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Stuff Chabad Likes

Most of you realize I love Chabad. It’s not just the beautiful girls, good food and free places to stay – I love their passion, their skill and their ability to be both modern and traditional. Before all of you crushed hat wearing die hard Chabadnicks go nuts – know that every group will picked on – not just you. Stay tuned for posts devoted to BT’s, Gerim, Modern Orthodox and more in the next week or so.

Stuff Chabad Likes:

Tefilin: They like tefilin so much they have two pairs, and they also believe that hounding people on their morning commute to put on some strange leather straps in the train station is Gods work mostly based on a gemara that says if someone never put on tefilin they are going to hell or something like that. They also like huge tefilin boxes, but that may be a form of litvishe envy.

Nice Mikvahs: The men go all of the time, but did you know that Chabad has some of the nicest mikvahs around? The rebbe was really into having nice mikvahs so it would encourage women to use them and it worked quite well.

Vodka: Or shall I say mashka? Chabadnicks are the only Jews I ever hear ask you if you want white or yellow when it comes to offering you a drink. It sounds too much like urine. Smirnoff somehow became the drink the of choice in Chabad. I think it has something to do with Russia even though its made in the states.

Yichus: Outside of Chabad its not talked about too much but Chabadnicks are hung up on ancestry. There are folks who will date others with Gezhe which means you can trace your yichus back to the forests of Russia. Like Romeo and Juliet, Gezhe Chabad families dont mix with BT chabad families and so on. I have a first cousin whos a well known shaliach, does that mean I have gezhe?

Stories about misnageds becoming Chabad: Chabadnicks love telling stories about how the head of Aish Hatorah is from a Chabad family or how a really famous Gadol’s son became Chabad. It shows that Chabad can compete with the yeshivish rabbis any day.

Internet: Chabad was one of the first large groups to discover the power of the internet. Their site is highly trafficked and its hard to find a Chabad rabbi that isnt on Twitter or Facebook. They even have an accredited online school for kids of shluchim that live in far flung places like Boise, Idaho or Bozeman, Montana.

Half Cooked Cholent: Why is it that Chabdnicks dont know how to cook their cholent fully? It seems that they like it in the form of soup with sort of cooked beans. Maybe its the snag in me but I really like a thick cholent where its contents are all mushed in together.

The Rebbe: They sincerely love the Rebbe (wait — I love the Rebbe too) and if you read any of the encounters with him you will know why he was a super holy dude who everyone seemed to know. I’m not sure how many politicians met with other Rebbes but the Lubavitcher Rebbe seems to have a monopoly on famous personalities meeting with him. When it comes down to it, the Rebbe is probably the most recognized Jewish figure of the last 1000 years.

Numbers: Chabad places a lot of value on numbers. 770 is more important than 613 and practically everything in the torah can be traced through gematria to some random date in chabad history.

Rubashkin: when it comes down to it, most Chabad folks think hes innocent and that it was sort of conspiracy. I have spoken to lawyer friends of mine and it seems that he isnt innocent at all, but Chabad has rallied around him and I got to visit Postville before everything went downhill.

Moshiach: whether you believe that the Rebbe is moshiach or not, all Chabadnicks are obsessed with moshiach. Yeshivish people are obsessed with telling us that moshiach is coming when something bad happens while chabadnicks are obsessed with learning about him and subtly hinting that the Rebbe is moshiach who will reveal himself soon.

Traveling: One of the best perks about growing up Chabad is the ability to see the world. In fact, they should advertise that when they indoctrinate people. I know a kid who went to yeshiva in Brazil, South Africa, France and Australia. Thats nothing — you meet girls who work as teachers in Alaska and then do sedarim in India, and this is all common practice. We are stuck in college and they are seeing the world.

Separatism: Chabad is kind of known for its separatism. What people fail to realize is that there is this negative view of chabad for this reason but any other Chassidic group would be the same if they lived in far flung places. People simply dont experience the ways of other Chassidic groups which would be the same if they lives away from big population centers. Chabad in general doesnt mesh with the rest of the frum world, while satmars and yeshivish people go to each others events and quote each others Rebbes etc

770 Eastern Parkway: Did you know that 770 used to be an abortion clinic back the day? Well since becoming Chabads headquarters, Chabadnicks in their obsession with 770 have recreated the building many times.

The Forest: Almost every Chabad story takes place in the forest in Russia. The story usually starts with someone fixing a wagon and a poor chossid that needed to travel somewhere with the Baal Shem Tov.

Colored Yarmulkes: Chabadnicks wear colored velvet yarmulkes in the colors of red, navy blue, green and brown. Some more modern chabadnucks wear black knitted yarmulkes.

BT Stories: If I became Chabad I could probably go on a speaking tour. In fact, Chabad is full of interesting people that tell their life stories to encourage people to drink the koolade — some of them are quite good.

