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The different types of Frum Satire commenters

Contrary to popular belief I have no idea who reads this blog, I can probably account for about 250 people and the rest of them are a complete mystery to me. Sometimes I find out that pretty big literary people, authors, filmmakers and big Rabbis are reading it and I am shocked and excited that I am getting to every nook and cranny in the Jewish world. Recently I have been making inroads into the non-orthodox, mostly secular liberal, artsy Jewish world – exactly where I want to be, mostly because secular Jewish humor sucks and I have something to add besides for borscht, matzo and shtuping shiksas.

I am always trying to figure out who exactly my audience is and thank God I have gotten to the point that I cannot really pinpoint these people unless I chat with them over Facebook, Twitter, Gtalk or email – and of course the comments. Comments can tell a lot about a person – and I myself have come up with a list of the different types of commenters. These days there has been a sort of lull in comments, I attribute it to spring – but who knows – I go through phases where every single post no matter what gets 35 comments, but it doesn’t matter because Frum Satire is bigger than ever.

The stalker who doesn’t want to say so: I can spot these people in a second, they comment like mad for 2 months, send a couple of emails – but never say their intentions, if I don’t pick up on their flirtatious activities, they just disappear.

The Chillul Hashem: These people stumble across my site and think I have some sort of ax to grind against the orthodox community, I don’t, I didn’t even grow up too frum or rebel or anything, but they will comment on one post cursing me out without ever reading anything else. These Chillul Hashem people are of the same ilk that scream Anti-Semite anytime they see something that may or may not be so.

Lol: This may not seem like good feedback, but making people laugh is the general idea, and knowing I did that – is always nice to hear.

Go screw yourself: These people are of the more angry no-life chillul Hashem crowd, there is a guy now named What a Schmuck who makes it pretty obvious that he is just a pissed off uneducated person – I long for educated dissent, though it usually comes in the form of email.

Trolls: These are the people that continuously make negative comments on whatever you write, they are usually quite smart and very critical, I was attacked by ED repeatedly back in the day when I first started getting noticed in the Blogesphere, bloggers like Rafi G and Dov Bear remember him fondly – we miss you ED!!!

The one liner: I have a few commenters who comment only once in a while in a very concise manner, “Great Post” or “you sound like a moron” are common of these, A23 has been commenting since the beginning of this blog and is the longest commenter I know of, he comments like this.

I want to date you: I wish women would be more open with me, instead they comment and pop over emails or facebook messages, but rarely do they take it beyond – I wish they would – sometimes they have the balls to do so and I like assertive women.

The obnoxious argument starter: These commenters love to make trouble and that’s fine because there’s nothing like a bunch of Jews fighting with each other over the internet while minimizing their screens every time their supervisor goes patrolling around the cubicles.

Blog philosophers: These people tend to write comments that look like a doctoral thesis, its great knowing that I can write things that make people take the time out of their day to write a diatribe and spur discussion.

Angry no matter what: similar to the Chillul Hashem commenters but different in that they are just angry people.

Mussar patrol: I have several good mussar givers, every time I write something too extreme – these folks send me an email to tell me why its wrong – these people are usally responsible for posts that I remove and they are almost always women. Kind of like Blog mothers.

You offended me: I understand that I am going to offend people along the way, but that’s the nature of the comedy game – if I don’t offend anyone I feel like I’m not doing a good job.

What are you talking about? Once in a while someone comments on a post with something that has nothing to do with the post. I am in amazement at the things that people come up with.

Agreed: Its nice to know that some people actually agree with my crazy ideas, some which I actually agree with too. By now I’m sure many of you realize that I can make ruckus without agreeing at all with what I’m saying.

{ 67 comments… add one }
  • Jacob da Jew May 11, 2009, 9:24 AM

    What about fellow bloggers leaving comments? What, we don’t count?

  • A23 May 11, 2009, 9:28 AM

    Nice post.

  • HUNG SO LO May 11, 2009, 9:32 AM

    DO YOU ACTUALLY MAKE A LIVING ENGAGING IN THIS JUVENILE ACTIVITY? ARE YOU FRUM? I VISUALIZE FRUM MEN AS CHUBBY WITH GLASSES AND SCRUFFY BEARDS. I PICTURE FRUM WOMEN AS CHUBBY WITH GLASSES AND UNATTRACTIVE BONNET-LIKE HEAD COVERINGS. SOME OF THEM HAVE SCRUFFY BEARDS TOO. I GET THE FEELING THAT, IF IT WEREN’T FOR ARRANGED MARRIAGES, THERE WOULD BE A LOT LESS FRUMMIES.

