I was in shul tonight and noticed two kids who were davening like baalei teshuva only they weren’t, that’s when it dawned upon me that its Pesach time and many kids are home for Pesach break from their year in Israel – (why on earth they spend all that money to come home and go right back is beyond me but for another time) – and I can tell immediately who is home from their year in Israel and who is just home from college or yeshiva in America and you should also be able to pick these kids out of a crowd.
The Boys:
Davening: Kids home from their year in Israel all daven with that constipated look on their faces, their eyes are closed shut and they like to ball their hands into fists and shake them at the unseen Lord. They also love to shuckel really slowly and mid shuckel they always look up at the ceiling – but always with that clenched eyes constipated look. They also bow very slowly and very far down, in the same way BT’s do it but BT’s usually bow way too fast, whereas kids home from Israel bow way to slow.
Tzitzis: Ever see a kid with techeiles who isn’t hippy and just looks like plain old modern orthodox? Well I can guarantee you he just spent some time flipping out in Israel and doesn’t realize he just overpaid for a pair of tzitzis and wont be accepted as normal by any self respecting black hat wearer. Kids home from their year in Israel also tend to wear their tzitzis yeshivish style out on the side of their pants.
Devar Torah: Every guy fresh off the boat from yeshiva in Israel must tell divrei torah at the meal, this may be because he feels cool due to his widening of torah knowledge or he wants to make his parents happy that they just shelled out thousands of dollars for their son to debate whether or not an oxen goring another oxen is liable for damages. All divrei torah must be told without a sefer or else it looks to be like cheating.
Zemiros: I love when I’m sitting at a family that never sings any zemiros at the shabbos table and their freshly flipped out son tries to strike up some song. He sings his heart out but realizes that the spiritual level of chutz laaretz is too low and he starts to think of making aliyah – which he doesn’t do upon actually coming back for good.
Talking to girls: When they come back for Pesach a lot of guys try to refrain from talking to girls, but then in towards the end of the summer it wears off and they begin to talk to the fairer sex once again.
Other signs: Every time they talk or write something they have to use the words Baruch Hashem, Bli Neder or Bli Eyin Harah, usage of words like beautiful is also mandatory since they most probably spent one inspiring shabbos in Tzfat or Moshav Modiin. They also try to get little post lecha dodi carlebachian circles going on at their shul but this never works.
Any other signs that the kid your looking at is home from Israel for Pesach?
How about the girls – I would write about it, but its not my expertise.
Other related posts:
How to spot an FFB or ex-yeshiva guy
How to spot a newly minted Baal Teshuva
How to tell when BT’s become regular old frum people
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you can tell by the smell.
the still try to go “coast to coast” (friday to friday without showering or changing that dingy white shirt that is slowly turning yellow)
or for us down south, they are the ones who look like they are in pain when their parents “make” them walk on the boardwalk with them…
Pesach is best because they retain their craziness the whole time, halfway through the summer it wains most of the time
You may also want to point out the idiocy of a supposedly ‘shtark’ bochur coming to America for Pesach, one of the few times there is actually a dioraisa to go to Jerusalem. I mean, hell, thats like bitch-slapping god.
What’s Rav Moshe Lichtenstein doing there? He’s not home for yomtov…
When girls come home from Pesach, this is what happens:
Davening: They are up every day at 8:00 to make Sof Zman Krias Shema even though it’s not for another hour, because it’s a “better” davening. They put their faces straight into their siddurim, leaving face-marks of fully made up shaina punims because they also put makeup on every morning because they are now “almost in the parsha” and therefore, when they are home from Israel, this is their “showing” for potential shidduchim. (Kind of like a dog show.) They will also stop in the middle of virtually anywhere to make sure they daven mincha, even if it is rude.
Dress: Those who wore denim skirts with stop because it doesn’t look as frum, and those who didn’t to begin with will add an obvious chumra. They will only wear button down shirts or polos (over a shell obviously) because anything collar-less is untznius. They somehow increase their shoe collection tenfold over the course of the break because “all my shoes got ruined in Israel!”. Those with curly hair will start straightening, and those with straight hair will start wearing the Bais Yaakov Poof. (Also known as “mating plumage”)
Torah: They will constantly be referring to their rabbis “My rabbi in seminary said…”, every other word will be “Baruch Hashem!” or “Bli ayin hara!” or “Im yirtzeh Hashem!” (The superflipped ones with start to refer to Hashem as the Ribono Shel Olam because Hashem just isn’t frum enough). They will try to offer a dvar torah on just about everything and will debate you to death over whether girls can or cannot learn gemora, regardless of stance.
Talking to boys: What’s a boy? Those who never spoke to boys (or pretended not to but did) will continue to do the “head down when a boy approaches duck”, and those who did speak to boys will drop their friends of many years, deny ever having anything to do with them, and say loudly to their friends who DO talk to boys that they can’t hang out in groups because “I DONT TALK TO BOYS ANYMORE.” Some will normal out around summer time and realize they miss talking to boys and try to rekindle their friendships, and some will just bemoan to their friends how they miss talking to boys, but it’s just not done in yeshivish circles and complain about how much that sucks.
