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Why frum girls should not go on J-date

Sent to via email and laugh out loud funny!!!

I apologize for the picture, it cam e with a big blank spot, but I found that the advertisement was too funny to give up the picture

[Boy with friend and girl with friend each sit at computer screens in
their homes.]

Brian: Hey, Jared. Dude, take a look at this girl’s picture on JDate.
Dude, she is a total babe!!

Jared: Like dude, she is a beautiful babe. Totally send her an e-mail,
dude. And let’s go hit the keg at that Jewish frat party.

Brian: Totally dude, but what should I write her? I mean she’s a total
hottay.

Jared: Dude, just say “wasssup baby, how about you and I take a ride
on the Jewish car of love?”

Brian: Dude, you’re a genius! (typing) Dear (looks closer) Fraydie613,

Brian: Yeah, dude. (typing) Dear Fraydie613,

you are certainly thesweetest thing on the internet. Do you want to take a ride in my
Jewish love car? There is nothing to be afraid of. (both laugh)

Fraydie: Shani! Shani! Come quick, Boruch Hashem, I finally received
an electronic message from that dating website your aunt put my
picture on. I am so excited I may just have to put on my Shabbos suit
and finish all of tehillim.

Shani: Oh Fraydie, I am so happy for you! Perhaps, b’ezras Hashem this
could perhaps be your bashert!

Fraydie: Shani!

Shani: Whoopsy, knanineh hurah!

Fraydie: That’s more like it, Shani.

Shani: So, nu, what did this shtark boy have to say?

Fraydie: Well, he first called me “very sweet” and asked me for a
date, in his car! He said there was nothing to be afraid of. Fear,
yiras shamayim!!

Shani: He is perfect!

Fraydie: Wait till you see his picture. Here, isn’t he cute?

Shani: Oy veh! (she turns away) He is not wearing a shirt! Where are
his tztizis? And no kippah!

Fraydie: Hello! Earth to Shani – isn’t it obvious?

Shani: No.

Fraydie: It is a picture from the mikvah!! He’s obviously very frum.

Shani: Fraydie, you are so right – dan lecaf zechus.

Fraydie: (typing) Dear Brian, I certainly think you are sweet too and
I would love to take a ride with you in your fancy car…

Shani: Maybe you should ask him how frum he is?

Fraydie: Oh, you are right, Shani. (typing) Also, do you want your
wife to wear pants? Cause I do not wear pants. Let me know. Toodles. –
Fraydie

Brian: Dude.

Jared: Yeah, dude.

Brian: Fraydie wrote back. I am the luckiest man alive!

Jared: Why, dude?

Brian: Read this. She doesn’t wear pants, dude!

Jared: Huh?

Brian: Dude! She’s a free spirit. Probably walks around without pants
everywhere!

Jared: You are the luckiest dude alive!

Brian: (typing) Dear Fraydie, I’d like to meet you… as soon as
humanly possible. I’ve always dreamed of meeting a girl who doesn’t
wear pants. I give you credit – that’s very bold of you. What other
items of clothing do you not wear? Do you get cold? Where does someone
like you like to go on dates? -Brian

Fraydie: (typing) Dear Brian, I will never wear a short skirt and I
can’t stand tank tops or anything that is too tight. It is in my
opinion that they are all disgusting. Where should we go? I feel a
hotel lobby is always quick and easiest. -Fraydie

Brian: DUDE!

Jared: DUDE!

Brian: She wants me to take her straight to a hotel!

Jared: DUDE!

Brian: This internet dating website is amazing!

Jared: Ask her if she has a favorite hotel, you know.

Brian: Okay. (typing) Which Hotel?

Fraydie: (typing) My rebbe and my father always tell me to go to the
Marriott. It’s the most public of the hotels, that way people can see
us, watch us. And we’ll have no problem of it being just us, you know,
with yichud.

Brian: DUDE!

Jared: DUDE!

Brian: This is getting weird. Her dad and rabbi told her what hotel to
use! And she’s not interested in it just being with me – this girl may
be too much for me to handle! She mentioned someone named Yichud. Who
is that?

Jared: Dude, I have no idea, but I like what I’m hearing.

Brian: Dude, maybe she doesn’t wear pants either!

Jared: DUDE!

Brian: (typing) Dear Fraydie, the Marriott sounds good to me and as
far as I’m concerned, I wouldn’t want any problem with Yichud either.
I’ll make sure to bring my friend along. -Brian

Fraydie: (typing) Dear Brian, This is really sounding great. Its nice
to know you are so frum that you would like to bring a friend along to
not have the problem with yichud. You are very sweet, and very frum,
and I feel we already are connecting in ways I can only dream about.
Let’s go out tonight if possible. The more I think about it the more I
feel this really could be bashert!!!

