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Stuff Yeshivish People Like

There are lots of things that Yeshivish folks like and don’t like. I suppose the goal of this series will be to pick some random isn’t that isn’t so obvious. Don’t worry folks, this is the first of many posts in the Stuff Jewish People Like series and I will get to the other sects of Jews in due time.

Stuff Yeshivish People Like:

Erev Shabbos kugel: No true yeshivish home is complete without the erev Shabbos potato kugel which is usually served on a flimsy paper plate in order to show you just how much oil was put into each piece. It seems that dry potato kugel is strictly reserved for Jews that just aren’t frum enough to roll with the yeshivish crowd. I am a huge fan of the erev Shabbos kugel minhag. The only problem with it is the fact that it’s usually eaten as you’re putting on your coat to go to shul.

Living Room Maariv: This is definitely a yeshivish invention, mostly because modern orthodox people believe too much in their shuls to ever have an unofficial weekly motzei Shabbos maariv minyan. Monsey is full of these semi impromptu cram fests in which you get to daven shemona esrei up close and intimately with your neighbors to whom you never actually say. There is usually a household supply of torn up Artscrolls with sticky duct tape trying to hold the pages together. For some reason I always wind up with the one siddur missing vayehi noam.

Slurpees: I am sure other sects of the Jewish world enjoy a Slurpee now and then. There isn’t anything quite like drinking two liters of colored sweetened water blended with ice but yeshivish folks have a special relationship with 7-11 and frummy Slurpee culture. In yeshiva, people would make Slurpee runs and guys would form their afternoon activities around getting Slurpees. Later on there would always be debates about which flavors were kosher. I remember hanging out with all of my other yeshiva crew up friends at 7-11 in Detroit. I think 7-11 is so yeshivish because a lot of times it’s the only place where you can actually go and get something to eat. In Monsey, the Chassidic rebels and fringe kids hang out in front while car loads of white shirt and black pants yeshiva guys load up on Slurpees and Reisman’s cakes.

BMG Guys: You never hear anything about Ner guys or Chaim Berlin guys or Chofetz Chaim guys — or should I say boys, as people in the yeshivish world call any single guy a boy. The yeshivish world only cares about guys in BMG. Fine — they care about guys in Mir, but it seems like anyone can hop into Mir throw it on his shidduch resume and all of a sudden he’s a Mir guy. But BMG or Lakewood boys are all anyone seems to care about. Does it count that my father went to Lakewood – maybe now I can get a good shidduch. I wonder if BMG guys were into scamming the BMG record company by getting the 10 free CD’s without buying the 5 more at full price – I know that MDS guys did this, but we were on different madreigas.

Pounding: This one should really be reserved for men under the age of 40, because I never heard a woman say she was going to pound some cholent at the Kiddush, but yeshivish guys love talking about pounding food and it has nothing to do with that pie scene from American Pie.

Shidduch Stories: Yeshivish people love shidduch stories: in fact, they love just talking about shidduchim. I feel it’s this way because shidduch stories have this sexual tension and sex is very taboo unless your rebbe is teaching you the real story of Lavan after you always assumed the little midrash says story was the truth. I love when yeshivish people talk about all of the urban legend stories, like the girl who pulled the keys out of the guys car and said she was testing his anger.

Black: I am not sure exactly when it happened, but yeshivish women have this fascination with wearing black, it’s like the goth scene died and suddenly the yeshivish crowd picked it up. It just wasn’t enough that the men wore shoes, pants, hats and yarmulkes that were black.

Gedolim: Yeshivish people are obsessed with gedolim, so much so that they have rebbe cards, gadol gossip columns that detail when the gadol travels, gadol pictures with little black and gold frames, gadol biographies to convince us that all gedolim are like God and gadol product placement for tzedaka businesses like Kupat Ha’ir – which ironically has nothing to do with hair.

Basement Shuls: Have you ever been to a non-yeshivish basement? I have twice, but 99% are yeshivish and they are either located in a converted garage or a basement. They never have leg room, are incredibly unfriendly places and you always end up being kicked out of your seat due to makom kavua. Did I mention that basement shuls allow people to get away with not paying any property tax and therefore make the rest of the neighborhood suffer – it’s a Monsey thing?

BTL: Forget college. Go to yeshiva for a couple of years and when you need a degree, call them up and make a donation – in return you can get your Bachelors in Talmudic Law, usually through a yeshivish college like FDU (Fairliegh Dickinson Univeristy), Johns Hopkins, Providence College or Scranton University. If you didn’t graduate high school because you thought English subjects were bitul torah, just pay Charter Oaks for a high school diploma.

Other things yeshivish people like:

Thumb Dipping

Clopping the bimah to remind you multiple times to say ya’ale v’yavo

Mumbling atah chonantanu

Ordering pizza while talking on the Bluetooth

Motzei Shabbos Pizza

Greasy Food

Woman only events

Little boys choirs

Using the word Relations to describe sex

Men making Cholent

Lettuce Strawberry and Mango Salad

Sushi

Using the word Sick to describe a geshmake guy

Adding the word dick to Hebrew words making them into adjectives – Yuntiffdick, Shabbosdick, gashmiusadick, etc…

Dandruff

Wal-Mart

Figuring out legal credit card hocks with miles and stuff

School Vouchers (ironic that the government should pay for yeshiva kids but not for healthcare)

Big tie knots – also really colorful ties – orange seems to be all the rage

Minivans

Stuff Yeshivish People don’t like:

Yeshiva University: Yeshivish people hate YU. They would prefer you went to a coed college that had no Jews than go to YU. I have heard multiple reasons, but it mostly has to do with the fact that they think YU will influence their kids to become raging left wing knitted yarmulke wearers because modern orthodoxy looks kind of like real orthodoxy. I have also heard the YU are apikorsum because they should be fully frum, not wishy washy and allow women to take graduate programs in gemara. I promise you if you look more modern and you wind up in a yeshivish setting, everyone will ask you if you go to YU.

