Once in a while I get a comment that asks me why I poke fun at orthodox Jews and Judaism when I can just leave the fold. Obviously these people don’t get me and are way too serious to be reading this site. I am not trying to negative, I am tryiong to disect and analyze things from a humerous standpoint. They do say that one of the reasons the Jewish people have survived so long is because of Jewish humor and our ability to make fun of ourselves. With that in mind I compiled a list of the reasons why I love being an Orthodox Jew:
Mechitzas: I love looking over the mechitza, mixed seating in shul really takes all the fun away and people are so quiet at mixed seating shuls you can’t daven with random mumbles in the middle of your prayers. Figuring out ways to look over the mechitza without them seeing you is also real fun.
Community: If I wasn’t frum I wouldn’t be able to just call up random people and stay for shabbos, because I wouldn’t be keeping shabbos and wouldn’t need to make those calls. In what other community is there such a disregard for classes, where else can I be having a meal with some guy worth 100 million bucks – it just doesn’t happen in other places.
Shabbos Leftovers: Need I say more
Shalom Zachor’s: Do non-religious people have these things? They remind me of frum frat parties. Oh and if there’s an eruv they always have leftovers.
Shabbos: Probably my favorite thing about being an orthodox Jew, I starve myself Friday, fress on Friday night get all social at shul and get to stay in random communities. Besides for all of the resting, time away from the computer and good learning that goes down.
Pirkei Avos on Shabbos afternoon: I love those long shabbos afternoons when you learn pirkei avos during shalashudos.
Throwing candy: I am sure irreligious Jews do this, but I figured I would tell you that throwing candy at a bar mitzvah boy or an ufruf is off the da hook. I also enjoy seeing the women desperately trying to get their candy out of the women’s section.
Tzedaka: Dude, tzedaka freaking rocks, and don’t even get me started on those guys who can somehow afford a ticket from Israel to America but somehow can’t afford to feed pay for their daughters wedding – do you non-religious folks get to deal with this stuff? It’s really a lot of fun. Do they have pushka boxes in kosher style restaurants?
Chinese Auction Catalogs: Without Oorah and Chai Lifeline pumping thousands of dollars into Chinese Auction Catalogs what else would we have to read in the bathroom at random pizza stores in Brooklyn.
Chaverim: I am sure they will help you out if you aren’t frum, but I doubt you know about them. It’s like the AAA for frummies, but it’s all voluntary and donor supported.
Hatzolah: Sure those hocker guys that turn up their walkie-talkies to be cool when they show up late for mincha are annoying – but hatzolah rocks – and in the end does it really matter what the intent was of the few hockers that join it to be cool and run red lights on Ocean Parkway, Hatzolah kicks butt.
Tomchei Shabbos: Sure the food probably blows, but an organization that gives out free meals to needy families isn’t expected to have great food. Just another one of the amazing things to come out of the frum community.
Haredi Riots: Have you ever been to a Haredi protest or riot, they really a whole lot of fun. You should go, seriously, just run when they bring the water canons out and make sure you’re frum, Haredi riots are just another one of the advantages to being a frum male, sorry ladies.
Jewish community politics: Without community politics, those small town weekly newspapers would fail and no one would have anything to talk about at the shabbos table. It would also mean that there would be less places to daven, since most Jewish communal politics ends up in break away shuls.
Hot Chani: I like the fact that frum people can’t escape the evil of sexiness, I love the fact that you can be frum tznius and sexy. Although tznius is definitely a relative term in this case as is hot – since we haven’t found a term for the ugly hot chani’s as of yet.
Shomer Negiah: Sure it’s tough and no one really keeps it anymore, but the concept is awesome and if you could hold out, more power to ya. Think about special you’re wedding night will be if you kept shomer negiah.
Nidah: So you mean to tell me that even after I get married I can still sleep in my own bed? Wow, where do I sign up?
Mikvah Night: Seems like a good idea
Friday night mitzvah night: So that’s why we have cholent on shabbos day…
Lulav: Because every man loves waving a long branch.
Purim: You mean to tell me it’s a commandment to get drunk? I know that non- religious Jews also celebrate purim, but many of the more liberal crowd are anti-underage drinking and therefore they really don’t get to experience the true yeshivish purim.
The night after Pesach: If you don’t truly keep Passover, you will never really experience that first piece of chometz, especially if you spend a pesach with chabad.
Friday afternoon potato kugel: The frummer you are the more likely you are to serve really oily Friday afternoon kugel – even modern orthodox people tend to shun this amazing practice.
Quick Havdalah: We really don’t talk about this enough, but many Jews like to make Havdalah into an event and draw it out. They didn’t keep shabbos anyway, so what’s the difference if they decide to throw a little concert during havdalah, even NCSY does one of those ridiculously long havdalahs, while frummies tend to just bust out hamavdil and do havdalah at home.
Yarmulkes: Not really such a fan, but yarmulkes do work wonders for those suffering from hair loss, and that’s pretty cool.
