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Why I think chassidim are cool

Just because we love to hate on Chassidim doesnt mean there cant be a little loving once in a while. It seems that most of the negativity many non-Chassidic orthodox Jews feel for Chassidim comes from the media itself and not from personal experience or contact. Sure they look different and their fervency makes many of us cringe but lets face it, Chassidim are cool.

Chassidic Garb: I like to imagine what life would be like if I could wear the same thing every day, there are no seasons when it comes to Chassidim, they dress the same every day.

Streimels: Lets face it, streimels are dope.

Shaved Heads: How cool is it to walk around and have everyone think you have a full head of hair under your turban, but guess what its shaved. Also makes for an interesting discussion that someone may overhear and think the ladies are talking about other shaved areas.

Turbans: Chassidic ladies come in close second to Sikhs when it comes to cool turbans, did I mention they allow for super fast power walking moves.

Rebbes: How I long for the day when I wont have to think for myself, just listen to whatever the Rebbe says and publicly act like you agree we all know about those folks who smuggle TVs into their house in air conditioner boxes.

Rebbes Tish: Why do you think the number one yeshiva guy in Israel tourist event is the Rebbes Tish? Because seeing a bunch of Chassidim climbing up bleachers and fighting over blessed oranges is really entertaining.

Niggunim: Go to some big Chassidic gathering and listen to some Jewish Soul Music, this isnt Lipa, this is real Chassidic music, check out how those Hassids sway.

Knickers: Those little boys with knickers are super cuties.

Bekishes: I have been thinking of getting one for years, think about the possibilities, you could wear a shirt and socks, but no pants. You could also fit a shotgun down there, unless you already have one growing out of you.

Riots: The good old days, when Chassidim used to set aside stones on shabbos so they could throw at people driving on shabbos to mekarev them are over. Haredi Riots and protests and all the rage nowadays, drawing curious onlookers like myself who have nothing better to do than dodge water cannons and rubber bullets on a motzoi shabbos between havdalah and melave malka.

Brachas: My father used to take us to the Skvere Rebbe in New Square to get brachos. Im all for free blessings, but what made the event even more fun was my father telling us what the Chassidim were saying about us in Yiddish behind our backs.

Robes: If I were a woman I swear I would rock the robe the entire time, I may opt for deodorant, but I just dig being able to wear a shapeless outfit all the time. I cant imagine being a girl and having to worry about people looking at my body parts all the time.

Yiddish: Besides for a few Yiddishists, older folks and that one woman in Taiwan there really isnt anyone keeping Yiddish alive, and its a really cool and cultural language.

Lack of table manners: Everyone guy loves eating with their hands and fressing and so do Chassidim. Just load up on some cholent and shlishkis and youre good to go forget about asking for people to pass things, and using a knife.

Bullet Proof Stockings: One of the main reasons why Chassidic women who refuse to move to the back of the bus never really get hurt as the tznius police kick them in the shins.

Accents: Where else can you talk to Americans that were born and raised here that sound like they just came off the boat.

Chassidus: I never really had a chance to go beyond chabad, since there arent any Satmar or Bobov houses on campuses across the country, but Im sure they have some cool stuff too. Its kind of like happy mussar if you ask me.

Peyos: When it comes to hair styles orthodox Jews really dont have any. Case in point I was at my yeshiva dinner this past week and this old friend and I were talking and he mentioned when these dudes first came to yeshiva they were mamish like goyim because they had step haircuts. Well Peyos let you keep some remnants of your long hair or imagine what its like to have long hair.

Daily Mikvah: Its not for me, but I can see the thrill in a bunch of guys skinny dipping every morning and slapping each other with towels, seems like the Jewish version of the public school locker room. Also reminds me off the JCC locker room, where old dudes love to walk around naked and talk about the snowbird habits.

{ 19 comments… add one }
  • BTL January 19, 2010, 1:45 PM

    I love it!!
    You had me laughing out loud with the Tsnius Police comment.
    Chassidish women sure are tough as nails!

    Most jewish women can pretty stand up for themselves. I was on the bus leaving the kosel. Some guy tried to tell a not religious American woman to move to the back of the bus. The hell she gave the guy for even asking was amazing to watch. She told him “to get the hell to the back of the bus”.

  • yakov January 19, 2010, 2:17 PM

    i speak fluent yiddish, im a non-chasidic 23yr old!!! well chasidus is in my blood but about 2 generations back!