Dollar Bills: Just like Bodegas hang up their first dollar bills, Chabadnicks all have a dollar from the rebbe — strange but that’s their thing. I wonder how many dollars the rebbe gave out?

Stuff Chabad People Dont Like:

Vilna Gaon: He put Chassidism in cherem there ought to be bad blood there. Funny because almost all Chassidim get along with the Litvishe mussar crowd, except for Lubavitchers.

Ashkenaz Siddurim: I can always find a few ahskenazic siddurim at a shteeble, but at Chabad its rare. Its like they want to force the Tehilas Hashem on you or something.

Admitting the Rebbe died: sure, there are loads of Chabadnicks that dont believe the rebbe is moshiach, but how often do you hear them say things like zecher tzadik lebracha or of blessed memory? Very rarely do you have a Chabadnick admit outright that the rebbe died.

Snags: The derogatory way of calling someone a misnaged, which is what they used to call the people who opposed Chassidism. Now its more of a way to laugh about people who are snaggy, hard to explain, but I am no snag.

Tachnun: It seems that chabad never says tachnun and this is because almost every day is another chabad holiday. This is because there were an endless number of Chabadnicks getting thrown into and being released from communist prisons.

Shabbos Zemiros: Did you know that Chabad doesnt sing at the shabbos table because youre supposed to be discussing chassidus instead? Funny, because rarely do I hear chassidus discussed at the table.

Aish: Aish is known to preach against Chabad. Trust me, I know people on the inside and Chabad doesn’t really like people who send folks to their campus and try and get students to become frum – it’s territorial, man.

Community Schools: There could be a fully functioning yeshiva day school but Chabad loves to make its own schools. This way, they can indoctrinate the kids of families that attend their Chabad houses and educate their kids in the ways of the Rebbe without snag influence.

Environmentalism: Most frum Jews dont like the environment, but Chabad goes out of its way to show disdain. Have you ever seen their mitzvah tanks? They are basically converted RVs with pictures of the rebbe that roll along in gas guzzling parades that make Prius owners cringe. They also have sukkah mobiles on pickup trucks and are willing to drive extra miles to get someone to put on tefillin or do a bris in the middle of nowhere.

Gimmel Tammuz: I was at the Berkeley chabad house a few weeks ago and noticed that the gimmel tammuz square in their calendar is blank (proof that they are mishichist.) Whats interesting is that on the most important date in chabad history the day the Rebbe ztl passed away there is nothing at all and this is one of my first things I look for in Chabad. I always love telling Chabadnicks that my father took us to the Rebbes leviah. I love the reactions that range from wow, youre Chabad to which Rebbe’s leviah?

Mussar: Next time youre hanging around Chabad, ask the rabbi to explain the difference between mussar and chassidus its like asking a mac lover to explain the difference between macs and PCs.

Kiruv: Chabadnicks dont like to call their work kiruv. In fact they hate kiruv organizations, but I think thats mostly because of territorial issues. Aish sends a rabbi to their campus and they think the world has ended. Chabad thinks they hold the monopoly on kiruv although they dont call it kiruv.

Asked if they are Chabad: Go ask a Chabadbick if they are Chabad and nine times out of ten, they will tell you that they hate the divisions and they are just Jewish I find this hilarious.

Yeshivish people: there isn’t anyone quite as a snaggy as yeshivish people, especially the ones that show up a Chabad house and have to voice their concerns over a woman saying kaddish. They don’t realize that Chabad doesn’t do everything according to the books – they want to make people as comfortable as possible.

Stuff Chabad People arent sure if they like:

Tznius

Israel

Modern Orthodoxy

Learning Gemara

{ 139 comments… add one }
  • zad April 14, 2010, 6:24 PM

    You forgot hot women, rimless classes, fedoras and facial hair.

    • A. Nuran April 14, 2010, 7:15 PM

      …all in the same person

  • zad April 14, 2010, 6:24 PM

    glasses — not classes.

  • oy vey April 14, 2010, 6:32 PM

    I love Chabad too!

  • A Polish Jew April 14, 2010, 6:53 PM

    I love Chabad too! The Rebbe was such an inspiring man. I found a quote of his about the talents of an artist the other day…

    “The primary talent of an artist is his ability to step away from the externalities of an object, and disregarding its outer form, gaze into its innerness and perceive its essence, and to be able to convey this in his painting. Thus the object is revealed as it has never before been seen, since its inner content was obscured by secondary things.”

  • MalachHamovies April 14, 2010, 7:36 PM

    Hesh,

    Can we have a post what Breslovers like

    • Heshy Fried April 14, 2010, 9:33 PM

      Breasts, tripping acid, traffic jams and those white yarmulkes

      • Meir April 14, 2010, 11:39 PM

        And the Ukraine.