Spodicks and Streimels: Who doesn’t want one, they are probably the pimpest Jewish item, besides a really cool esrog box.
Black Hats: As much as I hate the caste system which they have created and the stupidity that permeates the black hat community, I really think black hats rule, they height to all those short Jewish guys and look pretty slick when tilted to the side.
Knowing how to wear a suit: Being frum taught me how to put on a suit, why does it seem that whenever people outside of the frum world try to dress up they end up in khakis, blue shirt, red tie and a blue blazer?
Talmudic sex stories: I bet you they weren’t teaching kids in Solomon Shechter about Rav Huna hiding under his rebbes bed so he could listen to him having sex? Bia shelo kidarco anyone.
Rabbis talking about sex: I also bet that non-frum folks never got to hear words like “knew” and “relations” used to describe the “marriage act”.
Sternberg Hot Dog Story: Camp Ramah probably had the real thing, so they didn’t need to start yeshiva urban legends.
Catskills: There really isn’t anything quite like the feeling you get when you realize that the black spots on the road you nearly missed were in fact a family of Chassidim walking down the road in the middle of the night.
Dogs: If you aren’t frum, you have probably never got to see a bunch of grown adults running away from a dog.
Tznius clothing: It really does leave so much up to the imagination, and it allows the ladies to hide so much.
Vos Iz Neias: Have you ever read the comments? I highly suggest it.
Shidduch stories: Dating stories kind of suck, but shidduch stories are super interesting, because there is so much innuendo without ever actually mentioning anything.
Meeting the parents on shidduch dates: Have you ever sat down with the parents before taking a girl out? Probably one of my favorite parts of dating in the frum world.
Mussar: I really do like mussar, as unbelievable as that sounds. It makes me feel like crap, helps me improve and those little sets of chovos halivovos and misealas yeshurim are great for keeping in the car and impressing your friends who think you’re frei.
Crazy Baal Teshuvas: If you aren’t frum you never get to truly experience the flaming baal teshuva movement.
I am pretty sure that some of the above mentioned items could be had if I did leave the fold, which I never intend on doing. There are other more personal existential reasons, like God, Torah and all that jazz – but they aren’t that funny.
Do you have a list of reasons why you love being an orthodox Jew?
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{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }
Cute with a few very wise insights carefully embedded.
Andsome embedded “Lord Almighty, the frumsters lead warped stunted lives” moments
“Tzedaka: Dude, tzedaka freaking rocks, and don’t even get me started on those guys who can somehow afford a ticket from Israel to America but somehow can’t afford to feed pay for their daughters wedding ”
Hesh
Dude, you don’t get it do you.Have you ever heard of Capitol Investment?
Buy a ticket for a grand, go to america and make 5 grand. Your 4 grand in the black.
And look at how much of this is for men only, but we women are supposed to believe they aren’t sexist… sure whatever.
Hence the title of the post are MY reasons – not your reasons. And Judaism and religion in general IS sexist, don’t give me that crap about different roles, the simple fact is that all texts prior to the last 20 years were written by men.
Well, nice that someone finally admits it!
Dude, NCSY havdallah’s are the best, even if they are really long. It’s amazing. I love it so much more than just listening to someone bang out hamavdil…
Maybe not the Talmud, but I certainly remember frank discussions about the sex in the Chumash at Solomon Schechter in 4th grade (I’m sure there were Talmudic ones had I stayed past 6th grade)
good post hesh!
eh being orthodox is so overrated,i grew up in boro park,saw all the “good” in being frum,but the hate and prejudice takes over all that youve listed….
In the words of Inspector Clouseau: Gewd Wahn
I love being an orthodox Jew cuz I’m a BT so I get to think that everything is beautfiul. Being an orthodox Jew is so beautiful!
Don’t forget my top reason for women to be religious- Separate swimming! http://frumflipped.blogspot.com/2009/11/reason-243-im-glad-to-be-religious.html
Hi, Heshie–funny post. I know we both love being Orthodox, because it gives us a special relationship with Ribono shel Olam and the rituals are so beautiful. Not funny, but true.
When are you going to be back in Colorado so I can invite you for Shabbat?
Wow Hesh look at that you got an unsolicited date request from one of your fans. Is that a first?
Hey guys I just made up a new song it goes like this:”Mikvah night uh huh uh huh…”(to the tune of “boggie night”)
Never thought of that one
Hey Hesh.Why are you putting up these ridiculous faces, in the picture square of those who don’t have a pic.. It’s quite annoying because the emotion expressed on these faces do not necessarily express that emotion of the author of the particular post!
I bet its nothing to do with how Heshy runs the site other than that it uses Gravatar icons. Go register your own if you dont like the random ones.
Hey, look at that… it seems Bsamin is shovinistic… same grav-ee
and now I got me a custom pic for this site. Thanks Chris!
