Forget the shidduch crisis, what about the ridiculously short marriage crisis?
Not sure what’s going on but in the last year I have known over half a dozen people my age that have gotten divorced and a majority of them were married less than a year. I wouldn’t call it a crisis, because I have no idea how many people are having the same experiences, but if I know this many young folks calling it quits, that means everyone reading this also knows a few, and I am wondering if the shidduch crisis is causing people to rush into marriages because they are scared they won’t find anyone else.
I know at least three people that have gotten divorced over religious differences. All of them were directly due to the girl wanting to be more religious than the husband. One of them was advised multiple times by myself not to go through with the marriage because his newly found religiosity was bound to diminish over time and he should wait until he was sure about his ideals, in the end he didn’t want to go to shul every day and everything collapsed from there. (If there weren’t other reasons to end the marriage – I think religious differences can be worked out some of the time)
I have noticed that many marriages are entered into, so the girls image improves. I know of several “bad girls” that got married to rich guys, put on a sheitle and all of their sins were forgotten, those marriages scare me – I have seen three girls that were 18 years old and fresh out of high school go through with such arrangements (one shotgun style) and I do hope they last.
Then on the other end, there have been a whole bunch of guys, off the derech types that still associate with their old yeshiva friends and one day they decide to become frum again and all of the sudden they are married – and it seems divorced pretty quickly based on what some friend’s have been telling me.
To me, dating is very complex – once you enter into a relationship of marriage quality, things like finances, family and religion should be discussed in detail before any sort of marriage could be arranged. Although, I agree that love and strong emotional, physical and spiritual attraction is necessary – it seems that many people I talk to are sheepish about discussing very intimate and personal issues with the people they are thinking of getting married to.
It is understandable that many frum people think some issues are untznius, but when you think of the consequences, it seems like all issues should be discussed. Unlike some people, I don’t think that young frum Jews are thinking of “trying out” marriage with the option of divorce – if they are, it’s really a terrible way of thinking.
I have met couples that didn’t know that their spouse snored, was allergic to peanuts or had a third nipple before they wed and these issues along with things like credit card debt, bipolar disorder and even fetishes (such as a woman wanting to wear teffilin) should be discussed prior to marriage.