I was going to write this one, but the young lady who authors Frum N’ Flipping sent me this pretty comprehensive list. This is obviously a post written from a more frum perspective and from that of the older (over 21) girl that is in the shidduch crisis. Rumor has it that the author may be the first one to take advantage of my offer to post a shidduch profile on my site. Anyone who wishes to experiment by posting a profile, poem or hot picture of themselves to take the shidduch finding technique to a new level is welcome to send me an email.
Stuff Single Girls like:
Talking about Shidduch dates
The eternal pre-first date debate of “Flats or Heels?”
Contact lenses (I wear contact lenses to take out the garbage)
Hair Dryers — it’s a love/hate relationship
Diets and the Gym
Working as a Madricha at a seminary, as a Limudei Kodesh teacher , or at any job where it’s clear you’re burning time until you’re married, and you’ll quit as soon as you get engaged.
Living in New York — either at home, or in a shared basement apartment in Brooklyn — the main thing is you’re not “out of town”.
Baking fancy cakes — to impress upon society what a good housewife you’ll be one day
Segulos- There are the 40 days at the Kotel, 40 days saying Nishmat, 40 days saying Shir Hashirim, and 40 days saying Pirkei Shira. There’s also Erev Rosh Chodesh at a graveyard, and going to Amuka- which thankfully you don’t need to do for 40 days.
Pieces of broken engagement plates
Writing your name on a long list of names for a bride to pray for
Secular guys — Among religious girls, the most popular character on Srugim was Hodaya’s secular boyfriend. He was hot. The religious guys were dweebs.
Guys who are “out of the box” – it can be any box, as long as he’s out of it
Stuff Single Girls don’t like:
Glasses
Pony tails
Hotel lobbies
“Im Yirtzeh Hashem by you” (or in Israel “Bekarov Etzlech”- soon by you)
Not being told “Im Yirtzeh Hashem by you” – as if they’ve given up you, and everyone knows your 18 year old cousin fresh out of Seminary will be getting married sooner.
“I’m praying for you” — Too many Baptists connotations. I’d rather you just found me a guy.
Guys who don’t take you home (or don’t take you to the bus stop, if you’re in Israel)
Guys who don’t pay for dates (As a commenter on Material Maidel put it- “we have the babies, they can pay for the dates”)
Cowards. i.e. Guys who don’t call back after a date
Living outside New York — because everyone knows all single Jewish men are in NYC
Doing graduate degrees and/or having a career- very dangerous, because then you can be named a “career girl”- and everybody knows they don’t make good wives
Cooking actual food for eating that won’t be displayed afterward — that’s for married women to do
Your friend’s Brit- for her second child
People who suggest guys and then never get back to you.
Stuff Single Girls are not sure if they like:
Other single girls — Support group or competition?
Frumster and SYAS — does joining them make you desperate? And are there any decent guys on them?
Living in Israel — judging by the amount of “maybe”s on Frumster profiles. (This applies to all Orthodox Jewish singles, guys too)
Shidduch Resumes — demeaning, as if applying for a job, but does save time.
“What are you looking for?”- Averaging 10 times a day, but at least people are trying
Talking to boys — it’s the ultimate sin, but you’ve already done it with 100 boys on dates, and this boy looks cuter, even though he wasn’t introduced by a third party.
Mixed events- Weddings, Kiddushes, Sheva Brachos — gives you the opportunity to check out, and possibly even talk to the opposite sex. But again, it’s the ultimate sin.
{ 82 comments… read them below or add one }
I absolutely love this series! I want more
Flats or Heels, really? Girls, its ALWAYS Heels,especially for a date. Flats are acceptable on long trips involving lots of walking, at the gym (sneakers, natch) and for taking out the garbage. That is all.
Depends on the girl and the guy.
And if your shidduch date is 1/2″ taller than you?
What if they choose heels and the guy is really short?
tough noogies
Well then the girl will feel awkward and stupid.
The guy has lived with being short his whole life he has enough self confidence not to care. The girl not used to this will feel weird and out of place.
Why?
I’ve gone out with women who were taller than me. It was normal and comfortable for both of us. Actually, after the first moment or two we completely forgot about it.
If you like wearing heels, wear them. If not, don’t.
Single girls like careers a whole lot today. Evryone wasts a wife with a proper income nowadays, especially all those Yeshiva guys. But of course, the career has to be in Special Ed, or OT.
Call me “Modern”, but I have NEVER worn heels on a date
Is it because you’re a man?
definitely not a man…
Is it because you find them uncomfortable?