Chabad: Yeshivish people will always try to chummy up to the token Chabad guy at a wedding by telling them about that one time they mooched off some Chabad guy in the city they got stuck in, but if you ever want to get all chummy with a yeshivish person, just make a quip about Chabad being the closest religion to Judaism and saying you have a lot of criticisms and you will start a hailstorm of negativity.

NCSY: It doesn’t matter that NCSY is responsible for keeping thousands of Jews from intermarrying or leaving the faith, the mere fact that they are coed and support Israel is problematic. In yeshiva they called NCSY No One Can Save You, and they truly felt that kiruv shouldn’t be done if they had to bring guys and girls together in order to do it.

Earners: Sure ,some parents may be publicly proud of their sons going to get an education and a job. In the yeshivish world, working makes you look bad. Learners are way better than Earners and you can take one look at the ongoing arguments in the Yated weekly printed blog called Readers Write. Learner-Earners seem destined for downgrading to just plain old working boys.

Women learning: I never understood the hatred, but yeshivish people hate the concept that women may have a mind for gemara, they say that women don’t have to learn so they shouldn’t, I always wondered why we wore tzitzis at night, or had such tall mechitzas if they both weren’t demanded. Why would the yeshivish community be so for women going to seminary if they shouldn’t learn – oh wait – hashkafa!

Kabbalah: You have to 40, married and probably have a white beard. Yeshiva guys sit around telling stories of guys who opened up zohars and flipped out because of it to scare you away from hashem’s 72 letter name and chicken feet dancing around your bed at night. This may be why they hate Chassidus as well — it’s just too spiritual, man.

Vegetables: Besides for karpas, potato kugel, French fries and the occasional build your own salad drenched in mayo dressing – yeshivish people rarely eat vegetables. Go to a frum wedding and look at all of the uneaten salads they throw away from the first course.

Yom Hashoah: I never understood their aversion to holocaust remembrance day but go speak to any yeshiva guy about it and he will tell you that we remember the holocaust on tisha b’av, this is the classic yeshivish response to everything, I still haven’t actually figured out why they don’t like Yom Hashoah, maybe one of you know.

Liberals: You will meet modern orthodox liberals, you will even meet some chassidish liberals, but in the yeshivish world liberals are non-existent, I have met several yeshivish democrats (they are always very intellectual) but I have never met a yeshivish liberal. Generally, frum Jews have an aversion to liberals. This is mostly because like me, they grew up being indoctrinated by Rush Limbaugh whenever their father took them shopping in Boro Park. In my father’s words – every bad thing is caused by the “Farshtunkanah Liberals”

Other things yeshivish people don’t like:

Mixed seating

Israeli Day Parade

Colored yarmulkes

Shorts – even guys who go off the derech don’t care for shorts

Sandals

Bobby pins

Healthy foods

Matisyahu

Learning Rambam

Obama

Coed anything

Stuff yeshivish people aren’t really sure if they like:

Rav Hirsch

Right wing YU guys that seem yeshivish

Rav Cook

The Rav

Baal Teshuvas

Gerim

Carlebachian Bands like Blue Fringe

Girls that grew up yeshivish and went to stern

Single girls over the age of 23

Chassidim – it really depends on your allegiance to the GRA aka the Vilna Gaon

Carlebach – they love his music, but can’t get over the fact he “kissed” women. I always want to tell these people that he ran a place called the House of Love and Prayer in the 60’s and I am sure there was more than kissing going down, but he made a lot of people frum through all of the good lovin’.

The Internet – they banned it then they created software so they could lift the ban, then they said it was bad but every frum company has an email and web address. Oh and how do they explain the fact that Rav Ahron, Rav Moshe and Reish Lakesh are all on Facebook.

{ 188 comments… add one }
  • zalmy FNY silver April 11, 2010, 3:23 AM

    and the number one thing yeshivish people dont like….drumroll please………………………………………………..FRUM SATIRE!

    • Heshy Fried April 11, 2010, 3:26 AM

      Actually I can probably say that many of my fans are yeshivish – they always come up to me and then add that I shouldn’t tell anyone because their kids won’t get shidduchim. Believe it or not the principal of one of the largest day schools in Lakewood came up to me in the Catskills once.

      • oy vey April 12, 2010, 12:19 AM

        I thought they weren’t allowed to use the internet in most of the Lakewood schools…

  • Izzy April 11, 2010, 3:28 AM

    This post is a typical example of how Heshy seems to get the frum world only about 90%. He gets it, but not completely. For example, his bit about BTLs. These are degrees granted by yeshivas like Ner Israel, BMG, etc, not regular colleges. Also that’s quite a random assortment of “yeshivish” colleges: FDU (they do have some very frum friendly programs), Johns Hopkins (a world class University that does have a decent sized Ner Yisrael contingent), Providence College (nothing yeshivish about P.C. – a small private college that usually has at most a handful of Providence Yeshiva guys, who are generally not especially “yeshivish”) Scranton University (a small private college that does not typically have any frum students, with the possible exception of the occasional local frum girl taking a summer course, etc.), which is not in any way associated with the local yeshiva.

    • Heshy Fried April 11, 2010, 10:55 AM

      Never said I knew everything

    • John April 11, 2010, 1:05 PM

      That’s so funny, Ive noticed and said the same thing a few times.
      As for yeshivish guys not liking Yom Hoshah, allow me to explain please. It is because the date for yom hashoa, is the date of the Warsaw ghetto uprising (it was moved ahead to keep it further from pesach). As you know by and large, resistance against the Nazis was not something the yeshivish velyt partook in (in hindsight this was a mistake, but that is a separate discussion) There are many dates that could ve been chosen: the liberation of Auschwitz, the date of a big massacre, Babi yar perhaps, the surrender of the Nazis, tisha baav (As menachem Begin wanted. By Ch0osing the Warsaw ghetto, the yeshivish olam felt that a big chunk of yom hashoa was a glorification of the resistors at the expense of “the sheep who were led to the slaughter”). On both tours i took to yed vashem the tour guides made sure to point out that the Orthodox for the most part did not partake in resistance. No mention of the fact that the Orthodox were singled out for degradation was made, just criticis, at a holocaust memorial, (incidently this is why frummies dont like yad vashem). That is the real reason frummies don’t like it.
      And as for you not meeting yeshivish liberals, here’s one. We are a rare breed but there are a few of us.

