ChabadMatch.com has drop down menus for meshichist views and beard types

Chabad-shidduch-singles-datingChabadMatch.com has officially taken over the title as most judgmental and ridiculous dating site on the web. Upon clicking to sign up, it asks if you are Chabad or a Friend of Chabad, parents can sign their sons/daughters up or you can sign yourself up.

If you sign up as a single, you can feel like you are a terrorist being interogated, the questions are many and very detailed. I always thought that as a chabadnick you just somehow got hooked up with the local shaliachs daughter, but based on this site that may not be the case.

The first thing I noticed was the option within the types of yarmulke drop down menu for a Yechi yarmulke. Thank God Frumster only asks you the frequency of learning because Chabad Match asks you about what exactly you are learning, I guess gemara makes no difference but Chitas means the world.

Describe the singles beard had me laughing, full, trimmed, shaven or picked (does picked mean you get food stuck in it and are constantly picking it out?) Or is picked like afro style?

My absolute favorite was the drop down menu for Meshichists  to describe their feelings towards the Lubavitcher Rebbe being moshiach. The choices include nuetral, anti, not an issue, quite meshichist or yechi – now can someone tell me what the difference is between quite meshichist and yechi?

Do you watch movies? Only rented, actually go to the theater or both? One would think that if one watches movies in the theater its a pretty good kal vachomer that they watch rented movies…

The funny thing is there’s more…the drop down menus just keep on coming.

Do you only drink on shabbos or fabrengins? But drinking at fabrengins means you may drink every night…

What about your body type, Frumster has average, slim, athletic and few extra pounds. Chabad Match has 4 different categories for fat, a few extra pounds, stocky, husky and large – what the difference between all of these is beyond me, but calling people fat, large or obese is not PC anymore, so we use code words. Does that mean that telling “your mommas so fat jokes” are uncalled for as well?

In the personality traits section there is a choice for “high maintanence” who on earth would pick this?  Oh and under the amount of children you have section – the drop down menu goes up to 20 kids. If you have 20 kids I highly doubt you are trying to get married eh?

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Charlie

    Lol-I’ve only been to the girl’s form and in my opinion they would ask you your bra size if it weren’t so untznius ;)

  • BT at Work

    I think the “Only rented, actually go to the theater or both” is on Saw you at Sinai, as well. Seems like if you get matched up with someone on THAT MANY levels, maybe you’ll actually get to find your bashert :)

    Good thing about the parents signing you up, too. My dad once put me up on JDate so he could show me what kind of guy he would approve of me dating. But then he said he didn’t like any of them. Thanks, Dad!

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Charlie the girls forms are lame compared with the guys forms

  • Mystery Woman

    Actually, the girls’ forms are almost exactly the same – including what they learn!
    One difference is in the dress. For girls, under daily dress, the dropdown choices are: Social, Denim, Split Skirt, Hippy Style, Casual.
    If this wasn’t a serious site, I’d think that was a joke.

  • Chaim P

    What is wrong woth you, not to see the difference between going to the movies and, chas vi chalilah, bringing one into your home!

    Love the options. Great thing to blog about. Gotta get me a picked beard.

  • STL Chabad

    Hows this sound,
    i am very tall and have a muscular build, i spend more time doing MMA than studying. I dont care what yechis say or do but the song is nifty. My beard looks like im barfingup an ewok. And i study chitas daily and gemara on shabbos.

    Anybody know a good match for this martial arts expert BT????? Should i try the website???? Nah, i’ll just stick with the girl im with. We met the old fashoned way, at a house warming party.

    • Sergeant J

      Puking an Ewok sounds more.. better.

  • http://welcomebalance.blogspot.com s(b.)

    social skirt? lol. What’s a social skirt?

    • Sergeant J

      Friendly, accessible, maybe?

  • http://elishevers.blogspot.com shevers

    There is a difference – for one – if you just rent you’re doing something iffy without making other frum Jews look bad… plus all the tumah in a movie theater…

    A picked beard means when a guy pulls out the weird kinky hairs in their beard. So they have an untrimmed beard but it looks a lot neater than an untouched beard.

    Come on Chitas is a directive of the Rebbe…

    There is a big difference between Quite Meshichist and Yechi… I mean… I dunno… there is. Quite meshichist means tzvati no?

  • http://www.followingmyjudaism.com Tuvia

    I wonder if I sign up and put all the wrong answers.

    I’ll say I am clean shaven, never study torah, anti moshiach, go to the movies, fat and 20 kids.

