Kelsey Media

Study shows Haredi men to be in superior health

18 comments

In a shocking new study, researchers have found that Haredi men tend to be in better shape than Modern Orthodox men. The study which was done over the past three years in Israel came to these conclusions last week as scientists at Tel Aviv University compiled data from the study. Many Haredim are shocked and thrilled at the findings, which they assumed would be exactly reverse.

The researchers studied over 1100 men to come up with the results and early on it was very evident that they were on to something. Haredim are typically criticized for being overweight and out of shape, and we have decided that these ideas were made up by the left wing secular media. Haredim tend to eat less than their modern orthodox counterparts and they do more exercise, although they added that the exercise was a bit different then they were used to.

The typical modern orthodox male in Israel works a full time job and watches television when he gets home from work. They tend to eat out quite often and they own about 3 times as many cars as Haredi men making them less likely to walk places. Haredim on the other hand, tend to study all day which requires unlimited amounts of energy. We found that thump dipping, shuckeling, swaying and dreying a kop takes a lot out of these men which are in better shape just from their learning practices. Add to this the fact that they tend to walk most places while carrying shopping bags and are slowed down by their large coats and hats, which also help Haredi men lose extra fluids because they tend to sweat a lot more than everyone else.

Due to the lack of reliable kosher agencies in Israel and a general lack of money Haredi men tend to eat out less and opt for meals cooked by their wives, which tend to be in great shape as well mostly due to their inability to drive and their pushing 3 strollers up steep hills.

Other factors mentioned in the study included the fact that the Haredi rioting may have caused significant weight loss because the riots took place in areas with no available food. The intense drought of recent years may have caused Haredi men to walk outside more than normal during the winters.

  • FrumGer

    Priceless comedic piece of literature heshy, I actually thought it could be real you got me until you said “shuckling and thumb dipping”… Yasher koach man good post……

  • jimmy37

    Hey, Purim was a week and a half ago!

    • http://www.frumsatire.net Heshy Fried

      Yeh I took a break from writing funny stuff for purim week

      • http://alarbean.wordpress.com/ DrumIntellect

        LoL Highly appropriate!

  • http://geshmacktorah.blogspot.com Nonymous

    hehe :)

  • Yakov

    Awesome post!!

  • Nickman

    Getting Satire………

  • http://shtetlvision.blogspot.com feivelbenmishael

    hahaahah win.
    Walking around with shopping bags.

  • Anonymous

    Hahahahaha this is precious.

  • http://hannahbanana.pnn.com/13235-the-front-page HannahBanana

    Science: Explaining the mysteries of the universe, one haredi at a time!

  • MM

    Actually Heshy may have a valid point about the shuckeling. Studies have indicate that people who can’t sit still, who are always fidgeting are thinner than those who are always sitting quietly. Whether the fidgeters have a faster metabolism which causes both the increased activity and the burning up calories, or whether the increased activity has some other cause, and only the movement itself causes the burning of fat I don’t know. But people can try more fervent shuckeling and see if that really does improve their fitness level.

    • http://hannahbanana.pnn.com/13235-the-front-page HannahBanana

      I call shenanigans. If that were true, then people who engage in extended meditation would be HUUUUUUUUUUGE. Disagree.

      • Avi

        Problem with your comment is that people who tend to meditate also tend to eat healthier and are more of health nuts. The shuckling and extra movement can cause over a 100 calories to be burned a day which if I am not mistaken keeps off over 30lbs a year. Or an easier point of reference how many people with ADHD do you know that are fat?

  • RIZZO

    Seriously, when i went to Yeshiva in Isreal i immediatly noticed the Isreali haredim are much healthier than the American ones. They are slimmer and look more healthy. Then again everyone in Isreal looks better- the sun, healthier eating, and more walking make anyone look better. Plus serving in the Army for 2-3 years makes everyone look good even up until their 50’s. But still Yeshiva students are all thin and pasty looking. Thats why its important to go out the Religous beaches in Tel Aviv or my favorite Ashdod!

    • Israeli

      Do you live in some pro-Israel aipac fantasy? You disillusioned foolish jew! Most people and I mean MOST people in Israel are NOT doing “much better”. The Israeli sun doesnt do crap but give malignant melanoma. Its painfully apparent that the constant chain-smoking (from age 15) and diabetes are rampant. And the socialized health care system in place will more likely ensure an early death than do any good.

      “The army for 2-3 years makes everyone look good even until their 50’s”
      Hahahahahhahahah hahahahhahahaha I nearly pissed myself!!!!!!

      Its nice you have a passion for our homeland, but you are retarded!

      p.s Another note for you retarded American Yeshiva kids,,,,Falafel is NOT healthy.

  • FarFrumIt

    And mikvah swimming.

  • RIZZO

    No way i stand by what i say. I know chain smoking, and heavy coffee drinking can’t be good for you but practically just look around. Whats under the skin I can’t vouch for but isreali’s are skinnier then us fat americans. It’s a fact. Plus by the time the men and woman get into their 50’s the men have smaller guts then here in America and the woman dont’ have as fat behinds as here. Isrealis dress better, get more sun, and walk more. Plus eat fresher foods and less McDonalds. I once knew this girl who who definatly not attractive. Then one day she got a tan, did her makeup niceely and wore some nice clothes and really she looked not half bad. In isreal people have tans, know how to dress better, and come from a prettier stock than us americans. I mean the mix of Ashki, with safardim, yeminites… the list goes on. But, but ,but people are wayyyy more stressed out there then here. No questions.

  • blah

    you forgot to mention the amount of exercise they get from making those kids…

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