Brian: (typing) Dear Fraydie, I’m totally excited for this! In fact, a
dude like myself has spent years dreaming of a night like this. Who
knew Internet dating could be so amazing. Send me your address ASAP
and I’ll be at your place with my friend Jared tonight at 8pm, so no
problem with Yichud. We’ll head straight to the Marriott. My treat. No
pants would be fantastic. This is really gonna be amazing. I can
really feel it. Oh, and one last thing… Who is Bashert, and does she
need a date too?J=

{ 33 comments… add one }
  • espes March 18, 2009, 10:42 AM

    hilarious 🙂

  • Phil March 18, 2009, 11:01 AM

    I actually laughed out loud! I’m going to forward it to some friends.

  • Give me back five minutes of my life March 18, 2009, 12:31 PM

    For reading this dull dribble.

  • A23 March 18, 2009, 12:51 PM

    Excellent.

  • brickhead March 18, 2009, 2:04 PM
  • Double M March 18, 2009, 2:13 PM

    Dude! That was totally awesome dude!

    Reminds me of a movie quote

    (Kay) ….senators and congressmen do not have people killed. (mike) now whose being naive Kay?

  • Anonymous March 18, 2009, 4:34 PM

    Hahaha, this is amazing.

  • LearnedShiksa March 18, 2009, 4:55 PM

    What exactly is “It” that she discovered she has?

  • LearnedShiksa March 18, 2009, 4:57 PM

    I also love that it’s Woody Allen that’s the male option. Hehe

  • Mark March 18, 2009, 5:50 PM

    This is really good. I am chuckling out loud. I guess that would be COL 🙂

  • Veebee March 18, 2009, 6:10 PM

    Excellent.

  • Shmuly March 18, 2009, 6:31 PM

    this is the funniest thing i have read all week. forwarding to my rabbi now.

  • sbg March 18, 2009, 8:14 PM

    super freakin funny!

  • ezra March 18, 2009, 8:26 PM

    HAHA THAT WAS AMAZING, ID DIE IF THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!!

  • Leah March 18, 2009, 8:33 PM

    wow, that was amazing, i was really laughing out loud.

  • Frum Satire March 18, 2009, 8:43 PM

    Glad you folks liked it

  • Tevy Pilc March 18, 2009, 8:44 PM

    That was very amusing!
    Can’t wait for part 2!

  • Sefira March 18, 2009, 9:14 PM

    that was funny and strange

  • Michal bas Avraham March 18, 2009, 9:26 PM

    That’s hilarious, need I say more?

  • s(b.) March 19, 2009, 1:19 AM

    nice.

  • David Sheril March 19, 2009, 8:36 AM

    Rofl brilliant stuff!

  • ipitythefoo March 19, 2009, 10:32 AM

    Excellent.

  • Yaakov March 19, 2009, 2:36 PM

    Brilliant!

  • Zak March 19, 2009, 3:36 PM

    fantastic!!!

  • Adeena Zoo March 19, 2009, 5:20 PM

    There are many Jewish people who watch what they put in their mouths, but not who they sleep with. Sad.

  • Mark March 19, 2009, 6:29 PM

    Adeena – There are many Jewish people who watch what they put in their mouths, but not who they sleep with. Sad.

    What???? I always watch what I put in my mouth, but I don’t always watch who I sleep with. Sometimes I watch my wife, but not all the time! Is it a mitzvah to watch your wife (who you sleep with)?

  • Michal bas Avraham March 19, 2009, 10:32 PM

    Mark,
    I think Adeen is referring to the loosey goosies and their tefillin dates. I think the tefillin date (and the UWS) makes a mockery of Orthodoxy, why not just go Conservative and stop corrupting our movement.

  • Mark March 20, 2009, 8:42 AM

    Michal – I think Adeen is referring to the loosey goosies and their tefillin dates. I think the tefillin date (and the UWS) makes a mockery of Orthodoxy, why not just go Conservative and stop corrupting our movement.

    Nope. The loosest definition (not exactly my definition) of “Orthodox” is one who observes the mitzvot of Shabbat/Chag, Kosher, and Arayot. Therefore by definition, the tefillin date folks are not orthodox. They can call themselves anything they want, but they are wrong. Just like the Reform can call their children of non-Jewish mothers Jewish, they can say whatever they want, but they are wrong.

  • es July 30, 2009, 5:03 PM

    HAHAHA this is horrible. you’re making me laugh waaaayyy too hard on tisha b’av! hilarious!

  • Rizzo May 4, 2010, 8:40 AM

    very very funny. Hesh you got some skillz for sure!

  • yaakov schuster February 18, 2011, 6:31 AM

    heshy..this made my day!!! congratulations sir, your website is officially funnier than cracked.com

  • Alisa July 19, 2011, 1:10 PM

    Rofl i laughed outloud

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