Sent to me via email and asked to remain anonymous
Last night in order to celebrate my cousin’s son’s bar mitzvah, along with my parents and other relatives, I made what has become an annual trek to the enigmatic anachronistic Wisteria Lane-esque town known as Lakewood, New Jersey.
In typical “anonymous me” fashion, I managed to forget to pack tampons in my tiny evening bag. It was at the point of being deep in Lakewood territory that I realized my error and informed my dad (yes, you heard that correctly) that we must stop at the nearest pharmacy. Not a familiar CVS, Duane Reade, RiteAid, or Walgreens to be found. The first pharmacy we encounter is…
“Emes Pharmacy”
Since beggars can’t be choosy, we stop and I run inside. The only person manning (non sequitur: what is the origin of the verb “to man?”) the store was the uninformed pharmacist. In the aisle for ‘feminine products’, the only available relevant item was sanitary napkins, or pads. Sorry for the graphic detail but no one above the age of 3 or below 93 should be advocating their use; It’s one tiny step away from Pampers or Depends. Since the shelves are all somewhat bare, I think it’s possible that they are sold out. But that is really only the benefit of the doubt talking. When I asked the pharmacist if it was store policy not to sell tampons, he hadn’t a clue. He simply said, “I have come to realize that alot of things are done differently around these parts; Maybe this is just one of those things.”
Today, out of sheer curiosity, I decided to investigate further and called the pharmacy. I figured at the very least I should get to the “truth” of the matter. (Pun intended.) In response to the question of whether they carry tampons, the guy who answered the phone abruptly answered in the affirmative. When I pointed out that I had been in the store the night before and no tampons had been on the shelves, he admitted that “actually, we don’t really carry them. They don’t move that fast here so we just don’t carry them. If someone asked for it, we would get it.”
Conclusion: Tampons, deemed synonymous with dildos, are taboo in Lakewood.
It should be noted that directly above the shelf with the pads were an array of various types of KY lubricants.
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{ 98 comments… read them below or add one }
sounds wierd. I know there is a shoprite in the area that fo sho has that kinda stuff.
I actually heard that a lot of frum women do not use tampons as a rule, not quite sure why though. The KY may be for having relations after a baby is born which I have heard becomes more difficult.
Maybe because the women have so many babies and typically bleed for 6 weeks post-birth. I think pads are recommended as opposed to tampons. Excellent guest post – nice to see feminine representation.
Have you ever asked your tatty to pull over because you were out of dildos?
LOL!
hilarious! (literal lol)
No, actually, the frummies frown upon using those. They don’t let girls wear them for sure before marriage because they are afraid they will break the hymen and the chassan won’t know for sure he got a virgin.
Just another proof that FS is a pervert.
I highly doubt this is a guest post.
Its just his perverted side (that wishes it needed tampons??) trying to get people to talk about women’s private parts.
What a sick sick twisted pervert.
I once asked this before-WOULD YOU LET YOUR DAUGHTER GO OUT WITH THIS GUY???
…sick sick sick. Writes about tampons. Think about it.
You’re the one reading the blog – you are such a perv – if I wrot something I put my name on it, you write anonymously, I even have my phone number and address on my blog why don’t you come over for a chat and stop hiding behind a computer screen
you are a complete BEEYOCH!
enough said.
I would like to come over and speak where can we meet
That is incorrect Michal, I used tampons in my teens and my
Dad is an Orthodox Rabbi.
Besides for the fact that there is no virginity proof requirement in modern day Judaism.
Your understanding of Orthodoxy seems to stem from exposure to a very narrow portion of it.
Although I must say that tampons were not mentioned in our “growing up” lesson in school, neither did my mother tell me about them, I learned about them from adverstisements in women’s magazines. so before I first bought the tampons I was worried that someone would find out and forbid me…. I was all prepared for a mega rebellion but that never was necessary.
I think like a lot of things in organized religion, it depends on who you ask.
In a place like Lakewood, your dad is an Ortho Rabbi? Or a place like the UWS and YES it makes a difference. Right wing fundamentalist Xtians frown upon thier use too. I’m not sure why.
guess what people – i highly doubt this post was done by a guest.
i think that yet again, FS has shown the world what kimd of pervert he is and can be.
who the hell else
hi. i’m the guest. and you are a coward.
you too are a complete BEEYOCH!!!
My wife doesn’t use them, and she taught our daughters likewise.
