosexual act and that the magnified outrage that exists in the frum world (far beyond the actual scope of that prohibition) is for the most part cultural and not Torah-based.

    • mgarelick May 27, 2010, 10:01 AM

      YbS: Yasher koach, excellent points.

      AFAIAC, there are virtually no taboos on humor. But I hope people can also realize the gravity and tragedy of the situation for gay religious Jews. Think about how important sex, love, and relationships are in your life; now think about having to suppress all of those feelings, or give up the community that you also love.

    • no nym May 27, 2010, 11:53 AM

      What you say about a particular homosexual act being prohibited reminds me a lot of the recent conservative teshuva related to the admission of homosexual students to JTS. The actual teshuva mostly relates to attempting to classify other homosexual behaviour as a social rather than halachic issue. There is a really well thought-out orthodox response to this teshuva here

  • JwNrd May 27, 2010, 3:46 AM

    Hahaha…what a funny joke site!
    That site is totally not real – I mean, look at it. It looks like a site from 1996. And it still has hosting spam on the bottom! Hahaha…
    Totally fake.
    Someone is just playing a joke.

  • FormerFSfan May 27, 2010, 10:03 AM

    Seriously man, you have been so long in the bay area that you became totally clueless.

  • chevramaidel May 27, 2010, 5:13 PM

    There is another queer shidduch service that recently started, http://queershidduch.wordpress.com/
    Now I suppose each one can start trashing the other for not being kosher enough, just like every other organization and business in the frum world!

  • cmon man May 27, 2010, 8:24 PM

    cmon man. your a good guy that posts alot of funny stuff but by doing this your openly advocating something clearly against the torah. tolerating or not minding is one thing but advoating and advertising is completely wrong

  • BisexualSecularJew June 16, 2010, 4:52 PM

    This garbage here is what keeps me away from becoming more observant. I’m bisexual, I’ve been aware of this for as long as I’ve been aware of any preference whatsoever. I can deal with the ritual, the change of food and other habits (I’m vegan so I’m no stranger to heavy food restrictions), and with the giant changes in personal habits when someone begins observing Shabbat/Yom Tovim..

    But it’s not merely that I disagree on a fundamental level with the idea that G-d “hates” gay people – but moreover that the attitude of observant Jews is just so ridiculously hateful. Reading all of these comments is just shocking. What happened to not speaking badly about other people? And of all the commandments, why does this one get so much vitriol?

    A Frum Sidduch website is not driving me away from observance – you are.

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  • Allen Roth October 15, 2012, 8:28 AM

    I already posted twice today, but reading some of the comments here is utterly revolting and astonishing; I had to comment. Whether or not someone can be gay and “frum” is not something I care to discuss; I assume that if someone is straight but having an affair behind his wife’s back, he is still “frum” even though he is violating a major halakhah. Even if you believe that being gay is not something you are born with, how cruel and callous can you be to your fellow human beings? What kind of “frum” are you? I just love those that equate being gay with bestiality or murderers. Do you have any clue as to what you sound like? Or what your human values are? Do you not know that, not so long ago, another group thought that gay people were a menace to society, and attempted to get rid of them? They thought even worse about the Jews; you know–those people who will cheat your pants off if you take your eyes off them for one minute.

    I only add one thing, as some of you have mentioned it, and you are so wrong. Every species has gay animals. Not one exception is known to exist. Their are gay pairs of animals in every zoo in the world, pairs of animals who have clearly bonded and live “together” in the zoo. Designers of zoos are well aware of this, and must take it into account when they are constructing plans. What do you think created these gay animals? A distant father or overbearing mother? There have been studies on what role gay creatures play in the human community; i.e. why we evolved to include gay people, what advantage having gay people contributed to our survival as a species. I remember reading some of these studies over twenty years ago. But people still think that being gay is “abnormal,” or “freaks of nature.” Almost as bad is “alternative lifestyle.” I am an alternative to WHAT? Well, I am pretty certain I won’t change anyone’s (prejudiced) opinion, so I can stop right here. I just wanted to correct a common misconception.

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