        • Esther April 15, 2010, 3:52 PM

          Wait, what? Who are these people who are Jewish, have their own group that can (and maybe will be…fingers crossed) be written about here AND they like the Ukraine?

          Damn, the more I read, the more I learn, the more I realize my own ignorance…

          • Yochanan April 17, 2010, 9:44 PM

            Rabbi Nachman of Breslev’s grave is in Uman, Ukraine.

      • "Rabbi No" April 15, 2010, 12:56 PM

        And signing that techo song Nachman Meuman…

      • YY April 18, 2010, 11:15 PM

        Breasts? Huh?

    • dov April 14, 2010, 11:43 PM

      yes, please do

  • Anonymous April 14, 2010, 7:43 PM

    “Learning Gemara” Totally true; I have only ever known one Chabad shliach to learn gemara

    • feivelbenmishael April 15, 2010, 7:52 AM

      What, you have a spycam or something?

    • chaya March 20, 2012, 9:21 AM

      Sorry to hear that! There are many Chabadnicks who are really great learners!

  • Yochanan April 14, 2010, 7:47 PM

    Is it me, or do many Chabad rabbis have horrible singing voices?

  • The Real Joe April 14, 2010, 8:02 PM

    Great post you missed a few points 1 we love settlements the more extreme the better 2 we love competing in contests weather from secular Jewish org’s or non Jewish as long as the end result is some cash
    I think you need to elaborate on the IDK about Chabad & Israel

  • A Reader April 14, 2010, 8:17 PM

    More SCL:

    Lulavim and Esrogim

    Yellow Flags

    Chevron
    (The place not the car)

    Asking people if the’re Jewish.

    Thick matza

    Fabrengens

    The Ohel

    • Joshua April 14, 2010, 10:51 PM

      Thick matzah? I must be going to the wrong Chabad House, because there it was thin shmurah matzah.

    • DrumIntellect April 19, 2010, 11:39 AM

      Yaneveh esrogim

      Baking their own matzoh (especially in Crown Heights)

  • Anonymous April 14, 2010, 8:25 PM

    Learning Gemara? There is a live Gemara class on their site http://www.chabad.org/1101363

  • NonymousG April 14, 2010, 8:26 PM

    Aish and Kiruv under “don’t like” are too similar. Otherwise, brilliant as ever.

  • Anonymous April 14, 2010, 8:29 PM

    Other things Chabadnicks like:

    1) Naming their first born sons Mendel/Mendy/Menachem, and their first born daughters Mushka/Mushky/Mussia.

    2) The late Minyan. 10am is the minimum starting time, while the real Chabadnick don’t bother strolling in until 11:30.

    3) Being cosmopolitan. Maybe this is the result of the large BT influence, but Chabadnicks love fine wine & cheese tasting events, the Wall Street Journal, high fashion, fancy dinners, authentic sushi, and any event that gives them an excuse to hobnob with the rich and famous.

    4) The breakaway Minyan. They say that when you talk to two Jews you get three opinions, well when you go to a Crown Heights, you get three minyanim for every 20 men.

    • Tova April 14, 2010, 10:51 PM

      Hey! I want to name MY first son Menachem…not after the Rebbe, though.

      • ghottistyx April 17, 2010, 11:34 PM

        I’d pick Shmuel Menachem after my Zeide, but it may be a problem with my father, as he’s a Shmuel Aharon…

    • abandoning eden April 15, 2010, 7:38 AM

      In my city the chabadnicks own an art gallary on art row that they supposedly show ‘jewish art’ at, and they have a big open house the same day that all the other gallaries have open houses so that people will go in there, thinking it’s just one of the regular art gallaries (which is actually how I first wandered in). That’s when they hit you with some kiddush, chicken matza ball soup in a cup, gefilta fish, and a dvar torah.

      • whoah5772 January 15, 2012, 10:07 AM

        where are you from?

  • chevramaidel April 14, 2010, 9:07 PM

    Guessing a Lubavitcher’s password or PIN is like shooting fish in a barrel. It’s always some permutation of 770 and/or Moshiach.

    • Yochanan April 15, 2010, 1:06 PM

      The ones I know use 613. Or maybe that’s just in the non-messianic crowd.

  • ghottistyx April 14, 2010, 9:20 PM

    No mention of Matisyahu?

    What about relations with the West Indian community, AKA the part of Crown Heights outside the Eastern Parkway/Kingston Ave. radius? Esp. mentions of the riots in the early 90s, Yankele Rosenbaum, et al.

    And let’s not forget the thing they probably hate the most: DAVID BERGER!

    • Zvi Lampert April 15, 2010, 1:42 AM

      My band has played at dozens of Chabad weddings over the years, Lubavitchers they love grabbing the mic and belting out reggae or chazunis at weddings (musicians in the band hate it. but that’s another story) . This has been going on for years before Matiyahu came on the scene.

