Its been some time since the Charedim have tried to ban something, this is mostly because the riots, the gays and the scandals have kept the Rabbis and their henchmen from concentrating on more important things like banning vacations, the newest attempted ban by some askanim (what on earth is an askan?)who brought a kol koreh to Rav Yehuda Leib Steinman, who refused to sign it and shockingly announced that vacation is good, even for learning boys. Hat tip to Rabbi Eliyahu Fink who posted this story on Dov Bear’s blog.
Kudos to this gadol for refusing to just ban blindly.
They wanted to ban vacation for obvious reasons, number 1 it seems like too much fun and they are probably the types that cannot afford luxuries like vacation – which means it must be gashmius. Also women should not leave the kitchen for too long because they will forget how to make kugel. Vacation may bring you in close contact with goyim and Jews of other castes, girls may be wearing clothing that isn’t black and you may be forced to tuck your peyos into a baseball hat which is clearly assur.
Vacation spots also tend to have pools that do not have the requisite barbed wire fence, watchtowers and snipers waiting to pick off any men or women who attempt yo look into the pool area.
But this episode got me thinking about bans in general and other things that should be banned, like jar gefilte fish, snoods and wearing all black in the summer.
Pre-pubescent boys choirs: it seems like an invitation to have homo-erotic fantasies and promotes child abuse. What is to stop boys choir members from getting busy in the dressing rooms? Besides we can all pretty much agree that frummie boys choirs suck and probably break every law in the book when it comes to kol isha.
Snoods: Do I even have to explain myself on this one, yes they look awfully comfortable, but a women in a snood and shabbos robe shouldn’t even wonder why their husbands are looking on the craigslist casual sex ads for more attention.
Bluetooths in restaurants: I just don’t want to hear what you have planned for mikvah night while I am sitting in a pizza store. Its rude enough that Jews don’t clean up after themselves in NY, add the Bluetooth permanently implanted in the ear and things go awry.
Pizza price gouging: How is it that every single pizza store in New York could find out when the prices go up? There must be some sort of Sephardic pizza racket similar to the way OPEC messes with oil prices, because there is no way that the Crown Heights people would know that Borough Park raised the prices to $2.50 a slice.
Slamming the change on the counter: Have you ever tried to pick up a penny on a slick countertop without a good set of nails? It doesn’t work, in fact it backs up the line and slamming change on the counter is rude, God forbid I get too close to your hand miss cashier, God forbid you feel the heat from my hand as you hand me my change, God forbid you put the bills under the coins so I can pick them up.
Women in SUV’s: In my view and I am sure I will get flack for this, women do not belong in SUV’s, simply because they drive erratically and the suspension isn’t made for quick yenta u-turns so they could say hi to someone they knew in the middle of the street. They should only be driving minivans, because SUV’s are probably not tznius anyway.
Gefilte fish jelly: This should have been banned years ago, because there is no good reason why anyone should have to deal with gefilte fish jelly, its just disgusting.
Triple parking: Look double parking is fine because someone may be able to get out, but triple parking is creating a great sakannah and should not be done.
Women from Friday night mincha: You can come after mincha, but unbeknownst to women, Friday mincha has to be davened by all latecomers in the women’s section. If it isn’t done in the women’s section it completely throws off as lot of people from their whole tradition.
The following have already banned the following:(mostly for women)
Swinging of the arms when walking
The color red
Miami
The Internet
Cell Phones
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{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for the HT.
This list is awesome. (Ya gotta fix a couple links).
Can we also ban teenage girls wearing hooded sweatshirts in the summer? Please? Thanks. (I can’t believe you never wrote about this.)
By the way, someone in the comment thread at DovBear asked what an askan is and I responded with this:
http://www.haloscan.com/comments/dovbear/1912937451250697370/#521490
“It used to be that an askan was someone who forwent the typical professional life and used his talents and abilities to further Jewish causes within and outside the Jewish world.
A great example of this was R’ Moshe Sherrer OBM or my great uncle Ronnie Greenwald.
In the context of this post it is the handlers of the gedolim who push their agenda on them. More like lobbyists with all their negative connotations.”