    Think anyone will try and contact me?

  • Avi

    They are out of their crack smoking mind dude.

  • Jenna

    Social skirts are ones that everyone is familiar with – they find them on the floor.

    Just kidding.

  • Yochanan

    Is it me or do a lot of Chabad guys rock the 2-prong beard?

  • http://www.frumfemale.blogspot.com frum single female

    thanks for sharing this link hesh. if i didnt know they were serious i would think they were joking. they list shluchim as a religious background. what does this mean?
    i love how they ask what your 3 main languages are!
    apparently chassidish is a personality trait.
    they also ask what medication the applicant may be on. are they for real? who is going to list something like that/

  • http://www.frumfemale.blogspot.com frum single female

    the one question i do like is kashrut level, even though i think how they categorize it is funny. jdate asks kashrut level, but frumster assumes it.

  • http://nemosramblings.blogspot.com Nemo

    Hesh – as funny as this may be to you as an outsider, you simply cannot understand the nuances within Chabad. Obviously the questions aren’t to question your observance level, but to categorize you within the Lubavitch community and match you with someone of your type. While I would ask some questions a little differently, I, as a Lubavitcher, definitely see the logic in asking these questions.

    1. Yarmulkas: are you a flamboyant mischicist with yechi kippah, very chassidish with a satin yarmulka, moderate with velvet, or perhaps a little more modern with something knitted? In Lubavitch, yarmulka styles say a lot about the man.

    2. Chitas learning: the question whether you learn Chitas (and Rambam) is an important indication of how “connected to the Rebbe” you are. These were institutions of the Rebbe and previous Rebbe, which the Rebbe stressed countless time about learning them in particular, and therefore are considered in Lubavitch to be sacrosanct daily learning portions. There is also another drop down menu for frequency of general learning in which – if you learn it – you can tell how often you learn Gemara.

    3. Beards: self evident that it says a lot about the man. A lot of guys pick their beard (which is halachickly questionable, but whatever) to keep it neat. It’s a way to stay clean cut without being clean cut. However, I highly doubt anyone answers this question by admitting to picking their beards … it’s just gross and embarrassing to come forward with.

    4. Quiet mishichist v. yechi: does the guy just believe in the rebbe as moshiach (and probably keeps his mouth shut around antis) or do they go around with a kippa and a moshiach mobile?

    5. Movies in theater vs. bringing movies home: bringing movies home, to some people, is like institutionalizing movie watching and making it into something the family does. It’s like, you may go to the theater from time to time for entertainment, but you don’t want it to be a fixture in your sacred home. You don’t have to agree with the logic, but that’s the way some Lubavitch kids think. Also, the question indirectly asks whether the person intends to let their children watch movies.

    6. Drinking: the idea of shabbos and farbrengens is that you only drink when their is a chassidishe reason to have a drink, but would not, for example, come home and pour yourself a glass of whiskey. Furthermore, if you’re only drinking on shabbos and farbrengens, you’re probably not going out to bars. Jokes asides, there is no truth the the idea that Lubavitchers farbreng every night.

    7. Body types: I have to agree that this makes no sense. Who even understands what the difference between “big” and “husky” is?

    8. Personality traits: this isn’t chabad exclusive, but some girls probably know that they are high maintenance when they expect their husbands to work fancy jobs, drive nice cars and to buy them diamonds.

  • http://elishevers.blogspot.com shevers

    Ah quiet not quite… yeah huge difference.

  • http://nemosramblings.blogspot.com Nemo

    FFS -

    1. Shluchim as religious background: I don’t think calling this a “religious background” was very apt for the shlichus option, but it makes sense in light of the background information they are trying to asses.

    For one thing, if you grew up on shlichus, chances are that you grew up with few to no Jewish friends, limited Jewish schooling, etc. On the other hand, it says something about the type of family that you come from — probably a pretty chassidishe family who devotes their lives to shlichus, which is something of an ideal amongst Lubavitchers. Additionally, and a point not to be belittled, shlichus is also a family status in today’s Lubavitch world, which may be even more important for some people than real yichus.

    2. Languages: they certainly never asked what your three MAIN languages are; they merely put fields for putting up to three languages.

    Semantics aside, in a community where it is not uncommon for a boy from France to marry a girl from the United States, or a girl from Israel to marry a boy from Argentina, it is probably an important preliminary matter before setting two foreigner up with each other that they speak the same languages!