      Chabad also loves Crown Royal.

    • DrumIntellect April 19, 2010, 11:42 AM

      Now that Matisyahu has “left” Lubavitch, I imagine the fervor has died down a bit.

  • ghottistyx April 14, 2010, 9:27 PM

    Also, about the Vilna Ga’on, they def. blame his followers for having the Alter Rebbe thrown in prison. I once went to a Yud Gimmel Kislev farbreggen, and plenty of people were goofing on me for being the token ‘Snag.

    They say that The Alter Rebbe actually TRIED meeting with The Vilna Ga’on to make peace with him. The facts behind the story are nebulous. Most Chabadniks you ask will swear on a stack of Tanyas that The Vilna Ga’on kept snubbing The Alter Rebbe; that he just didn’t want to hear it! The ‘Snags will defend him and say that he was just constantly busy and they kept missing each other. But either way, The Vilna Ga’on didn’t come out looking very good.

    Also, Tanya vs. Nefesh HaChayyim. The latter was written by The Vilna Ga’on’s top student, R’ Chayyim of Volozhin. Rav Mendel Blachman, who spent a good deal of years learning Tanya from some of the top Chabad intellectuals of his day but is also well versed in Nefesh HaChayyim, refers to Nefesh HaChayyim as “The Poor Man’s Tanya.” Sure, it’s a nice Litvish attempt at spirituality, but he considers the Tanya to be much richer.

    • EK April 15, 2010, 3:46 PM

      It’s funny you say this, because any Lubavitch account of the story I’ve ever seen always insists very strongly that the Vilna Gaon was misled and that it wasn’t really his fault. For example, they told the V.G. that they had seen the Alter Rebbe with his Chasidim, eating meat on Tisha B’Ov, and there was a female sitting in his lap. What they didn’t mention, of course, was that that year Tisha B’Ov fell on Shabbos, and the “female” in his lap was his two year-old granddaughter…

      • ghottistyx April 16, 2010, 9:15 PM

        Guess i’ve been speaking to the wrong Lubobs.

  • d3v0rah April 14, 2010, 10:13 PM

    you forgot REBBE PICTURES!!!

    THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!!

  • Bubba Metzia April 14, 2010, 10:28 PM

    They love that vodka but also it seems like they love alcohol in general. On Simcha Torah the Chabad at my uni did kiddish over vodka. On Purim they read the megillah at a bar.

    • Zvi Lampert April 15, 2010, 1:45 AM

      At Chabad of the Five Towns they drink single malt scotch.

    • Zvi Lampert April 15, 2010, 1:48 AM

      I once did a Purim gig for Chabad of Pittsburgh in a local music club. The read the megilla on a pool table. It was mad cool.

      • Yossi April 18, 2010, 12:05 AM

        Hey, what year was that? Cause I leined the megilla on campus, using the pool table!

        • Zvi Lampert April 18, 2010, 8:11 PM

          I’m not sure what year it was, it was at least a decade ago. It was in a music club, not sure if it was part of any campus, although it was a college event. The crazy thing was that a girl lained one perek, then a guy came and repeated the same perek.

  • zalmie April 14, 2010, 10:54 PM

    i hate smirnoff i always go for the crown royal. and about ffb’s and bt’s not intermarrying, my satmar cousin married a yekke. so it could happen, in fact i would rather marry a bt.

    • Zvi Lampert April 15, 2010, 1:49 AM

      You know what happens when a Lubavitcher marries a Yekke?

      The wedding starts EXACTLY 2 hours late.

      • Anonymous May 5, 2013, 10:34 AM

        ^This. I choked on my kugel.

  • freindoflubovs April 14, 2010, 11:04 PM

    The one guy they can’t stand even more then the Vilna Gaon, is the Shach (because he said that the Holocaust happened because Jews weren’t keeping Torah properly, and the Rebbe was very upset that Shach said such a horrible thing on the Jewish people, that they actually deserved the Holocaust)

    • Heshy Fried April 15, 2010, 12:45 AM

      I can’t believe I forgot Rav Shach – oy – I’m so embarrassed

    • keeping facts straight April 15, 2010, 9:57 AM

      hey, let’s be clear here. Rav Shach of the 20th century is not THE Shach of 17th century Talmudic fame 🙂

      • Yochanan April 15, 2010, 1:17 PM

        The Talmud was completed around the year 600 of the common era.

        • EK April 15, 2010, 3:47 PM

          Halachic fame, rather.

          • Anonymous February 5, 2011, 7:09 PM

            To yochanan. True. DO NOT get mixed up between a posaik, a tzadik and arasha kipshutoi. I am not exxagerating.

  • Sergey Kadinsky April 15, 2010, 12:25 AM

    Chabadniks like Avraham Fried, MBD.