She was taught by a midwife in the old country not to use tampons to avoid toxic shock syndrome. Furthermore, the midwife told her that the saturation of a tampon by menstrual blood stretches the vaginal walls and decreases its snugness, thus decreasing sexual pleasure.
Your wife was fed a load of horse-dumplings and splinters. The most charitable thing it can be called is a collection of old midwives’ tales. Was this woman actually trained at a modern school, or did she learn it from the local witch doctor along with amulets to drive off evil spirits?
One ultra-absorbent brand of tampon – Rely – was associated with TSS. But that was one brand with a strange formulation used by women who kept the same one in for several days. Rely was pulled. The outbreak disappeared.
The other thing is an unadulterated load of hogwash, a combination of “menstrual blood is evil Black Magic” superstition combined with ignorance of female anatomy and sexual response. An eight pound baby can come out of the birth canal. After a little while it’s ready for action. A tiny piece of cotton with less than an ounce of liquid isn’t even in the same game.
Um, there are pretty conclusive links of menstrual TSS to tampon use.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17932694?itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum&ordinalpos=8
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19863450?itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum&ordinalpos=1
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17906123?itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum&ordinalpos=9
But yes, EVERYTHING ELSE the midwife said was crap. But menstrual TSS is still being studied in 2009, as a quick search of PubMed will prove. Yes, Rely was associated with an outbreak; Rely is not the only cause.
Even if it is still around, considering that most women wear them and you don’t really hear of cases anymore… welll…. Men have no idea, those other things are soooo horrible. Keeping the blood next to your skin like that is really unhealthy. I used to get really irritated down there when I would wear them, but that hasn’t been for like 15 years. Not to mention if it flips over on you and gets stuck to your body and they feel all weird and you feel like the whole world can see and knows that you have it…. Oh, hell no, I wouldn’t wear those things again.
Also, stretching out the walls is horse dungy. Sex stretches out that area, a tampon does not. Maybe you’re really small or something that you don’t stretch out your wife?
The blood is not “next to your skin” with a pad; unless you get the really cheap kind that are not all that absorbent. I use Always brand and it draws the blood up like a sponge…and the surface remains quite dry. Also “wings” will stop your pad from flipping. No one should be able to tell you are wearing a pad; especially among us skirt-wearers.
sigh.
I sincerely believe that this was written by FS, because he once again shows what kind of sick twisted pervert he is.
Who the hell thinks of these things and who the hell writes about them???
I have asked this before – WHO THE HELL WOULD LET THEIR DAUGHTER GO OUT WITH THIS GUY??
THis just shows where his sick twisted perverted mind is!!
AM I WRONG???
yes you are wrong. ridiculously wrong.
as I said before – BEYYOOOOOCCCHHHH!!!!
Hahahha, I bet you’re his girlfriend!
My wife doesn’t use tampons and taught our daughters likewise.
She was told by a midwife in the old country not to use tampons to avoid the chance of getting toxic shock syndrome. Furthermore, the midwife said that tampons overstretch the vaginal walls when filled with menstrual blood. Avoiding tampons increases snugness and sexual enjoyment.
I feel for your wife.
1. TSS becomes an issue only after 8-12 hours, at which point the tampon should have long been removed.
2. Tampons hardly overstretch anything. “Avoiding tampons increases snugness and sexual enjoyment.” — um, really? how large do you think these tampons actually are? Begs the question of what size equipment you are working with and, frankly, with whose sexual enjoyment you are solely concerned.
1. Agreed
2. Since it was his wife’s midwife, it doesn’t beg that question at all. Attacking Happy Husband’s equipment is a low blow.
That’s why you have a dumb intellect.
My responses went above:
Even if it is still around, considering that most women wear them and you don’t really hear of cases anymore… welll…. Men have no idea, those other things are soooo horrible. Keeping the blood next to your skin like that is really unhealthy. I used to get really irritated down there when I would wear them, but that hasn’t been for like 15 years. Not to mention if it flips over on you and gets stuck to your body and they feel all weird and you feel like the whole world can see and knows that you have it…. Oh, hell no, I wouldn’t wear those things again.
Sex stretches that area, not tampon use. Tampons are pretty small. If anything, it would actually make a woman tighter because the kagel muscles get used for that. The stronger the kagels, the tighter a woman is.
To the idiot who buys this: he said OLD country. We are talking about a midwife in a third world country. They don’t know anythign.
