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My Rebbes So Shtark That…

sanzer rebbeYesterday on Twitter @noahroth created a new hash tag called #myrebbessoshtark and asked me to play along. For all of you who are missing out on what may possibly be the most fun online program since AOL Jewish chat, Twitter hash tags can be entered into any phrase to tag it and tons of people play along. Hash tags are click able so you can see what everyone else is saying about that item.

Maybe this will convince all you Twitter haters to join because it is super fun, its just harder to figure out than Facebook and hence people are scared and say that all Twitter is for, is sharing what you had for breakfast – Twitter users know its anything but that…

My Rebbes so Shtark…

noahroth @SimonSynett #myrebbessoshtark He told me to celebrate my aliyahniversary w/ a seudat Hodaya of meat & wine during the 9 days. (True story)

noahroth RT @bukin86: #myrebbessoshtark My rebbe is so shtark Hashem needs to work on his yiras my rebbe // And the winner & New Champion!

RT_Thursday RT @dwiesel RT @noahroth: #myrebbessoshtark ZZ Top comes to him for beard growing advice.

dwiesel RT @tjctv: #myrebbessoshtark even @frumsatire‘s afraid to make fun of him.

moshegluck #myrebbessoshtark that he changes his phone to vibrate for the three weeks…

mikeage #myrebbessoshtark that the internet bans him

bukin86 #myrebbessoshtark his rebbe card has a piece of worn talis in it

bradsugar #myrebbessoshtark that most tehillim are written by him, for him, or about him.

bradsugar @frumsatire #myrebbessoshtark he won’t read emails from women that haven’t had their “spambox” checked first

bukin86 #myrebbessoshtark My rebbe is so shtark Hashem needs to work on his yiras my rebbe

RecoveryRabbi RT @slerner #myrebbessoshtark he can circumcise with his eyes closed

RecoveryRabbi RT @MarkSoFla #myrebbessoshtark she doesn’t use the microphone on shabbos. ~ LMAO

GilStudent #myrebbessoshtark My rebbe’s so shtark he not only doesn’t fold his clothes on Shabbos but also doesn’t during the week as a personal chumra

Jacobdajew #myrebbessoshtark the chassidim sell his “sherayim” on Ebay, he’s so shtark

makeforyourself #myrebbessoshtark he would not allow me to be his chassid

MarkSoFla #myrebbessoshtark he makes Pesach for 8 days instead of 7 like it says in the Torah

noahroth #myrebbessoshtark that “Ein Apitropus L’arayois” Means except him.

MarkSoFla #myrebbessoshtark When he’s still before borchu and it’s sof zman k”s,he makes an incantation from kabbalah to stop the earth moving!

noahroth #myrebbessoshtark , SHLIT”A , that he gets faxes and tweets at the Oihel -Yehi Adoneini Moerni Virabeini…

yonitdm #myrebbessoshtark he waits 6hrs before thinking or speaking of milk after meat

e_fink #myrebbessoshtark he lives underwater so he never has to get out of the mikvah.

downpressor #myrebbessoshtark that his unborn great grand children already have shidduch matches lined up

patina626 #myrebbessoshtark he did hagbah after he was nifter

jewlikeme #myrebbessoshtark he removed all the seatbelts from his car, so his daughters and wife couldn’t use them

slerner #myrebbessoshtark his Shabbos Goy speaks only Yiddish

noahroth #myrebbessoshtark people think he’s mashiach.

frumsatire #myrebbessoshtark he checks his talis for bugs and walks blindfolded in the summer bec of pritzus

susqhb In my salute to the best hashtags eve, I present: #myrebbessoshtark (via @NoahRoth).

Follow me on twitter @FrumSatire

{ 16 comments… add one }
  • Chris_B July 23, 2009, 9:58 AM

    Hey Im flatterer you chose to include one of my entries. About twitter being hard to figure out you must deal with some serious mental deficients…

  • Frum Satire July 23, 2009, 10:09 AM

    well on Facebook you must deal with applications nough said

  • Michal bas Avraham July 23, 2009, 10:46 AM

    I hate those Applications. I haven’t joined Twitter, yet. I have enough with my Emails, Facebooks, Blog/blog following and yahoo groups. I’m trying to spend less time on the internet not more.

  • Bsamim Smoker July 23, 2009, 1:14 PM

    I loved it.I think that the first post a laught all the way through.How’s about this one :
    My Rebbe is so shtark he fasts 2 days yom kppur altz sfayka dyomah

  • Hadassah July 23, 2009, 4:08 PM

    Chris_B who are you on twitter?

  • Steven I. Weiss July 23, 2009, 4:32 PM

    I’ve never felt less confident in my own sense of humor.

  • Tevy July 23, 2009, 4:46 PM

    They seem like Jewish Chuck Norris jokes. So lame, yet so funny (in the middle of an all-nighter @ 4am)

  • Zvi July 23, 2009, 11:55 PM

    …He even toiveled his COUCH in the Mikva before he’d sit on it

    …He has IVs attached to his body which feed him and remove his waste so he won’t waste even a second of Bittul Torah.

    …Ahmedinejad came to him for a Bracha

  • Zvi July 24, 2009, 12:08 AM

    …He once drew a circle around himself with a stick and told Hashem he wasn’t leaving until it would rain. And he STOOD THERE FOR 48 HOURS ARGUING WITH HASHEM AND PLEADING FOR HIS PEOPLE!

    …His tallis is made from SOLID GOLD

    …He can look at someone from across the theatre and tell if they’re having Machshovos Zaros

    …He doesn’t even need Mezuzas on his house

  • A.I. July 24, 2009, 10:51 AM

    He wouldn’t nurse – it would mean mixing milching and fleischig

  • Ken July 24, 2009, 11:47 AM

    …the mezuzot are fullsize Torah scrolls.

    …his payes can transcribe his own teachings (but not on Shabbos).

    …his tallis’ wool is spun from Chuck Norris’ beard.

  • Ken July 24, 2009, 11:55 AM

    …he doesn’t have to wait between milk and meat. Meat just waits on him.

  • Chris_B July 25, 2009, 1:48 PM

    Hadassah I’m Downpressor on Twitter. Its the name I release music under/label name. First reply was from my iPod so I didnt manage to click the followup notice button right or I’d have replied sooner.

  • Chris_B July 25, 2009, 2:09 PM

    Hadassah I’m Downpressor on Twitter. Its my music work/label name.

  • Anon July 26, 2009, 11:19 AM

    My rebbe is so shtark.. he goes to the mikvah before he molests his students

  • Yochanan July 26, 2009, 6:43 PM

    My rebbe is so shtark that…

    The Christians fired Jesus.

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