    Chabadniks are unsure if they like: Matisyahu, boxing (it’s not tsnius, but Dmitriy Salita is pro-Chabad).

    • EK April 15, 2010, 3:53 PM

      I would say he’s a little more than “pro-Chabad.” He’s basically a Lubavitcher. He has a beard now, he is very close with R’ Zalman Liberow (Shliach to Flatbush), and the girl he married is from a Lubavitch family.

  • Phantom April 15, 2010, 3:12 AM

    Chabadniks hate the joke about the difference between Moshe and the Lubavitcher Rebbe…

    • Heshy Fried April 15, 2010, 3:31 AM

      What’s the difference?

      • Ha "Maven" April 15, 2010, 2:46 PM

        Old joke… Moshe Rabeinu we know that he died but we dont know where he’s buried. The Lubavitcher Rebbe we know where he’s buried, but we dont know if he’s alive.

  • feivelbenmishael April 15, 2010, 7:48 AM

    nice but about two things you are way off the mark.

    No one (with any sechel) has anything against the Vilna Gaon.

    Also, according to our sefer minhagim, the only “chassidish holiday” we do not say tachnun on is Yud Tes Kislev. Maybe you are confused because their is hardly tachnun in 770 but that is because there are always chassanim and such.

    • anonymous April 15, 2010, 2:26 PM

      > No one (with any sechel) has anything against the Vilna Gaon.

      chochma bli daas…chabad!

    • jesse April 16, 2010, 1:06 PM

      we also dont say tachnun on yud-bais, and yud-gimel tammuz. and tes,and yud kiselv.

  • DRosenbach April 15, 2010, 9:02 AM

    The source for trying to get anyone and everyone is not from the Gemarah but from the Ran on the Gemarah on R”H 17a — the Ran adds the word “l’olam” to indicate that someone who has never worn tefillin is considered a ‘poshei yisroel b’gufan’ and getting them to wear tefillin even once would thus remove them from said category.

  • RIZZO April 15, 2010, 9:12 AM

    Another few things-

    never any soap and toilet paper in the shuls and yeshivas
    long sheitals
    beer at shalom zachors
    beard rolling
    the ohel- only some of them
    they dont like but have difficulty finding work- Hshem Help

  • Rozenblum April 15, 2010, 11:15 AM

    Yuriy Foreman, who recently converted to judaism through Rabbi Raskin, should really learn how to be a jew instead of jumping into rabbinical studies, which he is not ready for. Any 12 year old yeshiva student boy or girl is more knowledgable about judaism than he is.
    His wife who also had orthodox conversion, should learn how orthodox women dress, elbows should be covered. All his conversion is a farce…

    • EK April 15, 2010, 3:58 PM

      I’ve heard that his wife is a convert, but I’ve never heard that he is also. Are you sure? He grew up in Israel…

  • Blumnshtein April 15, 2010, 12:56 PM

    Rabbi Pinson, claimes that Foreman is the most spiritual person he ever met. He should’ve asked his first trainer Michael Kozlowskiy about criminal case open against Yuri in Haifa for beating and robbing a jewish boy. He can’t enter the Israel until this resolved. But even if it gets resolved person who fought all of his career on Shabath and jewish holidays, escaped Israely army, committed a crime in the holy land – is a rabbinical student… common he is not even jewish. He even fought on Shabath when he was getting PR as orthodox jew, it is all well documented on boxrec. He failed to become a jew.

  • Anonymous April 15, 2010, 1:00 PM

    RVs … mitzva tanks….Infatuation with the army…. Tzivos Hashem (is that still around?)

    • Zvi Lampert April 15, 2010, 1:14 PM

      Back issues of Mendy and the Golem.

  • Yochanan April 15, 2010, 1:11 PM

    They like singing Bney Heykhala.

  • anonymous April 15, 2010, 3:19 PM

    Other things Nanach Breslovers like:
    dancing on top of vans to deafening music
    bumper stickers telling you to be happy
    passing out Rebbe Nachman books in the street and then asking for a small “donation”
    spraying Na-nach graffiti on every possible surface
    meditation

    Stuff non-Na-nach Breslovers like:
    Telling everyone they meet that they are the “real Breslovers” and that those Na-nach people are just insane

  • YitzchokAizik April 15, 2010, 3:21 PM

    You forgot they love to be on the news! They love so much to be on the news that even if something happens somewhere they can say – look at pictures of a Chabad group that was in the site of the news 10 years ago. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous it is, as long as they are in the news, they are happy!

  • EK April 15, 2010, 4:10 PM

    The Tachanun thing is not true at all. Lubavitcher say Tachanun more than any other Chasidim BY FAR. Polishers don’t say Tachanun on the Yortzeits of any Rebbe’le there ever was. Chabad only has 5, 6, or 7 “special” days a year (depending on whom you ask) of no Tachanun:
    Yud Kislev (Mitteler (2nd) Rebbe was released from prison)
    Yud Tes and Chof Kislev (Alter Rebbe was released from prison)
    Yud Beis and Yud Gimel Tammuz (Previous Rebbe was released from prison).

