In response to an article that tries to debunk the “age gap” as the cause of the shidduch crisis:
Afilu Omrim Al Yemin Shehu Smol……
BTW this guy’s solution to the shidduch crisis is to have mixed singles events.
I guess the above commenter wants us to have separate singles events???
I myself have wondered about the age gap issue, it seems that the shidduch crisis would have been an issue throughout history if this so called more girls than guys issue really existed…
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so here is my solution for the shidduch crissis, nullify the cherem drabeinu gershom, and allow ppl to marry multiple wives!!
the problem is much smaller in Lubavitch in the past 2 years the amount of Lubavitch weddings taking place in the world went up a lot. the percentage of Lubavitch men and women are very close.
yeah, i’ve been seeing too many couples in Midtown on shopping trips, and they’re wearing…. yellow messianic flags.
The problem with the shidduch crisis is due to lack of mingling – not between guys and girls but between sects. Chassidish guys should start marrying modox girls and frummy girls should date the BTs…
there is nearly no interaction between the sexes for years until they get to the shidduch age. of course they will get scared when they dont find someone who makes them feel as magical as is romanticised (zivug/bashert)
The problem is the singles are too picky. The parents do background checks that exceed the requirements of the FBI and CIA. Who cares about the white tablecloths, robe, where you spent your year in Israel, Litvish vs. Mod Orthodox? If the young men (not boys) and young women (not girls) are old enough to get married they are mature enough to judge a person for the type of mensch he or she is rather than how they will impress their chevra with the size 0 wealthy “”girl”" or the Lakewood learning “boy”. I introduced many people in the past. The problem today is that nobody asks me about the person’s middos or if
the person a baal tzedakah. They will, however, ask if they watch tv.
You want to get married? Meet the person with an open mind.Prince/Princess Charming exists in fairy tales. The nice young man or woman who doesw not meet your laundry list may be your true bashert.
Dont you think the whole “asking about whether a famly uses plastic” is overdone. Even if it was asked by some people its not everyone. its a huge exaggeration and everyone that keeps saying it is getting on my nerves. there is nothign wrong with a family trying to find out things about a boy/girl that are relevant. Think about how many stories we have heard about couples getting divorced in the first year of marriage because there were IMPORTANT things that they didnt find out about before. gambling, drinking, medications, health issues are what are usually being asked about. And, if a family is trying to find out if the prospective boy/girls famly with match theirs whats wrong with that? Is that so bad? Having a family that will match up with yours on a haskafic, monetary etc. levels makes sense. It makes the engagement and wedding process much easier on all parties involved.!
Yeah, I have never once gotten the plastic tablecloth question. The picky questioners also seem to be the parents of very young daters in my experience. Not the actual older singles (by actual older singles I mean upper twenties & thirties plus). And their questions seem to be geared to important things that *will* have an effect on their married life–like ability to hold down a job, mental health issues, etc.
And how realistic is it to expect someone super frum to marry someone modern or someone chassidish to marry somebody from a totally different background? Which one is going to make a 360 degree lifestyle change?
I don’t know- I never received these stupid questions like table cloth, paper plates, etc.
And if I would, I’d have to say, “we’re done here.”
Once I’m posting, I might as well ask: Does it bother anyone else when you hear the phrase, “in the parsha,” “bashert,” or “looking to grow?”
I’d rather hear the phrase “of marriageable age.” And, I don’t think we, as humans, can truly understand “bashert.” Too many times, I’ve seen people use it to throw up their hands and say it’s up to g-d, and they are not in control. Maybe that’s why it rubs me the wrong way.
Last, I try to be a better jew in many ways every day but I don’t wear my “growth” on my sleeve like other jews, typically females (sorry, but subjectively true). To me, someone putting on their resume or saying they are into “growth” usually means that they do not have a stable foundation and they are the “flip-out” or “rebel” kinds.
This is just my personal experience. any responses?
I have never received these questions, nor have I known anyone to – I think its made up so the frummies have something to complain about.
lawschooldrunk, yeah, I find the “looking to grow” phrase annoying. Not in reference to me. Once a friend was trying to set up a mutual friend with a guy she know and she was all excited w/out knowing much about what they had in common (other than they were both single, I guess). So when she described him to me, I said I didn’t know if the girl would be interested because she was more modern than the guy, i.e. wearing short sleeves, etc. So the would be shadchan asked, “Is she looking to grow?” I didn’t quite know how to make my point that the girl wasn’t a newly emerged sem. student or a BT in the midst of changing her lifestyle, she happens to be more modern and that’s the way she dresses. I tried to explain this, but I think my explanation was lost on her.
I guess many people cannot relate to a person that is happy where they are, hashkafically, and they don’t want to change from that. It’s internal growth that matters more, i.e. trying not to get angry just one more time than the previous day, etc.
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