They’re perfectly comfortable…
There are a couple of reasons I don’t wear them on dates though- I generally reserve heels for Shabbos, dinners, and simachot. Day to day, I have no interest in wearing heels– it’s just not my style, and I rather not destroy my feet and overall posture.
I weed out potential girls at weddings by heels – it makes life simple because 95% of girls wear heels, only the ballsy one’s or weird ones don’t. Comfort doesn’t seem to be an option for frum girls trying to snare a mate.
Forty years ago most women wore heels most days. Now it’s a shrinking minority.
High heels are fetish-wear designed to make the rear-end stick out and hit the “legs lengthening, early puberty” buttons. They are terrible for your back, your feet and your legs. Why hurt yourself for a paraphilia?
Men care less about these sartorial details than women. Are girls wearing them to make men hot or to impress other women?
Im saying the truth here – i was never into heals until one day my wife started wearing them and I can say for sure heals fow women are very very sexy.
Se above. It’s fetish-wear just like corsets, liquid latex and slave bracelets.
Dunno why you say that. Slave bracelets and heels are worlds apart. Yes, along with women’s rights movement, came the women’s right to comfortable footwear movement. Agreed. However, there are comfortable shoes with heels (as a shorty, trust me, I know). And many women are more than happy to be both comfortable and attractive.
Now, to address your other point: Women dress for different audiences at different times. That’s our prerogative. I, for one, can dress for myself one day, for my husband the next and for other girls to be jealous/impressed/etc. the day after that. No matter who I’m dressing for, unless I’m on the way to the gym, some heels are part of the equation.
Gee when I mentioned the “Heels/Flats” debate I meant whether to wear heels to a first date or not, when you’re guessing his height.
It’s turned into a totally different debate here.
If a guy is short, that’s his issue (or non-issue) depending on his own confidence level. Either way, I don’t see why the girl should be concerned with that. If she is a single girl, I would imagine her primary concern when getting dressed would be to highlight her assets and heels do good things for legs.
@tech – not sure how that makes you modern, but it is of course your preference… I’m just saying. Guys look at the total package and the packaging is important
Guys also like to emphasize their assets. Did you hear of guys who beef it up with a potato.
There is a difference between emphasizing existing assets and creating the illusion of assets where there are none.
“beefing up with a potato” = wonderbra, not heels
Don’t know about all women, but I can certainly speak for myself when I say that I’ve always been attracted to confident, even cocky guys… the type that wouldn’t need to beef up at all because in their mind, they are the sh*t, and that confidence would just emanate from them. Much more attractive than any “beefing up” attempts.
Never heard of this before. i wouldn’t imagine ever doing that.
I modestly wrap it around my waist a couple times.
Hahahaha. Modest indeed.
As a proud graduate from the dating scene, I had moments to reminiscent about and memories I want to eradicate from my head. Back then as a single girl I liked :
1) Mixed events
2) Non Jews hitting on me
3) Hanging out with the girls on a Motzei Shabbat
4) Getting drunk ( I still occasionally do that )
5) Unintentionally getting myself into predicaments
6) Fantasizing about my dream wedding
7) Having a boyfriend ( which came a little later in the chapter of my singlehood )
9) Ridiculing the shidduch standards ( which I still do )
10) Independence ( not that being married shackles me )
Now the disadvantage of being single :
1) Loneliness
2) Shadchanim
3) Protocols of shidduchim
4) Living in Monsey
5) Friends who brag about how wonderful married life is and let you know what you are missing out on.
6) Going to gender segregated weddings where most of your married friends are in a maternity.
7) Being nagged about getting married. I was even rebuked for not being married at the ripe age of 21 thus causing a lot of inconvenience
for my parents.
9) Being set up with full time learners ( who shortly rejected me after I told them I had no interest of being a kollel wife. I never requested for kollel types to begin with . It was a communication failure on the shadchan’s part) or with guys twice my age who have no direction.
10) Shidduch dating period.
Now you understand why we end up as bridezillas.
Chas Veshalom if a girl wants to be a lawyer or a doctor or an accountant…guess that means she is doomed to solitude forever
Another thing single girls really don’t like is bumping into guys they dated. But they do like fantasing about it, and planning to look really hot if that ever happens.
Single girls like funny married men.
You would know it how, exactly?
From a novel I read.
Aha.
My compliments on the very beefy screen name… doesn’t get much err bigger than an elephant, with a capital “E” no less
What if it were “Blue Whale”?
Yochana,
???? ????? ?? ????
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tafasta_meruba_lo_tafasta
Good one. El.
Hey, what do an elephant and a wristwatch have in common?
They both come in quarts/z.
Hey…I wrote that article!
