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Would video conference Shidduch Dating work?

A fan of mine from Israel gave me the idea and I began to wonder how effective it would be to have a shidduch date video conference style. No, its not the real thing, but it does work better then traditional phone conversations because you actually get to see the person. If the idea of this can take off, so many people could save long distance drives and flights who do long distance dating.

Of course some potential problems such as, unwillingness to do anything but video date due to laziness could come up. Imagine if you rejected a girl after a video date, it would be so convenient, almost too convenient!

I could imagine the Rabbis being split on whether or not this is tznius, since you will be in yichud with this person, even though you couldn’t actually touch them, you could do far worse because no one was around. Its also untznius because if you are truly frum you would never have the internet in your house anyway, and would have to go to a public place to do this, and the girl may be seen by others.

I already know people who talk to girls via skype and while they don’t consider that to be a date, it beats talking on the phone and email and then meeting them to find zero attraction. I wonder if girls put on makeup before going on skype.

Or you could make a video marketing yourself – this was an old video – one of my first.

Other shidduch dating posts:

Shidduch urban legends

The weirdest shidduch date ever

Do you know what a shidduch shabbos is?

{ 12 comments… add one }
  • Shua February 26, 2009, 12:16 PM

    Actually the MakeAShidduch foundation is making a strong push to make a great experience with videoconference dating available. Their founder, Jeff Cohn, has been working with Rabbis and shadchanim/matchmakers worldwide trying to get the process going.

    Check out their Web site: http://www.makeashidduch.org/shidduchVision.php

  • Tuvia February 26, 2009, 12:29 PM

    hmmm me and my girlfreind use video chat to talk when we can’t see each other, but I couldn’t imagine doing that at first. I would be way too nervous I think, and it would show weird.

  • ~ Sarah ~ February 26, 2009, 5:39 PM

    it’s weird enough just emailing a complete stranger. but can be useful if in different cities/countries and don’t want to spend $$$ on flights for a meeting that might not work out.

  • Phil February 26, 2009, 6:41 PM

    I figured you’d mention Skype, would probably be a really good marketing tactic for them to infiltrate the shidduch seen and start getting shadchans to work as affiliates.

    On the flip side, I can imagine things going wrong “halachically speaking “, as there is no fear of pregnancies or disease when shtupping by video, almost kind of like Sly in that scene in demolition man.

  • Double M February 26, 2009, 6:52 PM

    Have you ever seen what a person looks like when staring at a screen? And this would be good for those who have problems making conversation or are shy. “So what do you think of the décor **bites lip** I mean the food **slaps head** I mean **passes out**

  • Veebee February 26, 2009, 8:07 PM

    I had an interview for a post-highschool yeshivah in Israel on skype. I thought it was a great idea, and I was able to talk with kids who are currently there during/after the interview.

  • A Girl February 26, 2009, 9:14 PM

    My husband and I dated long distance, but while we used skype, we never used the video conference feature.

  • girl February 27, 2009, 1:32 AM

    And what if he/she stinks?
    The sense of smell is very important when finding a partner, according to the scientists.

  • tsfatisha February 27, 2009, 8:36 AM

    why not, at least at the beginning. after all if the person is totally repulsive to you, you wouldn’t want to have to fly a long way to find that out. of course you need to meet the person in person too…

  • A. Nuran March 1, 2009, 5:03 AM

    That’s one of the worst ideas I’ve heard of in a very long time. The frum community is very small and pretty inbred. The genetic base is slender enough as it is.

    There’s some pretty convincing evidence that people in small communities like the Charedi and the Amish actually use their noses – the vomeronasal organ if you want to be precise – to sniff out good mate choices. Things like the HLA profile, an important part of the immune system, can be detected that way even when we’re not consciously aware of the process. People from these groups show a marked preference for members of the opposite sex whose HLA profile is significantly different from their own.

    In other words, one of the ways we unconsciously maximize our chance of having healthy children is to smell if they are good candidates for breeding with us. This isn’t much of a concern in the general population. In small ones which don’t have a lot of genetic diversity it has significant health implications. Video shidduch dating throws that all out the window.

  • Phil March 1, 2009, 12:26 PM


    That’s very interesting. I wonder if b.o. affects the HLA; what happens if someone can breed like a rabbit but smells like a horse?

  • UkrainianGirls April 9, 2009, 5:07 AM

    I think that it is a very interesting and amusing article. Practically all its main points are true.

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