  • Frum Satire May 11, 2009, 9:36 AM

    Jacob – I can’t account for everyone – I just threw this up in haste

  • prili May 11, 2009, 10:07 AM

    Hey! What catagory does HUNG SO LO belong in?
    “I want to date you?”

  • Zvi May 11, 2009, 10:12 AM

    You just won a lot of points in my book.

    I had no idea about the ‘blog mpothers’ and it’s nice to see that you’re willing to take critisism and even remove some article which may be over the line.

    I’m very impressed. Keep it up.

  • offthederech May 11, 2009, 10:27 AM

    I bet Mookie is one of the blog mothers.

  • Frum Satire May 11, 2009, 10:54 AM

    Off the D – you are correct!

    Prili – I have no idea – I should have done miscellaneous, like the people who make everything sexual.

  • shevers May 11, 2009, 11:10 AM

    You have the same people every time arguing about Lubavitch.

  • Frum Satire May 11, 2009, 11:17 AM

    Ok course shevers – I wouldn’t be able to function with Phil and TRS

  • shevers May 11, 2009, 11:22 AM

    Hey you should join us (I’m le7) over on TRS sometime…

  • A May 11, 2009, 11:26 AM

    what category would a guy like soul bratha fit in

  • A May 11, 2009, 11:32 AM

    how’s about” the perv” always twisting every topic into something sexual

  • Sergeant J May 11, 2009, 11:42 AM

    like “Sergeant K” (He usually spells “Sergeant: wrong though), Soul Bratha is very likely someone who has a different name for “normal” posts, and a special one for when he feels the need to be an idiot. Making up an entire fake “mini life” for the purpose is just part of their fun…

  • Soul Bratha May 11, 2009, 12:11 PM

    Sergeant J
    I know you got a few laughs off me.So what do you do,instead of being supporting me, you call me an idiot.Thanks(sarcastically)

  • Soul Bratha May 11, 2009, 12:17 PM

    Just cause you is a Sergeant don’t mean I’m gonna stand at parade rest and talk to you in a respectfull manner we aint in the Army no more.Rememba dat Sarg!

  • Sergeant J May 11, 2009, 12:28 PM

    Your ebonics is off.

  • Soul Bratha May 11, 2009, 12:28 PM

    Just cause I dint make NCO dont mean you can pick on me.Try gettin agent orange sprayed in yo face,cause some white boy named Kennedy(yamak chimum)decided to “spread democracy”(i.e.f@ck with the Cubans)than come back home only to get spit on by all the hippies.Roga dat Sarg.

  • Frum Satire May 11, 2009, 12:33 PM

    What about the people who comment and argue with themselves under different names – loads of fun

  • Sergeant J May 11, 2009, 12:35 PM

    You would know better than us, you should see the email addresses… I would not be sruprised if there were a few folks here that do that..

  • Soul Bratha May 11, 2009, 12:43 PM

    One thing I can tell you I that Im not Sergeant J

  • SF2K1 May 11, 2009, 12:43 PM

    Great post.

  • Soul Bratha May 11, 2009, 12:44 PM

    Hesh probably know who I really am.

  • Sergeant J May 11, 2009, 12:44 PM

    True, if I were to pretend to speak in ebonics, I’d do a better job.

  • Puzzled May 11, 2009, 12:47 PM

    I guess I’m a blog philosopher, but my comments aren’t that long.

  • Soul Bratha May 11, 2009, 12:48 PM

    that the thing ebonics is by its very nature anti -establishment and anti-structure ,its like a resses penut butter cup, there’s no wrong way there no right way to spell or pronounce

  • Sergeant J May 11, 2009, 12:52 PM

    Spoken like someone with no knowledge of Ebonics, or any other linguistic variations.. except Yeshivish, perhaps?

  • HUNG SO LO May 11, 2009, 1:09 PM

    THE COMMENTS I HAVE SEEN ON THIS SITE ARE THE BYPRODUCT OF HUNDREDS OF YEARS ON INBREEDING IN THE SHTETLS OF EASTERN EUROPE . ALAS, CONSANGUINITY HAS TERRIBLE GENETIC AFTER-EFFECTS WHICH, ONCE BROUGHT OUT, PERSIST IN SUCCEEDING GENERATIONS. HAPPY SHTUPPING FRUMMIES. TAY SACHS A-COMING!!

