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Kosher phone cards prevent sex calls

kosher-calling-cardsFirst it was kosher cell phones and now its kosher phone cards, and judging by these two tidbits of information and the time and money spent to make these products one may conclude that Charedim in Israel are going off the derech because of their cell phones, I have no idea how this is possible, but trust me they think its happening.

It must be real bad if that many Charedim are calling sex numbers with their calling cards and cell phones to have to come up with kosher items. I myself have never called a sex line, mostly because I don’t find it too hot to talk to some skanky woman on the phone and because I would never pay for anything of that nature, unless you count shidduch dates (but I swear they are forced on me by my ocmmunity)

Seems that the only people who will buy these kosher calling cards and kosher phones are of the ilk that doesn’t call sex numbers in the first place. What about all the private lines, I wonder if the phone will detect if its owner is calling a member of the opposite sex. Will the phone be able to determine the callers heart rate to see if theres a sudden jump?

I have some other ideas for kosher phones and calling cards.

Phones should be automatically timed to remind owners of all of the z’manim every day

There can be a niddah calendar built into the phone

When you dial a sex line the phone can taze you

Sex lines are redirected to dial a daf

Kosher phones have tzitzis on them (4 cornered you know)

Kosher phones can have a GPS that tracks your every move and warns you when you are too close to an untznius area

Kosher phones will not work when you are farther then 2 miles to the closest beis medrash

Other related posts:

Charedim ban denim skirts and post high school education

Charedim ban the story of Esther

The long list of future bans

Chumra of the month club

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • notwutiwantd

    wudnt a nidda calendar be a paradox?

  • i dont think its cell phones per say that are causing the chareidim in israel to go off the derech, but more having a phone at all. before cell phones it took years to install phones in homes in israel, now everyone has a cell phone so now they are tempted to stray.although i suppose a cell is worse than a landline because you can use it anywhere to call anyone whereas if a guys wife is home its harder for him to call a sex line because his wife could walk in on him.
    there certainly is less loshon harah spoken if one doesnt own a phone!

  • Anonymous

    the niddah calender that tazers you on mikvah night?

  • This is starting to sound like Star Trek. Reminds me of that episode where these 2 robot like creatures that each had different functions somehow fused into one and went beserk. Started killing everything and everyone around.

    Maybe we should attach an ankle bracelet to kids at birth, if ever they go into a red zone or too far from shul/yeshiva, they get zapped.
    Next thing you know, they’ll be banning communication period. We’ll have to figure out ho to use telepathy until they ban that too.

  • Mark

    Many (most?) of these can be accomplished by apps on the iPhone.

    I have 3 different siddurim on my iTouch. Zmanim could be done easily. Niddah calendar can be done easily.Daf yomi could be done. GPS functions can be done.

  • i dont think its cell phones per say that are causing the chareidim in israel to go off the derech, but more having a phone at all. before cell phones it took years to install phones in homes in israel, now everyone has a cell phone so now they are tempted to stray.

  • I have been hearing about the proliferation of Iphone apps – but if you could do it yourself its obviously not kosher

  • Ruthie

    i was ABOUT to suggest proliferation iPhone apps. *thumbs up*

  • Before the kosher phone card came the kosher land line.

    My question was, who chooses the numbers to block? sounds like a fun job for a rabbi..

    http://frumflipped.blogspot.com/2009/03/kosher-kosher-everywhere.html

  • Adeena Zoo

    There are plenty of brothels for those who don’t want to use the phones.

    Check out Manhattan in July and August.

  • Adeena Zoo

    Heshy, is there any way to shut them down?

  • Chris_B

    chutznikit,

    My question was, who chooses the numbers to block? sounds like a fun job for a rabbi..

    A few years back I was in charge of the web access proxies for a large Japanese investment bank. At that time they didnt filter their web access. To persuade them to start filtering I went through the logs and cataloged what people were visiting. Trust me its NOT a fun job. People are interested in all sorts of horrid things. I’m pretty sure the job of deciding what phone numbers to block is not as bad since you are not immediately confronted with that stuff as soon as someone answers the phone like you are with the web.

  • Mark – There are plenty of niddah aps available for iphone / itouch.

    A couple years ago a solicitor called… it took me a few minutes to figure out his deal — he took his time checking if I was a potential customer. He was selling private lines for Chareidim to facilitate anonymous hook-ups (“to meet people,” as he put it). I told him if I wanted “to meet people” I would go down to the makolet, and hung up.

  • Moshe

    I think they will eventually start installing in the penis at the bris a tracker that will alert the rabanim when anyone gets ‘chas veshalom’ a erection

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