Why frum girls should not go on J-date

Sent to via email and laugh out loud funny!!!

I apologize for the picture, it cam e with a big blank spot, but I found that the advertisement was too funny to give up the picture

[Boy with friend and girl with friend each sit at computer screens in
their homes.]

Brian: Hey, Jared. Dude, take a look at this girl’s picture on JDate.
Dude, she is a total babe!!

Jared: Like dude, she is a beautiful babe. Totally send her an e-mail,
dude. And let’s go hit the keg at that Jewish frat party.

Brian: Totally dude, but what should I write her? I mean she’s a total
hottay.

Jared: Dude, just say “wasssup baby, how about you and I take a ride
on the Jewish car of love?”

Brian: Dude, you’re a genius! (typing) Dear (looks closer) Fraydie613,

Brian: Yeah, dude. (typing) Dear Fraydie613,

you are certainly thesweetest thing on the internet. Do you want to take a ride in my
Jewish love car? There is nothing to be afraid of. (both laugh)

Fraydie: Shani! Shani! Come quick, Boruch Hashem, I finally received
an electronic message from that dating website your aunt put my
picture on. I am so excited I may just have to put on my Shabbos suit
and finish all of tehillim.

Shani: Oh Fraydie, I am so happy for you! Perhaps, b’ezras Hashem this
could perhaps be your… bashert!

Fraydie: Shani!

Shani: Whoopsy, knanineh hurah!

Fraydie: That’s more like it, Shani.

Shani: So, nu, what did this shtark boy have to say?

Fraydie: Well, he first called me “very sweet” and asked me for a
date, in his car! He said there was nothing to be afraid of. Fear,
yiras shamayim!!

Shani: He is perfect!

Fraydie: Wait till you see his picture. Here, isn’t he cute?

Shani: Oy veh! (she turns away) He is not wearing a shirt! Where are
his tztizis? And no kippah!

Fraydie: Hello! Earth to Shani – isn’t it obvious?

Shani: No.

Fraydie: It is a picture from the mikvah!! He’s obviously very frum.

Shani: Fraydie, you are so right – dan lecaf zechus.

Fraydie: (typing) Dear Brian, I certainly think you are sweet too and
I would love to take a ride with you in your fancy car…

Shani: Maybe you should ask him how frum he is?

Fraydie: Oh, you are right, Shani. (typing) Also, do you want your
wife to wear pants? Cause I do not wear pants. Let me know. Toodles. –
Fraydie

Brian: Dude.

Jared: Yeah, dude.

Brian: Fraydie wrote back. I am the luckiest man alive!

Jared: Why, dude?

Brian: Read this. She doesn’t wear pants, dude!

Jared: Huh?

Brian: Dude! She’s a free spirit. Probably walks around without pants
everywhere!

Jared: You are the luckiest dude alive!

Brian: (typing) Dear Fraydie, I’d like to meet you… as soon as
humanly possible. I’ve always dreamed of meeting a girl who doesn’t
wear pants. I give you credit – that’s very bold of you. What other
items of clothing do you not wear? Do you get cold? Where does someone
like you like to go on dates? -Brian

Fraydie: (typing) Dear Brian, I will never wear a short skirt and I
can’t stand tank tops or anything that is too tight. It is in my
opinion that they are all disgusting. Where should we go? I feel a
hotel lobby is always quick and easiest. -Fraydie

Brian: DUDE!

Jared: DUDE!

Brian: She wants me to take her straight to a hotel!

Jared: DUDE!

Brian: This internet dating website is amazing!

Jared: Ask her if she has a favorite hotel, you know.

Brian: Okay. (typing) Which Hotel?

Fraydie: (typing) My rebbe and my father always tell me to go to the
Marriott. It’s the most public of the hotels, that way people can see
us, watch us. And we’ll have no problem of it being just us, you know,
with yichud.

Brian: DUDE!

Jared: DUDE!

Brian: This is getting weird. Her dad and rabbi told her what hotel to
use! And she’s not interested in it just being with me – this girl may
be too much for me to handle! She mentioned someone named Yichud. Who
is that?

Jared: Dude, I have no idea, but I like what I’m hearing.

Brian: Dude, maybe she doesn’t wear pants either!

Jared: DUDE!