      • Radical Centrist April 11, 2010, 8:27 PM

        Actually, Yom HaShoah commemorates the liberation of the first death camp to be liberated (Bikrenau?), though originally it did commemorate the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. Incidentally, on the topic of the Shoah and frum Jews, has anyone compared the Hebrew of Mi Y’malel and the standard English translation? “…B’khol dor/ yakum hagibur…” in no way translates as “in every age a hero or sage…” Where did the sage come from?
        – RC

        • John April 11, 2010, 9:30 PM

          Im not sure how you can change what the reason for a celebration is, it was instituted to commemorate the warsaw ghetto uprising period, this makes frummies uncomfortable (again i disagree with them but i feel it is important to understand all sides before disagreeing). Ive never heard of the reason being changed, do you know where i could research this wikipedia has no mention of the change? Thank you
          p.s. I’m not sure what your point was in mentioning the song it is not a frummy song at all, the only place ive heard it growing up was on rechov sumsum, definitely not a frummy outlet.

  • Izzy April 11, 2010, 3:36 AM

    “Learning Rambam?”

  • Izzy April 11, 2010, 3:39 AM

    “Carlebach – they love his music, but can’t get over the fact he “kissed” women. I always want to tell these people that he ran a place called the House of Love and Prayer in the 60’s and I am sure there was more than kissing going down, but he made a lot of people frum through all of the good lovin’”.
    He also turned off a lot of people with his womanizing.

    • Heshy Fried April 11, 2010, 10:55 AM

      I have never met anyone turned off by his “womanizing” I think you misunderstand the fact he was a hippie in the center of hippeidom in the 60s – naked hippies lying around was the norm.

      • Itzchak April 11, 2010, 11:01 AM

        I know people who were at the House of Love and Prayer and ‘naked hippies lying around was’ NOT ‘the norm’. You fantasies about the other part of the world are quite sad.

        • Heshy Fried April 11, 2010, 7:07 PM

          You do realize that almost everyone I hang out with in San Francisco and Berkeley that is over 60 were hanging out over there , and I am talking about all of this stuff I heard first hand.

      • E. Fink April 11, 2010, 11:36 AM

        FYI:

        The Briskers “know” which Carlebach songs are “kodem lacheyt” and those are kosher but the ones “l’achar lacheyt” are treif and they don’t sing those.

        I am not kidding.

      • Izzy April 11, 2010, 3:40 PM

        There is a good reason why you never met anyone turned off by his womanizing – they are not part of our community. Do some research online. He was mekarev some people, but he also took advantage of vulnerable young woman.
        See, eg: http://www.lilith.org/landmark_articles/carlebach_lilithsp98.pdf

        • ghottistyx April 11, 2010, 7:44 PM

          I’ve met a good share of people who were turned off by his womanizing, but none of them were Yeshivish. Plenty of the more Yeshivish people I know have more qualms with his liberalness about many other halakhot. One dude I know, raised MO Frum, claims his mother was sexually assaulted by Carlebach, and he hated Carlebach with a vengeance–once vowing he’d piss on his grave if not for Kavod HaMeitim.

          As for the followers, my Rosh Yeshiva used to say that if you ever visit the Moshav, make sure you are the only one sleeping in your bed, and DO NOT smell the besamim.

        • chevramaidel April 13, 2010, 2:05 PM

          It is interesting that people who claim to be frum will take anything they hear from a site called “Lilith” at face value. As for the House of Love and Prayer, it was established in order to rescue vulnerable young Jews from the hippie culture of drugs and “free love”, and successfully did so for hundreds of them. Maybe many of them entered the House with expectations of being able to continue a decadent lifestyle, but they soon found themselves getting high on Shabbos and Torah instead. There were many well-documented instances of Reb Shlomo gently discouraging immoral behavior and drug use at the House, and in some cases people were forcibly evicted for not complying.

          • chevramaidel April 13, 2010, 2:11 PM

            And Mr. Styx, I am sure your Rosh Yeshiva has been to the Moshav many times, so he knows very well what goes on there.

            • ghottistyx April 13, 2010, 9:26 PM

              Care to enlighten me on what really goes on there?

      • soso April 12, 2010, 2:16 AM

        I got turned off by his womanizing when I heard about it, especially when I heard that not all the women he -ized wanted to be womanized by him…

  • Realistically Religious April 11, 2010, 3:45 AM

    I find that culture pitiful and repressive which is why I’m glad I am not part of it. No offense but Yeshiva politics and Shidduchim don’t pass for intellectual conversations. There has got to be more to life than that.

    Heshy, you also forgot to mention that Yeshivish people like hot chanie sheitels, high heels, short skirts and tight clothing. They also love hashkafah ( I cringe as I use this word ). They love ideals and principles. They despise logic and practicality. They hate Ivrit and don’t seem to appreciate Modern society.

    • John April 11, 2010, 1:10 PM

      You are absolutely right there is more to life, for instance there’s knocking yeshivish people that’s always a blast, and no doubt passes for intellectual conversation

    • Heshy Fried April 11, 2010, 10:54 PM

      Yeshivish people are not hot chanies – those are black hat people – two different animals. Just because you wear a black hat doesn’t mean you’re yeshivish.

      Last time I checked the gemara, that thing they learn all the time is pretty damned logical.

  • Rishona April 11, 2010, 3:46 AM

    Hesh you didn’t talk about borsalinos…not even a hint. I’m shocked!

  • bla April 11, 2010, 4:10 AM

    yeshivish people, I mean the really frum ones, love to drop that tongue-clicking “tsk” sound like 4 times a sentence. Interchangeable with a comma, the “tsk’ is usually accompanied by a mini shuckle and frontal hand wringing.

    • Anonymous May 3, 2013, 10:46 AM

      lmao haaaaate that

  • feivelbenmishael April 11, 2010, 5:50 AM

    Hahahahahah slurpees. Spent so much time at quickcheck in Morristown.

    Someone once rachmana litzlan used the “Lubavitch is closest religion to Judaism” line on me, so I retorted, “In Lubavitch, we dont say litvishkeit is the closest religion to Judaism because litvishkeit isnt very close to Judaism at all.”