  • LonelyMan May 11, 2009, 1:27 PM

    Off the top of my head, you’ve also got those like myself, who have a blog, but are too lazy to write long posts, so we just make comments elsewhere. There are also people, also like me, who frankly just see something, get their opinion out, and that’s that, but I try to be funny about it. You’re dead right on most of these categories, including the mussar patrol & Chillul Hashem people who just really piss me off. Take the rods out of your asses guys and learn to laugh at things. It’s a comedy & satire site people, and if you don’t like it, don’t come, and breath the carbon dioxide of your kollel. Or, if you should be in kollel, why are you posting on a blog anyways?

  • Veebee May 11, 2009, 1:32 PM

    The obnoxious argument starter and troll are synonymous, but good job nonetheless.

    You forgot the wannab’s.. these people right their own post in the comment.

  • Mark May 11, 2009, 2:12 PM

    A – hows about the perv always twisting every topic into something sexual

    You mean, Phil? 🙂

  • TRS May 11, 2009, 2:14 PM

    That’s right, I’m always happy to stand up for what might possibly be right.

  • pooglespeak May 11, 2009, 2:41 PM

    And don’t forget the parasites who leave links in their comments hoping to skim some blog hits off the top.

  • yeshiva dude May 11, 2009, 2:50 PM

    and then there are the worthless commentator’s such as Veebee who constantly write annoying remarks and correct every nook and cranny you put up over and over…… and they actually think that people will continue to read their crap. Although, I must admit that Veebee has been writing less than usual lately.

  • Batya May 11, 2009, 3:09 PM

    And where do I fit in?

  • Frum Satire May 11, 2009, 3:41 PM

    Phil would be more like the dude who writes a long thesis comment

  • prili May 11, 2009, 5:25 PM

    HUNG-SO-LO-
    “HAPPY SHTUPPING FRUMMIES. TAY SACHS A-COMING!!”

    I would say that you are being stupid, but clearly from that last bit, you are an example of a genetic disorder

  • Another Guy May 11, 2009, 6:28 PM

    I’ll be on mussar patrol or a mother today, the new post about Ronen should be pulled.

  • Yochanan May 11, 2009, 7:54 PM

    Blog Mothers, awww

  • Phil May 11, 2009, 8:09 PM

    Hey, thanks for the honor roll. I guess that’s what free time (when I’m not fishing) will do.

  • amarg May 11, 2009, 8:11 PM

    u forgot pple like phil and trs, that do huge comments on every post.

  • Michal bas Avraham May 11, 2009, 8:29 PM

    The obnoxious argument starter: These commenters love to make trouble and thats fine because theres nothing like a bunch of Jews fighting with each other over the internet while minimizing their screens every time their supervisor goes patrolling around the cubicles.

    Yeah, that’s me! That’s me! Me, me, me, meeeeeee, me!

    Sargeant J, I said the same thing at one point, that I think “Soul Brotha” is really a white boy tryin’ to fake it. I lived in Brownsville/East New York area at one time and lemme tell you, his ebonics ARE way off.

    I said, “mmmm, hmmm! I know that’s right! Let me find out… let me find out… let me find you ain’t no soul brotha!”

    Also, Soul Brotha, you are not the HMFIC, here.

    Pooglespeak-
    I put my blog in once and it sticks in my laptop, so it’s not like I put that much effort into it. Although, I have gotten some people who’ve read my blog off of here. Most of the readers, though, are friends who see a link on my Facebook.

  • pooglespeak May 11, 2009, 8:49 PM

    @Michal bas Avraham –
    true, but I am referring to the people who through some twist of fortune ended up with Heshy linking to them and trying to max out on the potential viewers. Like myself.

  • Former Teacher May 11, 2009, 9:09 PM

    Heshy, your site would make for a great doctoral thesis in contemporary Jewish psychology. Of course, the results would be skewed, as you are limiting your fans to those who have Internet access, and those who don’t have a filter, thus alienating the vast majority of Yeshivish Black Hat and Chasidish Jewry.

  • Michal bas Avraham May 11, 2009, 9:17 PM

    Poogle,
    Heshy would never link me. He has this thing he thinks I would crazy over the top with my conversion. Plus, I think he’s afraid of upsetting the fans that don’t like me and they would go away. Also, most of my stuff is serious. My funny stuff is too secular, actually. I put stuff from my old stand up comedy act on my blog… “I hate men” humor… and “I’m a white girl who lives in a black neighborhood” humor. I used to perform stand up for all black audiences.

    Ok, the tangent alert is going off…. do you suppose it sounds like the red alert on Star Trek?

  • Frum Satire May 11, 2009, 10:04 PM

    Michal you never asked to be linked – all I need is an email to say you want to be linked, I don’t pay attention to my blogroll, once every few months I remove dead links.