Other signs: Basically, at every opportunity, she will mention that she is in seminary, and almost “in the parsha”. She will get dressed up in Shabbos finery to go EVERYWHERE, including Six Flags over Chol HaMoed. She’ll drop lots of Hebrew, talk about how much she misses Israel and wants to be there RIGHT NOW but had to come home because her family misses her. It will be weird to be in one place for more than one shabbos in a row, and they will be dull in comparison to going to Tzfat last minute. They will also complain about not having 100 other closets to share and actually having to wear her own clothes for the first time in months.
Chana I may have to post this up on the bloggy – thanks for that
Yes, Chana, that was excellent
You rock, Heshy.
Thanks so much.
chana very cute btw did u ever go 2 sem
wen a guy leaves he gos with a 2 inch black speck on his head wen he comes back u can barely see his ears
good post hesh
Haha, thanks so much. It’s very true though, I didn’t exaggerate at all.
And yes, I did go to seminary. Last year in fact.
Chana,
The Bais Yaacov poof- aka mating plumage
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
That was epic!! Kol Hakavod
they start sayin LCHAIM at random points havdalah etc but only the guys with slightly longer hair who went through tzefas
good one and chana which sem was it
Curious -Midreshet Tehillah
I must say that this post and all the comments are so true! And that’s the best kind of humor. I clearly remember my brother during his year in Yeshiva in Israel, and I witnessed not only the aftermath, but the transformation as well, because I lived in Yerushalaim at the time and saw him at least every week (heck, I would often go to the Yeshiva to daven with them on Shabbat mornings vatikin at the kotel). I missed the transformation back to normal because I was still in Israel at the time.
Classic yeshiva guys. I love the shtarker than thou attitude that I get bec even though I am learning in yeshiva, “I lack kedusha bec it’s just not the magic of the miir” I wonder what the heck that even means..Chana ever think of starting a sister blog ?
heshy and chana great posts, two things that you both missed though, is the over usage of the word beseder, an absolute must for israel returnees, and the constant critique of their parents kashrus standards.
O yeah I forgot one thing, The more “modernisha” guy who was learning in Kerem B’yavneh is sporting a nice new pair of NAOT (brown of course the black is more for the rebel yeshiva guys) and praying that it gets cold so he can put on his uber tight FOX sweatshirt.
‘Constipated faces’ are their countenance du jour for on the street ‘Good Shabbos’ greetings too
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http://www.gnn.com/article/new-york-jews-host-tour-for-amish/408570
Did you see this? What did you think?
We always called it a Bais Yaakov bump, but “mating plumage” is so much better!
Chana, two more for your list:
Girls just back from sem also carry around those little Asher yatzar cards, which they whip out every time anyone leaves the restroom.
They are constantly doing a “chesbon HaNefesh,” which only causes all of us sinners to feel more guilty for all the times we skipped a bit of davening.
Besides for missing the word beseder they also tend to say Mamish a lot.
I feel like girls who leave seminary are also all about segulas and trying to figure out ways to get married faster.
They also line up to bentch gomel, stretching out my fast minyan and making the brocha as if it came every 28 years.
Truly a good post, and you forgot they come back 20-30 pounds heavier
I also forgot to say that they kiss their hand after they shake yours
Frum Satire (I keep forgetting how to spell your name without that face book ad)
I feel offended! That is normal to do.
rofl
Music of choice is now Chaim David, Yosef Karduner, and Aaron Razel.
Sitting on the subway/bus reciting tehillim. Or, in many cases, carrying a pocket Mishna, Misilat Yesharim, or Mishna Brurah.
Let’s not forget gevaldik, shtark, ‘shkoyach (or yashar koach, depending on yeshiva), shvach, shver, stam, pashut (pronounced ‘puh-shet’), nivul peh, gashmius/ruchnius, and pritzus–none of which were ever in your vocabulary to begin with before you went to Israel.
When I was in High School, the game we used to play was messing with the heads of those who came back from Israel. Oh it was fun trying to get them to watch porn, get high, or relapse some other way. You can say that when I was in my last month of Israel, I was bracing myself to be exposed to that one. I think it took 3 semesters of YU before I fully ‘landed the plane’, as my Rosh Yeshiva in Israel would say.
Heshy – the segulah thing is so true, throughout all of seminary and afterwards, all the girls would pour water for each other, beg to wear the kallahs jewelry, take flowers from bridal bouquets, make challah weekly, and do pretty much anything to get married sooner.
However, they usually don’t start dating until the following Chanukah after seminary.
“Sitting on the subway/bus reciting tehillim” lol that is too true!
They spend all that money for a short trip because, even if you don’t particularly like your family, it is really hard to be away from everything and everyone that you knew for a long period of time, especially if you aren’t good at making friends. I love Israel, and would never want to live anywhere else, and it’s a lot harder than I expected. I’ve been back to the States four times in three years to visit…at an average cost of $1000-$1100/flight.