  • ck April 11, 2010, 5:54 AM

    Uhm. Hilarious. Ashkenazim in general are pretty funny, but Yeshivish people are really REALLY funny.

  • JH April 11, 2010, 7:43 AM

    Proud graduate of Providence College!

  • musicluver April 11, 2010, 7:43 AM

    So I guess the next blog is “Stuff that Modern Orthodox like”?
    By the way, I heard that NCSY stood for “Negiah Can’t Save Yiddishkeit”.
    Funny though, the man who founded, NCSY, Rav Pinchos Stolper, was from Chaim Berlin

  • yeshiva dropout April 11, 2010, 8:07 AM

    Dude, great post, and some great comments.
    I just want to point out that Ray Shlakish sounds like an Israeli mobster. The rabbi you are referring to is Raish Lakish. 😉 sorry for pointing that out. Apparently you can take the boy out of yeshiva, but I am still a judgmental prick who points out other peoples mistakes !

    • John April 11, 2010, 1:06 PM

      incidentally raish lakish was a mobster

      • Heshy Fried April 11, 2010, 10:55 PM

        But he did teshuva – I always mix him up with that guy that went to the hooker and she passed gas – who was that?

        • ghottistyx April 12, 2010, 2:09 AM

          Elazar ben Durdaya.

          Interestingly, Durdaya in Aramaic means the dregs at the bottom of the wine barrel. I still remember the mashgiach of our Yeshiva phrasing it as “Elazar, the son of Crap”!

        • Yochanan April 12, 2010, 4:06 PM

          Sounds like something you’d find in the Ancient Babylonian version of National Enquirer.

  • Itzchak April 11, 2010, 8:21 AM

    The antipathy for Yom haShoa is partially related to the fact that’s in Nissan which is not supposed to any days of avielut…

  • Jonathan April 11, 2010, 9:28 AM

    Great post. Yeshiva people I grew up around also absolutely hate:
    Tolerance
    Yom Ha’atzmaut
    Yom Yerushalayim
    Questions about faith
    Minorities
    Newspapers
    Blue shirts
    Birth control
    Clean cars
    Independent women
    “Out-of-towners”
    Rock music
    Poor people
    Using the term “Saturday night” instead of Moitzay Shabbos
    Using the term “Seudat Shlishit” instead of Shaloshoodus
    Learning Navi or Ketuvim (too many ‘human’ qualities in there)
    Paying taxes
    Art that doesn’t portray a rebbe or Jerusalem
    Stories about rebbeim from other yeshivas
    Purim costumes that aren’t Mordechai or Esther
    Heterim
    Dinosaurs (billions of years ago, what?)
    Grey Hats
    Grey suits
    College
    Food that isn’t brown
    and of course, they absolutely hate anyone who isn’t Yeshiva-ish

    • Avrumy April 12, 2010, 1:33 PM

      …and they all hate the gays. Officially.
      Yeshivish gays are an interesting breed. So much internalized conflict. They usually either marry or leave the frum world. Or marry, have some kids, play on the side, and pray they never get caught.

  • Yitzchak April 11, 2010, 10:29 AM

    very funny – i love it

    the Erev Shabbos minhag of tasting food is brought down in Halachah – the Heimishe crowd has seemed to turn this into the sixth shabbos meal (including kiddush – perhaps seventh with kiddush club – and melaveh malkah – which is very important btw – not trying to make fun of that c”v)

    Yom HaShoa v’HaGevurah was invented by the State of Israel – it is no different than Yom HaZikaron or Yom Tzom HaAtzamos. The fact that it is in Nissan makes it worse. The Tzachnut sends Shluchim to different communities around the world to proselytize for Zionism. I got friendly with one Shliach they had here – he was one of the few nice Israelis I ever met – I guess that’s why they sent him – anyway I ran into him at a local University and he asked me why the Chareidim don’t stop when the alarm goes off on Yom HaShoa – he said he could understand why not on Yom HaZikaron but he said even the non-Jews respect the siren on Yom HaShoa – he said how could they show such disrespect for the Kedoshim of the Holocaust? I answered him “they mean no disrespect for the Kedoshim – the reason they don’t stop is to show disrespect for the Medinah that decided to dedicate this day to remember the Kedoshim” he told me “I can respect that”.

  • Yitzchak April 11, 2010, 10:30 AM

    I assume when you said learning Rambam you mean learning it alone – not learning it to understand the Gemara you are learning

  • Itzchak April 11, 2010, 10:33 AM

    “Yom Tzom HaAtzamos”
    I shudder to think about the antipathy to the Jews of Israel that that sort of ‘word play’ connotes…

  • Aaron April 11, 2010, 10:33 AM

    Another thing yeshivish aren’t sure if they like:
    Out of town
    Anything more than 150 miles from Lakewood makes them shrug their shoulders and say, “Are there any frum people there?”

  • MalachHamovies April 11, 2010, 11:03 AM

    Woman only events

    You mean LADIES… They never use the term women.

  • Josh April 11, 2010, 11:23 AM

    You forgot heavy metal!! (which as you know yeshivish guys just loove).

    • ghottistyx April 12, 2010, 2:13 AM

      bah, they’re mostly into Metallica, Vai/Satriani, and perhaps Megadeth, Pantera, and AC/DC. Once in a while, you’ll meet one who is an actual metalhead; when I saw Dethklok 2 summers ago, I saw a small group of very conspicuous Yeshivish rebels there. But for some reason, it seems to be a requirement for all Yeshiva rebels to like Metallica.

      • Actually listens to metal May 3, 2013, 10:28 AM

        Come on, you can’t be impressed by yeshiva boys at the TV show band’s concert. Show up to Meshuggah and I’ll be impressed.