You are calling me “dumb” because I agree that TSS is only an issue after 8-12 hours? If so, call me dumb for agreeing to the truth.
Or are you being rude because I pointed out that most patients will follow the advice of their health care practitioners? You may not agree with the advice (and neither do I), but you can’t fault anyone, male or female, for following the advice of their midwife.
P.S. He described the adviser as a “midwife”, so i did as well. Your attempt to correct me, by stating it was a midwife and not a doctor, was unnecessary.
Midwife, not doctor and from the OLD COUNTRY, dumass. As I posted above: SEX stretches women, not tampons.
Is dumass (sic) really necessary?
I’m not sure what has you so worked up. You’d think I personally attacked you!
This is one of those things that I was too embarrassed (and since when am I embarrassed about ANYTHING?) to ask about, and because a lot of my readers (commenters, at least) are dudes.
“Conclusion: Tampons, deemed synonymous with dildos, are taboo in Lakewood.
It should be noted that directly above the shelf with the pads were an array of various types of KY lubricants.”
Are cucumbers banned from grocery stores as well?
LOL!!
The whole KY over the pads section deal, hilarious!
This isn’t anything new. When tampons were first introduced there was all sorts of moral panic about how they’d destroy hymens, give girls sexual pleasure, make them wanton and were generally Bad.
Eventually the “Reality-Based Community” got over it, mostly because women realized how cleanly and convenient they were. Backwards, superstitious communties and religious fanatics with neurotic/psychotic “purity” fixations have generally been somewhat slower off the mark.
More women wear pads – that’s in general, nothing to do with religion.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1580100/
This might very well be true but the study you are citing here is from 1988. Certainly the statistic has changed in 20 yrs.
True – but I still stand by my statement.
They have Wal-Mart there. Any many other stores common in other cities.
true. I’m sure there are but my dad didn’t want to make a big detour since we were already very late and it was literally the first pharmacy we did see.
That’s your issue. You found the one pharmacy in Lakewood that doesn’t carry tampons. Wow. I have been to pharmacies owned by non-Jews that didn’t carry tampons. Stop trashing the whole culture for being narrow-minded. That is very narrow-minded of you!
In Israel the real frummies use cotton balls. I heard from an American friend there that she bought cotton balls for some other purpose and when a frummy girl saw them her face turned red. Apparently she thought that that was their only purpose. This is going back a few years so it may not be true any more. Part of it I’m sure comes from the sheer poverty of a lot of Israeli frummies… hard to relate to if you haven’t lived there close to the locals.
THIS IS ALL BS.
MY MOTHER WAS VERY VERY FRUM AN USED TAMPONS
I ALWAYS FOUND THEM HIDING UNDER THE TOILET SINK.
My wife and I talked about this, apparently it;s not recommended for a married woman to use a tampon because possible bedika and nidda issues. Before a woman’s married I can’t say, possibly for the reason stated above (that it could damage her hyman and make her a questionable besula-something that can have some interesting halachik ramifications on their kesuba), but after a woman’s married when she’s in her shiva nekim, we have to keep track of any blood that might still be coming from her and a tampon could wipe up that blood and she could wind up going to the mikve when she was still a niddah.
The reason she doesn’t use it the rest of the time (like during her 5 days) is probably from sheer convenience. A married woman can’t use tampons for the bulk of her period, so why not just use pads the whole time?
G, tampons make it easier to get a hefsek. And you don’t need a tampon during the shiva nekiim.
Your name + photo = fail.
lol
tampons can be uncomfortable, unhygienic and cause other problems such as cystitis (germ transfer), TSS and irritation. For this reason many women prefer pads.
But really, this whole post is ridiculous. Why is the author of this post so SCARED of pads? Sounds like a phobia to me. She must be Jewish.
G – make her a questionable besula
What? I thought the only think that turns a betula into a non-betula is the act of sexual relations (am tempted to describe graphically what I mean, but I mean the main sexual act used for procreation). Hymen thickness varies and regularly break due to many normal activities.
And some women simply don’t have much of one to begin with.
I hope your wife is getting this from a woman not a man like a rabbi. If the tampon really interfered then it takes away from the argument that you have to use a bedikah and you can’t use a tampon. They argue the bedikah gets in the folds and a tampon doesn’t, not to mention I think there is a heter that MO women use to use a tampon instead of a bedikah but, I’m not married so, I didn’t REALLY look into it….
Maybe they keep them behind the counter…with the condoms (which are assur…eh…maybe not!)
