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Are you a Josh Miller?

20127mJosh Miller is a generic name that my friend came up with to describe the all American Modern Orthodox Kid who did everything right and is a model for what the mid 20 something modern orthodox male should be.

I have gotten several people onto the Josh Miller terminology, we would be sitting in shul and suddenly my friend would say, that dude is a Josh Miller and we would analyze everything from yarmulke to whether or not he interacted well with kids.

To be considered a Josh Miller you have to get certain things straight, first of all you must be thin, not in shape, because buff modern orthodox kids are named Josh Miller, but you should be thin, even lanky. Your face should not be square or long, you must have the round Jewish face with a relatively flay head so that you can wear your knitted yarmulke perfectly.

Thatís right folks, Josh Millers do not wear suede or black velvet, they wear generic knit yarmulkes, usually with a pattern on the outside and a solid blue or white in the middle. The yarmulke must be fastened to the short hair with two clips or bobby pins. It is of utmost importance that the yarmulke be pushed down in the center so that the ends come up a bit and make it look like a Pringles potato chip. Josh Millers should also have slight bangs that curl at the forehead.

To be considered a Josh Miller you also should have gone to a good modern orthodox high school where they pronounced things like shaloshudos as suedat shlishit. Even if your family pronounced the Tuf as a Suf your davening sounds like a southerner speaking Hebrew in that perfect bar mitzvah boy voice. High schools such as Frisch, Hafter and anything with Hebrew Academy in the name are all producers of Josh Miller prototypes. All boys schools like Skokie and MTA are debatable.

Josh Millers have to come from upper middle class homes, they should have at least one parent that is a doctor, lawyer or financial person and their moms should work as well. They must attend yeshiva in Israel for no less then one year and they must come home more religious than their parents. After their year in Israel they must attend Yeshiva University or one of its branches including Brandies, Columbia, University of Maryland or Binghamton. Accounting, Jewish studies with a minor in History, pre-law or pre-med are most common. Majors in the arts, philosophy or languages means you are not a true Josh Miller.

Think you have what it takes to be a true Josh Miller?

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Things that modern people never say

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modern ORTHODOX

Hallel on Yom Haatzmaut

{ 19 comments… add one }
  • Moish April 4, 2009, 8:31 PM

    Binghamton is a branch of YU???
    Boyyyyy u got that one wrong!

  • qwaq April 4, 2009, 9:47 PM

    how do u register w the site

  • ~ Sarah ~ April 4, 2009, 9:58 PM

    what’s the female version called?

  • Talmudist April 4, 2009, 10:29 PM

    When I was 13 my grandmother told me that she had started knitting me a yarmulke…I guess I should touch base with her to find out how she’s doing with that.

  • Frum Satire April 4, 2009, 11:00 PM

    Female version would be like Esther Freedman or something like that

  • Double M April 4, 2009, 11:02 PM

    That is awful undisruptive. 1/2 of the people I know fall into that category. The other Ĺ do not have names like miller.

  • Phil April 4, 2009, 11:30 PM

    Sounds like yuppieville to me…

  • Sara April 5, 2009, 12:54 AM

    I’m not modern orthodox

  • Sara April 5, 2009, 1:08 AM

    Esther Freedman is all wrong. Its more like Naomi Schwartz or Ariella Goldman

    • elana January 28, 2011, 1:03 PM

      how about Gabby Klien?

      • Yid Vicious January 29, 2011, 8:42 PM

        Klein is good, but the first name would be Rachel.

  • Frum Satire April 5, 2009, 1:44 AM

    Sara I agree

  • Katamon Single April 5, 2009, 10:50 AM

    he gets married the year after finishing college to a social worker/teacher and starts having kids a year or two later later (3-4 total)

  • Marcos April 5, 2009, 8:52 PM

    You’ve described a good 12-15 bachurs who graduate each year from Ramaz, and I’m sure from other schools as well.

  • ipitythefoo April 6, 2009, 2:30 AM

    You missed:
    – Spent 8+ years at the same MO summer camp, then successfully graduated to being a universally loved counselor.
    – Speaks Ivrit with a terrible Israeli accent imitation.
    – Attended Shalavim / KBY / HaKotel and talked alot about making aliyah, till parents bought him a macbook for YU
    – Proudly displays his crocs, tevas, Israeli flag,
    – Is always listening to Jewish pop music when you get into the car, but cruises around alone listening to Pearl Jam/Flo Rida/Dylan
    -Upper-clas family, he never works during high school or college, so he can participate 125% in NCSY

  • Janet April 6, 2009, 11:29 AM

    The female version’s name is Shira or Adina, the perfect Tzionit names.

  • Gila April 6, 2009, 2:34 PM

    I know a Josh Miller who isn’t a Josh Miller, if you know what I mean.

    I went to school with his brother Adam. The school definitely qualifies as a Josh Miller school, but he doesn’t fit the standard in other ways, mostly because his family is pretty secularized. Forget the knitted kippah- I don’t think he wears any kippah at all.

  • IC January 28, 2011, 10:28 AM

    These folks are the reason YU culture is so flat.

  • Mordy July 27, 2011, 8:26 AM

    Forgetting a Josh Miller? None other than the former NFL Pittsburgh Steelers and New England Patriots punter from 1996-2006! Born in Queens, and grew up in East Brunswick, NJ where there is at least a Young Israel. Although I doubt this Josh Miller is Modern Orthodox, he was named an All-American in 1992!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josh_Miller

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