        Anyways, the best is the chassidim who go into metal bars in Williamsburg. Three categories:

        1: Creepy guy who thinks anyone dressed in alternative fashion is a prostitute. Thinks the metal bar is the place to find women for pay. Is ridiculed.
        2: Genuine interest in metal. Once saw a guy walk in, stand in the corner. Didn’t order a drink. Friday night, so that makes sense. I speak to him in hebrew. Then he opens up, tells me he just likes the music and I introduce him to my friends. He’s awkward, because it’s new to him. We all accept him but he still won’t drink a free PBR. Haven’t seen him since.
        3: Guys doing weird paperwork in the bar on shabbos. That happened once. I have no idea what was going on. So weird to see someone in a jewniform holding a pen on shabbos.

  • ghottistyx April 11, 2010, 12:18 PM

    Dunno if I’d consider Blue Fringe Carlebachian. Soulfarm, Moshav, Reve L’Sheva, Chaim David, they’re Carlebachian. Blue Fringe is kind of that post-Carlebachian generation.

  • Dan April 11, 2010, 1:11 PM

    Hesh,

    This was really funny, however I have one critique
    There are some highly intelligent and thoughtful Frum (not Yeshivish, even though this post wasn’t directed at honestly Frum, rather than the BMG sect, I want to clarify that you aren’t interpolating that all those Frum Jews who hold a conservative position must have been indoctrinated by the likes of Limbaugh and his ilk). Frum Jews who are both highly intelligent and well educated typically take a Talmudic/didactic approach to public policy, they usually quote from columnists like George Will or from commentators like Ben Stein as opposed to Limbaugh and Hannity. They put forth legitimate time tested theories for their opinions as opposed to people on the left who make knee jerk decisions based on the floating benchmark of what they perceive as “fair.”

    A good example you have already raised would be the health-care/school vouchers juxtaposition.

    Jews who want vouchers feel they are entitled to it because they pay exorbitant taxes but don’t receive any of the services; in fact the problem is so large that the population in school districts dominated by private/parochial school attendance by almost a ten to one margin and home ownership (the specific type of tax that pays for schools) it is almost 99% private/parochial attendees in that district so almost if not all the taxes are paid by by those tax payers who never receive any services…the counties which generally oversee individual district school boards have assumed that they need to employ constitutional safeguards to in order to avoid a discrimination suit; they engage a tactic popular during the civil rights era called “busing” rather than lower taxes and making life more manageable for those parents who choose private school (if the private/parochial were the minority I might agree they shouldn’t be given special treatment, but when they are the majority, there is no rhyme or reason).

    Regarding health-care, it is easy to say oy those poor people who don’t have health care, let’s create legislation mandating it and soak the rich… this tactic does not and will not work; the simple reason is, that the reason the poor can’t afford it is, it is too expensive and is only rising. To respond to democratic opposition that the current insurance market is high therefore we need more legislation, the reason it is high is because we currently don’t have a free market…We are dominated by expansive draconian state based legislation and regulation. Each State controls their own insurance market, so we don’t get national economy of scale, and every time more legislation is put in place the insurance companies must respond with a premium increase, compare New York to Georgia for instance, premiums are almost three times the price because of a policy called “Community Rating” (this difference doesn’t increase the insurance companies bottom line, it is just an actuarial difference to cover potential losses it could sustain from legislated coverages). Obama thinks its possible to cover 30 million more people without increasing the deficit 1 dime. I say Bull-Sh$%. It is a fact that adding more people raises costs to the insurance companies, which they will inevitably pass on to us. Or they will tank the quality of our health-care. The only logical solution is to bring back the free market by expanding health savings accounts legislating some form of very high deductible catastrophe insurance policy (like a $50k deductible, the purpose of which is to only prevent health related bankruptcy, not nanny your life in a managed care policy). Check out for more information: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/09/how-american-health-care-killed-my-father/7617/

    • Yochanan April 12, 2010, 5:15 PM

      And conservatives don’t have knee-jerk reactions?

      “OMG Hussein Obama is gonna socialize our health care!”

      And BTW if universal health care works for about 30 other countries, why can’t it work for the good ole US of A?

  • The Real Joe April 11, 2010, 3:43 PM

    I am a proud Chabadnik so I don’t really have much to say on most of this post but the part about mixed events for Kiruv/teens at risk Its going to take several years but the Charadi organization which deal with such people are going to have to give in and make some mixed activity’s simply for the fact that they will reach more teens and get them to come to more events theres a place in Yerushalyim that has such a policy called crossroads they do some crazy good work there and I hope its going to catch on to other places obviously we wish everyone stayed nice and frum but reality is different for a bunch of reasons and we need to change to these times the Motzi Shabbos hangouts for boys only isn’t gonna work for the group that really needs to be reached

  • YY April 11, 2010, 3:59 PM

    I wonder if the orange ties have anything to do with the disengagement movement — could just be a coincidence. You don’t have to be dait leumi or chardal to be against the disengagement…

  • A.B. April 11, 2010, 4:27 PM

    From bangitout.com
    Kosher Top Ten
    Top Ten Reasons Golf is the Most Yeshivish sport Alive
    10. Chai Holes
    9. You can smoke
    8. Everyone’s wearing the yeshiva vacation outfit of poloshirt, bad khakis too tucked in, hat with logo from some business deal
    7. You get a free shticky car
    6. No exersize involved. In fact, there’s a ‘good’ stroke!
    5. Plenty of schmooze time
    4. Only attracts wealthier hockers
    3. All 10 kids can’t come
    2. Double Bogey sounds like a yeshivish burger order
    1. Feels goyish!

  • Yochanan April 11, 2010, 7:00 PM

    Yeshivish people love mumbling Kabalat Shabat (aka Zombie Minyan)

    Right on about calling sex “relations”. There needs to be a Yeshivish version of “Sexual Healing” called “Relations Healing”.

  • Kim April 11, 2010, 7:44 PM

    Do Yeshivish people like dogs?

  • Tova April 11, 2010, 8:22 PM

    Yeshivish people LOATHE/FEAR dogs. And they love ArtScroll. 😉

    • A. Nuran April 12, 2010, 2:40 PM

      I can understand people not liking dogs. My mom is deathly afraid of them although my beloved Shepherd (of truly blessed memory) charmed even her.