    3. Chassidish: it’s not just about what you do or your way of life, it’s also about how you think and act.

    4. Medication: although understandable, I agree that this is a stupid question. It’s one thing to ask about good health, considering that this is a shidduch, but knowing what pills someone is popping before popping the question to go out on a date (or even to consider going out) is a little intrusive.

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Nemo – you think I’m stupid, I know all that – but for my non-lubavitch readers its funny.

    But thanks for the lengthy explanatory comments

  • Charlie

    Hesh – I didn’t even think to check it out… If the form is so invasive, I wonder what the actual shadchan is going to be like…Or maybe I shouldn’t even go there…

  • simcha

    what was heshy doing on chabad match in the first place? he just cant hide his lubuvitch love.

  • BigPhil

    I’m kind of suprised they don’t ask what rank you reached in Tzivos Hashem.

    I personally wouldn’t go anywhere near anyone that didn’t reach the rank of Colonel.

  • http://welcomebalance.blogspot.com s(b.)

    I think I was a sergeant major. I have my old card in a box, somewhere. ((times of innocence))

  • Grapes

    thanks for writing that nemo! i was thinking the same thing but you were able to write that much better than i could. yes – it sounds really strange to outsiders, but actually it is a pretty good site and for a chabad guy/girl probably the best site to find “normal” singles. it isnt judgemental – it is trying to set u up with other chabad people who are on the same wavelength as u are.
    big phil – that made me laugh! i think i got to 1st star general but it was a while ago so cant really remember…

  • anon

    question for Nemo? you mentioned that some girls have unrealistic expectations- i was wondering if that was an issue in the chabad community as well- if there are chabad girls who are very focused on gashmius?

  • Yochanan

    Nemo said “the idea of shabbos and farbrengens is that you only drink when their is a chassidishe reason to have a drink”

    Ohh, so you mean the 300 or so times a year when you celebrate some guy getting out of jail in Russia?

  • http://elishevers.blogspot.com shevers

    300? Try twice.

  • Feivel

    There are thee Chag HaGeulas
    Yud Kislev, Yud Tes Kislev, and Yud Bais/Yud Gimmel Tammuz.

    Though one time The Rebbe Rashab was arrested like more than 50 times over the course of one rabbinical conference.

  • http://elishevers.blogspot.com shevers

    Dang I forgot Yud…

  • http://nemosramblings.blogspot.com Nemo

    Grapes – I disagree … I’ve been on there for two years and while I get occasional inquiries from shadchanim, I get more and more convinced that there is either nobody out there for me or that shadchanim just don’t get it (or are desperate to make a match/insane). So far there hasn’t been much promise for me coming from that site. Even if they are trying to match you to your type, you clearly are expected to fall into some mold or another.

    Anon – I don’t understand why you’re asking the question if it has already been answered. Yes, there are Chabad girls that are into gashmiyus. Surprise.

    Yochanan – what a stupid and false stereotype.

  • Anonymous

    Why are the Lubabs so obsessed with vanity?

  • Anonymous

    great post…i think the only thing they dont have a dropdown is for the putz size…
    nothing like a good laugh…

  • Yochanan

    Nemo,

    I admit that was cold, but it does seem like you guys will say LeChayim! at the drop of a (crushed) hat.

  • Yochanan

    And 1 LeChayim leads to a another.

  • Grapes

    nemo – my parent put me on their quite recently and someone came up for me almost immediately. someone i wasnt interested in the slightest.. apparantly a lot of the shadchanim on there are not good at replying to emails asking for information. however, the guys themselves on that list seem to be a lot more normal than the guys on places like frumster or other sites. that is all i was saying. that is why i think everyone should have their real names on that list so we can look them up ourselves and set up shidduchim without the “official” shadchanim on the site. i actually dont believe in the whole shidduch thing. i dont think it would work for me. but it makes my parents happier knowing i’m on that site and maybe just maybe something will comeout of it..

  • http://nemosramblings.blogspot.com Nemo

    So, is your name published on the list?

  • Grapes

    yeah it is. well last name anyway. and it’s obvious its me.. i probably wouldnt have chosen to do that but now that it is on like that i think it is better. i saw some guy on there i liked the sound of and it had his full name and i mentioned him to a friend of mine and he was friends of his on facebook and so showed me his profile and i was able to check out all his photos and things and then decided hes not for me.. that saved a lot of hassle of going back and forth to shadchanim who would have taken weeks (if ever) to reply.

