I went to a pimp wedding last night at the Sands in Atlantic Beach, it was well worth the $4 it cost to go over the bridge from Far Rockaway. Either way, I was not fully prepared for the smorgasbord, it was so good I had to make a video.
You can expect a full wedding post and review after the weekend.
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Who was the caterer?
Mauzone
Decadent. That wasn’t even the main course. What an extreme waste of money, probably could have been used to put a nice down payment on a house for the newlyweds.
BTW, I didn’t know that spinach was still kosher. Was it the bug free brand?
HESHY: The food looked great, but you look like yo need a shave, a haircut and a diet.
How do I get a list of which chassanahs will have abundant food so that I can stop by like you did. I assume that you just dropped in for a free meal.
I love the shmorg, and I love the kinds of foods at the shmorg (mainly the carvery and the other meat options), but I agree with Phil. This is completely over the top decadence, even if there weren’t a dinner coming later on after the chuppah and dancing!
Whats with the extra weight?
Loved the “OMG, a knit kippah” Look forward to full post!
What a wedding! For contrast, I remember going to a Baptist wedding when I lived in the deep south, (I had no idea what was going to happen, but it wasn’t in a church and I was told there was no religious service). I was right on time, which was late, because the wedding started precisely on time. Literally six or seven minutes later, the wedding was over. The reception was cake and M&Ms.
The entire wedding probably cost less than the meatballs at the Sands.
heshy, darling, comb your hair before a wedding.
Fresser I don’t crash weddings, only kiddush
For all the fressers out there that want a good meal for free,here is a tip to crash almost any wedding.Phone the big catering halls that do kosher events(i.e.Marinah del Ray,Sands,Bais Faygah etc…),ask them what time the chassanah is.Either they’ll say “which chassanah” or they will tell you the time for the chassanah that night.If they say “which chassanah” ask for the one “tonight”.If they have no chasanahs just say”sorry I got confused with the dates”.
Or you could take a gamble and just crash a hall.But that could be a pure waste of time if there isn’t anything going on that night. TIPS FOR NOT GETTING BUSTED:
1.ONLY STAY FOR THE SHMROGESBOARD NOT FOR THE DINNER(the shmorg is not such a social event and you can get away with just fressing and not talking, once you are seated at the table people will start asking you all sorts of questions you won’t have answers too, also there might not be an xtra seat available(i.e. you don’t have a place card) wich makes for an oh so even more uncomfortable situation.)
2.DRESS THE PART-All covert operations require smart disguise.If most people are wearing serugah wear a srug.If most people are wearing black hats wear a black hat.If you stick out like a sore thumb you are sure to be inquired about.Even if it’s a simple “Shalom Aliechem whats your name?”will always lead to questions best not answered.
3.NOT RECOMENDED FOR WOMEN-for some reason the tolerance threshold for oddballs amongst men is acceptable at a ratio of about 100:1.However social deviance in women’s circles is a terrible crime and you probably won’t even get away at the shmorg without someone asking you which “side” your from.
4.IF YOU GET BUSTED RUN LIKE THE WIND-remember everyone knows everyone in the jewish world and lashon harah spreads like wildfire.So if someone tripps you up in a coversation the best thing to do is walk out as quiety as possable to minimize damage
INSIDER: Any well stocked shmorgs this week that you can recommend?
Are you crazy I ain’t reccomending shmorgs.If I do that, before you know it they’ll be armed security at every smicha hall entrance asking to see photo I.D. and your invite!!Do your homework use my steps and youll be fine.
5.IF YOUR ASKED A QUESTION THAT WILL INCRIMINATE YOU TELL A LIE THAT CANNOT BE VERIFIED AT THE CHASSANAH-example if someone asks “who do you know” or “what side are you from” don’t say something stupid like”the choson and I are friends from yeshiva”this can obviuosly lead to follow up questions.Say something farfetched like “the kallah’s mother and my mother were friends in Bais Yaacov.”Noone will inquire any further.
LOL, I’d for someone to do that my wedding…
As a guy who eats from a smorgasbord about twice a week I am flabbergasted. Shwarma?! They just don’t have Shwarma at weddings down here.