      What disgusts me are Jewish kids throwing rocks at dogs as a couple did at mine. She was on leash. She wasn’t hurting anyone, not snarling or barking. But the children thought it was alright to attack her. And their unspeakable parents saw nothing wrong with it. “They’re afraid of him!” “Nazis used dogs like that on Jews in the Concentration Camps!” “It might bite us!”

      It took a real act of will to just yell at them and threaten them with criminal charges. But giving all four of the adults and their litters of worthless shoats the kicking they desperately deserved would have taken a lot more time and energy than they were worth.

      If “Real Torah Judaism” means mindless cruelty to inoffensive animals the Christians start looking more attractive.

      • musicluver April 13, 2010, 9:53 AM

        I don’t know where you come from but I live in Brooklyn and have never seen that before.

      • chevramaidel April 13, 2010, 2:30 PM

        “Litters of worthless shoats”! I love it!! Just guessing – not a Yeshiva education, right?
        I, too, am dumfounded whenever I see frum children mistreating animals, and their parents looking the other way. Are these parents not aware of the many halachos against cruelty to animals? Bnei Noach are held to a higher standard than that, let alone the people who received the Torah. No dog ever decided on its own to attack people based on their religion, race, or ethnicity – it took people to teach them that.

      • Kim April 14, 2010, 6:33 AM

        The Christians? I wonder how Yeshivish people feel about them?

      • Yeshiva Teaches you Arrogance May 3, 2013, 10:45 AM

        Dude they were prob. Yeshivish. Cut them some slack, they have the social skills of a mongloid from the 1930’s.

    • Tevy April 14, 2010, 3:02 AM

      It’s so true… and really unfortunate!

      • Tevy April 14, 2010, 3:05 AM

        oops.. I wan’t clear
        It’s unfortunate about not liking dogs…not that they like Artscroll
        (gotta learn how to proofread better!)

  • Jonathan April 11, 2010, 11:41 PM

    Yeshiva people also hate Soncino, Jastrow, and Steinsaltz.

  • oy vey April 12, 2010, 12:21 AM

    Most of this was funny, but stuff yeshivish people aren’t really sure if they like is HILARIOUS. Thanks Heshy, good post!

  • Aviva Larev April 12, 2010, 12:32 AM

    Hysterical! So true, especially on the vegetables…and liberals. Some things everyone likes, such as sushi, but much is right on. It’s funny, I know people who think they are ‘modern’ but fit this bill and then somewhat-Yeshivish people who are into NCSY and many of the other things, yet still hate Chabad and drive minivans lol.

  • Shtreimel Yid April 12, 2010, 2:58 AM

    Gevaldik!!!!! Reb Heshy: One glaring omission…….

    In the Yeshiva world… everyone’s a “REB”!!!! there is no Mr.! Misters are confined to either the rich nedivim (‘donors’ for my BT friends) or the neighborhood goy that defends building plans for the oversized shul shoehorned into a lot the size of a matchstick that has raised the ire of residents.

  • b April 12, 2010, 4:01 AM

    i’m surprised no one mentioned this–the reason why religious people don’t commemorate yom hashoah is mainly because it is assur to to fast and mourn during the month of nissan. although most people do pay yom hashoah some heed, except for in meah shearim…

  • Tevy April 12, 2010, 9:32 AM

    Great post, Hesh!
    Besides orange, I think pink is a very popular colour in yeshivish circles, especially when it comes down to tie colours. And if we’re talking yeshivish style, you can’t forget those rimless glasses – though I’m sure you’ve pointed this out in previous post.

    And I know you posted a video about this not too long ago, but how about sports? I find that besides ping pong and your baseball-obsessed crowd from NY that sports aren’t the most favoured thing in yeshivish circles – my feelings are that they view it as a time waster. But most of the yeshivish guys my age (under 25 and single) have shown some interest in sports, whether it involves playing them or following a favourite team. In fact, some of the most athletic guys I’ve met were straight out of yeshiva. They also liked going to the gym (in the yeshiva of course) and jogging. Though you’re far from yeshivish, I’m sure you can relate… (so what do you think?)
    Now that I think about it, it was only the “culture=narishkeit” yeshivish folk that don’t like sports. Personally, I think that’s because they just aren’t that physically active, or just out of shape.
    I’ve never really been sure cause I feel like fundamentally, Judaism and daily life shouldn’t be based on competition, whereas the sports is pretty much the definition of competition. Yet I can’t help but think that competitive mindset kicks in once yon sit down and start learning in yeshiva – with guys trying to outlearn one another (subconsciously or not). Maybe that’s why they like sports.
    But then again, they’re quick to critiricize secular schooling because their grading systems pit one against the other (and cause they’re co-ed of course!). But that’s political tangent I don’t want to get into…
    Speaking of tangents (how ironic), don’t yeshivish people like tangents – as seen in Gemara learning? Does that mean that yeshivish people can’t stay on topic?

  • b-boy mike April 12, 2010, 10:40 AM

    Another acronym for NCSY that yeshivish people have is: Negiah Can Save Yiddishkeit. This one is actually true regarding the NCSY advisors. I have friends that are advisors and they told me that becoming an NCSY advisor is one of the fastest ways to get laid.

    • musicluver April 13, 2010, 9:57 AM

      ….Just ask Rabbi Lanner!

  • yeshiva guy April 12, 2010, 11:08 AM

    I’ve gone to crossroads many times for their free internet, library, and sometime to watch a movie. I’m not really sure what you mean by crazy good work. I’m he snot really sure what they accomplish. Besides the social workers are not frum and the kitchen is not kosher. how is this good work. (btw i met a bunch of chabadniks from a yeshiva in tzfat there they were making a birthday party are you one of them.

  • feivelbenmishael April 12, 2010, 1:35 PM

    Crossroads is a hang out for bummy not frum teens mostly. The social workers are not frum. I guess it’s good for keeping troubled kids off the streets but I don’t see how it fits into this conversation. I needed internet a few times so I went there and everyone gave me weird looks as if they had never been within five feet of a yeshiva bochur before.

  • Neil Harris April 12, 2010, 5:56 PM

    The “Stuff yeshivish people aren’t really sure if they like” list was pure gadlus!!!!

