Guest post by Simcha Levenberg
Six reasons why *Frum people aren’t friendly (unless they know you)
*(A frum person is an Orthodox Jewish person who keeps cases of seltzer on their porch or in their basement.)
Frum people are great; they are kind, generous, and friendly- if they know you. But if you randomly encounter an unknown frum person don’t expect smiles and high fives. Why aren’t frum people friendly to other Jewish People?
1. Yeshiva – The yeshiva day is packed. There is just so much Torah to learn that little time remains for talking about derech eretz, ahavas yisroel, or half-way decent manners. When these subjects are discussed it is only in the abstract: an analytical examination of the halachic obligations regarding one’s fellow. Either that or everybody was absent the day they talked about saying hello and making eye contact while conversing.
2. Frum people already have too many people in their lives – If you grew up Frum, you have a big extended family, you probably already have a lot of friends (old friends from camp, shul buddies, the people you stalk on Facebook), and you definitely don’t have the emotional space for a new person in your life. Opening oneself up to a new relationship by saying hello, waving, or smiling at another frum person is too taxing on your over-burdened social dance card. If you say hello, you’ll probably become friends, and then you’ll have to go their Simchas too, and that won’t do.
3. Frum people see other frum people constantly – Frum people live near one another. It makes sense; nobody wants to live more than a mile away from Shul. It’s quite possible that you grew up surrounded by other frummies your entire life. It’s no biggie to see another religious Jew. He’s just another reproduced version of what you’ve seen your whole life. Secular Jews, or even religious Jews who did not grow up cloistered in Flatbush are excited about seeing other Jews, but not you. You’ve seen too much already.
4. It’s a Brooklyn Thing – Not all people from Brooklyn are frum and not all frum people are from Brooklyn. But, they pretend to be. The tough love, street hardened, Coney Island Avenue approach to life doesn’t translate into friendly social interactions.
5. They think they are friendly – Friendly is a relative term. Hence, dirty looks, scowling faces, rude questions about your last name that is what’s called friendly in the frum world.
6. Overheating- Frum people wear a lot of layers. So many layers. Too many layers. They’re overheated and dehydrated, all the time. You can’t be friendly when you’re sweaty. It’s a fact.
Simcha Levenberg is a stand-up comedian searching for the meaning of life in Los Angeles.
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They are afraid you might be a fed
like the definition of frum, as for the rest…..
you were DEAD ON wit this one !!!! I cant stop laughing. That’s how it is, ,exactly
The big six of kiruv kryptonite! I love it.
#3 “but not you. you’ve seen too much already.” Perfect! Additionally, there is a running sentiment, ‘if I or someone I know doesn’t already know you-there is probably a reason for that.’
Don’t forget the shidduch crises. If you’re single, and they make eye contact, they’ll end up having to set you up.
I think 2 definitely applies to me..
. . . and 5 applies to all the people I know from Brooklyn (and long island).
And I was expecting to read some humor here…
I am not friendly to strangers because I am better than them.
uh oh I really like seltzer…
Some of what he said is true about big communites. Smaller ones tend be be over friendly.
This guy’s supposed to be a comedian???
Brilliant post!
“Not all people from Brooklyn are frum and not all frum people are from Brooklyn. But, they pretend to be.”
That may be what brooklyners think, but you could not be more wrong.
Simcha,
You’ve got to get to the Midwest. Smiley, kind, and pleasant frum people, to everyone, strangers or not.
so much for being ‘ohr l’goyim’
Be ready for the questions of how much do you make a year?Especially in Brooklyn even more so in Boro Park were everyone lives about a fraction of a centimeter from each other…we can’t help being rude we can’t breath any air here…you can’t be freindly if you can’t breath well…it’s a fact!
It’s not much like this outside of Brooklyn and a couple other Brooklyn clones. Unfortunately, the religious Jewish population of Brooklyn and Brooklyn clones adds up to most of the religious Jewish population of America, which means that if a non Jew or a secular Jew interact with a religious one, the religious one is very likely to be like “this”.
7. They dont consider you to be a Jew anyway.
Halfway kidding… But which half!?!?!
Excellent post.
i think number five is the most accurate. they THINK they are being friendly. of course number six is probably why they think they are being friendly.
I happened upon your site and (although some things were funny) was quite horrified by your sense of humor. what do you think Hashem thinks of (at least) half these posts (and following comments)? all I know is that it surely won’t bring the Redemption closer. Are you sure you really want to continue a forum like this???
15 judefolly
so much for being ‘ohr l’goyim’
Worth repeating.
Shammai said: receive each person with a cheerful countenance (or: “smile at everybody”). (Avot 1:15).
Let’s do it people!
“With happiness you can give a person life…There is no one to whom he can unburden his heart, so he remains deeply pained and worried. If you come to such a person with a happy face, you can cheer him and literally give him life. This is a very great thing and by no means an empty gesture.”
(R. Nachman of Breslev, Rabbi Nachman’s Wisdom/Sichos HaRan #43)
Talking bout friendlypeople.I do appereciate their positive friendly attitude.However one question freakin gets on my nerves:”What do you do?”What exactly is the point of that question?It is totally and utterly irrelevant how I make my money in order to survive.It is not something I’m proud of.It is a sad reality of life.And it doesn’t define my personality either, it is merely an example of how I procure rescoures fo basic staples.Anyway if I didn’t have a job I would be quite offended at the question.Does anyonelse share my sentiment?
Smoker,
I’m not sure whether everyone shares your exact sentiments, but I think that many people come close enough that they, too, consider the question a bit intrusive. However, many people are fortunate to have their means of support combined with what they consider the purpose of their existence, which, of course, makes the question even more intrusive!
The fact that many people have negative reactions to the question seems to me to be a good reason not to ask it, but many folks ask it simply because they are trying to get to know you better. Is that good or bad?
Frum people are usually friendly in the Midwest.. Big mistake – I moved to brooklyn.
Frum people in brooklyn…
1. Are unaware when they stare which usually lasts for more than 5 minutes at the same person – who is not wearing the typical frum social garb.
2. Live in Fear – will not speak to strangers or neighbors – as a result of their paranoid Yiddishe mothers. therefore are socially awkward if forced to initiate a conversation with someone who was not a classmate or shares a relative.
3. They’re frum bubble might get popped. It is all bout the superficial presentation in Brooklyn.
4. Do not say Good Shabbos unless they sit next to you in shul.. because If you don’t go to the same shul as them, you clearly belong to a diff sect of Jews who daven a different Nusach, and have different customs.. and mixing these 2 would invalidate their own and would just cause to many halachic problems in the future…
I worked on not taking it personally..
They don’t mean any harm ..lol
Ya’ll need to stop hating. You think the frummies in brooklyn are bad? Try having a congenial conversation with an italian or a cop in brooklyn. See how long that lasts.
The point is that Jews are not immune from assimilating some of the traits of the people around them. If you think it’s only the frummies in the NE that act rudely and don’t make eye contact, you are sorely mistaken.
that’s definitely true too. guess it’s a Brooklyn thang. I am a jew ..soo.. I am choosing to pick on the Brooklyn Jews. .. don’t think anyone is truly hating.. Relax ..
Bsamim Smoker has a point. Being friendly does not mean being intrusive. Maybe I’m overly sensitive, but there are some things I just don’t ask, especially people I have just met: What do you/your husband do? Are your parents living? Do you have children – or even worse, Why don’t you have children? Once you get to know someone, eventually they will volunteer information about themselves. Or if they don’t, you can live without knowing.