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Yeshivish Pickup Lines

I doubt most yeshivish people even know what a pickup line is but this was still super fun anyway. This is more of a list of yeshivish people with twisted minds seeing what they could come up with that could be called a pickup line and be yeshivish themed at the same time. Last week we featured modern orthodox liberal pick up lines and I hope to do a bunch more post of different Jewish sects and their pickup lines.

Yeshivish Pickup Lines:

Wanna see my large print mesilas yesharim?

Are you showing your elbows because youre happy to see me?

My yarmulke isn’t the only big part of me.

Cmon you know how bad his breath will be in the yichud room.

You look hot in that BY uniform.

I want to open you up like a Yated Neman after Shabbos dinner.

Can I bodek you?

Don’t worry we can triple wash together.

You can leave your fall on.

I can go fast like Subsational or slow like Burgers Bar.

Your hat is so big.

Youre such a hot chanie.

Ive been learning hilchos pilegesh lately and you would make a good candidate.

What you thought that men drive big vans to make up for lack of other things?

Id like to chazer you one more time.

Being with you would never be bitul zman.

I love a man who does the daf.

Your sheitle is so sexy.

Id be more than willing to show you the whole blat.

Your anivus is so hot.

We could have such a gashmake time together.

Lets roll play mikvah night.

Id love to practice my thumb dips on you.

So are you wearing anything under your shabbos robe?

It will be so leibadik.

We could be chavrusas, I’ll lean on the shtender…

{ 41 comments… add one }
  • Anonymous May 11, 2010, 2:37 PM

    I heard a pretty good pickup line with “Pru Urevu” but I forgot the exact words now….

  • frimmer May 11, 2010, 2:51 PM

    “So are you wearing anything under your shabbos robe?”

    Most of these are lame – except this ^ one!
    My wife often just wears a robe on shabbos day when its just us at home – I’ll come back from shul (touch her up just to make sure), sometimes make kiddush & have lunch, sometimes we skip it & just head back to the bedroom. Sometime we dont make it back to the bedroom….

    • Heshy Fried May 12, 2010, 2:39 AM

      Well that’s fine as long as you remember to bench within 54 minutes I think, if not you’re screwed.

      • Anonymous May 13, 2010, 10:58 PM

        Isn’t his whole point that he got screwed?

  • Anonymous May 11, 2010, 3:39 PM

    “What do you think of m’tzitza b’peh?”

  • Esther May 11, 2010, 3:42 PM

    I love this one

    “Dont worry we can triple wash together.”

    Its like a proposition to shower together, but cooler ‘cuz its kosher, so-to-speak. Nailed it.

  • nu May 11, 2010, 3:47 PM

    “What do you think of m’tzitza b’peh?”
    “I’m shtark”
    “Argh! No wonder it’s called a tipoh srucho”

  • SF2K1 May 11, 2010, 4:47 PM

    I think proper Yeshivish is more along the lines of “Can I M’vadek you?”

  • brisker May 11, 2010, 5:03 PM

    If you like the gavra, wait till you see the cheftza

    • Anonymous May 11, 2010, 5:09 PM

      and we have a winner!!!

    • Anonymous May 12, 2010, 1:27 AM

      ha

  • ghottistyx May 11, 2010, 5:08 PM

    “If you like my gavra, wait until you see my cheftza”

    “Is that a mezuzah in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

    From hanging out in Villiamsboig long enough, I’ve seen my share of “I’m looking for a good shiktza to have sex with.” I’m not joking, they’re usually that forward. Several of them have even asked me what a shiktza is. I hate to tell them what the word literally means (for those of you who don’t, pick up a Hebrew-English dictionary and LOOK IT UP!) One girl swears that she often gets asked while waiting for a bus “excuse me, are you a prostitute?”

    • A. Nuran May 12, 2010, 9:13 AM

      How many of them get smacked upside the head?

      • ghottistyx May 12, 2010, 7:03 PM

        Plenty.

    • Idiot May 23, 2010, 7:21 PM

      Where’s the bus stop located?

  • Anonymous May 12, 2010, 12:55 AM

    it’s avodah shebalev. . .

  • DrumIntellect May 12, 2010, 3:04 PM

    “These stains aren’t from sweat…”

    “I believe being a masmid isn’t restricted to the Beis Medrash.”

    “Educators suggest using visuals and other hands-on methods. I’m studying hilchos (kiddushin, kesuvos, niddah)….”

  • joe May 13, 2010, 8:21 PM

    Or, do you want me to be your Gadol?

  • Anonymous May 13, 2010, 11:03 PM

    lol this would be more effective than creepy staring 😉

  • Anonymous May 14, 2010, 8:01 AM

    how do you say f*** you in hungarian?

    “trust me”

  • Brooklynbabe May 21, 2010, 12:34 PM

    How about Na’aseh Adam?

  • Dooby May 15, 2011, 8:58 PM

    Hahahahahahahaahhaahhaahhahahahahahaaha!!!!!!!!!

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