  • the new face of frumkeit April 12, 2010, 9:31 PM

    heshy fried needs to get on television. (yes I have one and I’m sure all of you would watch if he had his own show

  • Sergey Kadinsky April 12, 2010, 11:44 PM

    Yeshivish people aren’t the only ones who loathe Yom Hashoah. Conservative Jewish leader Ismar Schorsch also feels Tisha b’Av would better serve to remember victims of the Shoah.

  • the new face of frumkeit April 13, 2010, 10:32 AM

    there is no connection between tisha b’Av and yom hashoah. Tisha B’av commemorates the destruction of the first and second bais hamikdashes (is that a word?). Yom Hashoah commemorates the more recent mass genocide the nazis commited against the Jews and other minorities

    • John April 13, 2010, 11:11 AM

      You couldnt be more wrong. In the Yeshivish view Tisha bav commemorates all the tragedies that befell us during this long period of exile, all of which stems from the fact the the beis hamikdash was destroyed and we went to exile. This include kinnos written to mourn the suffering of the German jews at the hands of the crusaders, to mourn the burning of the talmud in Paris during the 13th century, among many other calamities that befell us, chief among them (and the most raw) being the holocaust.
      However the fact the yeshivish people mourn for the holocaust on tisha bav (by reciting Kinos written by Rav Weissmandel, Rav Schwab and the Bobover Rebbi among others), does not explain why they dont like Yom hasoha, only why they themselves done observe (?) it. The reason why they actually have a negative view of Yom hashoa Ive written earlier (see comment #6 if you are interested)

  • Q April 13, 2010, 1:13 PM

    “Why would the yeshivish community be so for women going to seminary if they shouldn’t learn – oh wait – hashkafa!”

    Hashkafah = brainwashing.

  • the new face of frumkeit April 14, 2010, 11:12 PM

    to Jon: While Modern Orthodox Religious Zionist Jews do stand still for two minutes during the siren in Israel, in Haredi areas, no attention is given to Yom HaShoah. Most stores do not close, schools continue and most people do not stop walking when the siren sounds. The non-participation of Haredim in Yom HaShoah is one of the points which regularly causes friction between Haredim and non-Haredim in Israel, as non-Haredim consider the Haredi position of ignoring the siren and Yom HaShoah altogether to be disrespectful.
    Thus, a situation has come into existence where religious forms of commemoration take place primarily on the Tenth of Tevet and on Tisha b’Av, while secular forms of commemoration take place primarily on Yom HaShoah, and either part of the population ignores the other’s day of commemoration. So it just depends on your level of frumkeit (religiosity). Do you poskin by Rav Shwab or the Bobover Rebbe? Thats the shaila…

  • A-Bomb April 15, 2010, 4:03 AM

    Hey Hesh, they dont like yom hashoah because the day that the Rabbis chose to remember all future travesties (past the destruction of the Beiham”ik) is Tisha B’av, thats why theres a specialkinah for it, along with one for the expulsion of 1492, etc…funny job man! u d best

  • Anonymous April 16, 2010, 10:54 AM

    You have too much spare time on your hands, and you’re wasting it on writing these sort of articles online. Although they may be true to an extent, reflect a moment, please, and just be honest with yourself, at least this one time in your life: Has this article really bettered you and those who have read it?
    It seems like you have a bright mind. Invest your energies into outlets that really matter.

    • anon April 16, 2010, 11:38 AM

      It bettered me, It brought me some simcha.
      Though I disagree with the bright mind notion,
      Heshy ignore the haters, keep us entertained

    • A Rare Breed of Frum but Open Minded April 20, 2010, 1:58 PM

      Generalizations are dangerous, which, as I take it, is your real problem. I agree, somewhat. But they are also very helpful. They give readers the ability to (a) know how we are viewed by others, (b) objectively see what commonalities our “group” has developed–thereby enabling us to decide whether or not to change them–, (c) whether we fit the “norm” and whether we are okay with that, and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, (d) gives us a way to take a break from our busy day and chuckle about a thought provoking and well-compiled list of generalizations, written with obvious numerous intent, that, in all honesty, is REALLY close to accurate!

  • Miriam April 18, 2010, 12:07 AM

    YOU ARE A GENIUS

  • tirtza April 18, 2010, 1:05 AM

    *Rav Kook is spelled K-O-O-K

  • Anonymous April 18, 2010, 2:02 PM

    To Anon:
    Arabs may be “haters.” Nazi’s may be “haters.” Christians may be “haters.” But never call one Jew a “hater” against another Jew.

    • klv April 20, 2010, 2:12 PM

      Jews hate each other worse than Christians hate Jews.

      • A Rare Breed of Frum but Open Minded April 20, 2010, 2:33 PM

        No kidding. We are around each other more, giving us more to dislike. We also have more emotions with regard to our religion, and someone claiming to be “frum,” but who does things differently than us, puts our own faith in dispute, and people in general don’t like that. But remember that it is also indisputable that–using the same reasoning–we love each other more than Christians love us. You don’t see anyone posting that, though (shocking)….
        People who mingle together have more about which to love and more about which to hate than those who rarely associate with each other.
        I would also add that the word “hate” is a rough word to use. They don’t hate each other, they merely voice their displeasure with the content of a given article or post, as it often raises religious or moral issues which, in their view of “frum judaism,” is at odds with their belief. I would substitute the word “hate” with the word “disapprove,” since it makes more sense and doesn’t falsely portray us as a self-hating group which I, in my 24 years of life, have never even remotely experienced.
        I have been helped by Chaveirim, who were more frum than me, Hotzalah, who may have been less frum, have made Minyonim with the “modern orthodox,” gotten help from a Chabad organization for various everyday out-of-town necessities, have experienced Misaskim do what they do without even remotely looking to see the frumkeit of the person whom they’re helping, and Shomrim has helped me as well. Jews love helping Jews, and we “help” WAAAAAY more often than we “hate.”
        Don’t lose sight of our overwhelming majority by the (somewhat) heated religious debates that occur online in anonymity.

        • klv April 20, 2010, 10:38 PM

          I apologize if my comment was taken as offensive. I didn’t mean it to be on purpose. I am a Christian and I want to understand how to be a better and more understanding friend to Jewish people.