  • http://nemosramblings.blogspot.com Nemo

    Well, at least I know it wasn’t me then cause my name is not displayed (initials, sorta, but not name) …

    All I know is that this website has provided me with emotional lows every couple weeks as various shadchanim propose girls who aren’t even in my ballpark. I always have to find creative and nice ways to say no – age, busy with school, too frum, etc.

    Honestly, the only time I ever reject someone because of their looks is because they look overdressed and maybe a little too frum for me. Usually it doesn’t get to that point though, because most shadchanim don’t bother sending pictures (what, do they expect you to stalk her on Facebook?) or because I can read right through profiles.

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    How ridiculous. To think that people actually answer some of these silly questions, no wonder people are having trouble finding wives, and no wonder people are getting divorced at higher ratios than ever before.

    All the empahsis put on areas that mean absolutely nothing.

    What’s stopping a trimmed beard from growing a full one or vice versa?

    What’s stopping a non chitas guy from starting to learn?

    A drinker can quit and a sober guy can become an alcoholic.

    Only area I agree with is the Yechi thing. Anyone that answers positive should be a clear warning sign eqivalent to “enter at your own risk”.

  • yy

    dear phil,

    what is it that you hate the one that says yechi???

  • yy

    correction:

    what = why

  • yy

    correction:
    what – why

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    YY,

    I don’t hate the yechi people, I just think that what they are saying is totally insane and has nothing to do with Judaism, Chabad or the Rebbe.

    Adding yechi to parts of davening is even worse. It is the ultimate in hypocrisy. If nusach hoari doesn’t have yigdal and we don’t say akdomus because they were written at later times in history, how dare anyone scream 3 yechis at the start and end of davening, leining, shofar and bentching?

    They have made a mockery of what Chabad has built over the past 250 years. Thanks to them and their silly nonsense, Lubavitch is the laughingstock of the frum world.

    Anyone that ever has tried discussing or arguing with a yechi person knows that it’s useless. That is why I think it should be a warning for any non yechi that wants to date.

    Young couples will face enough challenges and arguments without adding an element that is so stupid yet at the same time, one that people are so passionate about.

  • yy

    phil:

    did you know Rabbi Yitzchok Hendel O”H?

    did he say yechi?

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    yy,

    I knew him since I was a kid, and davened at the same shacharis minyan as he did for years. He was a reported yechi, though I never saw or heard him say it myself. Some of his kids and sons in law are the most extreme yechis, others aren’t. One of these freaks even scram out yechi on the microphone at his levaya.

    Anyway, he wouldn’t have been the only learned person that is part of the yechi craze, their are plenty others. On the flip side, between the real gedolim of our generation, not one outside Lubavitch says yechi.

    As far as I know, all Jews will accept Moshiach. Believing that Chabad is the be all and end all of Judaism is arrogant, closed minded and plain stupid. Believing the Rebbe is moshiach and that only “we” know the truth an everyone else is wrong, is even worse.

  • yy

    phil,

    thank you for your honesty.

    shalom, bye

  • Sholom

    Feivel, you forgot Hey Teyvis…

    If you’re old enough, you might even remember it yourself… Old rabbis rolling around in puddles of their own puke on the floor of 770… Young Bochurim pulling off their shoes and socks and laughing at them… And Schneerson himself yelling at his Chasidim that there needs to be a limit to all the vodka-chugging.

  • http://fluxingfluxy.blogspot.com Fluxy

    Maybe they’ll have a drop down menu now what people think of the connection to the year 5770 and the Rebbe? lol.

  • asianjew

    Man, its ridiculous that they have a drop-down to differentiate between a convert and a born-Jew, whatever happened to treating converts like everyone else?

    • Sergeant J

      Died in Europe

  • WHATEVER

    Guys, more funy is the way you loose time ridiculizing a site that helps people. For me this site even if they ask me how smelly my farts are, helps me to find someone adecuate for me, good that there is a list of shdchanim, would be bad if one would be contacting every girl or guy one sees. Guys, its agaisnt the Torah to ridiculize others, besides, you know the quantity of non-jews who see your nonsensense and might be laughting at how ridiculeous a group of jews making fun of their own religion? Plus this is the parnasa of someone too, so if you are sooo Torahic and so proud of your religion maybe you would like to appologize and stop making fun of your own people and more about a page that helps people come together.

    • Sergeant J

      Yes. Unity. But unless the unity is everyone doing things the exact way you want them to, I doubt you really want it.

  • Pingback: What We Missed, 2009 Edition » Mixed Multitudes – My Jewish Learning: Exploring Judaism & Jewish Life