    Then, there is some disagreement about Hei Teives (Chabad won the court case over the books) and Chai Elul (Birthday of Baal Shem Tov and Alter Rebbe).

    • Phil April 15, 2010, 9:05 PM

      EK,

      Some disagreement about saying tachnun on gimmel Tammuz as well. It’s the day that the Frierdiker Rebbe was actually released and led up to Yud beis Tammuz. Sefer Haminhagim says that elder chassidim skipped tachnun on gimmel Tammuz. Of course, we all jump on that bandwagon when convenient 🙂

      • EK April 15, 2010, 9:25 PM

        Well, it’s not quite the day he was released, it’s the day his sentence was commuted from death to exile (from which he was released 10 days later).

        • Phil April 15, 2010, 9:38 PM

          OK, might have got my Rebbe / jail release dates mixed up. Still, the gimmel Tammuz thing is a yearly debate at our minyan.

  • Esther April 15, 2010, 4:18 PM

    I love how enthusiastic Chabad people usually are. Its infectious.

    Don’t get the Smirnoff thing – if you’re going to drink vodka, there’s way better product out there… although they must be in great drinking shape if they can stomach it 🙂

    My pet peeve is people in the subway who attack you during the madness that is the rush hour commute and ask “Are you Jewish by any chance?” Its usually the Jews for Jesus group and not Chabad, but regardless they are annoying. I don’t get how they think they will get people to discover G-d and see their way when its a madhouse in large underground subway stations where like 10 different lines intersect and people are racing to get to where they’re going… its really not the right forum for spiritual work… who am I to tell them how to do G-d’s work?

    • Phil April 15, 2010, 9:12 PM

      Esther (and the rest of the greenhorns),

      The Rebbe drank Smirnoff, that is why Lubabs are into it. Funny thing is, that it’s not considered kosher by the Montreal vaad (unless it comes from the US and has a hechsher) , one of my friends is a mashgiach at weddings and he’s constantly confiscating the bottles, even though he thinks it’s totaly hypocritical.

      • EK April 15, 2010, 9:28 PM

        In the early years of his Nesius, the Rebbe would have Benedictine at farbrengens.

        • Phil April 15, 2010, 9:39 PM

          EK,

          I heard he stopped drinking it because it was made by monks, don’t know if there’s any truth to that story.

          • EK April 15, 2010, 9:49 PM

            Well there is SOME truth to that. Basically someone came to the Rebbe and asked him how he could drink Benedictine when it’s made by monks. The thing is that Benedictine ISN’T made monks. It’s owned by the Bacardi company. But simply because someone made the complaint, the Rebbe stopped drinking it.

            • Mordechai Milotay April 16, 2010, 4:38 PM

              My Rav makes a drink from Benedictine and Vodka.

              • Tova April 16, 2010, 5:00 PM

                Mordechai –

                I know your wife.

      • Leib April 16, 2010, 3:28 PM

        I have in on good authority that although smirnoff was the white mashka of choice at the Rebbe’s farbringens, he really didn’t have a preference. But, because he drank it once or twice, people kept bringing it and it turned into a thing.

        • Elie Poltorak March 6, 2017, 2:22 PM

          1. The Rebbe continued to drink Benedictine, just not in public. Whenever someone “created a shailo,” the Rebbe would generally refrain from taking a side.
          2. The reason why Smirnoff became the drink of choice at the Rebbe’s farbrengengs was that at the farbrengen, it was customary for everyone who was making some sort of event to submit a bottle of mashka to the Rebbe. The Rebbe would pour into his cut from each bottle and then give it back to the person who submitted it with a brocho for the event. When his cup got full, the Rebbe would drink it all. Some chassidim became concerned that the Rebbe was drinking cup after cup of all sorts of alcoholic beverages mixed together, so they came up with a rule that everyone should submit the same thing. I guess they chose Smirnoff because it was inexpensive and widely available at that time (before there were a million brands).

  • Zilberman April 15, 2010, 5:21 PM

    The only jewish connection is his grandfather on his father’s site. His real last name is Furman but he changed it to Foreman. He is not jewish, he converted – but conversion is questionable, because he continued to fight on Shabbath and going shoping with his wife on Shabath. He is not jewish, it’s all PR.

