I never knew the salt market was that large, but I guess some Christian guy thought that Kosher Salt controlled too large a share, because he hopes that his Christian Salt is better than the kosher stuff. It got me thinking about the different types of Jewish Salt there could be, kind of like heimishe cholent vs. regular old modern orthodox, salt could also start being classified just like different Jews are.
Chassidishe Salt – our salt is only mined by chassidim, we are closed on shabbos and we only sell to people who wear streimels. Our salt is sometimes used to throw on women wearing red.
Yeshivishe Salt – yeshivish salt is mined only by yungerleit after third seder, this salt is never mined when during seder and there will be no bitul zman on this salts time.
Modern Orthodox Salt – This salt is only mined by people in white knitted yarmulkes who say hallel on yom haatzmaut.
Conservative Salt – This salt is mined by both men and women without a mechitza, we mine on shabbos with a microphone as well.
Reform Salt – This Salt is mined by anyone who “feels” Jewish, we don’t have no archaic applications that say your mother needs to be jewish.
Carlebachian Salt – Salt is so overrated and bitter, just smoke some weed.
Lubavitch – The Rebbe used our salt.
-->
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
very funny hesh, what about reconstructionist, renewal, breslov and indie-minyan salt?
or israeli salt…?
This is brilliant – “Carlebachian Salt – Salt is so overrated and bitter, just smoke some weed.” Classic Frum Satire.
I didn’t get one point – what’s the christian salt? A new really existing brand or just a part of this post?
Also I always thought koher salt is only one with larger pieces then regular fine salt. It’s kinda soviet union style as I know it personally.
Shimon,
Yes, some jacknut is trying to sell Christian salt as a way to “compete” with Kosher salt. The fact that he doesn’t even know what kosher salt is, how it is used, or why is besides the point. He’s just trying to make a buck off of gullible Christians.
You forgot Na Nach Nachman Nachman Meuman Salt-Salt so strong youll never get a teyvah to masterbate again.Salt mined in Uman and blessed by the holy Red Nachman
Sounds like something from one of those The-Jews-Are-Robbing-Us-With-Their-Kosher-Tax guys.
X-tain salt comes from the sweat and tears JC poured out while nailed to the cross, praying that he was right
Muslim, and Buddhist salt will be next…
The comments were funnier than the post… Hesh?
BTW Kosher Salt is so called because it is used for Koshering meat (can’t be too fine or too coarse),
Why is Cristian salt called that? what does it do?
lol. that belongs on the best of frum satire list
Anonymous,
I think you’ve confused Xtian salt with Mussar salt. Those are the guys that feel so bad for their sins, they cry into a cup and dip their Karpas into it at the seder.
Very good comments indeed
@ Texgator – thanks
@JoeB – Muslims will start selling Halal Sugar – mix of 10% sugar and 90% hexogen
(fyi, terrorists used to mask Hexogen as sugar when they blew up buildings in Moscow in 99)
Lubab — it’s salve for the wounded bleeding hearts
Lubab — What does it do? it’s salve for thier wounded bleeding hearts
Reconstructionist Salt – They take some Sodium atoms and some Chlorine atoms and “reconstruct” them into Sodium Chloride (i.e. salt).
http://www.examiner.com/a-1873794~Christian_salt_seller_hopes_to_shake_up_market.html
Breslov salt–Words of wisdom from Rebbe Nachman and a trip to Uman with every purchase.
You missed yechi salt.
Karaite Salt – I think we might still have a box of it in our warehouse somewhere.
{ 1 trackback }