Brian: (typing) Dear Fraydie, the Marriott sounds good to me and as
far as I’m concerned, I wouldn’t want any problem with Yichud either.
I’ll make sure to bring my friend along. -Brian

Fraydie: (typing) Dear Brian, This is really sounding great. Its nice
to know you are so frum that you would like to bring a friend along to
not have the problem with yichud. You are very sweet, and very frum,
and I feel we already are connecting in ways I can only dream about.
Let’s go out tonight if possible. The more I think about it the more I
feel… this really could be bashert!!!

Brian: (typing) Dear Fraydie, I’m totally excited for this! In fact, a
dude like myself has spent years dreaming of a night like this. Who
knew Internet dating could be so amazing. Send me your address ASAP
and I’ll be at your place with my friend Jared tonight at 8pm, so no
problem with Yichud. We’ll head straight to the Marriott. My treat. No
pants would be fantastic. This is really gonna be amazing. I can
really feel it. Oh, and one last thing… Who is Bashert, and does she
need a date too?J=

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • http://pocketofsun.blogspot.com/ espes

    hilarious :-)

  • http://freshwater-phil.blogspot.com Phil

    I actually laughed out loud! I’m going to forward it to some friends.

  • Give me back five minutes of my life

    For reading this dull dribble.

  • A23

    Excellent.

  • brickhead
  • Double M

    Dude! That was totally awesome dude!

    Reminds me of a movie quote…

    “(Kay) ….senators and congressmen do not have people killed. (mike) now whose being naive Kay?”

  • Pingback: Mixed Multitudes - My Jewish Learning: Exploring Judaism & Jewish Life » Blog Archive » The True Difference between Secular & Religious Jews

  • Anonymous

    Hahaha, this is amazing.

  • LearnedShiksa

    What exactly is “It” that she discovered she has?

  • LearnedShiksa

    I also love that it’s Woody Allen that’s the male option. Hehe

  • Mark

    This is really good. I am chuckling out loud. I guess that would be COL :-)

  • Veebee

    Excellent.

  • http://grumpyjew.blogspot.com Shmuly

    this is the funniest thing i have read all week. forwarding to my rabbi now.

  • sbg

    super freakin funny!

  • ezra

    HAHA THAT WAS AMAZING, ID DIE IF THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!!

  • Leah

    wow, that was amazing, i was really laughing out loud.

  • http://www.frumsatire.net Frum Satire

    Glad you folks liked it

  • http://tevytown.wordpress.com Tevy Pilc

    That was very amusing!
    Can’t wait for part 2!

  • http://www.sefirahs.blogspot.com Sefira

    that was funny and strange

  • http://michalbasavraham.blogspot.com/ Michal bas Avraham

    That’s hilarious, need I say more?

  • http://welcomebalance.blogspot.com s(b.)

    nice.

  • David Sheril

    Rofl brilliant stuff!

  • ipitythefoo

    Excellent.

  • Yaakov

    Brilliant!

  • Zak

    fantastic!!!

  • Adeena Zoo

    There are many Jewish people who watch what they put in their mouths, but not who they sleep with. Sad.

  • Mark

    Adeena – There are many Jewish people who watch what they put in their mouths, but not who they sleep with. Sad.

    What???? I always watch what I put in my mouth, but I don’t always watch who I sleep with. Sometimes I watch my wife, but not all the time! Is it a mitzvah to watch your wife (who you sleep with)?

  • http://michalbasavraham.blogspot.com/ Michal bas Avraham

    Mark,
    I think Adeen is referring to the loosey goosies and their tefillin dates. I think the tefillin date (and the UWS) makes a mockery of Orthodoxy, why not just go Conservative and stop corrupting our movement.

  • Mark

    Michal – I think Adeen is referring to the loosey goosies and their tefillin dates. I think the tefillin date (and the UWS) makes a mockery of Orthodoxy, why not just go Conservative and stop corrupting our movement.

    Nope. The loosest definition (not exactly my definition) of “Orthodox” is one who observes the mitzvot of Shabbat/Chag, Kosher, and Arayot. Therefore by definition, the tefillin date folks are not orthodox. They can call themselves anything they want, but they are wrong. Just like the Reform can call their children of non-Jewish mothers Jewish, they can say whatever they want, but they are wrong.

  • es

    HAHAHA this is horrible. you’re making me laugh waaaayyy too hard on tisha b’av! hilarious!

  • Rizzo

    very very funny. Hesh you got some skillz for sure!

  • yaakov schuster

    heshy..this made my day!!! congratulations sir, your website is officially funnier than cracked.com

  • Alisa

    Rofl i laughed outloud