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Lipa Schmeltzer concert causes Haiti Earthquake

Until the recent press release from Rabbi Yehuda Levin announcing that the gays were the cause of the Haiti Earthquake, no one had heard of him or his organization the Rabbinical Alliance of America. In response to RAA and Agudath Israel getting all the media attention for announcing the reasons for the recent earthquake in Haiti, the Rabbinical Council of America, not to be outdone – put out the following list of reasons that they think caused the earthquake in Haiti and if you thought Avi Shafran or Yehuda Levins theories were shocking, you are in for a real shocker.

Other reasons that the Haiti Earthquake may have occurred:

There has been a proliferation of guys wearing blue shirts on shabbos

Frum girls going to colleges other than Touro or Kingsborough

The shidduch crisis

Non-white tablecloths

Just when we thought YU was becoming frum they went and held a Toeva symposium

The framing of Leib Tropper

Tefillin dates

Women who secretly held onto their sheitles made from Indian hair

People who dont drink kosher water

Women that wear red

Men not wearing black hats of the right size and brand

Girls wearing denim skirts

Guys wearing denim

People that break shabbos because they dont know how to remove the cholent without cooking it

Chabad

Lipa Schmeltzer concerts

NCSY and their coed kiruv conspiracy

Sheitle hookers

Public embarrassment of frum child molesters

The local UJAs unwillingness to fund frum organizations

The appointing of yoetzet halacha

Women wearing pants

People eating triangle-k

Men leaving kollel to support themselves when they could do fine with the women slaving day and night

Womens megillah readings

Kipah srugahs

People who say hallel on yom haatzmaut

People who acknowledge the state of Israel

Cashiers that dont slam the change down on the counter

Low mechitzas

The Internet and Blogs

All of the actions of the following groups have been proved to directly cause earthquakes and other disasters including the 1906 fire in San Francisco, the destruction of Pompeii and the eruption of Mt. St Helens.

Modern orthodox because they are posing as frum when they arent, don’t be fooled by their white shirts and black velvet – they are imposters

Open Orthodox since when is orthodoxy open that sounds oxymoron

Conservative the only thing they are conservative about is eating milk out and appointing women rabbis

Reform its been known for years that they cause disasters

Egalitarian women have only had rights for the last 80 years or so, the torah has been around for thousands of years, cease your equality or watch as fellow humans will die in horrible disasters.

{ 24 comments… add one }
  • A. Nuran February 4, 2010, 6:43 AM

    The frightening thing is how many True Believers would take this post seriously. And agree with every one of your points.

  • TRS February 4, 2010, 7:51 AM

    All of the actions of the following groups have been proved to directly cause earthquakes and other disasters including the 1906 fire in San Francisco, the destruction of Pompeii and the eruption of Mt. St Helens.

    Hey, wait a minute, what about Chabad?

  • Phil February 4, 2010, 9:43 AM

    Disasters happened because women and mohels were banned from metzitza bepeh.

  • Anonymous February 4, 2010, 2:32 PM

    Thanks for the list of all the Al Chaits… Since I never did those sins, you boosted my ego and I now feel like a big tzaddik. The worst I have ever done was to drink Listerine directly from the bottle (unless you count pissing in the shower as a sin)

  • "Rabbi Jesus" February 4, 2010, 2:57 PM

    And I always thought tectonic shifts were the root cause of earthquakes. Hey, you learn something everyday…. The list seems more appropriate to the “earth-quacks” of the jewish community, they just love pointing fingers.

  • ghottistyx February 4, 2010, 11:09 PM

    I was just looking up the Maccabees on Wikipedia, and it said that the story of Channukah was the ORIGINAL war against liberal Judaism. The Mityavnim of their day were the Reform of our day. In fact, the first targets of the Maccabees were the Mityavnim. Now there’s something I was never taught in Yeshiva. It was the story of a group led by Jews who took names like Menelaus, Jason, and Hyrcanus against those with more traditional names like Elazar, Shimon, Yochanan, Yonaton, Yehuda, and Matisyahu.

    Sadly, much as I do love celebrating Channukah, knowing that my weltanshuuang is more in line with the Mityavnim of those days, it changes a lot of what I think of this lovely tradition. I guess my question would be whether it was so bad being a Mityaven before Antiochus Epiphanes began outlawing frumkeit (specifically Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Kosher, Bris, Taharat Mishpacha and any other mitzva that violated the Hellenistic ideals)? Why is Alexander the Great praised by the Talmud (and to this day, Aleksader is a popular Jewish name) if he’s the one who brought the Mityavnim in to begin with?

    More importantly, what natural disaster was begat by Antiochus turning the Beit HaMikdash into a temple for Zeus?

    • Bob February 8, 2010, 1:15 PM

      I guess i went to more right wing yeshivas as i was told all my life that a theme of chanuka was the torah overpowering over the helenist culture. A couple years ago a secular isreali mk wondered allowed why secularists celebrated chanuka, as had mattisyahu, and the maccabis been around today they would declare war on the secular state.
      ps. as far as your more important comment, i dont think you remeber the story but (spoiler alert) the greeks suffer a humiliating defeat at the hands of the maccabees

  • anonymous February 5, 2010, 12:32 AM

    Quick! Somebody create some new trivial cultural minutia like contemporary YU-Techailes or Speed Shidduch Dating, because we need good reasons to blame the next massive natural disaster on!