Just use the Keeper or similar, and you won’t have to deal with this tampon nonsense: more ecological, you never run out, no need to carry tampons with you, and I think it shortened my period.
Keeper? I am not familiar. Ma Ze?
It’s a rubber cup, basically.
In the UK they call it a “moon cup”.
I use one too. Love it.
This is a new one; I have to confess that I am totally shocked that women would avoid tampons, unless they have personal reasons that they prefer using pads. Pads are gross.
What do you mean “pads are gross”? Are you a woman? Do you think that having a baby is also “gross”? My goodness…grow up!
I use pads. The reason why is because on the first day, my flow is very heavy. I have YET to find a tampon….even the super-dooper ones that I can have in for more than an hour and not get spotting. Getting blood on your clothes is no fun, so I would rather wear a pad…for me…they are much safer. But I carry tampons in my purse for when my period comes early or for those lighter days when I don’t want to be bothered by carrying a bulkier pad.
There are quite a few women in my family who would never wear a tampon. They think it is weird. I don’t agree with that…no more than I agree with “eww….pads are gross…”.
I am a woman who has given birth 6 times. I used pads after childbirth, but I still found them gross. I’m sorry if I was less than sensitive to pad users.
Apology accepted; however you should take care as to how you state things online. Just saying “I find that pads are gross” comes across totally different than “pads are gross”. Each woman deals with her feminine hygiene needs in the best way that suits her personally.
I’m with you…. and I have a pretty heavy flow sometimes but, not what she has. I would wear a tampon and panty liner if I were that heavy.
Pantyliners are not equipped to handle real blood flow…even leakage. Plus that is twice the expense, twice the waste.
Believe me, I respect whatever a woman’s choice is, and have some close friends that would never wear a pad. That just would not work for me.
MissShona,
I think you are getting a bit sensitive and into semantics here.
“Just saying “I find that pads are gross” comes across totally different than “pads are gross”. ”
Ultimately I am sure all women agree that we are each different in our body types and needs. I am also sure that most women honestly don’t care what another woman uses – just what works for her.
I find it funny when men contribute to the conversation since everything they say is in theory only. lol
Let’s not nit pick each other
And for what it is worth, I use a cup and I am sure if someone thinks pads are gross the cup would not be for them either.
Ladies, Ladies, I am all for full disclosure, but this is way too much information…..
But, the DIAPERS???
To all the idiots with hang-ups giving FS a hard time… grow up! If you don’t like this blog, STOP READING IT. If you didn’t know, FS is a comedian, and the key to being a great comedian is to “go places” where people are afraid to go…. to say what everyone is secretly thinking…. think George Carlin.
If you can’t handle FS, stick to the inane “Jewish comedy” you can find in the various Purim editions of shul newsletters and the stupid “jokes” that rabbis make from the pulpit that all the frummies seems to think is hilarious. FS is one of the only Jewish comedians that can make people laugh who have a somewhat sophisticated standard of comedy.
BEYYOOOCCHH
sophisticated standard?????
you are a moron.
M
O
R
O
N
Looks like only ONE idiot. So don’t worry, the fans waaaaay outnumber here.
Wow thanks for the compliments
Hmm. What the… seems to suffer from Tourettes.
Why did I just read all these comments?
Ha, I was just thinking that too.
Only my sister would write that though. Ha.
you make me sick man
hey Hesh I never knew you wore tampons
But some days he has a heavy flow, and that’s where some of these articles come from, HEY-O!
Just kidding, I love FS, except for the fake news posts.
“Not a familiar CVS, Duane Reade, RiteAid, or Walgreens to be found. ”
Actually there is a RiteAide on the corner of Kennedy and Clifton (across the street from Shloimy’s right next to that kosher Chinese place),also there is a ShopRite on Kennedy and Madison that in all likelihood does sell tampons. I don’t know which Lakewood your referring to, but Lakewood, NJ is definitely a lot bigger than you make it out to be. That’s why I suspect the validity of this post.
That’s true that Lakewood is bigger than this and with all the Mexicans who live in Lakewood, I know some store carries them but, I don’t think this is written by FS. For one thing, he must have actually been in Lakewood and know that it’s different that people make it seem. If you read it, it’s obviously a modern girl with some uber frummy cousins in Lakewood.
If you go a little bit up the 9 you will actually see a Walgreens on your right hand side and a Wal Mart on your left hand side. In all fairness you wouldn’t technically be in “Lakewood” at that point, but it’s literally 2 minutes up the road. So you can take this article(and your tampons) and stuff it!