  • Wrong Giur April 15, 2010, 5:34 PM

    And to make this guy a Rabbi is a crime. Rabbinical court ordered Rabbi Raskin to stop conversion – because they don’t have validity.
    He lived in Israel only for about 10 years, does it make him Israely? He left Israel at the age of 19, instead of going to the Army… He didn’t do anything for Israel. Why his wife converted? because of him but that’s not a reason to convert according to galaha. I don’t think he is jewish, and so believe most of rabbies in Crown Heights but for political reasons – they keep their lips closed, don’t ask, don’t tell policy. He is already saying that he will go in ordinance even if some Brooklyn Rabbies against it… And that’s the person who just had a “giur”. Why rabbies make a tsures for themselves? This guy is not jewish, his wife is not jewish. It is a fact, so stop the lies. Judaism is a strict religion, and as far as I know lubavitches are not reformed so some body should speak out.

  • Fishman April 15, 2010, 5:41 PM

    The fact that Foreman is a ger who recently converted, makes all this PR about him like one big lie. I’m surprised such a respected newspaper as NY Times could write it about him without doing a proper research. It is desrespectful not just to jewish people but also to Israelies who serve in Israely army and can’t have a giur because in Israel it requires strict observance of the jewish law. It is disgraceful…

  • Phil April 15, 2010, 9:09 PM

    I never knew any of this about Yuri, never bothered looking into it. I guess we need another undefeated frum Jew now that Salita got a royal ass whooping from a muslim.

    • EK April 15, 2010, 9:31 PM

      Why does he need to be undefeated? Muhammad Ali lost 5 fights out of 61 (which means Salita’s winning % is much higher than his) – does that make him not a good boxer?

  • Phil April 15, 2010, 9:44 PM

    EK,

    Ali’s losses came later in his career, and he didn’t get knocked out in the first round of his first real fight like Salita did.

    That still doesn’t mean that Salita isn’t good, but it was very disappointing to his fans, especially the Jewish ones, to see him get his tuchus kicked like that in his first big fight, and by a muslim too.

    Hopefully he’ll learn from his loss and come back stronger, he’s still very young.

  • Anonymous April 16, 2010, 11:14 AM

    You know how many ethnic Russians, Ukrainians, Belorusians live in Israel and hold israely citizenship… Foreman is one of them. But bobody converts them because it’s gonna be a disaster for Israel. Imagine those guys becoming our rabbies like Foreman – it’s worth than a holocaust if you think about it. And Foreman’s foundation even after “conversion” is not jewish, he married a shiksa – it means he doesn’t have a jewish neshama. It shows the difference between a jew who was raised by jewish mother and a gentile like Foreman. He is abusing judaism by making the rules follow him instead of following laws of Holy Torah. It is too sad to turn into PR story. Foreman is a groyse ligner kleiner hooligan.

    • relax April 17, 2010, 3:16 AM

      ALL Jews like: claiming association with any celeb who is a little part Jewish. Plus disputing others’ Jewness and claiming to be more Jewish than thou 😛

      • :P April 17, 2010, 3:18 AM

        I am not as angry as I look in that photo >

  • chevramaidel April 17, 2010, 10:21 PM

    Back to the topic: Lubavitcher men love flooding the kitchen when they wash their hands. Never saw a woman do it, probably because guess who has to clean it up? Lubavitchers should have a separate washing room, with a drain in the middle of the floor that the guy could just stand over when he washes.

    • DrumIntellect April 19, 2010, 11:52 AM

      I’ve never noticed that. If the men do it, I’m sure the women do it also. It stems from them using a LOT of water when they wash their hands.

  • Devastated April 18, 2010, 10:54 AM

    Is it ethically correct that most Lubavitches Rabbies in Crown Heights know that Yuri Foreman and his wife are not jewish but still keep quiet about it, and even publicize him on religious websites…? It seems like reformed judaism…

    • DrumIntellect April 19, 2010, 11:54 AM

      Does it really matter?
      Even if you are correct and he’s totally not Jewish. Who cares? How does change any aspect of your life?

  • 90 % of Yuri Foreman fights on Shabath and jewish holidays April 19, 2010, 10:52 AM

    check the dates against jewish calendar

    http://boxrec.com/list_bouts.php?human_id=87307&cat=boxer

  • Lubi girl April 19, 2010, 5:13 PM

    lol that was good for a laugh!!!

  • anonymous April 21, 2010, 5:07 PM

    LagBa Omer

  • Lubavitcher April 22, 2010, 9:47 PM

    Has anyone noticed that many Lubavitchers (myself not included) just don’t enjoy answering Amen to chazoras hashatz and kaddish? I think this stems from the fact that in chabad philosophy, someone who davens b’yichudus b’arichus is glorified, whereas there’s not so much emphasis on Tefilla b’tzibbur. What that leads to is the a minyan turning into a bunch of people davening, but not together. So what does the shatz’s tefilla have to do with mine? I’m focusing on my own davening, not the chazzans.. It’s a big issue, and a sensitive one when it comes to aveilim.. Another thing is that the chazzan always has to hunt around for six people who are up to yishtabach for the same reason…

  • Phil April 22, 2010, 10:53 PM

    Lubvitcher,

    Those guys are mainly a bunch of fakers. The old chassidim that davened on their own did so because they wanted to take their time and go at their own pace.