Good job! Good article.
sounds like Esther needs to be “filled up inside”
why would you say that?
QUOTE Esther April 28, 2010 at 3:02 PM Aha. My compliments on the very beefy screen name… doesn’t get much err bigger than an elephant, with a capital “E” no less
UNQUOTE
Dude, I was being sarcastic. Since Elephant is the one who mentions men liking to emphasize their assets by beefing up… You may want to read the thread before commenting next time, but I appreciate the response nonetheless.
“Dude”? Ew.
You misunderstood what I meant.
I don’t think he meant it as a proposition. Just a philosophical speculation. Good old armchair philosophy. The robe and cigar type. Reading one’s Plato.
love these posts. keep it up please!!
Single girls LOVE:
- Leaving comments on their friends’ engagements at OnlySimchas
- Commenting on Frum Satire
- Trying on wedding gowns
Single girls HATE:
- Being asked why they’re not married yet
- Getting set up with men solely because of similarities in age
- Hearing “Im Yirtzeh HaShem by you!” at simchas
So … why aren’t you married yet?
A better question would be: Why SHOULD I be married yet? I’m only 21.
Here are some reasons for you, though:
1. I’m far too young.
2. I can’t support myself yet.
3. I haven’t yet met a man I’ve loved enough to marry.
4. I’m not sure what I need in a partner (philosophy- and religion-wise).
5. It’s hard to find men who are open to marriage, but not kids.
#5: there are way more than you’d think, but they are probably generally too left-wing politically for you (though I suppose I shouldn’t be making assumptions as this may fall under the unsure/philosophically category).
Not really, Meir. Most childfree people I know are libertarians, which is what I consider myself to be.
Libertarians aren’t generally so into the concept of marriage, though, at least as an institution. Choice between a marriage being recognized by the ‘church’ (which here encompasses the shul and Vegas marriages) and the government (justice of the peace)
I don’t know abot wedding gowns, but the single girls I know love trying on tichls! Oh, and buying tichles. I know a few people with a stash, including myself.
Yeah, tichls can be very elegant on the right woman. I’ve been always enchanted by the modesty of a tichl.
How modest can you find them if you find them enchanting?
Tova, tichls can be compared to modern art. Most modern art is not beautiful but it doesn’t mean it’s unlikeable. In fact many people like it more than some of the beautiful, but not modern, art. So too modest dress, like tichl, is not sexually appealing but they are likeable on a different aesthetic level.
I wear tichels sometimes; they’re cute and helpful when you want your hair out of your face. Wearing them full-time, though, does horrible things to one’s hair and scalp.
I’ve had enough of this single girl phenomom. Its really sad your not all married already, all of us guys got to help out any way we can. If you know someone who can get togtehr with asomeone else DO IT! no embarraemtns.
“Its really sad your not all married already”
It’s hard to tell if you’re being silly or not. I sincerely hope you are.
Im being serious. Its sad, i have so many single friends girls and guys I really hope Hashem helps them to find their zivug soon. Can we make a website where we hook up all our single freidns facebook style? Is there such a thing?
What if they’re not interested in getting married right now (or ever)? Have you thought of that?
If shes not interested then she isnt in the cat of all my friends guys and girls who want to start a family. If feel for them and wish for them the best
To quote an old saying:
Marry in haste. Repent at leisure.
The other day someone posted on FB “Marriage is for anybody who finds the right spouse”
And for some reason we all think we will.
For coming up on twenty years I have.
Heshy, you need to collect and publish these.
Chas Veshalom if a girl wants to be a lawyer or a doctor or an accountant…guess that means she is doomed to solitude forever
I’m not sure if you’re joking. If you aren’t, you’re wrong.
“Guys who don’t pay for dates (As a commenter on Material Maidel put it- “we have the babies, they can pay for the dates”)”
Awww, this was me.
And it is still true.
so in that case if they pay for the date they are entitled to impregnate you.
ZZZZZIIIIINNNNNGGGGG!!!!!
If you like it, then you better put a ring on it
I thought body piercing (other than ears) was assur.
And nose rings. Like the ones Eliezer brought for Rivka.
Damn! Guess I’m doomed to be a sinner…
Though, I did say ON, not THROUGH
Oh, bee-have!
Not if I can help it
And if they don’t want to have children?
A bit Meta but the single thing Single Girls hate most:
Receiving forwards of lists like this from their married/engaged friends.
How did reading blogs about dating not make it to the list?
I’m a younger guy that’s gone out with mostly older girls.
I used to think older girls are more mature and can think for themselves more. Now I realize they’re older and not married for a reason.