  • Frum Satire May 11, 2009, 10:07 PM

    Ok you and poogle are linked – no one went through twisting luck – they simply asked me for links, since I don’t read blogs unless people send me a link to a post I don’t really link unless asked.

    I used to ask people all the time and people yelled at me for doing it, it wasn’t PC to do since I didn’t comment, I treat other bloggers well – so anything you need – just email.

  • Michal bas Avraham May 11, 2009, 10:13 PM

    I’m linked! Yippeee!

  • conservative scifi May 11, 2009, 10:35 PM

    Well, I don’t comment much (relative to most of the commentators), nor am I concerned with Chillul Hashem by Heshy. I also don’t stalk or want to date him (though it would be legal in Iowa now).

    I’ll make up my own category. The Boring semilurker who enjoys the humor here.

  • Always a New Name May 11, 2009, 10:48 PM

    Nice. A Meta-post.

  • Batya May 11, 2009, 10:58 PM

    you could call me ye olde ignored

  • Sergeant J May 12, 2009, 1:00 AM

    Aww, batya……. I am sorry…

  • Chris_B May 12, 2009, 6:03 AM

    Sergeant J,

    “soul bratha” is definitely someone’s sock puppet or alt. 5 minutes with the httpd logs and we’d know who. The thing is, I’m not sure he’s worth even five minutes of my time.

  • pooglespeak May 12, 2009, 6:14 AM

    Much thanks.
    @Michal bas Avraham – from the handful of posts I read on your blog you generally seem to write about more serious topics, that is true. I on the other hand do a lot of bitter satire, which is probably why I need to comment on as many “big” blogs as possible, i.e. FS, in order to get noticed. I’m new here.

  • pooglespeak May 12, 2009, 6:16 AM

    @Michal bas Avraham – though I have to say I would personally probably enjoy that line of humor.
    And Star Trek was great.

  • Michal bas Avraham May 12, 2009, 7:33 AM

    Yes, I just started my blog at the end of last year. I don’t really have that many people reading it, yet. I also don’t post as often as I should. I feel like I can’t put small posts up because that’s more for those who will feed off of comments.

  • utubefan May 12, 2009, 7:44 AM

    In which category would Chris_B fall? I really like him. And s(b) of course.
    And what about former thesis posters, now lurkers with a dash of blog mother like me? Don’t leave us out.

  • Sarah May 12, 2009, 12:49 PM

    The obnoxious argument starter: These commenters love to make trouble and thats fine because theres nothing like a bunch of Jews fighting with each other over the internet while minimizing their screens every time their supervisor goes patrolling around the cubicles.

    ^^ HAHAHAHA. I don’t think I’m really the argument starter but thank goodness for being able to minimize the screen when clients come in. It’s nice to catch up on FS between working with crazy people.

  • Chris_B May 12, 2009, 12:52 PM

    Y’all who think you are getting over by minimizing your browser window are mistaken. Lots of companies have ways to track employee use of the Internet. I should know since I’ve run some of those systems in the past.

  • Sarah May 12, 2009, 3:12 PM

    Nah, I work for a small business who is excited when we get our computer security updated now and then. We do commission work anyway so it’s not like I’m stealing company money from the owner for wasting time.

  • Veebee May 12, 2009, 3:41 PM

    yeshiva dude – Fear not, my young padawan! I have just finished my last a.p. and am ready to spend my summer trolling the moronic commentators on this blog.

  • Bum in Brooklyn May 12, 2009, 9:45 PM

    FrumSatire: I searched you on Alexa. It’s not the most reliable of sites, but you should check out what it says about the demographics of your site…

    http://www.alexa.com/siteinfo/frumsatire.net

  • Frum Pimp May 13, 2009, 12:41 AM

    I feel offended that you don’t even vaguely mention frum sex activists like me

  • Michal bas Avraham May 17, 2009, 12:58 AM

    When I worked at the board of Ed. in the IT department that monitored the whole building’s internet usage. I used to minimize the screen. My co-workers would say stuff about it. I didn’t doubt that she (bosslady) knew what I was doing. I just figured it’s disrespectful to leave it open. It’s like saying, “I know you let me do this, so, I don’t even care that you’re in the room. I’m just going to do it.”

    Whereas when you CLOSE the screen, it’s like, “I know you know I’m playing on the intnet. However, you’re not saying anything and I’m grateful for that so, I will close this while you’re in the room.” After all, if she sees it while she’s in the room, she has to say something, right?

  • anon May 17, 2009, 10:40 PM

    you forgot the “proofreaders” the ones who point out your spelling mistakes.

  • rickismom May 18, 2009, 2:18 AM

    Very cute post…..

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