    If we keep deflecting and denying the blame, then Al-Qaida is gonna start taking credit for all these world tragedies, and it’s going to make the Jews look like helpless, neurotic bystanders who had nothing to do with the catastrophic scale of destruction. And as we know, we can’t let the terrorists win! So, come on Jews! We’ve got some petty pseudo-religious cultural trends to fabricate! Can you say Latex Yarmulke? How about a new pharmaceutical created by Pfizer for teenage Yeshiva guys that keeps them flaccid so they don’t bring themselves to climax, called Oy-Vayagra. No? How about a Yom kippur service by NCSY where a mixed seating kiddush is served after Mussaf.

    Name your trivia, Jews, because we must maintain our reputation for destroying the planet with our BS-rituals and wreaking havoc on mankind by having picayune Halachic discrepancies. If Al-Qaida takes the points, then Islam certainly will have triumphed over Judaism. And then what will we disagree over???

  • FarFrumIt February 5, 2010, 12:44 PM

    No one should ever blame a disaster on a particular sin. However, we are taught that everything happens for a reason and so any disaster should make us introspect about our deeds. We cant say “gays” definitively caused the disaster, but we can say that it might have had something to do with it – just like any of our other sins might have had something to do with it. This is not placing blame or making any excuse – its a beneficial self-awareness of our actions to see what we can try to correct.
    Unless of course you believe that whatever we do has no consequences.

    • Avrumy February 5, 2010, 1:40 PM

      Yehuda Levin is obviously a painfully closeted gay.
      FarFrumIt: heal thyself.

      • Sergey Kadinsky February 5, 2010, 3:07 PM

        The problem with rabbi Yehuda Levin is that he’s a one-note singer. Were it not for his anti-gay speeches, he would be just another front-stoop pontificator from Brooklyn.

        As for the RAA, the presence of such demagogues in its ranks, will only further erode its credibility in the larger Jewish community.

        Levin should know how to pick his battles. While his struggle against the gay parade in Jerusalem won him much praise among the Orthodox, his online gays-caused-the-earthquake remark, will expose Levin for who he truly is- a one-note singer.

        • ghottistyx February 6, 2010, 2:15 PM

          Levin is only one guy who represents this ‘chareidi zeitgeist’. 10 years ago, Chacham Ovadia Yoseph, who is the diametric opposite of “front-st0op pontificator” said that the Holocaust occurred in order to punish the reincarnated souls of sinners, and that Hitler was merely G-d’s messenger. This was around the same time that he was facing legal action in Israel for denouncing Yossi Sarid, minister of education, for trying to make it mandatory for Israelli public schools to teach Palestinian nationalist poetry–he basically referred to Sarid as “the Sitra Achra” and “Amalek” and said that like we have an obligation to wipe out Amalek, we have an obligation to wipe out the Sarids.

          On a similar note, he blamed Katrina on America’s support for the withdrawal from Gaza, the general lawlessness and Godlessness amongst the “Kushim” in New Orleans (“Kushim” being the Modern Hebrew equivalant of the N-word…it is considered offensive in Israel, and his usage of the word did get held against him), and the lack of Torah study amongst Jews in general.

          Yehuda Levin and the RAA may be relatively unknown, but there are many other extremely well knowns who have similar harmful views, most famously Chacham Ovadia, one who is unquestionably an influence to just about every frum Sefardi/Mizrahi you’ll probably meet.

  • Jewish Wedding Music February 5, 2010, 1:47 PM

    I think out of all the things you listed it must be eating with the triangle-k hechsher what else could it be?:)

    • sk February 10, 2010, 10:45 AM

      You could be eating in a restaurant where Israel Mayer Steinberg is the mashgiach.

  • Annifer Bulduan February 5, 2010, 4:04 PM

    This is a joke right…

    ….O_O RIGHT?!?!

  • SF2K1 February 6, 2010, 11:59 AM

    I’m pretty sure it was R’ Tropper and the refusal of rabbonim to decry his activities that caused the earthquake.

  • Chris_B February 7, 2010, 4:27 AM

    I read the phrase “where the goyim go the Jews are soon to follow” and it seems to apply here. Televangelist types have been blaming sinners for causing natural disasters for years now and the rabbis are just now getting into the act?

  • Rachel February 8, 2010, 12:32 PM

    It’s precisely all this finger pointing that delays Moshaich’s return the ultimate tikkun!! Oh wait…..there I go too…..ahhhh it’s a vicious cycle! A toast to Achdus!

  • marty February 8, 2010, 3:34 PM

    the question is what awful thing did we do,to deserve such a rotten lowlife to speak for our community?

  • levi February 12, 2010, 7:00 PM

    dont forget syncopation

  • helpingu October 7, 2011, 7:34 AM

    Every person has say and believe and understand that Disasters come not from what my neighbors or anyone else it came from what I did

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