Yeah, it’s nice and personal and all at first, then you realize that all other Jews are bound by the Torah too. It kind of sucks to believe that people besides yourself are bound by a story with no evidentiary basis, which is a theoretical imposition of your will.
You can find truth, spirituality, and happiness without believing that other people must have the same faith that you have.
And guess what, if you don’t believe that other Jews are bound by the Torah, you’re a heretic!
Hey, Bsamim smoker–I think you smoked a little too much there in that comment of yours–what do you put in your bsamim box, cloves, or weed?
Uh….no. Didn’t you just ask Hesh out for dinner?
And why do I have this stupid green face by my comments? I look much better than that. . .
You forgot an important one: Boozing every weekend, holiday, farbrengen, and celebration, all under the guise of making l’chaims.
What about Jewish weddings and vorts? You forgot to include sheva brachos as well. Even if some of them suck, I’m sure you can find some memories to reminiscent about.
The sense of community and shared responsibility, the Shabbat meals, the learning, the history, the heritage… like no other people in the world. That’s us.
Unforch, we have our bad apples, who are really good at the bad things they do, but that’s not enough to discourage me.
The best part of being an Orthodox Jew is that we get to feel superior to everyone else in the universe.
ha! As an Orthodox Jews, I actually feel a certain kinship with other minority groups.
For example:
“People make fun of my sexual lifestyle, they say it’s unnatural, but we have Pride, our own bars, dating scene, cruises, resorts. What is this alternative sexual lifestyle? Abstinence!”
Which makes Orthodox Jews pretty much exactly the same as everyone else.
You’re on a roll this week, Heshy.
Yeah, how did you leave out Jewish weddings. Non frum wedding are so boring – “the bride will now dance with her father”, “the groom will now dance with his MIL”, and they’re both faking smiles for the photographer while they get their toes stepped on. I still remember a shiksa friend telling me, after my wedding “if I ever get married I’m gonna convert, ’cause you guys know how to make a wedding!”
I call BS – only a Jewish person would say “make a wedding” . Normal people say things like “plan a wedding” or “have a wedding”.
Ever see the movie “The Wedding Maker”?
Exactly.
I was paraphrasing, not quoting word for word.
My Grand-daughter was at her friend in Brooklyn for Shabbos lunch the other week. After the meal her friend told her that the family usually had a plastic covering their tablecloth, but since my grand-daughter is on her shidduch resume (as a reference) her mom refused to let them use a plastic that week.
Great post!
You get to leave work early on winter Fridays!
Yes but you have to use all your vacation days for holidays
And race home to get the chulent up, the soup up, generally, play Beat the Clock.
And then relax.
Your wife can’t say no to MITZVAH night(after all it’s a mitzvah, like shaking a lulav))
Lulav shaking and mitzvah night…. interesting
what do you know about judaism, you shgutz.
Don’t forget shiva, Misaskim. etc. and all the support you can imagine if G-d forbid a tragedy occurs
Fantastic post. Since I’m a veteran BT, before the term was used, I must say that it just feels right! Something was missing before.
On Purim I get a kick out of listening to the Megillah (and we hear it 4 times in Shiloh) and hearing about the mitzvot that we keep until now. It is such proof of the continuity of our ancient peoplehood.
Bsamim Smoker: Nope. I invited Heshy to come for a Shabbat meal at our house with my husband and me. You just have a one-track mind, I guess. . .(my five grown kids would be cracking up at this; I’ve gotta tell them. . . )
“Tomchei Shabbos: Sure the food probably blows, but an organization that gives out free meals to needy families isn’t expected to have great food. Just another one of the amazing things to come out of the frum community.”
Their food is just like regular food. Why would it be any different?
It certianly does not blow.
U blow!
Well since it’s free and they have to give it hundreds if not thousands of families – I just assumed they weren’t serving baby bok choy salad with shaved fennel – just an assumption.
I don’t see what you have against NCSY havdalas. Maybe you just don’t understand the point. The first idea is to give teens a stronger love for shabbos, a bond. The longer havdala shows that you want shabbos to stay longer because you love it. As shabbos slips away, you elongate it to savor that wonderful taste. It’s like eating buffalo wings at El Goucho’s in Israel. The wings actually have meat a lot of meat on them(very surprising) and they’re covered in this awesome sauce. However, they happen to be really small so not only do you eat the meat but you suck on the skin to savor the amazing taste. Shabbos can be short and only comes once a week. NCSY tries to instill a longing for shabbos that teens don’t have until they experience something like this. I’m not speaking officially for NCSY, just from my own experiences, but it’s true. And secondly, why is havdala meaningless? Shouldn’t it have a special meaning? We all love vacation, don’t we wish it would last a little bit longer? Havdala is the last part of shabbos. Shabbos may be over by zman standards, but it’s not over until you make havdala.
“Well since it’s free and they have to give it hundreds if not thousands of
families – I just assumed they weren’t serving baby bok choy salad with shaved
fennel – just an assumption.”
Yo check it dude.Do you even know what a choy is? Ask a russianLOL!!!