  • FrumGer January 19, 2010, 3:03 PM

    chassidus people are the best because everything you talk to them about and everything in the world has some link to the messiah coming soon, its great they turn everyhting into a baal shem tov story. i love that the most, because at least the older ones, their almost all esoteric mystical “yoda” types, but in real life.

  • not normal January 19, 2010, 5:46 PM

    Man: How’s your business?
    Chassid: Baruch Hashem
    Man: How’s your wife?
    Chassid: Baruch Hashem
    Man: How’s your mother-in-law?’
    Chassid: In Monsey, Baruch Hashem.

  • chevramaidel January 19, 2010, 5:56 PM

    For music, I recommend Pupa. None of that nasal neeneeneeneenee business – those guys take their singing seriously.

  • chevramaidel January 19, 2010, 6:03 PM

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – you can hide a whole lot of ugly under a long coat and a beard.

  • FarFrumIt January 19, 2010, 7:54 PM

    They can do chazaras hashatz faster than anyone.
    They sound awesome when they daven.
    Its totally ok to have cholent every night of the week.

  • former Bais Rivkah girl January 19, 2010, 7:54 PM

    Thank G-D for robes!!! Until they became obscenely expensive,any way.

  • anonymous January 19, 2010, 7:59 PM

    re: knickers: if you aren’t a female that’s a bit of a creepy comment.

    re: bekishes: a chassid in my area did that on purim, only he was on his way to ad d’lo yoda, and well … he wasn’t the least bit worried about flaunting his lack of pants in public and just had his bekishe hanging wide open!

  • flipped out fish January 20, 2010, 12:50 AM

    great article!! i also love chassidus. if you want to read a sefer on it, try the sfas emes.

    • Heshy Fried January 20, 2010, 12:59 AM

      Oy I should have mentioned that I have some Sfas Emes and Elimelech stuff lying around

  • s(b.) January 20, 2010, 1:57 AM

    well done. ((gartels))

  • ghottistyx January 20, 2010, 6:09 AM

    Karlin-Stolin. If you’re truly looking to expand your horizons, they are a good start. For those unfamiliar, Karlin-Stolin SCREAM the entire davening on the top of their lungs! It will rock your world. And it’s not just davening. I once did Friday night by a Karlin-Stoliner; they also scream kiddush on the top of their lungs!

    My yeshiva actually got us a Q/A session with their Rebbe. I was the one who broke the ice by asking why some chassidim wear shtreimls and some don’t. He just shrugged and answered “if you want to wear a shtreiml, you wear one; if you don’t want to wear a shtreiml, you don’t have to wear one.” I def. didn’t expect that. Later on, someone asked him the difference between his group and others–such as Breslov, Lubavitch, Viznitz, Slonom, et al. All he had to say was “Lubavitchers don’t wear shtreimls”–that’s all he had to say about that.

    My mother’s father was born Gerrer, but became a ‘Snag when he moved to America, so I couldn’t tell you much about them (but I do like the Sfas Emes, even if I have no intimate knowledge of his chassidus). Certain members of my mother’s mother’s family like to go to Bluzhev (sp?); I’ve gone to a few tishes of theirs. Honestly, it’s not much different than other tishes I’ve been to (Bobov, Viznitz, Toldos Aharon), but it’s good to check out some of the smaller, lesser known dynasties once in a while (Bobov and Viznitz especially can get packed).

    Final note: Modzitz. I LOVE THEIR NIGGUNIM! I davened by them once. Ben Zion Shenker bentched chodesh; I’m told he doesn’t sing much anymore. It was beautiful. He does the best version of Lecha Dodi I’ve ever heard!

  • Anonymous January 20, 2010, 8:24 AM

    Yiddish Lives!

  • rogueregime January 20, 2010, 1:36 PM

    Hillarious! One of your best posts yet!! : )

  • Mark January 20, 2010, 3:19 PM

    You forgot …… Shrayim!!!!!

    Shrayim literally is “leftovers”. Basically, the Rebbe takes a piece of challah, and then the challah becomes extra holy and the Chassidim go nuts trying to get a piece (of the Rebbes “leftovers”).

  • Yochanan January 21, 2010, 7:38 PM

    Take a look at this guy:


    If he were more famous, I think Bob Marley would have some competition in the college dorm poster market.

  • Anonymous March 9, 2012, 9:27 AM

    Your humor only encourages people who dislike Jews to make hateful comments about all Jews…”See, it must be okay to say these things….even Jews hate Chassidim!” Think about what your remarks and jokes are encouraging. Do you think anti-Chassidishe slurs are less “ugly” because you are Jewish too?

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