    The people that daven on their own today usually do so because they show up late and don’t have the patience to wait for the next minyan, or because they are in too much of a hurry and can’t wait for everyone else.

  • y August 22, 2011, 11:37 AM

    So true,and no one likes being chazzon accept on shaboss

  • Guest December 27, 2011, 1:03 PM

    Heshy, I am sorry but I have been reading your site for ages, and although I find your articles hilarious, I also find you snaggy. Sorry. It is just how I and all my Lubavitch friends feel. We still love you though:)

  • AnonymousLubigirl December 27, 2011, 1:37 PM

    Heshy, I am sorry but I have been reading your site for ages, and although I find your articles hilarious, I also find you snaggy. Sorry. It is just how I and all my Lubavitch friends feel. We still love you though:)

    • Anonymous December 27, 2011, 2:04 PM

      Why did you post it twice under 2 different names?

  • Anonymous July 9, 2012, 9:01 PM

    First of all, Teffilin: The two pairs are for Rabeinu tam and Rashi, and just because you use the smaller type of tefillin, does that make the bigger type wrong? And also, Tefiilin is a big mitzvah, and they want to give all Jews the chance to do a mitzvah.
    Second, Vodka- where in the world did you get this information from? You can’t discuss taste buds!
    Third, Yichus- Of course they mix! As long as they have the same ‘level’ as them, of course they are open!
    Fourth, Stories about misnagdim becoming chabad- I have been around Chabadniks all my life and not once have i heard this. I’m sorry, but i believe that your a bit biased with all of your opinions! Maybe ONE shliach that you met said a story like that, but does that make it a “love” for all chabadniks?
    Fifth, internet- Thats true, Chabad.org was up and running even before some other major internet features were available.
    Sixth, Half cooked cholent- What in the world? Where i come from, most of the time the cholent is burnt! 😉
    Seventh, The Rebbe- First of all, lets just get this straight- the rebbe is not a dude; period. The Rebbe genuinely loved every Jew no matter what background they came from, and he did not have a ‘monopoly’ on famous people visiting him.
    Eighth, numbers.. 770 is NOT more important than 613. Have you ever asked a shliach and he told you that? As i said before, I think you should get your information straight before you go posting biased information about chabad.
    Ninth, Rubashkin- NO ONE ever said that Rubashkin is not guilty. Sure, he is guilty, of a crime that is much less serious then a murderer or a thief. The anti-Semite judge was extremely unfair and gave him practically a life sentence, which is worse then some murderers get.
    tenth, Moshiach- Of course, every chabadnik wants moshaich, but don’t you? They don’t go around in the streets yelling it!
    I am too shook up and upset to go on, but next time before you go sharing your maniac ideas to the world, keep in mind that if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything!
    P.S. You seem to have a hard time davening! I know a rabbi that might be able to help you out.

    • Yechiel July 19, 2012, 7:12 AM

      Someone doesn’t seem to understand satire. *whispered* (it’s that guy above me.)

  • Grizzzly540 May 5, 2013, 2:53 AM

    Well, living in a chabad-house community I can say that there has surly been at least a small shout out for Moshiach in the street at least once. In fact I’m pretty sure that I’ve sung “we want Moshiach now” on the asphalt myself. I’ve been asked if I want white or yellow at many a farbrengen, and 770 is a number that seems to come up a lot, just saying. None of these thing bother me at all considering I still hang out there. Don’t see how mentioning these things are maniacal. In fact, I found this post to be one of the most chabad-friendly non-chabad posts on the web. On top of that, he pre-apoligized for his comments at the beginning of the post. This is a site dedicated to making fun of Jewish quirks, is it not? Maybe it’s just me, but I’m not so offended.

  • Joshua Lewis March 1, 2014, 11:10 PM

    Can you Post what Satmar Likes and dislikes.

  • CMG May 13, 2014, 3:13 AM

    Excuse me, I’m Chabad and I descend from the Vilna Gaon. He was a big Tzaddik, too!

  • Sydney Bochur January 30, 2018, 2:28 AM

    Not entirely true but quite funny.
    Chabad by no standards allow women to say Kaddish! Unheard of! Chabad does everything according to halacha whilst also making every Yid feel comfortable! Definitely never compromising on halacha!
    Chabad is pretty tznius and good at learning Gemorah. They also love Eretz Yisroel because the Rebbe loved it so much, because it’s our land and it’s so beautiful!

    • nay nay nay nay nay nay nay nay nay February 13, 2018, 12:45 AM

      Nay nay nay nay nay nay nay nay nay

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