          It hurt a bit when the comment said “Christians may be haters” because most of American Christians really don’t hate anyone and they are supportive of Jews. I don’t hate Jews, although I admit I don’t have much knowledge on what can be offensive to Jewish people. Some of the things people say to each other here appear hateful.

          I am trying to answer another question, whether or not Orthodox and Chassidic Jews can be friends with me if I’m not Jewish? I am hoping they can be friends and that they would not feel threatened by the Christian parts of me but only if it is not against any religious or social rules to be friends with non-Jews.

          • A. April 20, 2010, 11:00 PM

            I can be your friend. But please don’t expect anybody here to change their faith. I respect you, you respect me.

            • Kim April 20, 2010, 11:10 PM

              I don’t expect people to change their faith.

  • A Rare Breed of Frum but Open Minded April 20, 2010, 1:59 PM

    Generalizations are dangerous, which, as I take it, is your real problem. I agree, somewhat. But they are also very helpful. They give readers the ability to (a) know how we are viewed by others, (b) objectively see what commonalities our “group” has developed–thereby enabling us to decide whether or not to change them–, (c) see whether we fit the “norm” and whether we are okay with that, and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, (d) gives us a way to take a break from our busy day and chuckle about a thought provoking and well-compiled list of generalizations, written with obvious humerous intent, that, in all honesty, is REALLY close to accurate!

  • the new face of frumkeit April 20, 2010, 7:46 PM

    listen up: If you know that heshy’s posts are meant to be satirical and funny then it wont bother you. About his brilliance, plenty of people have been very brilliant and pursued careers in comedy as opposed to computer science and that crap. Each to their own.

  • Bern June 23, 2010, 9:45 AM

    Why don’t they like Rambam?

  • hahu gavra May 2, 2013, 11:39 AM

    Fuck you! how do you make fun of your fellow jews like this!, Do you think G-d is happy about you making fun of other jews? You complain that they hate modern and liberals and you hypocritically spew antisemitism about them. Satire is supposed to be funny, not bullshit like this. In the “Stuff yeshivish people like” how about mentioning torah, and G-d. How about the fact that yeshivish people generally having stable marriages, happy lives, and not just focusing on the negatives. If you want to analyze a group, don’t only focus on the bad things, you can mention positive stuff too.

    • BUT ITS A MACHCHHHHOLOChhAS May 3, 2013, 10:42 AM

      All you big nosed, big hat, big beard, big black glasses need to chill. The fact that you are getting your wrinkled suits in a knot shows how dead on Heshy was. Go suck on a slurppy and give yourselves brain freezes you radicals.

    • HAVA LIFE May 3, 2013, 1:03 PM

      Like a virgin, you must have just been reading this blog for the first time. Read his other posts, he has alot of positive stuff on here and he really has alot of interesting viewpoints. So stop being a hater, ‘aight?

      • hahu gavra May 3, 2013, 3:51 PM

        There you people go again, stereotyping. Do you generalize with everyone or is it just yeshivish people you do that with. @hava life: Why you would use the term like a virgin here is beyond me. What did that add to your statement? Unless pshat is your a crazy madonna fan, and you stick that phrase in to your sentences as often as you can……. only an otd, only an otd…………

        • Hava Life May 4, 2013, 8:16 PM

          Ha! First of all, you are a hypocrite. My “virgin” reference had NOTHING to do with Madonna the singer. I’m sure many readers here are aware that being a virgin in the dictionary means “having experiences for the first time; or lack thereof.
          Now as to your second asssumption to my supposed OTD status. Well sir, I can honestly affirm that I am a shomer Torah u’mitzvos who has never gone off the derech, and has been through some terrible nisyonos, including the death of my firstborn child at 9 months of age.
          So, before you get all righteous and holier than though. “Hevei Dan a Kol Odom L’kav Zechus”.
          Heshy spoke his mind, and if you can’t accept that, that’s your choice.

  • Anonymous May 2, 2013, 11:41 AM

    The fact that you call it satire doesn’t change this from being complete loshon hora.

    • HAVA LIFE May 3, 2013, 1:04 PM

      Noone is holding a gun to your head and telling you to be “mekabel”.

      • Anonymous May 3, 2013, 3:52 PM

        Yeah, but being that it was all dead-on, it’s pretty damn hard not to.

  • Anonymous May 2, 2013, 11:43 AM

    YOU ARE A ANTI-SEMITIC MORON, I HATE YOU!

  • Anonymous May 2, 2013, 11:43 AM

    F U C K this pathetic article, it’s complete bullshit!

    • HAVA LIFE May 3, 2013, 1:05 PM

      Bullshit or he’s just speaking his mind and you can’t accept it due to your own inadequacies with Yiddishkeit?

  • Moshe May 3, 2013, 10:36 AM

    What do you gain by making fun of the way people live?

  • Anonymous May 3, 2013, 10:39 AM

    Awesome article you nailed it like a black nailing a blond!

  • Marcos May 3, 2013, 12:25 PM

    Clearly you don’t get it. It’s humor, not a college course. It’s refreshing to me as an OtD who still likes to stay in the know about the nuances of Jewish behaviors, religious and Non!

  • HAVA LIFE May 3, 2013, 1:00 PM

    I think y’all need to chillax my brothers and sisters ( as R’ Shlomo would call his Jewish family). Maybe just maybe Heshy has points to reference from a satirical view. However you interpret it, just remember nobody is perfect and if you are offended then just walk away.

    • Anonymous May 3, 2013, 1:50 PM

      You go girl

  • astounded! May 3, 2013, 3:09 PM

    The fact that people actually like these racial slurs is beyond me!!!

  • Dave Berger May 3, 2013, 3:14 PM

    You really shouldn’t stereotype like this, it’s racism! I agree with alot that you said, but it’s still stereotyping, and there are many exceptions. btw you mentioned that theres no liberal yeshivish people, guess you haven’t met me yet.

    • Heshy Fried May 4, 2013, 10:02 PM

      Since when are yeshivish people a race?

      It’s rare to find someone who’s both yeshivish and liberal.

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