I’ve been following the flow of conversation here, and I’m starting to see red!
Isn’t it possible that a frum woman wouldn’t want to buy her tampons at a pharmacy named Emes? (That old Kentucky Jelly, on the other hand, might be bought to be used as a neutral spread on crackers, or for your Handy-Dandy Home Sonography kit.)
Cup? Cup fans HERE? I thought it was only for hippie chicks with hairy legs and underarms that hug trees before they go to sleep, and try to emulate Cheryl Crow and wipe with only 2 squares of toilet paper…
The girl I know who used one is liberal, but not really a hippie, and quite smooth..
The “flow” of conversation, huh?
Listen up. This conversation is really getting stupid. We cares what women wear down there anyway, let them wear what they feel comfortable wearing.Get your head out of your f*ckin a*s Any military personnel using this site with address me with this reporting statement “SIR(rank)(last name)REPORTS AS ORDERED”, then you carry on. I am a honorably discharged veteran and I will accept nothing less. I want to give a shout out to all the men and woman serving in Iraq.HOORAH!
Sergean J way to represent
Last time I read an article about niddah / tampons while having a beer, almost puked!
wtf is a cup??
It is a utensil that people drink liquids out of.
So, I realize this won’t be any more popular than the rest of us women who dare to choose how we deal with our periods, but since someone brought up tampons and health concerns, I feel I should also speak up.
Tampons (probably) won’t kill you. There is a tiny risk of TSS (toxi shock syndrome). Pads are technically a safer, if less comfortable and convenient, option.
I personally use and recommend a menstrual cup. These are sanitary, comfortable, and easy to use after a little practice. They are also much more friendly to the environment and to your wallet, since you only need to buy one every couple of years.
I’m not Orthodox, so I can’t say whether any Orthodox authorities approve the use of menstrual cups, but frankly I don’t much care.
For more information:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cup
http://menstrualcups.org/
I accidentally just read these comments. I’m a woman too, but girls, hello!!! Some things are not meant to be posted on a blog, a frum satire blog for men and women and teenagers and everyone. Some things should be discussed only with your doctor and other female friends(off the internet forum) because they are private and because, frankly, they are just disgusting. Being a woman is special, talking about private feminine hygiene is nasty. I feel so badly for all of the unsuspecting men, and some squeamish women, who had the misfortune to read through some of these posts. Oy Vey.
Oy Vey – the post has the word “tampons” in the title; what did you think the comments would be about? Running through wildflowers?
Sorry, but I fail to see the big deal in men, teenagers, and children reading about the graphic details of feminine hygiene. To me it is not “nasty” but natural. But I will be the first to admit that my cultural background may be distinct from many of the other commentators. For example, among the married female members of my family in Jamaica, it is not shocking or out of the ordinary to talk about their husband’s sexual prowess or shortcomings in bed during a lunch break. Me – I can’t even fathom how to talk about such things; but I don’t reprimand them because of their differing approaches to things.
There are a lot worse things on the internet people can expose themselves to other than conversations about feminine hygiene. Perhaps in this case, ignorance is bliss?
Yes the title has tampons in it, but the name of the blog is frum satire, not women unite and tell stories of physical hygiene. On that blog I would not be surprised or disgusted. You see, I’m not disgusted when a friend or a family member approaches me on such a subject, because then we talk about it privately and seriously, whatever the issue may be. But on a blog poking fun at frum society, especially on a blog post which did not go into graphic details and was purely making fun of someones experience in said frum society, I did not expect graphic comments.
I do not know what the male equivalent would be of talking about tampons vs. pads, but I assure you that I would be just as grossed out if it would come up in the comments of a satire blog.
And maybe you’re right, maybe it has to do with your background and your comfort level concerning talking about this things in public. My sister for example, usually oversteps the line of need to know and too much information, but that’s because she is much less concerned about private issues staying private.
I wasn’t bashing you or anything, Rishona, but I did think that it was a bit unnecessary for a satire blog.
these things***
not this things
As a chassidic and very frum women, I got to add my comment. My sisters and I use tampons from our first period. Its not that it is a problem it is just that because stuff like that aren’t really discussed so openly between friends, classmates… that most girls don’t even know of anything else besides for a pad until they are much older. But from a halachik or hymn/ virgin aspect it is not prob at all.