Cleaning up after themselves? do non jews clean up after they’re done eating in resturants? do they wash the dishes too? oh, let gefilte fish live, and with jelly? the jellier the better!
You like it in the jar too – what are you a peta activist
hahaha, my dad loves that jelly in the fish. It’s horrible.
My dad also mixes horseradish with mayo.
Horrible I tell ya.
That gadol that you mentioned is my brother’s Rosh Yeshivah. He gives shiur ???? a few times a week at my brother’s yeshivah in ??? ??? he is known to be a bit more open minded than other gedolim
Oh, Heshy,
Small correction – it’s Rabbi Ahron Yehuda Leib Steinman.
There is a knwon concept that it takes a real gadol to be lenient. Anyone could justifiably create a chumra. Rav Shteinman is a true gadol.
I’m with you on the boys choir thing. Shared a room with a tzil vzemer guy back in my yeshiva days. The 14 year old kid was as faggy as a hetero can get without being gay, sqeaky voide and all. I wouldn;t say boys choirs suck, it’s more like choir boys suck
.
Gefilte fish is an insult to pike, created by lazy women that didn’t have the patience to debone them. I have this feeling it might make for good catfish bait.
As for the women / SUV, it’s no wonder they triple park, I bet they couldn’t even double park if they tried.
E Fink – “It used to be that an askan was someone who forwent the typical professional life and used his talents and abilities to further Jewish causes within and outside the Jewish world.
Yes, but what *is* an “askan”. What does the word mean and where does it come from (etymology, etc)?
Totally agree on the gefilta fish jelly, that stuff is sick
Hesh]
Moment of truth:Would you die before eating gefilta fish jelly?I would
Gefilte Fish,
I don’t think he was talking about restaurants with waiters/waitresses, but rather small eateries where the customers are expected to throw away their paper plates.
An Askan is a 49th-Stater who denies their Arab roots… Al-Aska.
I don’t know. I can’t even write that joke well. Time to go drive my SUV.
E.Fink- sweatshirts with hoods are already banned in israel. They are “modern”.
And the GAP ones ,Kal VeChomer- letters on the front on a sweatshirt is totally assur.
@Mark
I’m not quite sure on this, but I think “askan” comes from the word “osek”, which I believe means to toil (as in “osek ba’Torah”, to toil in Torah study). So an askan is (or at least should be or once was) one who toils for the benefit of the community. In this generation, the title of “askan” can be referring to either the “old style” askan, who toils for the benefit of the community, or the unfortunate modern askan, who pushes his own agenda by manipulating gedolim.
@eyekanspel
yes, it comes from “osek”. in this case “osek betzorchei tzibur” lit. “toils for the needs of the community.
(insert “nofal letzorchei tzibur” joke here)
Heshy
you gotta pick up on the latest Madoff news, the head of Hadassah in NY had an affair with Madoff- just on CNBC- this will make a great fodder- shidduch crisis??
Flash,
I guess money wasn’t the only thing he screwed at Hadassah. I guess she must feel like a real loser now.
In Gateshead yeshiva, my mashgiach gave a talk about how chinese food and pizza should be banned. quite right. one could god forbid come to enjoy oneself if one ate something other gunks of cholent.
All gefirte fish should be banned and replaced with sushi. And by sushi I mean real sushi and the American Jew crap. The crimes against sushi that are perpetrated by Glatt Mart and Pomegranate…
Heshy, this is awesome. You should enroll as a gadol. You could churn out bans faster than an Olympic runner, and leap over logic with more courage than Evil Knivel. You did forget my favorite, The Lakewood Stocking Ban, http://wp.me/pFbfD-2Q .
An askan must be skilled and helpful. For example, they need to swipe the glasses of the gadol. Then they offer to read the relevant documents. They determine that the subject of the ban is not able to respond or has the chutzpah to refuse to respond. Then they have to be willing to sign for the gadol to save him time, or because he is dead (in one case). It is not an easy job, because then they also have to defend the honor of the gadol without exposing themselves or the gadol to ridicule.
The word askan is a shorthand slang for AskOne for a ban. However it is a misnomer, becuase they usually can rustle ten or more signatories just by proffering the first signature.